From the beginning:

It’s a new year and I quit my job
**** it, I’ll never be good at serving
Directionless in 2013
January.
It’s unusually warm.

Your presence in the room is a rock in my shoe
You’re so cool
And I’m a mess.
Remember, you called me Heather in bed?
And I made you go home?
Well.
I forget.

Now we’re crossing the street
For your birthday, it’s your birthday,
Makers Mark, count ‘em, 2 ounces at a time.
Stacked up like unread texts and why don’t you like me’s
I don’t remember
But I’m probably crying

Flash in to outside
God it’s like 60
Deciding to go with you
Asking you to kiss me

(I had a long term boyfriend in my 20s
And his mother would buy me toilet paper for Christmas
The gift of hindsight is kind of like that:
Practical and helpful and a ****** of a gift)

Today is 9 years to the day
My parents know and they’re on their way
The nurse thinks I might be paralyzed
11 broken bones and two black eyes

This is the end of the beginning
Which is the easy part
I’ve never been able to write it all down
Spin it into art

Be warned, I can’t guarantee poetry
From a patched-but-still-leaking heart.

Last summer
our days sped by us
like Faris wheel highs
swept beneath sidewalk alleyways.
We traveled the world
in our little neighborhood of dreams;
a hand to hold so close
yet miles away in words.
We found the best
out of emptiness,
heartening our comfortable silence.

We found each other on accident
two summers ago from June,
hopscotched in one-night walks
on a bus going nowhere fast.
By then, we barely knew
how far the universe would take us
in a matter of months.
Now, all I can think about
is how to comprise your heart flutter
the same way your smile and cosmos
composed mine.

It's has been a hell of a ride
Goes a lot of downshift
Love ones bid forever goodbyes
Had to let go of things I wanna stay
Accident that almost took my life
Never ending stress and anxieties
Nightmare after nightmares
Hell no you can't make it they said
But here I am...
Hell yeah still fighting

Fingers set to graze
Like starved cattle or silver
Raised my skin to peaks

doors are paved
buckets are heavy
fingers are glazed
pockets are ******

give and take
wife and man
pride and joy
hope and plan

air is toxic
back is failing
sleep is painful
bed is creaking

start or stop?
lows or highs?
smith or serf?
debt or worth?

car not starting
strap not locking
meds not working
wheels not stopping

No One can see the tears in my eyes
For I wear dark glasses
No One knows my true demise
For I feel my life is blowing ashes

The driver behind me did not pay attention
I doubt he thought how it would forever change my life
The driver what was his intention
I doubt he considered how it would wound my wife

The headaches are pounding drums in my head
The earaches screech like fingernails on a chalk board
But maybe enough is said
I will pray to the Lord

For he will never understand
He will never see me covered in *****
For he might believe he never really had a hand
He will never see the pain as I hide in my closet