I had a dream, that you crashed and
burned
I ran to you,
my body shaking,
𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑟.
It was not a dream.
How can I fit the whole of you in my arms again
Your body so alive and breathing, real in a way I
don't know what to do with
I am not strong enough to stop your fire
I wish I could, for a while
step back,
no fear.
Breathe you in and
hold you close
and say "You are loved because these hands touch you,
these arms hold you,
this skin knows you
and this heart longs for you."
They are all mine, and yours too,
the crash, the burns, all fire.
I'll make it stop if you allow me to.

car window moonlight,
familiar music plays through
crackling speakers,
serenading us.

muttered confession,
I pretend I do not hear
and will say I have forgotten
but I might never.

fearless actions,
stunning your audience,
I do not applaud
but I crave an encore.

quiet drive home
on deserted roads.
we panic at midnight,
then laugh at dawn.

--r.s.

I didn’t know you
until I ripped you
from your family
and tore their world apart.

It only took seconds.

You, average and easy to miss
yet shining still, still shining
in a blur of tracksuits and hoodies
makes it harder still to see you every time.

Would I give my life to not miss again.

An ‘accident’ they say
As I am bathed in their contempt.
You must not feel ‘guilty’ but they are liars;
They, whose pain is so much bigger than mine.
But  I cannot hold the mourners’ hands
Still only grieve within

I didn’t know you
until I became consumed by you.
The dark deep hurt I am not allowed to release
no comfort in precedent or in faith
that teaches evil can be redeemed.
Only deep regret for no crime committed

The seconds it took to take our lives.

I remember my place,
the one you promised me

You were going to shower me with jewels and royalty. While I danced for you in that throne room.

My kingdom has gone dark, somehow you left me,

yet we are still the king and queen of a miraculous tragedy.

My father died when I was seven.

Like a girl in a museum
I'm drawn to his pictures.
Those inadequate reproductions,
hypnotize me.

Pictures, what do they have to give?
Coal-blue eyes, a knowing look.
They exist, for me, like Cassandra of troy,
full of endless secrets that can never be told.

A snowy, ice slickened, twilight-blue
rush hour parade - hundreds of grimy cars
rushing, rushing... somewhere.

Why do  the details I can't remember haunt me so?
A flash of light, the tearing of metal
like the screaming of dogs in a devouring
dance of energy.

The nuclear family detonating
with death inches away.

Everyone was asking, "What do you remember?"
"I don't know."  7 year old me said.

The family man leaving a gravestone like a calling card.

Sometimes, just before I fall asleep,
memories of him - which I hold dear -
come to me like the ghosts of departed friends.
Image after image in the embracing dark.

Why is it the further away you get, the more I need you?

Those images and that voice are strangely silent
in the morning as I'm, once again, awakened
to a world I'd rather reassemble.

At the beginning we met.

Talkin' and thinkin' we were cool kids
Bringing deep thoughts in the surface,
We said we'd never end up in circles.

But we should stop fooling ourselves like we're in a circus...

There are things that are long past its due date,
And I know you're moving on so no need to wait.

Day by day, our time together grows thinner.
Its hard to feel a winner when in reality you're a loser.

So go and  do the things you like
And I'll watch over you in the sky.

You'll always be in my heart..

So don't cry
When I say goodbye.

And just leave me here to rest.
Go on I don't mind,
Just leave me behind.
As long as I just do my best,
Everythings gonna be fine.

Like the sky and earth,
We can never be.

Rather than forcing you
To be with me,

I'm letting you go
So you can be free..

It'll hurt as much when we leave each other..
Even if we're past the stage of being lovers..

I wish we never met accidentally
On purpose.

Gravity died,
Or so it seemed to us, who were to die,
All loose objects vortical,
Yet static,
                 car spinning,
side over side, the policeman said,
No one could've survived,
Radial blur
All in the rearview
Thud of impact, Thud of stillness
No screams till the spinning wheel ceased
and then only one,
                                 melting like snow upon asphalt.