3 am and we started pretending we were high because we were underaged.
You shared me your loveliest words.
I read your flowering poems.
I felt each word deep down and I pretended not to be emotional.
I felt special because you shared them to me first.
You taught me how to whisper to the cold winds of December.
You opened my eyes to the hope that I have lost,
You reminded me to dream the most unrealistic things.
... And that surreal starry night ended when my phone died and my eyes shut themselves.
Days dashed through their ways and time made its fate that I slept when you were awake.
I saw you sharing the same lovely words to other people.
I heard you saying your flowering poems to them.
I might be selfish... but for the first time, I felt like those words were only mine.
Maybe it was my fault that I slept through 3 am and you were awake until 5 am.
Still, I whisper to the coldest winds at night.
Still, I remember that night when we pretended to be high.

we promise not to see each other
but i see you every night
i close my eyes
and know soon you'll be in sight

i time travel in my bed
back to you, back to us
to a future where we thrive
with no fights or mistrusts

it's torture to spend all night
with you in my head
and then when morning comes
wake up all alone in bed

I'm still not understanding how just 365 days ago things were so much better in life and how just 365 days ago we were proclaiming our love and you promised to stay but now it's 365 days later and I'm laying on a bench in the local park at 5am with a bottle swinging in the air controlled by my hand and that friend who you wanted to protect me from is sitting right beside me gabbing on and on about how life isn't very different from last and all I can think about is yes it is for me.

2am
I'm addicted to heartache
The kind that rips you apart inside
Leaves you shaking
Tears streaming down your face

3am
The moon bright in your eyes
Sparkling behind the moisture
Sobs wrack my body
The stars seem to be falling from the sky
This feeling is what I know best

4am
All is quiet
The night doesn't make a sound
Theres nothing left to come out
Tears have dried
And my mind is numb
I feel nothing
Hollow and empty
This feeling is all too hauntingly familiar

5am
The morning approaches
And I am still awake
Staring at the wall
Nothing left

6am
Time to get up
Plaster a smile on my face
Smear concealer under my eyes
And pretend like those dark circles aren't there

9am
Everyone is oblivious
But I know
That tonight
I'm going to go through it all again

I used to stay up till 6am tying different lengths of material around my neck.
I used to stay up till 5am trying to forget how to breathe for a little while.
I used to stay up till 4am and wonder what you were doing with her at that time.
But now it's 4am and I'm happy.
I met a stranger two days ago and he seems to have completely erased the bad feelings.
The memories.
He's a blank white page.
And my 3am scribbles are no longer pleading messages to god begging for a release.
They are rambles about how this man makes me feel.
And ****.
It's pretty wonderful.

I never thought I'd be up at 5am sobbing and writing poetry about you because I never thought you'd leave like this.

A fifth of Hennessy left to burn stress,
I drank it straight out the Bottle.

The curer of all my sorrows.
The killer of all tomorrow.

What if; I don't wake up, on time for work , one day, or I'm late for lunch dates or lunch breaks? How long would the anger last?

I was a big boy, felt like an outcast, back in school . Then learned them same bullies roses had smelled bad too.

That taught me to hold on, be strong.
Hateful comments Is what i feast on.
Won't catch me in a slump,
Or upset wanting to jump, arrogant punks.

Nope, you catch me in the back playing it cool like AC , fifth of gin inside my hands , they made jokes but they can't make me : get angry.

My brain  is mellowed out so they can't stand me. Cause i ain't antsy , and I'm not one for throwing hands the first chance I see.

That ain't for me ...