Last year when the leaves fell
So did my heart
Last year when colors changed
My life was rearranged

Autumn was different last year
Than it had been before
Some things broke my heart
And people let me down

I've been dreading Autumn
But here it is now
And Autumm, I'll learn to love you
Except I'm not sure how

It's scary when the seasons
Change your point of view
But this year I'll try
To just keep thinking of You.

You were my best friend's brother
You had your sister's curls
I hung out at your house sometimes
And to you I was just a girl

You were smart and charming
And shy and very tall
I always really liked you
You never noticed at all

Your sister's not my best friend now
But friends we still remain
So I still see her posts on twitter
And that picture she posted hit me like a train

I used to dream I'd see you someday
In a bookstore reading my book
You come up and talk to me
And give me a funny look

Then you'd remember how you knew me
And we'd become very best friends
You'd take me out to dinner
We would never let it end

The picture your sister posted
Was you on your first date
I haven't seen you for months now
So I guess fate is too late.

Burst of hope
In my soul
Like a lightening strike
Short and sweet
Leaving a lingering taste
Of memories past and
Promise of more
Memories to cherish
Burst of hope
I can see
Through the storm
Through these battles
I keep fighting
I'm tired
I still keep fighting
But I hope
These bursts of hope
Never leave
These small pieces of light

Old ghosts come haunting me
On sleepless nights

Warm fingerprints
On frosty windows of
The freezing room I keep
Our stories hidden in

Cold because
It's numb that way
Cold to keep those
Ghosts away

Cold because you
Were cold to me
You were a freezing winter
And I am a warm summer
And God knows
We couldn't create spring

Life is crashing down
Around me
And I'm learning that
These walls
That I've worked so hard
To sustain
Can't stay up forever
No matter how strong
I remain

The world outside
Pounds
And nothing is steady
Except the words of
Your promises
But you seem so far
And I strain to hear your voice
Sometimes I feel like it's lost
In the howling wind
Of this external winter that
I'm living in

And someday,
You'll find me running through the streets
With a bikini on
And a Rapunzel sticker on my cheek
The Hobbit in one hand
And a Bible in the other
My hair flying free and wild
And me feeling just like a child
Screaming that I am who I am
I can be everything
I love sparkles and happy things
But I can fight and be tough
I'm just a human being
I'm 10 pounds overweight
And I drink too much hot chocolate
But this is who I am.
I don't care anymore.
Here I am.

It's hard to wait for something that may never come
It's hard to hear the tune of a song that's never sung
It's hard to not let go
When you're hanging by a thread

When you push feelings back so they don't enter your mind
You push things away that are meant to live inside
When you put yourself in charge and think that you're done
You realize the one that should be in charge is The One.

Sometimes He calls to us in a roar
Sometimes I can't hear Him while the rain pours
I know He just wants me to hold on to hope
But that's a hard thing to cling to when you don't even know how to cope

I wonder sometimes if this hard road will end
I feel often unsure of the twists and the bends
This body of mine is feeble and weak
But He is the strong one and I know He will speak

And this I have pondered many a day
Why I can't let this go, I cannot say
But this is one thing I know and I treasure
Whenever I fall, He says to me and all the world, "I will catch her."

Tonight
My head is pounding
With a resounding
"I miss you"

I miss
The butterflies
They went with you
I suppose

I closed that door
A long, long time ago
But I still watch you
Through the windows

Love
It never dies
Does it?

What do I do when you've broken my heart?
I honestly knew that you would from the start.
But I also thought that we'd be forever,
I wish I could see ahead.

And after all these months hurt and crying,
You finally see that my heart is sighing.
What if you regret what you said,
What if I fall for that again...
What if I fall for you again...?

What if I fall for this story again,
Maybe these things are the stroke of God's pen.
What if this simply is meant to be,
And hurting is all that we both can see?

And what if it's just the Devil playing tricks,
What if I'm not the one that you'll pick?
What would I do then...?
And that question is why I won't fall for you again.

You say I smile to often
You say I don't know pain
Well, friend, if you knew my night time dreams
You wouldn't say it again

They say that us smilers are silly
That life is simply the loss and gain
But they don't know our secret
They think it's all trained

Here is the smilers secret
We walk through the dark tunnels of life just like you
But when you turn from the light at the end of the tunnel
We walk until the light is our point of view

And we never get tired of the light on our face
We never return to the dark
For who would want to walk in that tunnel
When you've seen the light of His heart?

I think that's part of your problem
You're afraid of what you don't know
I think that you've only known darkness
And that's all you think you can sow

Yes darkness still follows me sometimes
It's just a part of this life
But you chose to let light or dark lead you
Through the tunnels of strife

But please, don't follow the tunnel's dark paths
And next time the light shines in your eyes
Remember it's not pointing out your pain
It's helping you see past the lies

So walk through the light at your tunnel
And if you are able to
Remember to take some of that light
And take it to others, like I've done for you

The rain lashed out
The wind cried
And inside the church was I
I knew that the sky was mourning
That you are not alive

The songs we sang
The words spoken
The hugs, all passed in a blur
And I stood there remembering
Playing with you when I was a little girl

I glanced up at the stained glass window
When my head should've been bowed in prayer
And Jesus stood smiling in the light
Even though it was raining out there

I hugged your brother as I left
And there were words I could not speak
I think he knew that I wanted to tell him
That my brother's funeral was there, too.
I wanted to tell him
I knew
I know
that brothers shouldn't die
But I couldn't
choke the words
out.

Strong music lilts over foggy hills
A bird flies overhead, it's tune being shrill
And with these words my heart seems to fill;
"This is your home. Your ancient home."

A tall, mighty castle rises over the moors
And a strong ocean's waves on the rocks are torn
Somehow, I know here my heart was born;
"This is your home. Your ancient home."

Strong Celtic music floats over the trees
A dancing in my heart just wants to be free
I whisper as I look at the tossing seas;
"This is my home. My ancient home."

Words are escaping me like sand through my fingers
Words in my head won't stay or linger
My head is full of stormy clouds
Rain falling like a curtain

No one seems to need me today
I can't even find the words to pray
My mind darts to every little thing
And something sad fills my whole being

I don't know how to get it to leave
... I don't know how to get it to leave.
When they told me I had a precious fire within my soul
They didn't tell me that it would burn me

You told me you liked short hair
I've always had long
Long hair helps you hide
The insecurities you feel inside

You told me you liked short hair
And I really liked you
So last summer I decided
I'd cut it because you said to

You said you liked short hair
And you said you liked mine
I didn't like my short hair
But I loved the way you made me feel inside

You said you liked short hair
But you didn't stay
Neither did my short hair
It grew long and it's stayed that way

You said you liked short hair
And she has short hair, doesn't she?
My long hair grew back
And I don't miss my short hair...

There's something familiar
About the pale sky
And the way the snow falls
Like wishes of past winters
And the way it covers the earth
In a blanket
Of cold, forgotten dreams

I'm sorry I'm not skinny
I'm sorry I'm not pretty
I'm sorry my hair isn't soft
I'm sorry I always wear makeup
I'm sorry I'm short
I'm sorry I'm not funny
I'm sorry I'm awkward
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry.

I'm not sorry that I care so deeply
I'm not sorry that my heart is pretty
I'm not sorry that I had the courage to cut my hair two years ago
I'm not sorry that I'm growing it out because I like it that way
I'm not sorry that I've been through what I've been through
I'm not sorry that my mind sometimes only makes sense to me
I'm not sorry that I'm not everything you want in a girl
Because I'm starting to be everything I want in me.

There are a few of us
Born every century
You read because you want it to validate you
We read because it actually is apart of our souls

We abhor the clichés
Of those who try to define us
By trying to be us

Don't stereotype us
We don't all love coffee
We aren't all obsessed with mountains and calligraphy
If you are like those tumblr posts
You are not us

We can't hear your overused quotes
Over the rustling of our pages
We can't hear the adults saying,
"They'll be the ones to change the world,"
Over the words becoming worlds inside our heads

Those books we treasure
Are our lifeline
Don't define us
We live and breathe
The secret air of another earth

All I ever wanted was to hold your hand
And in that moment, everything in my world was perfect
But I didn't think of how it would feel
When you
let
go

Empty craving
In my chest
Looking away
No eye contact
Love everything
About this place
But in my hands
There's empty space
Lonely,
I'm just lonely
Seeing everyone
Who has a someone

I know your heart
I know your hands
I know your outline
I've seen it in the sunrise
I wake up with your voice in my ears
I know I haven't met you yet
Because in my dreams
I can't see your face

I'm waiting
Oh, darling, I'm waiting

She was strong
Strong as steel
She was so strong
But she could still feel

She was strong
And so was her call
But just as strong
Around her heart, were walls

The walls were strong
So, so strong.
To keep out boys who might do her wrong
But along came a boy
Who told her things that she never knew
And to her surprise, this boy stayed true.  

And after a while, she saw he was still there
And yes she was strong
But it takes strength to care.

So she opened her door
And let him inside
He rebuilt her walls
So she didn't have to hide

He rebuilt the walls
And put windows in
So that the warm, warm sunshine could come flooding in.

I miss the warmth that used to course
through my veins
I'm tired
of being tired
of being sad
of being
nothing like me.

I will not let this
change me.
I have simply been holding my light
in an airtight box
while caught in a storm at sea
I must simply believe that I am
stronger
than the waves that try to crush my lungs
I refuse to let the storm make me
forget how to breathe
I must learn to trust
that my light is still glowing
I must believe
that the waves won't extinguish it
I won't let the waves extinguish it
I can't let it destroy my light
For if we loose our light...
... What is left?

Maybe we are torn
From the things we love
So that when we can return to them
The love is stronger.

Maybe we run away
From things that we have lost our love for
So that we can learn to
Run back.

And it's an odd beauty
That we can't hold all the puzzle pieces
That we have to wait
For the sun to rise and then
Watch it set again.

Who am I?

I am not the powder on my face
I am not my clothes sweeping grace
I am the voice that flows from my mouth
I am the warm winds from the south

I am not just skin and bones
I am more than that to behold
I am the flower that tries to break through the snow
I am the sunshine that glows

I am not my legs and arms
I am much more than their charms
Even when my legs grow week
The spirit that made them run will still speak

I am more than a physical thing
I am more than a human being
I am a soul that's free and wild
I have the love of a child.

I sit there
Tears streaming down my face
And splashing on the palm of my hands
Thinking, "who knew it was so hard for a ball of fire to stay lit when it's raining"
Wondering if it was really that difficult
For the sun to show it's face
I just need that blue sky
One minute of it

I keep thinking
Thinking that I can only keep up
With so many things
Only make so many people understand
Only have two people hold each hand
And one Jesus to hold my heart
It's all I can do
To keep up with my own thoughts

And when you scream at me
That I'm not enough
I'll let you scream
You can scream till your hoarse
I'll listen
I've always listened
But I've always known better
I have a fire deep down
That will never be put out
No matter how much you blow on it
It's too strong
It may falter
But God is my fuel
And I know He's getting me ready
For a wildfire

Air in my chest is close and warm
But when I have to release it
It's cold and turns to ice
Before my eyes
Just like my own little storm

Frost is beneath my bare feet
And the cold air around me
Is colder than I've ever felt
This winter is brutal
This winter is a slow, methodic beat

Everything around me is dead
Gray and brown, gray and brown
The pattern never seems to end
The flower must have so much courage
To break through the winter's layer of dread

It breaks my heart to see the earth like this
Grieving for past warm days with
sunshine
Yet the sunrise always is there
To remind the earth that she cares
She caresses the barren earth with her golden wrist

Slowly she rises till she covers the earth's every line
She whispers, "it'll be okay,"
And all the trees and blades of grass
Have renewed hope
Hope of days filled with sunshine

Your hope is the thing I hold on to
When I have nothing else
When cherished ones I've clung to vanish
I run to you, Lord
Many say you are unreachable and distant
They say that you will not touch a mortal heart
But when I run to you in trouble screaming, "Sanctuary!"
I am ushered into your mighty love
I am yours
And in all my distress
You are there
Your voice is my safe place
I have no other security apart from you
Your embrace is my shield
You protect me from things that pass my understanding of pain
Your love is my authenticity
You are reality
And, dear Jesus, you are also the true fairy tale.
You are always constant
Reminding me that your Hope isn't just a feeling or a wish
It's a promise
A promise that was paid in blood and sacrifice
A promise that died and rose again
A promise that protects me
A promise that is my shelter
Oh Lord, you are My Promise.