It seems like life is just one long, bad acid trip for some people...

They're so uncomfortable..
So scared..
So confused.

You do something nice for them, and they think you're deceiving them..

You do something with style, and they envy you..

You make one mistake, and they despise you.

Sometimes I just have to pull myself away and look in the mirror, just so I know, I'm not one of them.

I tend to fall in love with T.V. characters
who could never be real,
but I trick myself into thinking:
maybe they could be.

I tend to think everyone is homosexual
now that same-*** marriage is legal,
and I wonder if my boyfriend enjoys:
*** with a man behind my back.

I tend to reject any category or groupings,
meaning I prefer to stand alone,
thinking that it somehow:
makes me better than the rest.

I tend to pay no attention to the speaker
as they speak, but rather,
I listen to the words and imagine:
these words were meant for me.

I tend to wonder if I set my expectations too high,
or if my childhood was too perfect,
which causes me to picture:
a perfect fairy-tale as my future.

I tend to push my partners too hard,
often creating cynical tension
for lack of appeasement that goes something like:
thank you for the broken heart.

When people say capitalism is bad...

Well, no, capitalism is not bad. People are bad.
At least, they can be.
Capitalism is just one way of experiencing who we are as humans.

We have molded our system according to how we work together
as a species. This is who we are as a collective whole.
We could express it a different way,
but we would still get the same results:

Some people are good and some people are evil.
There will always be the lucky,
and there will always be those who run into misfortune.
But it still isn't so black & white, even then.

We cannot blame a system, or even an individual for actions.
We cannot blame a thing.
We cannot blame anything.

What happens, happens because of how
everything is webbed together as one -
both colliding and agreeing.

We will never all be the same,
until maybe we are robots, which makes us no longer human.

So, no, I refuse to agree that capitalism is bad.
It is a tool which can be misused,
like anything else in this world.

Just remember that we are all one whole collective consciousness,
so when you blame one person, you are blaming part of who you are,
though you may not see it that way.

All we can do is love and try to be pure,
in hopes that others will follow,
but mathematically speaking,
all will never follow one whole-heartedly.

Y Noitareneg
For My Soulmate

I saw the best minds of my generation slowly turn to waste
I saw the worst minds obsess over frowns, blood, *****, and awful taste
I walked an inconsistent path, staggering through some thorns and mud
I soared through clouds with skies so bright, my eyes were only useless studs

Their diet is rancid; their habits are vile
Their lifestyles seek power and pollute by the mile
Their vision is empty; their passion is bleak
Their nights consist of cocktails, week after week

You viewed the same madness that leaked from my feathery pen
You walked the same path of enlightenment and self-rewarding Zen
You mastered what all the useless, mediocre, egotistic fools never could; never can
You illustrate what they never understood; an open porthole to other vast lands

Our hands are soaked in resin; our tears are soaked in pride
Our lives are like a game, and we enjoy the ride
Our hearts are doused in love; our words are used for healing
Our hands are at our chests, praying, but never kneeling

We rise from the darkness, only as one, and the laggards try to keep us down
We still never worry much, because a royal king is just a crown
We march to the drums of freedom, with trees in our lungs and paper on our tongues
We are the 90’s generation, the wise among the young

I looked up at the stars
from the bay

and the light absorbed
all my dismay

the smell of the waves
and the flickering shine

were something only
so divine

a long-owed flashback
with tendencies

to recall the world
befriending me

a long forgotten
sort of thing

but now I could hear
the echoes ring

the sound of
all my childish passions

had been so strewn
in social fashions

but the stride of my
young hippocampus

remembered something
like Atlantis

a land so magically
far far away

something strong
with different ways

the death of a star
from millions of miles

I sat and stared
just for a while

then wondered
what Earth may look like

to someone else
in a different life

so far away
in a different time

a small white dot
in an endless chime

a pair of eyes
possibly glancing

back at me
as if we were dancing

together as one
in harmony

performing just what
karma needs

from separate worlds
and separate breeze

connected by
the soul intrigued

in a breadth of air
and a solar stream

I come back down
and see my feet

a simple girl
with simple needs

but as I walk
right down the beach

I glance back up
and lose my speech

dreams adrift
that go unnoticed

the stars bring back
and make me focus

without a beach
there'd be no dream

without a thought
there'd be no seem

a seagull's chirp
and other things

all bring me back
to what I need

and as I wonder
and life continues

I take myself
to different venues

and as the waves
keep crashing in

I smile for all
that is within

How do you do?
I sit and look at you --
Something that quacks
is a duck,
but you are not a mirror;
you have no frames,
no glass,
no sharp edges,
but you do have a reflection,
and it looks just like me.
So, how do you do?
Do you stare back at me too?

The early bird gets the worm;
he eats it and its gone.
When I was a young kid -
ate everything I saw.
Then I rose, a child reborn;
didn't take too long.
When the vines grew -
went up to the sky.
A star is a star, but I'm just a girl;
can't do much of anything
out of this world -
climb the walls and fall back down.
A planet afar, but here is my part;
I got wings -
gonna fly somewhere;
go real far.

Some things are not
What they seem
Is it a river or
Is it a stream?
When only perfection
Is seen in the eyes of love,
All is tender light,
But when love is
Doused in reflection,
Who are we really
Thinking of?
What is in sight?
A selfless act
Refracted by a
Selfish acquisition,
Which withers away to
Nothing, from its
Original position.
What heights,
We walk
To appease our hearts,
When hearts
Are almost never appeased.

she never liked the others
the ones that always talked
but never walked

she looks in the mirror sometimes
and knows she can be like them on certain days

she still doesn't like them

not even the ones who walk a little

but when she goes home at night
with no one else around
she feels lonely and wonders what the others are doing

déjà vu
and suddenly i'm here with you

again
again
again

how does this story end?

moving parts
all connected

paste regimes
resurrected

future projects
souls collected

which path do we endure?
has any of this happened before?
and how can we be sure?

multiple lives passing through air
of another world next to ours

through and through and here i am
again with you and not too far

and then
and then
and then

here we are again
yet its different now
here we are and then

suddenly i'm here with you
déjà vu

doesn't matter what you want from me
won't sing you a ******* symphony
won't do much of anything

I've thought of all that I could do some day
won't tell you what's the price I pay
won't tell you what I got to say

know lots of things maybe I shouldn't know
doesn't matter 'cause it is so
scoped out highs and lows

just another dot on the map like you
wouldn't matter if I swum or flew
doesn't matter what I say or do

something comes out of everything but nothing
you are respected for living
for taking and giving

doesn't matter what you took or gave
'cause I'll still keep my ways
and my best kept secret is me

There is no lull.
The weight has shifted.
My world is shook.
A layer lifted.
The time it took.
I think I missed it.

Ain't it funny?
Happiness ashore, and you're
swimming out for money.

The thing I've learned about demons inside
that you can't seem to ward off,

is that you shouldn't waste any more time
trying to fight them
or banish them.

They are quite stubborn and ruthless.
Instead, you should be aware that they exist,
and learn to accept them as a part of you.

Give them a small corner in your mind to live in,
know where they sit, but ignore them.
Let them sit alone in their dark room.

Eventually, they go pretty silent out of bordem.
Other times, they break through...
& when they start to come out, just yell:

"Go back to your room!"

This usually works for me. :)
Other times, I just exercise or write.


----------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER: this does not mean ignore all your negative thoughts and bottle them up. Self-growth is one of the most powerful and enjoyable things in life; it's also very stressful. But sometimes there are things about ourselves we just have to accept. I have to accept that I have an addictive personality and that I sometimes make too many assumptions with my wild imagination. Whenever I get the urge to overuse, I say no, or I go hoop. Whenever I create scenarios in my head, I say nope, it's not true until I see it.

If my own company is my preference,
then why is it so hard to be alone?
Me-time is magical,
so where did I go?

facts bounce off me like rubber
wisdom sticks to me like glue
why is it i cannot remember
all of the things that i do

when i am lying wide awake
and think of all things near
i can always remember
the reasons why i am here

i may forget quite a bit
but it doesn't matter to me
as long as i know what truly matters
i will always remain free

you can't drift by
but you can sift my mind

you can't lift anything -
not even yourself; why?

a down-tempo mystery
who once said "i love you"

-----------------------------------

you saw the good in me
that's hiding inside you

maybe i love you
because i see the bad in you
that's hiding in me

what does it all mean?
we don't die...

when venturing down a long pale road,
one cannot plan to become tan,
but only to be burnt
in the end.

You split in two. One of you has a gun, and the other: Nothing. I look to the empty you for hope. Hope. Hope. Nothing. You look at yourself, and though sight shows two entities... No mirror. Are you there? Fire! Perfectly centered. Lead in your face. Struggle, then surrender. One body down. Who else? You turn on me and I fear you. I fear nothing else. Who am I looking at? The Devil, for God is dead. Hope. Prayers and unrequited wishes. The barrel on my eye. Remember, I bought a 9mm this summer. I shoot first, because I was always the brave one. It is me or you. Me. All hope lost after timeless waiting. Goodbye love. Freedom deserves a chance. Whether together or alone. No stop signs on busy streets. Goodbye love.

I'd never live with an antique fool,
but I'd lie in his bed for an hour or two,
and I'd comfort his skin
with my silky youth.

My Husband would never understand;
he does not know the definition of love,
and neither do you, I bet.
But I know.

I will tell him what could have happened
in the old man's chamber,
or what may have occurred in the young girl's bathroom,
but it would not matter.

For, it did not happen.
If it had, my Husband would be furious.
Unforgiving; our marriage would be tarnished --
over what could have been two eventful nights,

But no! No, this is wrong.
How could I--- What could I have done?
To love one for a century,
with no hopes of touching another soul.

No hopes of flightful risk
that should be no risk,
or care that seems careless.
That couldn't be love, now could it?

I know Love is not a cage,
though we make it that way.
It is like a flower in a vase;
so beautiful and possessed.

Then it dies. In that same water it started in.
But I could show you
something free.
No Death. No Possess.

That's love: Freedom.
No being afraid
of exposing the truth;
no hiding of the Longings.

Only Truth & Freedom.
What do you long for? Would she approve? Would he?
Does she tie you up at night
so you cannot move to another's bed?

In Fear that you may never return...
How pitiful, a love so weak;
a love so unworthy of its own
Name.

He's mine. He's mine.
He's only Mine.
How Selfish.
That is no love I know of.

Love is no cage!
Love is no rage!
Love is not a Bible and a slay!
It is not what we have made it today.

He will never know.
My Husband, whom I love most.
I would never restrict,
I would never cry

for something that makes him joyful
could never rouse my anger.
No anger in my love --- Freedom.
No judgements of lusts --- common.

We can live in a lightened lie,
or think of false definitions,
but the Truth is clear;
Love is to be spread...

Throughout one's life,
one cannot be frozen in time;
Love does not Freeze,
Love creates ease.

It is crazy to think about...
things
that will never happen again.
When I sit down to contemplate,
there are so many surprises
inside of me;
it startles me,
but then later on,
on the outside,
I am never surprised,
while others sit in wonder,
because they never took the time
to think
about things.

adult bonobos have *** with infant bonobos
it is part of their culture
think of that,
the next time a human is arrested
for shameful behavior

We were doin' things the crazy people do.
So does that make us crazy too?

as life creeps in
like flowers mid-winter;
you wonder how
you walked this far alone

when noise grows silent
like nothing else matters;
before or after
is all quite unknown

You are my prison;
there is no escape.
When I once tried,
I was only put back in my cell -
you were my guard;
and for all eternity,
I play your princess.

Maybe words will become nothing to me,
because they are starting to mean different things...
slurring together
and moving different ways,
and I'm not sure my tongue keeps up,
because when down is down,
and up is up;
not over is there
or under is here:
everything chained to something else;
A word to a phrase, to a taste, to a smell,
forming new words,
and phrases; ideas; meaning.
Words are words,
but that is not all.
Words keep on changing,
and ears keep listening
but some time
they don't know what I speak;
they say it's not right/incorrect,
or say that I'm weak,
but a word is a word is a word,
and I can say what it means.
It may not mean that to you,
but it means this to me.

~

Languages merging
Feelings meshed
Singsongs
Ravings

you were a prisoner of your own thoughts,
and i visited your cell far too often

They say not to use the word "it" in poetry,
because it is too obscure,
but I still use it,

Because why bother waiting around for others to understand,
when "it" could be anything you want it to be.
And who is "they" anyway?

Why am I so in love with the wounded?

Is that you...
Is that you too?
Do you know how I feel?

Please reply.

"I don't know. I could be anyone with the flick of a switch,"
I replied.

started young,
learned a ton,
found out fast that you can't run.

doin' smack,
fading black,
we all do crazy things, don't we?

growin' fast,
beat the past,
we all know there's no turning back.

movin' on,
singing songs,
everybody has those days...

This is nothing new;
I have to be me, and let you be you.
I can't live through;
while you let others pump your blood.
I've seen those eyes;
What is it like to be thin air?
It must be nice;
letting someone else live your life.

I hurt you
to see if you really feel at all.
Turns out
you feel more than I thought.
And now
things have gone askew.
I am torn
and missing you.
All while
you live in your cave.
And I
live in my corner.
Away from
all that is real.

Sometimes, we ourselves do not even realize our own faults,
until they are so blatantly pressed to our eyes
that we cannot refuse to feel the heat seeping from underneath
and burning with each touch our hand releases to the outside world.

Then, we either find ourselves trying to eliminate these faults,
or we wait until they eliminate all that is good in us
to the point that we no longer know what is right from wrong,
and we no longer remember who we were as a child.

That person whispering in your ear, it can be you or someone else,
but know, it will tell you not what you want to hear,
but what you need to here, so go.

We ******, but we never kissed. You took me to dinner, but we never kissed. We went to the bars, but we never kissed.  You made me egg and bacon sandwiches, but we never kissed. I bought you a Christmas present, but we never kissed. I said I love you, but we never kissed. I do not love you anymore.

Whether I wanted to see it or not,
it was undeniable and I had to admit
that she was the only human being
that came close to who I was,
which in a way, caused me to love her,
setting aside the gray matter
and spoken words.

My skin's been burnt by thought and flame...
My other, frozen in flurries!

Smiles, laughs, jokes - adrift...
And your joy is all I know!

But forward-bound; determination...
There is no doubt, we've had frustration!

When love arrives; manifestation...
We must be invincible!

You're like ******
Make me hurt so bad
But whenever you're away
I want you
Just one more time
Just one more time
Just one more time
Bring out the best in me
Don't let it fade away
Withdrawals without you
I'm not myself
I know I shouldn't
But just one more time

The trees' fruited seeds are feeding us
Like a mother's nutrience feeds the fetus in the womb

The world is round around us and we are within it -

Like blemishes on the skin,
Mushrooms bloom from the carpet of our home

The birds - a bacteria,
feeding on what is already dead

and the oceans -  our water
The current, everchanging

The wind -  a musical digestion
Flowing through the veins of every atom

The sky - our air, the sun -  our strength,
And the evil our eaten

Because of what is passed along to us

Drowned between songs of
Fall & Spring;
Silent.
Not learning a thing,
No spite,
No fright,
Only eye and night.
'Til I wake,
I ask:
O Please
O Please
I Say nothing,
Still.
Summer, I beg,
O Please
No pollen on thy nose;
empty lines of prose...
O How
did it 'appen?
I didn't even see
Nothing.
But 'ere it is,
eerie as it is,
I stand
after a long crawl,
but no expected sun
awaits me.

As you walk through the garden of life,
you will be asked to go left or right...
Always go right.
Always do what is right,
no matter how many
adventures and surprises
await on the left.
If you choose to go left,
and you are unlucky,
you may never go back to who you once were
in the precious beginning.
Fortunately, I am lucky,
but this is a warning:
never go where I have gone.

Never could I do the same thing
for my whole life;
I hated change in the past,
but now I'm addicted to it.
If there is nothing new,
it will not do.
So where will I stay?
Where is a traveler's home?
Do we ever tire, after long
searches though the unknown?

It says a lot about humanity
when you love yourself more than anyone else,
but still despise your own ways.

Maybe like a star twinkles, so does love;
It can't always be at its brightest, but it is never completely dark,
& just as you may glance away,
the tiny light draws you back into its line of sight
so that you can gaze upon it and watch it grow back into something beautiful that you never want to leave.

just from dust
fly to fight
take her down
take her down
new to doom
rust the trust
take her down
take her down

sing a song
carry on
get it all
get it all
who ignores
something more
get it all
get it all

slap the god
see the fog
beat the best
beat the best
run real far
make the par
beat the best
beat the best

this is not a ******
you are living
you are here

someone else sees
where you at
where's the love

you don't know Mr. Creator
the bet is off
take off my top

s t o p
saying: "**** THE MAN",
& be The Man.

Things just seem easier when I'm around you...
but maybe I'm not built for an easy life.