This Christmas Season, I wish my parents were still around.
But they both died in 2013 and they're buried in the ground.
The last Christmas I spent with them was almost a decade ago.
When a man loses his family, it's sad and it's a devastating blow.
The Christmas of 2012 was the last Christmas I was able to spend with them.
Mom died the following March and Dad's cancer got worse and I also lost him.
It's sad to know that they're both gone and we can't spend this Christmas together.
If you still have your parents, truly appreciate them because they won't live forever.

I voted for him when he ran for President of the United States.
Sadly, he died on December the 5th at the age of ninety-eight.
Bob Dole fought and nearly died during the second World War.
If it hadn't been for men like him, we wouldn't have freedom anymore.
When it came time for him to fight for the United States, Dole willingly fought.
But when it was time for Bill Clinton to serve his country in Vietnam, he did not.
Bon Dole fought for his country and was even paralyzed.
When Clinton beat him in the 1996 election, I was surprised.
Dole was a Senator and in 1976, he was Gerald Ford's running mate.
He was a great man and he left this world at the age of ninety-eight.

What I'm saying about you isn't hard for others to understand.
You were my mother and until March of 2013, I was a lucky man.
But you died on March the 6th of 2013 and I ran out of luck.
When I had to say goodbye, it felt like lightning had struck.

You and I spent our Christmases together for over forty years.
But we'd never share another Christmas and losing you drove me to tears.
You were so special that they probably threw a party when you arrived at the Pearly Gates.
I know that The Lord is happy to have you in Heaven but your death is something that I hate.

You were such an awesome mother and that made my brother and I better men.
And it's still very sad to know that we can't spend any Christmases together again.
When you died, I was devastated and it made me encounter some stormy weather.
But I still wish you a Merry Christmas even though we can't spend Christmas together.

I wish that I could tell you that he's still alive but sadly, I can't.
He was a talented British actor and his name was Bob Grant.
I hate to say that on November the 8th of 2003, this gifted man died.
What made his death even more sad was that he committed suicide.
It was his third suicide attempt and he succeeded on his third try.
I feel sorry for him because he was so unhappy that he was determined to die.
His life ended because of carbon monoxide.
That was how that poor man committed suicide.
He starred in "On The Buses" and he did one hell of a good jon on that TV show.
He also starred in other TV programs and movies and people hated to see him go.

He starred in "Newhart", "***** Buddies" and "Baby Makes Five".
Sadly, his life ended on October 22, 2021, he was unable to survive.
In 2020, Scolari starred in a movie titled "Looks That ****".
He guest-starred in "Happy Days" and "Remington Steele".

He starred in movies titled "Dean", "Sorority Boys" and "Letting Go".
He starred in 66 episodes of "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids: The TV Show".
He guest-starred in "The Nanny", "The Love Boat" and "Family Ties".
He had Leukemia like my dad and it's sad when such a talented actor dies.

It was hard for her husband and child to believe what she had done.
She ran off with a sugar daddy and abandoned her husband and son.
She did her husband wrong but I believe what she did to her son was worse.
She was a greedy woman who decided to put money first.
She was dumped by her sugar daddy and she asked her husband if he would take her back.
Her husband said No when she returned because intelligence is something he doesn't lack.
He told her that she left them once and he wouldn't give her a chance to do it again.
This woman loved money too much and ended up having to pay for her terrible sin.
She thought she could reconcile with her husband but she didn't succeed.
She abandoned her husband and son, stupidity is often caused by greed.

When the Lone Ranger has his finger on his gun's trigger, he constantly has to pull it.
When the moon is full, he hunts and kills werewolves, that's why he uses silver bullets.
He also uses silver bullets to stop outlaws from committing crimes.
But he uses those bullets to **** werewolves the majority of the time.
A werewolf smashed his way into an innocent man's house.
He tore him to pieces and was also going to **** his spouse.
The Lone Ranger saved her by putting a silver bullet right between the werewolf's eyes.
Whenever he encounters werewolves, he defeats them, each and every one of them dies.
A werewolf was about to attack Tonto and he would've ripped him apart.
But the Lone Ranger killed the werewolf by shooting him through the heart.
Silver was the Lone Ranger's horse until a werewolf ate him and he was also going to eat Scout.
But the Lone Ranger woke up in time to save Tonto's horse and he blew the werewolf's brains out.
Whenever a werewolf tangles with the Lone Ranger, his life comes to an end.
When the moon is full, the Lone Ranger kills werewolves with silver bullets and he always wins.

In November of 2011, Dad was told that he was terminal and wouldn't survive.
He was diagnosed with Leukemia and he passed away at the age of sixty-five.
Dad worked hard for many years to feed his family and keep a roof over our heads.
He lost his battle after 20 months of Chemo and would have no more years ahead.
When he was diagnosed with his horrible illness, Mom called me at once.
A nurse told Dad that she'd never seen a Leukemia patient survive longer than 18 months.
Dad survived for 20 months, that was two months longer than what the nurse said.
Mom died in March of 2013 and just four more months later, Dad was also dead.
Dad suddenly took a turn for the worse and sadly, he couldn't live anymore.
Today would've been Dad's birthday and he would've turned seventy-four.

A man has lost his life nearly 62 years after he was born.
We've lost an actor and comedian and his name was Norm.
I'm sorry to have to inform people that Norm MacDonald has passed away.
He died on September the 14th, he left this earth yesterday.
He starred in movies and was a cast member of "Saturday Night Live".
He was diagnosed with cancer nine years ago and he couldn't survive.
He was also a writer who wrote for the sitcom "Roseanne".
Millions will mourn the death of this very talented man.
"***** Work" is my favorite movie that Norm starred in.
He went to be with The Lord yesterday, he's in Heaven.

Cowardly terrorists caused many people a great deal of sorrow.
On September 11, 2001, 2,996 people would have no tomorrow.
Many people died because a few planes were hijacked.
Almost 3,000 people died and they won't be coming back.
At those innocent people's funerals, many people showed respect by sending flowers.
All because those terrorists caused those planes to crash into the World Trade Towers.
Twenty years ago today, many had good reason to be afraid.
Time sure does fly, it doesn't seem like it has been two decades.
Mom donated $100 to the families of the people who passed away.
She was truly sorry that those people perished on that terrible day.
That tragedy is something that people can't forget, it's something we will always remember.
Because of cowardly terrorists, many innocent people died on the eleventh of September.

I was so scared that my hair turned gray.
All because I wore white after Labor Day.
I was scared that I **** nearly died of fright.
People became violent and I was forced to fight.
People were enraged just because I decided to wear white.
They kicked and punched me and some would even bite.
People kicked my *** on a regular basis and I had quite a scare.
I was so frightened that I constantly had to change underwear.
I got my share of bruises, broken bones and cuts.
An elderly woman even shoved her foot up my ****.
When it was all over, I was amazed that somebody didn't have to call my next of kin.
If I live to be a hundred, I swear that I'll never wear white after Labor Day again.

(This poem takes place in the year 1800)

You call yourself a Christian who has been saved.
But you're not a Christian because you have slaves.
Instead of freeing your slaves, slavery is something you choose to prolong.
If you were a Christian, you'd free them because Jesus said slavery is wrong.
When you pretend to be a Christian, it definitely makes God mad.
Because you can't see that you're a horrible person, it is very sad.
God and Jesus realize that slaves are precious human beings who should be free.
You're not a true Christian because If you were, you'd free your slaves immediately.
Owning fifty slaves makes you money and their hardship makes your purse swell.
I wouldn't want to be you because when you die, you might just go to Hell.

I laughed at Noah and his family as they built their ark.
I made fun of them until they were ready to embark.
But now the rain is really coming down.
Noah is safe and I am going to drown.
The water is getting higher and higher, it's already above my knees.
Because of ignorance and arrogance, everybody will die, including  me.
Noah did right in the eyes of God and survival will be his reward.
But I'm doomed because I didn't do right in the eyes of  The Lord.
Everybody is panicking because we are all terrified.
This fate could've been avoided, that can't be denied.
I could've been a better person but I didn't even try.
I'm hugging my family one last time before we die.
People were consumed by selfishness, greed and arrogance and it's a shame.
As we perish, we can't be angry at God because we only have ourselves to blame.

I became a customer when I went to a computer store that's called "Mouse's Pad".
When I learned that the man in charge died of cancer, it was very sad.
He repaired and sold computers and Earnest Owens was his name.
He left this world on July the 29th of 2021 and it's a **** shame.
Earnest was intelligent and honest and he was also nice.
When he fixed or sold a computer, he charged a fair price.
I felt bad when I learned that Earnest died.
He couldn't beat cancer even though he tried.
Now he's in a much better place and I'm very sorry to lose my friend.
It's sad to know that when I go to his shop, I will never see him again.

When my Chihuahua died during the Summer of 2020, I was devastated.
When I had to say goodbye and bury her, it was something that I hated.
At first, I wasn't going to buy another dog because it hurts too much when they die.
But I bought another Chihuahua to try to ease my suffering, that's the reason why.
When I bought Hazel one year ago, I started feeling better.
She's sweet and she loves to lick me and she loves it when I pet her.
I bought Hazel five and a half weeks after my former Chihuahua passed away.
Hazel is my Chihuahua who cost $200 and I bought her one year ago today.
When I lost my former Chihuahua dog, I felt so miserable that it drove me to tears.
Hazel and I are celebrating our first anniversary, I hope that she lives for many years.

You were born on August 2, 1948, you were a Leo just like me.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-three.
You were unique and I truly hate that you're dead.
I wanted you to get better but sadly, you died instead.
You were a special person and that's something I'm grateful for.
But I'm not grateful for the fact that you're not alive anymore.
Many people were better off simply because they knew you.
You were a terrific and caring lady and that is certainly true.
One great thing about you was that you loved to help others.
Happy Birthday, Mom, you were truly a wonderful mother.

He starred in an episode of "18 Wheels Of Justice".
He died ten years ago today and his name was Chris.
He starred in a movie that is titled "Stunts Unlimited".
His fans were sad when they learned that he was dead.

When we lost him at the age of fifty-seven, we lost him too soon.
He starred in "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and "The Dukes" cartoon.
He was temporarily hired when the producers had to replace Luke.
I think that he did an admirable job when he starred as Vance Duke.

He starred in "Official Denial", "Raven" and "East Meets West".
He also starred in two episodes of "Xena: Warrior Princess".
He starred in "Liar Liar" and it's sad to know that he's gone for good.
He and Coy fought the system like a two modern day Robin Hood.

You were like a daughter to me and I was like a dad.
Your death was heart-breaking because it was so bad.
I got the idea to call you my baby doll because that was what Mom called her cat.
In August of 2013, my house became your new home and that's where you died at.

It has been one year since you died.
You were a great dog and that can't be denied.
I found you dead in my kitchen at about ten o'clock.
I would've rather had my head bashed in by a rock.

I was very upset and I knew that I wouldn't get any sleep so I stayed up most of the night.
I buried you the next morning and I'm sure that other pet owners can understand my plight.
When a person has a pet that's as special as you, it is sure to please.
I'll never forget you even if I live to be 100 and have Alzheimer's Disease.

Thirty years ago, your life was taken away.
You have been deceased for 10,958 days.
You starred in "Bonanza", "Little House On The Prairie" and "Highway To Heaven" as well.
You were very talented and when it came to being a success, you were bound not to fail.
You also guest starred on other TV shows.
You were only 54, that was too young to go.
In 1957, you starred in the pilot episode of "The Restless Gun".
Twenty-seven years later in 1984, you starred in "Sam's Son".
You and Victor French both died of cancer and both of you died at the age of fifty-four.
You and French were buddies and it's sad that neither of you can star in anything anymore.

Somebody abandoned their cat and it's a **** shame.
I have decided to call her Penny, that is her new name.
After being abandoned, she decided to live here and she has chocolate brown fur.
Penny is beautiful and if she lives to be twenty, I'll always take care of her.
As I walked to the store today, I saw a cat that had been killed by a car.
When our pets are alive and healthy, we should realize how lucky we are.
Penny was abandoned but she's no longer alone.
I have given my new cat a name and a new home.

Somebody abandoned a cat in my neighborhood.
They no longer wanted her so they got rid of her for good.
At first, she'd come on my property for a few hours and then she would leave.
She would do this every so often but now a new home is what she has received.
She has decided to stay here for good, I now own this cat that was once a stray.
Somebody didn't want to own her anymore so they decided to throw her away.
She has no name, I haven't decided what to name her yet.
But she's not a stray anymore and she will be a great pet.

Many people are upset because we've lost a talented actor named Ned.
He passed away on June the 13th and many are sad because he's dead.
He starred in "Superman", "Superman II" and "The Toy".
He gave performances that people were bound to enjoy.
He starred in TV shows such as "Highway To Heaven" and "Roseanne".
Millions of people appreciated Ned because he was a very talented man.
He also starred in "Gunsmoke", "******, She Wrote" and "Kojak".
It's very sad to know that he's dead and won't be coming back.
I enjoyed seeing him star in the first two Superman movies as Otis.
Ned died of natural causes at the age of 83 and he will be missed.

People call him a coward because he won't use his fists.
But he's not a coward at all, he's a pacifist.
When he refuses to fight, many say it makes no sense.
But he doesn't believe in fisticuffs, he's against violence.
Because he won't fight back, a man picked on him and knocked him down.
He refused to fight that man even though he was knocked to the ground.
You can call him a coward if you want but it's not true.
He will not fight people and that is a smart thing to do.
People call him a wimp, they say because he won't fight, it's a disgrace.
But if there were more men like him, the world would be a better place.

He was a British actor who died on the 20th of May.
He died in 1996, he died twenty-five years ago today.
He was an extremely talented actor and his name was Jon Pertwee.
It's hard to believe that he has been dead for a quarter of a century.
He starred as the third incarnation of the Doctor in "Doctor Who" half a century ago.
About one decade later, Pertwee starred in "Worzel Gummidge" as a dumb scarecrow.
A teacher told Jon that he'd never amount to anything as an actor but he was full of crap.
That teacher was so wrong and Pertwee should've given him a slap.
Pertwee died of a heart attack in his sleep while he was visiting the United States.
When people learned about his death, it was something that millions would hate.
Pertwee said that Worzel Gummidge was his favorite of the characters who he portrayed.
It's very sad to know that this brilliant actor has been deceased for two and a half decades.
He was in Connecticut when he passed away and his body was cremated.
When he left this earth in 1996, his friends, family and fans were devastated.

Nine Mother's Days have come around since the day when you perished.
The many years that we spent together are something that I'll always cherish.
You were such a great person because you cared.
When you died, I learned that life can be so unfair.

You were a wonderful mother and that's why I celebrate Mother's Day.
I knew that life would never be the same again when you passed away.
When you inherited $3600 in 1985, you shared it with my brother and I and Dad.
You were the most unselfish person in the world and when you died, it was so sad.

You weren't just a woman, you were a lady as well.
When you died in March of 2013, it hurt like Hell.
You were an outstanding mom to me and my brother.
Happy Mother's Day, you were the world's greatest mother.

I'm an ex-prizefighter and my name is Glass Joe.
If you're wondering if I could win fights, the answer is no.
I got my *** kicked by a shrimp and his name is Little Mac.
I got knocked out in the first round when that boy attacked.
I'm called Glass Joe because my jaw is made of glass.
It was humiliating because anybody could kick my ***.
People laugh at my losses and it's something I resent.
I happen to be Glass Joe Biden and I'm the President.
I run America but I sure can't take a punch.
If you hit me in my stomach, I'll lose my lunch.
I lied to everybody when I said that I came from France.
I got *** whippings in the ring, I never stood a chance.
Even old women could knock me out and I'm not a fighter anymore.
If Americans learn that I lost ninety-nine fights, I won't win in 2024.

He was Eddie Haskell on "Leave It To ******".
He starred as the best friend of Wally Cleaver.
When he starred as Eddie, his performances were sure to please.
Sadly, he died on May 18, 2020 from Peripheral Artery Disease.

When it came to acting, Ken Osmond was sure to excel.
He wasn't only an actor, he was a police officer as well.
It is nice to know that he helped to enforce the law.
When people saw him on television, they were in awe.

My neighbor died on April 8, 2021 and his name was Joe.
I learned about his death and I'm saddened to see him go.
He wasn't just my neighbor, he was also my friend.
It was sad when I learned that his life came to an end.
For the last year or two, he was staying at a nursing home and his house was empty.
I learned about his untimely and unfortunate death when I saw his obituary.
Joe was a welcome change from the people who formerly owned his house.
Joe moved next door in 1996 and a few years ago, he lost his beloved spouse.
Now he's in Heaven with his wife, both of them are in a better place.
Joe was my neighbor and friend and he was a credit to the human race.

He was a great actor but sadly, he's not alive anymore.
He died thirty-seven years ago today on April 18, 1984.
He starred in "Moby ****" and "The Man Who Could Cheat Death".
Thirty-seven years ago, he went to Heaven after he took his final breath.
He starred in "Ten Minute Alibi" and an episode of "Doctor Who".
He was a gifted British actor and all of his fans know that is true.
He starred in "From Russia With Love", "Triple Cross" and "The Liquidator".
Francis died in 1984 and his talent is still appreciated thirty-seven years later.

You think it's going to be your way or the highway but that's not how it's going to be.
You'd better change your way of thinking if you want to continue to be married to me.
You are not always going to get your way.
You'd better learn that if you want me to stay.
You need to learn that marriage is a two-way street, it's not a one-way street.
When it comes to our marriage, I'm not going to take a back seat.
You don't care about my dreams and desires, you think it's all about you.
If you don't change, I'll have this marriage annulled, that's what I'll do.
You've started laughing because you actually think I'm not serious.
When I talk about this problem, you think it's not worthy to discuss.
It won't be your way or the highway but that is something that I have failed to make clear.
I no longer want you for a wife so I'm going to pack my bags and get the hell out of here.

When it comes to forgiveness, you won't forgive, you won't budge.
You truly hate my guts and you sure do know how to hold a grudge.
I did you wrong but you did me wrong too.
But forgiving me is something you won't do.
I'll admit that I made mistakes but when it comes to admitting yours, you won't.
I wanted to make up with you but after seeing how much you hate me, I don't.
If there's ever a grudge holding contest, I know that you'll win first place.
You hate me and because of that, I hope we never meet again face to face.
I wish that you didn't hate me but sadly, it's true.
You want nothing to do with me and because you hate me, I want nothing else to do with you.

What happened is certainly enough to appall.
I'm in the Army and I was forced to go AWOL.
I am disgusted by what happened and it's hard to believe.
Even though my brother was dying, they wouldn't give me leave.
I wanted to see my brother one last time before he died.
I plead with my superiors to give me leave but I was denied.
When it came to my late brother, I thought the world of him.
I went AWOL to be by his side and to tell him that I love him.
Now I'm facing a Court Martial, I'm in trouble indeed.
They turned their backs on me in my hour of need.
Now they're treating me like I committed a horrible crime.
But at least I was able to tell my brother that I love him in time.
A Court Martial and time in prison are what I'll probably receive.
But my superiors were cruel and despicable for not giving me leave.

When a person dies so young, I have to ask why.
I still miss you as each day passes by.
When my brother told me how sick you were, he told me face to face.
He didn't want to tell me over the telephone so he came to my place.
Until he told me the bad news, I didn't know just how ill that you were.
It was painful and heart breaking and your death was hard to endure.
You didn't die on the operating table even though the surgeon thought you would.
I was unhappy eight years ago today because I had to say goodbye to you for good.
Because of an aneurysm, my brother and I had to take you off of the respirator.
We did this to end your suffering and you died twenty-something hours later.
You said if you were ever on a respirator, you wanted to be taken off if you couldn't make it.
We did as you requested but your death was devastating and it was hard for me to take it.
You were living proof that a person doesn't need a big education to be smart.
Rest In Peace, Mom, you were a wonderful lady and you had a very big heart.

If somebody says that I don't care about my dog, it will be a lie.
On August 18, 2020, I bought my new dog and she's my Sweetie Pie.
She loves to lick my cheeks and my chin.
Hazel loves to lick me over and over again.
Hazel was what her former owner decided to name her.
She is very protective, she always barks at strangers.
I was very scared because Hazel became sick and I thought she might die.
But a vet saved her life and I'm very happy that I didn't lose my Sweetie Pie.

I wasn't going to buy another dog because it hurts too much when they die.
But I decided to buy another dog and she is my Sweetie Pie.
When it comes to the heart, losing a pet sure will break it.
When it came to my former dog's death, it was hard to take it.
But several weeks later, I ended up being in luck.
I bought another dog for only two hundred bucks.
Hazel looks similar to my old dog and I sure am a lucky guy.
My former dog was my Baby Doll and Hazel is my Sweetie Pie.

It was six months ago today when you drew your final breath.
When I found you in my kitchen, I learned about your death.
It was the day that every pet owner dreads.
At about 10 PM, I learned that you were dead.
You were my baby doll and I loved you a lot.
If people wonder if I'll ever forget you, I will not.
You were my dog and a companion who was a loyal friend.
It was heart breaking when I saw that your life came to an end.
When such a beloved dog dies, it's something that is hard to bear.
You were my baby doll and when I go to Heaven, I hope you'll be there.

I want to share a story of mine.
It's about how to never have to wait in lines.
If you listen to me, you will no longer have to wait in line at stores.
If you take my advice, you won't have to wait in lines anymore.
A few call me smart but most call me a punk.
Every time I go in a store, I always carry a skunk.
When people see my skunk, they always run.
When it comes to being in lines, I'm the only one.
The salesclerks get nervous as my items are being scanned.
Sadly, when I go in a store just once, I'm always banned.
A lady still stinks because when she screamed, it caused my skunk to attack.
The store owners put on gas masks and always tell me not to come back.
You should listen to my advice even though people call me a dunce.
But if you carry a skunk in each store, you'll only be able to do it once.

Something bad has happened, we've lost Dawn Wells.
Her friends and family must be going through Hell.
When we lose such a talented person, it's hard to understand.
For a few years she starred on "Gilligan's Island" as Mary Ann.

She died because of Covid-19 complications.
Her demise is sure to cause devastation.
Her family will find it hard to let go but they will have to try.
Dawn Wells has perished and it's sad to have to say goodbye.

It was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Santa stole all of my stuff and he ran off with my spouse.
That fatso stole everything that I had.
I was shocked because Santa went bad.
All that he gave me for Christmas was the finger and some coal.
I decided to get even this morning when I went to the North Pole.
I gave his reindeers liquor and got them drunk.
When Santa started flying, his ship was sunk.
His reindeers crashed and Santa has a lot of broken bones.
And to add insult to injury, I pelted the punk with stones.
Now Santa is in the hospital in a body cast.
I got even for what he did one year in the past.

Certain people believe Sean Connery was the best James Bond and they're right.
He also starred in "The Hunt For Red October", "The Presidio" and "First Knight".
When he died on Halloween, his family and fans were sure to grieve.
He gave a wonderful performance in "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves".
In 1958, he starred in "Another Time, Another Place".
When he died, it was hard for his friends and family to face.
When we lost such a talented actor, it was a shame.
Talent should've been Sean Connery's middle name.

You died and it's something that I don't like to remember.
You won't be with me again on the 25th of December.
Nine Christmases ago was the last Christmas that I spent with you.
When it comes to your death, I wish I could say that it isn't true.
You were the most unselfish person I've ever known, you loved to share.
You wanted me to be happy and it was wonderful to know how much you cared.
You gave giant print Bibles to people while you lived.
You were so very special because you loved to give.
It's very sad because we can't be together on Christmas ever again.
Merry Christmas, Mom, you must be having a ball up there in Heaven.

He was a great actor but now he's gone.
He starred in seven movies as James Bond.
Connery was awesome in every role that he played.
He gave a terrific performance in "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade".

His first Bond movie was "Dr. No".
His death was a devastating blow.
He was born in Scotland and died in the Bahamas on Halloween.
Sean Connery was one of the greatest actors that we've ever seen.

Saint Agnes is what my mother should be called.
When she died, I was both saddened and appalled.
I admire women homemakers more than women who work because Mom was a homemaker.
I was devastated on March the 6th of 2013 because my poor mother needed an undertaker.

Mom wasn't actually a saint but she was as close as a person could get.
You would've been very happy and fortunate if you and Mom had met.
She was a wonderful mother and that's something I'm proud to confess.
She was one in a million and she should be called Saint Agnes.

When repo men come to my house, I order my Dobermans to attack.
They take chunks out of their butts and those repo men don't come back.
The finance company wants to repossess their stuff and other repo men are sent.
They're not going to get their stuff back, they should be able to take a hint.
They continue to send other repo men again and again.
They're going to have to stop, they're running out of men.
They want to repossess my car and my furniture as well.
But when my dogs attack the repo men, it hurts like hell.
One of my dogs bit a repo man in the ***** and gave him an instant vasectomy.
I saved him the money to have it done by a doctor and he is grateful to me.
Other repo men will be sent and I'll continue to order my dogs to attack.
Those people should learn that they're not going to get their stuff back.

When you died, it brought about sadness, pain and tears.
You died three months ago today, that's a fourth of a year.
You died ninety-two days ago.
Your death was a devastating blow.

You have been dead for a little over thirteen weeks.
You had brown fur and you were special and unique.
On July the 11th, my heart was broken because you passed away.
You were my baby doll and your daddy will love you for the rest of his days.

Gospel Music is fantastic music because it praises God.
When it comes to Gospel Music, it's something to applaud.
Anything is good if it praises the Lord.
When it comes to God, he should be adored.
Gospel Music is incredible music and that's a fact.
It's awesome and that's a statement I won't retract.

I tied a sausage to my leg and for a short time my ex-girlfriend was fooled.
But she dumped me flat on my *** when she learned her leg was being pulled.
Because she didn't like the deception,
I didn't receive a friendly reception.
She thought that I was well-endowed, that is what she believed.
When she learned the truth, a broken nose was what I received.
She also crammed a lit pack of firecrackers up my *** and it sure did make me jump.
Now it hurts like hell every time I take a dump.
She dumped me even though I decided to get down on my knees and beg.
If you're a man and if you want a girlfriend, don't tie a sausage to your leg.

It was very sad when your life came to an end.
You weren't just a cat, you were also my friend.
You became my cat after you were born in 2002.
You were good to me and I was good to you.
You were black, white and gray.
I miss you because you passed away.
You made me feel better whenever I got upset.
You were my big buddy and you were a great pet.
You were very pretty and friendly too.
It was a privilege to have owned you.

When you died, I was devastated and didn't know what to do.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.
The love that I felt for you was special and it knew no bounds.
My heart was broken when you were lowered in the ground.
If you could hear the words I'm saying, I'd want you to hear me say "I love you".
When you died, my days were filled with unhappiness because I was so blue.
I grew inside of your womb until I was born in August of 1971.
You were spectacular and it was a privilege to be your son.
I suffered when you died and it's something I wish others wouldn't have to go through.
Happy birthday Mom, if you hadn't died, today you would've turned seventy-two.

You were without doubt the best dog I've ever had.
Your death has broken my heart and I'm very sad.
When I named you Agnes, I named you after my late mother.
I was your owner and you and I had a lot of love for one another.
You were a Chihuahua and you were an Applehead.
It tore me up when I learned that you were dead.
You were pretty with dark brown fur and you were small.
You weren't just a dog, you were also  my baby doll.
I owned you for almost seven wonderful years.
I found you dead in my kitchen and it drove me to tears.
What I'm about to say is no lie, it's one hunded percent true.
You were my baby doll and your Daddy will always love you.