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A single candle can often be outshone,
When you don't need it,
But when the rest of the lights,
Go out,
And the once clear path ahead,
Is overshadowed,
Only then do you realise how bright that flame really is.
A growl against the window,
Rising pitch, becomes a roar,
Shaking, shuddering, a howl,
A rush of sharp air, joins the siege,
But held back,
Confined to beyond these walls,
No storm within, only peace,
Only calm, only safety.
Concepts pulling,
Fatiguing, stealing my breath
My concentration fading,
And falling off a cliff,
To end me.
Ignored in the reflection
Kept in a blind spot or below
Conscious thought
But when the light falls wrong,
Or her eyes search too hard,
They are painted in grating contrast
Screaming out against the skin
Restoring their past pain to view
And to heart
And in that reflection
The only highlights are flaws
Flaws that remain
Flaws that remind her
But do not define her
Unless she lets them
Why are you falling so far without me
You said we could never be free
you said the ground was too far
For us to reach
Don't leave me here
Don't leave me here
I'm losing my sight
And I'm struggling to hear


Why are you running away
 you said we were here to stay
I can't believe you'd leave me in these handcuffs
A captive of my own brain
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me now
I can't understand
Why?
Where?
When?
How?
Antisocial dynamics filling my head
Formulated responses do little against
The brutality of missteps
The unfading of past errors
Mars the thought-strings I spun
And in the end tangle
And tie me to the wrong intention
Binary emotion,
On or off,
Smile or frown,
Love or hate,
One or the other,
No in between,
A painted mask,
To hide my eyes,
That run a system check,
On every face in range,
Good or bad?
Trustworthy or liar?
Decided immediately,
By a single glance,

But only outside cyberspace,

For on connection,
The server responds,
My mask fragments,
I release the inner-workings of my soul,
To so many,
And my fake smile,
Finds new truth,
In words flickering on a screen,
My feelings reconfigure,
And my default gateway,
Becomes conversation,
Not a cold shoulder,
Reboot.
Her eyes behind shades
Voice singing the song I sang
Hands tracing circles in her hair  

My eyes drawn to hers
My voice yearning to catch hers in my lips
My hands dream of following hers  

Could her world become mine?
In the morning,
The smell of damp earth and traffic,
Overwhelms the senses,
Of a sub-urban girl.

The monotone beating,
Of rain invades the rhythm of my heart,
And reveals pulses not,
Constant noise.

With each pace,
Or stride she closes on her home,
Not her house but,
The abode of her smile.

Then constructed deadlines,
And the shrill alarms of modern time,
Drive her away and disconnect,
The joy.

But she takes a little more,
Happiness with her,
Each time she allows herself,
To be awake.

Awake,
Not in semi-slumber,
But eyes fully open to the beauty of the world.
Should we go in?
If we do, I know I'll just say yes,
I'll let them have what they want,
And who knows what could happen,

Then I'm back against the wall,
Forced to make the choice: "Yes"
So in we go.

Then another choice but this time,
I make them decide on,
A cup disguised as harmless,
But there's fire in the ice.
"Yes"

And in but a minute,
Enough is in our veins,
To colour the world,
In rainbows and glitter,

These laughs and trying to,
Stop. But not for long,
Before both in hysteria while,
Confused, strangers pass.
Summer feels like too many songs,
Like falling in love twice in one night,
Like smiling for a photograph,
Like an act.

It feels like one big show to prove a point,
Like making up for the winter months,
Like pretending to be happy,
Like we're not.

It feels like putting flowers at a grave,
Like running from mistakes all over again,
Like cleaning the house for when the relatives come over,
Like hiding the truth.
Friends, though I've never seen your faces
At least, not most of you,
And those I have, only through pixels
On one screen or another.

Friends, more so than any I'd known before,
A surrounding of arms,
Hugs and hands and words all ready
To hold me when I'm crying.

Friends, never looked at me like a freak,
Never judged for anything,
Never told I'm worthless or even
That I need to change.

Friends, what can I say?
My life was turned around by you,
You accidental saviours of my soul,
Between you, you performed a miracle,
Took me from the fringes of death,
To hope, happiness and comfort,
What can I say?
But thank you.
To all my friends on Movellas
The clouds seem to dimple in a grid
As if poured over an egg box
And left to set in the sky
Further along the grid sharpens
Now rows of white cut into the sky
And between them blue stripes
(too bright for so late)
Sweep down to the distance
And stretch past the corners of my vision
In one day perhaps
All is changed
A renewal of hope
Meets with mixed mind
A confusion within
Becomes confusion without
Limits to hold back
But maybe there
Is nothing to hold
From view
But the shadow
They already see
The blur,
The whir,
The lights flashing past,
The trees, posts and shadows,
Speeding to my destined place,
Terminal - take all
Your belongings
Lest you lose them for good,
Next station,
Last station,
Take me there.
Take the pieces of my broken heart,
If you want them,
Take each tear-drop as I fall apart,
If you want them,
Take all the words I wrote to you,
If you want them,
Take the songs I sang for you,
If you want them,
Because though I know you cannot belong with me,
I give everything I have to you,
And I hope that will at least make you smile,
Just once
For K
Take me with you
Beautiful sound
Let me fly as you do
Let me grace others with smiles
Show me a deeper truth
And let me show it to others too
Wash me in waves
Let me drift slowly away
As softly as leaves off trees
As gently as hands touch silk
As lightly as eyes gaze
On the face of beauty

Music take me as your own
I once talked of endings,
Like beginnings I couldn't see,
Like new adventures to be taken,
Like half a chance to flee.

I once talked of endings,
Like the story I can't tell,
Like the future out or reach,
Like a legend I know well.

I once talked of endings,
Like the drink in my glass,
Like waiting for a refill,
Like a glorified restart.

I once talked of endings,
But I won't anymore,
Too many times I've missed out,
Because I slammed and locked the door.

I was always afraid of endings,
So I painted my own sequels,
To hide the fact that all I wanted,
Was to turn the page.
In the texture of summer air
A hope lingers
A promise
Of future warmth
Brighter days
Simpler ways of living
And almost tangible
Touchable
Tasteable love sits
In every breath
Building up
Bubbling over
And straining to be released
Into the world that cries out for it
A people who long for it
A community that thrives on it
As light pours out
And joins the divided.
A star slices the clouds,
Splitting the darkness in two,
It reveals a blinding light.

A bright blue and silver,
Spills out from the ****,
Falling to the earth in frozen tears.

Through the rip in the delicate fabric,
Of this universe we rely on,
Another reality seems to form.

Colour starts to spread,
Contrast fills the night,
Such beauty is found in the dark.
Monotonous is his existence,
Repetition for the sake of routine.
He crushes his heart into a cage,
And hides from the world he can't see.
He builds up fear to satisfy his paranoia,
and watches as his fragile hands bleed.
Stained fingers brush away the curtain,
So he can see another scene.
Below him, puppets stare,
As he effortlessly rips reality.
Without a thought he lets out,
The darkness that remains unseen.
Their eyes are tied to the unimaginable sight,
They cannot break from its pull,
Ribbons of dazzling shades descend from the clouds,
Wrapping around the onlookers,
Filling them with awe.
But the mystic silk hides a choking smoke,
That makes its home in the heart,
And as it burrows its way into the soul,
Not a single eye is deflected,
From gazing into the folds of the delicate light,
As their very existence is destroyed from within.
Their eyes glaze over,
Their fists clench,
An instant revolution of hate.
The galaxies fade at a swipe of his hand,
With one finger he blots the stars,
With a single breath all songs are silenced,
But this world fascinates.
Why are they not afraid?
He did not try to hide,
But they did not try to run.
The sky itself was torn at his wish,
Yet they care more about some pretty colours?
So foolish,
But perhaps he could let them live,
Why?
They cannot help him,
He is beyond help,
Or greater than help at least.
His blood keeps falling,
He sees their smiles wiped away,
Just like his was,
He can't bring himself to do it,
And from his weary eye,
A tear in the sky,
Falls through a tear in the sky.
Why do the trees cry,
On the happiest day?
Why do tears fall from their leaves?
Why, when the moon's full,
Do they weep through the night?
Can they not share in our love?

Maybe they can,
But they haven't yet,
Because if they had,
They would never cry again.
Soon our new world
Will be revealed to us
The reality we will build
Within the emptiness
Will bleed out beyond the walls
And feed our lungs
With stories that never
Saw light until they met
Our minds.
Sat in the dark
Where someone grabs my hand,
As I ask and plea for truth.

As I pray for some sign,
Some hint that I'm going the right way,
A warmth in my palm.

As I shake and hide,
Someone holds me tight and takes me away,
From some imagined eyes.

As I'm lead from fear,
I unzip my coat and let it fall,
And step outside.

As I walk through the dark,
I see a single star ahead,
And walk towards it,
Away,
Escape,
Free,
With a hand in mine.
I don't want to go,
I can't,
I messed everything up,
Let me stay home.
My head hurts,
I've had a cold,
I don't think I can get up,
Please, let me stay home.
I'm telling you,
I can't focus,
I won't be forced t-
Wait, was that my phone?

I heard its buzz,
Beside my head,
Who was it?
What have they said?
It's her, Oh God!
Don't let her hate me,
I made a mistake yes,
But still be my friend, please.
"Meet me in the library,
At the start of lunch",
She doesn't sound mad,
Or is that just a hunch?
The decision's made for me,
I'll happily go!
If not anything else,
I just need to know.
If she hates me that's fine,
I understand,
If not, then great!
That's better than planned.
The morning went so slowly,
Each second an age,
Waiting to find out how much,
I'll have to deal with your rage.

Then lunch came,
I was waiting again,
To see your anger break through.

But when you arrived,
You came with a smile,
And just wanted to tell me the truth.

After a few words,
I couldn't believe what I heard,
That you could keep cheerful and happy still.

And I felt compelled,
To begin to tell,
Secrets that made my heart chill.

Then suddenly, I felt your fingers,
Intertwined with mine,
And I realised something, which always lingers,
And will do for all of time.

I was so close to not going to school that day,
And I don't really want to imagine,
What would've happened if I hadn't heard that phone,
And I'd just turned over and let my heart sadden.
Happiness
A word I'd forgotten
Love
A word I'd never known
Laughter
A word I couldn't let out
Until that day.

No one is perfect,
Of that there's no doubt,
But all your imperfections,
Seem to cancel out.
No one will harm you,
That's my promise today,
If you need me, anytime, anywhere,
Don't hesitate, just say.
No one is like you,
You're one of a kind,
And I know it sounds clichéd,
But you're always on my mind.
No one could reach me,
I was trapped in my own head,
Until one day this summer,
You threw my sorrow down dead.

No matter what happens, I'll love you for all of time
Because words I'd forgotten, are now forever mine.
She starts to cry,
I know exactly why,
But there's nothing I can do to help.

Her eyes look down,
To hide her frown?
Or to hide from my reaction she fears?

I can't see past her hair,
But I hear her despair,
As she pours out the depths of her soul.

How to respond,
To such a sad song,
That leaves me with no comforting words?

Tell her it'll all be fine?
She'll know that's a lie,
An easy escape from facing facts.

Nothing I say,
Or price I pay,
Will change the events of the past.

So all I can do,
Is tell her the truth,
And make a commitment of trust.

And try to repay,
Her trust on that day,
With a secret I kept in my heart.

The time she saved,
Quite by mistake,
A weak, blackened and crumbling life.

Finally I feel,
It's time to reveal,
How she rescued me from that box in the cupboard.

It can't help much,
But maybe enough,
That she'll realise what she's worth.

And in holding my hand,
Completely unplanned,
You made me happier than I've ever been.

But three words meant more,
Words I'd never heard before,
Spoken by another to me with honesty.

And I know that they,
Were hard for you to say,
After all that others have put you through.

"I trust you"
The Actress steps out
To an audience of eyes
Making slow assessment
Staring at her, through her
Each subtlety of her motion
A tell-sign of her mind

So The Actress fills her mind
With foreign thoughts
Buries herself in research
And imagined feelings
That seep into her own
Until she is her part

And The Actress is no more
And actress but a puppet
Ambling through a cut-out of a life
Letting their eyes burrow deeper
But not deep enough to see
Her lying to them

But The Actress pays her price
For to lie that deeply
Requires honest belief in her own
Fictitious existence
And who she is ceases to be
In favour of a character

And as The Actress steps off stage
She is blind to her reality
And emptied of truth
For she carries the eyes with her
In her mind, in her reflection
Until she is no longer sure
She is an actress at all
After school
A girl sits alone
At a piano
And plays
Songs she didn't know
And as she sits there
She learns
How to make beauty
With her fingers
And how it lingers
In the air.
And she never said a word
Without the sound of music in her head
She never gave her heart
Until she knew her blood was red
She tried to open up
But couldn't give enough
Until she found herself on the keys.
Why do I always feel worst on the best days?
I think you are beautiful
Your smile is radiant
And your eyes are beyond
My own descriptive ability

Your mind is exquisite
Like a finely crafted language
I lack the experience to
Understand but admire anyway

I rushed in and shot myself
Down into the depths of regret
Where now I hunt for some form
Of rewind, restart or retry

I'm far too jealous to express
In any meaningful way how I feel
And what was meant to be a joke
Has cut off all chance of honesty

And in the end I expect your eyes
Will pass over these words but
They will not reach your heart
And I will be left wondering
How to balance friendship,
Care and selfish longing without lying
To my heart.
The keys call in grey-scale,
The strings tense to play,
Waiting for my fingers to glide across their scales.

Discordant bass lines and rising melodies,
As hands, heart and voice unite,
To outpour my soul,
As it fills the hall,
Tears fall,
In answer to the call.

To release emotion unrelentingly.

Before I learnt to sing with someone else,
I preferred a duet with myself.

But now my song is joined by dance,
And my nervous glance,
Is entranced,
With romance.

And the smile that eases my stirring heart.
Society's light is one of oppression,
It hides in the shadows the manipulation,
Of likes, favourites and ratings,
And of course, the TV stations,
That tell us how to live.

But there will be a time,
When someone opens up their mind,
And notices the signs,
That dictate our every step.

Why not today?

Let's smash up the light bulbs,
And pull out the fittings,
Let's switch them off at the mains.

Let's wreck up the power stations,
And cut all the wires,
So only darkness remains.

It's time to listen to the crying stars,
It's time to listen to the silent cars,
It's time to listen to the city at night.

Because the city at night is shouting:
Louder!
Louder!

And the rain on the pavement's calling:
Stronger!
Stronger!

And tribal rhythms,
Inspire the buildings,
To get up and walk.
And driving heartbeats,
Persuade the dark streets,
To rise up and talk.

"It's time to stand up for what we believe in!
It's time to show the world how we're feeling!
Because the light has blinded them from our point of view!
From our vantage point beneath your feet,
We've observed the city that never sleeps,
And realised it needs to change and let the darkness through!"


And all the onlookers and sympathisers,
Respond with a chant,
That shakes society's foundations to bring it down.

We don't want to fit in!
We don't want to give in!
To peer pressure within
Every waking day!

We all want to regress!
To when we all had less!
When money hadn't quite messed
Up every word we say!


As every light goes out,
Each with a bolder shout,
Those in charge watch in awe as the revolution wins.

The entire city unites,
To bring about the night,
A dusk to match the dawn of humanity's sins.

But in the morning the sunrise,
Brings the reform to its demise.

And light obscures the strings that control our minds.
*disclaimer* This poem is almost entirely metaphorical, I take no responsibility for anyone who decides to smash up light bulbs and power stations.
If my life were a painting,
It would be of the night.
Of rain on pavements,
Reflecting street lights.
And sat on a bench,
shadowed and dark,
Would be a boy in a coat,
Too big and covered in marks.

But life isn't painting,
But a series of stills,
And if you wind the reel forward,
The boy grows, the coat he fills.
And now, another figure joins him,
Pulls him off the bench, to his feet,
And now, they start dancing,
In each other's arms, down the street.

Drenched in rain,
He takes off his coat,
Wraps it around her,
And pulls out a ring and a note.
With a tear of joy, she nods,
With a nervous laugh, he stands,
The sun starts to rise,
As they hold each other's hands.

Then, just a frame or two on,
A small figure runs up to the pair,
And the boy - now a man,
Lifts the child in the air.
Smiling, he holds his wife and child close,
And wipes the rain from their faces,
As the sun is overhead,
And light shines onto their embraces.

And so a new painting forms,
Brighter, now the sun's above,
And the coat around her shoulders,
Reminds her of his love.
The last pair of eyes,
Reflect my heavy heart,
As the last, sorry words,
Crush my grateful smile.

The final one who cares,
Leaves my life again.

I return to join The Coldest.

The end of gentle words,
To calm my panicked mind,
The end of just in time,
To stop me doing the worst.

The only saving grace,
Has nothing left to give.

I return to join The Coldest.

Another one has gone,
Away from my unrest,
Another loss is blamed on me,
Despite my desperate attempts.

With no reason to try,
I pursued and missed my goal.

I return to join The Coldest,
But a new flame has been lit.
Goodnight,
And sleep,
Be away from the world,
That holds you here,
Away from the ones,
Who hold you dear,
For the night,
Glistens,
With the tears of heavy hearts,
And the lonely sighs,
Of lost youth,
So sleep,
Hide yourself from that,
For as long as your soul can keep,
From breaking,
Until you wake,
In the dark,
And see the crying Earth,
For what it is.
Dust floats in my breath,
Reflecting in moonlight,
Which breaks through,
My windows,
That river of dreams,
Floats unaware,
Above my still open eyes,
Until whispered,
Away.
Once again,
I'm waiting,
Preparing for something new,
And yet exactly the same,
An unimportant day?
Perhaps,
For you,
But for me,
Everything changes.
Tension as we,
As puppets,
Let them fight,
Over our strings,
Snapping two,
Stretching twelve,
Almost to breaking point.

But then,
The strongest,
Took control,
Back from him,
And let us slowly,
Relax.
A boy leans against his door,
Torn by the grief and loss created by his own mind,
Tear stained cheeks that never knew a smile.

The boy falls to the floor,
The door is blocked by his own weight,
He is trapped by his body in a room cut off from kindness.

The boy hits his head against the wall,
In a futile attempt to escape this life,
His head begins to throb, a confused mess of screaming voices fill his ears.

Then one voice is clear,
Calling him,
Leading him,
He feels safe, sure, free,
He finds himself calling back,
"I trust you." He says, raising his eyes from the floor,
"I trust you," She replies, but that's not what he heard.
"Open the door," Is what he heard, words he'd never even considered.

He lifts himself up, and grabs for the lock,
With a moment of hesitation, he slides the bolt across.
But he can't bring himself to do it, he looks at the handle,
He puts his hand on it and tries to push down.

But his other hand stops him, grabbing at his wrist,
He is so close now, but he can't do it,
He takes two steps back, away from hope,
And the door swings wide open, light streams in,
With a smile she grabs his hand, and pulls him from his cell.

He sees an open door behind her, a room as dark as his,
"How did you get out?" He asks, she just laughs and squeezes his hand.
"One clear voice, calling, leading," She whispers in his ear,
"It told me to open the door."
In silence motionless,
But dancing with his laughs,
Rising with his spirits,
Falling with his heart,
Each wrapped around his soul,
One a hint of his truth,
The perverse meaning behind his words,
The other joining the first as his laughter shakes his smile.
As if from a dream,
Or maybe some time-soaked memory,
The white fabric hugged itself around me,
And opened my heart and lips to happiness,
As my eyes saw the girl in the mirror,
The same one from my dream,
And the curtain behind me becomes the cover of trees,
The seat beneath me a forest floor,
The light above me the stars of night,
And my breaths become a song.
The leaves of the last remaining sentries,
Continue their hopeless rebellion,
Buffeted by falling ice and gusts.
Bright green teardrops fight against the dominating grey and white,
A splash of colour lines the sides of the road.

A boy's feet slip, but he remains upright,
Continuing on along the treacherous path.
Where is he going?
He walks with purpose towards that which he knows will **** him,
His face gathers cuts from the winds serrated breath,
His hands start to bleed from every time fell.
But still he continues, unafraid, undeterred,
Certain in his undying thirst to walk,
He gathers pace, filled with strength,
His rebellion now begins to approach,
No question, his choice is foolhardy and pointless,
There is no chance of victory against such an opponent
Yet he fights through the crowds, running in the opposite direction,
And dives head first into his life's end.
But he survives.
Through some miracle of luck or chance,
He reaches the final shore,
Surrounded by green in a grey world,
Crushed but still breathing,
Though bleeding, still strong,
He takes the final step.
I did not know
Back then
What you wanted
I watched as you
Had your mind twisted
By the things you saw
On a computer screen
Things you wanted
Me to see too
Me to do to you
But I couldn't
But I let you
Keep watching that screen
And I know
I should have stopped you
But I couldn't
I watched as you
Fell further
Deeper in the darkest
Parts of your mind
I wasn't strong enough
I could've stopped it
But I couldn't
For fear of losing
Another friend
For fear of making
Everything worse
I will always
Blame myself
For the state
You're in now
And the state
You put me in
Because I could've stopped it
But I couldn't
Risk the one constant
That kept me
From going mad
From hating myself
From hurting myself
From killing myself
But I was wrong
You were the constant
That made me
Go mad
Hate myself
Hurt myself
And try to **** myself
And yet
You are still my friend
Because I blame myself
And I have to protect you
Because I'd never
Forgive myself
If you killed yourself
And I didn't try to stop you

You
Killed
My
Childhood
But
I
Forgive
You
And
Blame
Me
To a friend who will never see this
There is nothing,
I thought,
But empty horizons.

The open arms of solitude,
Have wrapped me in their embrace,
And the gentle lips of eternity,
Linger to kiss my face,
The soft breath of silence,
Brushes against my cheek,
Still the dark chill of fatigue,
Refuses to make me weak.

But in the embrace of solitude,
No warmth is to be found,
And the kisses of eternity,
Just keep my soul tied down,
And the brush of silence,
Does little to bring me peace,
Until fatigue's hand touches me,
And allows me to sleep.

And her hand touched mine,
And dragged me to a new life,
Where flames sing and dance.
Here is a young boy,
His heart has been crushed,
His innocence has already been stolen,
By the gun in his hands.

Here is a teenager,
Death a normality,
Trusting only in hate,
For those he once loved.

Here is a young man,
Believing in revenge,
For a crime he never saw,
Against someone he never knew.

Here is a father,
"Protecting" his daughter,
Showing her the path he chose,
Putting her finger on the trigger.

Here is an old man,
Regretting his life,
Hating himself for all he did,
But all too late.

Now here is a young girl,
Who lives far away,
Who doesn't understand,
But knows she is hated.

People avoid her,
Afraid? Or unsure?
The garment on her head,
Fills her with shame.

This girl never touched a gun.

The boy did not know what he was doing.

His daughter doesn't want to ****.

But it is too late now,
Society has grasped a concept,
And it's claws dig deep,
It won't let go.
She waits, outwardly patient, to greet her home
A gentle bow, with a smile that she has rehearsed, but need not
For when her Mistress returns her smile will not be fake
Nor the lift in her spirits
And when she grants her a moment alone,
She longs to feel her Mistress' touch,
Her warmth
Her breath
But she will not overstep, no, she waits - though it pains her - until permission is given
And all the more precious is the hand she cannot hold
The hand she reaches for
Yearns for
But remains a command away
So she waits
For if she is good,
Her reward will be sweet.
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