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Jun 2017 · 2.3k
symptoms of anhedonia
qi Jun 2017
symptoms of anhedonia.
                   a triumvirate, perceived
                   Inanition& Inertia& Inaptitude:
                                      they are ugly triplets who hide under leather
                                      and self-loathing &stink of last night’s pinot
                                      noir
                     ­                        from **** knows where.
                   their fingers, cigarette-stained and calloused,
                   reach into my prozac pillboxes
                   &crunch my anxiety (meds)
                   into fluoxetine powder and ivory between
                   their yellowing teeth.

I Do Not Cry When The
Sandman Knocks                                      
For He Sits At                                      midnight:the witching hour,whenthe
My Porch Bearing Sweet                                      siblings curl up besides me to
Dreams &Sister Death, Whose Touch                   ,                   ravage;
I’ve Long Wished For                                                         they will not
                                                                ­                       leave me
                                                              ­             untilthe
                                                         cloyingly sweet
                                         perfume of Death
       is scrubbed clean fromthe

                                                        ­                    pulse
                                                                ­            point
                                                                ­            of
                                                                ­            my
                                                                ­            wrists



There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing for you here.

Nothing will bring me back. In three years time I’ll still be dead. My bed sheet is my shroud and Death holds my wrists in a vice grip. He still leads me below.

                                      here is the untruth:
                                                        ­ i am here,
                                                         Penelope at her loom,
                                                         waiting for a lost lover whom I know
                                                         will take ten years to come back to
                                                         my awaiting arms.

                                      here is the untruth:
                                                        ­ in three years time,
                                                         I’ll still be dead.

                                      here is the truth:
                                                         nothing exists six feet under except:
                                                         hell
                                                         chalk dust
                                                         powdered calcium.
a thing i wrote for my theatre course, inspired by Sarah Kane's "4.48 Psychosis." this was a monster to format and i hope it works?? this is v experimental and i am Sorry
May 2017 · 1.5k
spectral type: (ni)o(be)
qi May 2017
the laddering of my ribs creak
like water-stained cherrywood stairs;
tread lightly, lest you
stir the dust and the ghosts
that dwell underfoot,
‘neath the cracked floorboards
of my skin.

i have but a simple request:
               rid yourself of your lungs
               and fill up the empty spaces
               with used coffee filters,
               crinkled wrapping paper, and
               forlorn hope. do
cast aside
               the shroud of indecision?, for
               that winding sheet will only
               hold you down between
               your shoulderblades, like
               framed butterflies pinned on paper
               with needles of stone and salt.

stay with me tonight.
we will be taxidermy birds
on marionette strings
with crumbled concrete
between our talons,
the afterimages
of neon diner signs
stamped into our inner eyelids
oscillating, phantasmic.

we'll sing elegies in spring
rock sugar on our tongues—
               there are staves of music
               written in the lining of your mouth
               and in the webbing of your hands
––as Sappho might say:
girls, sweetvoiced.

oh! but to think
that the starfire in your eyes
could be extinguished
by the tears you shed;
i’ll return my heart to the constellations
for you
posting content??? in MY account?????? it's more likely than you think
Nov 2016 · 908
acolytes
qi Nov 2016
the silver goddess presses
gentle kisses to your brow,
a silent benediction;

i alone bear witness
to this private sacrament
Nov 2016 · 1.2k
cigarettes and candy
qi Nov 2016
when she walks in,
home is no longer
a home, nothing but
nicotine-stained walls,
a collision of
          sc a t t  ere   d
          s  (ca n         't)
          m e m or ie   s

she's––
( your go-to fuckbuddy.)
––stretched by your side,
laid out bare against
mussed up sheets and
tracing the lines of your ribs
with the pads of her fingers:
your cruel mistress,

and you're
a ******* mess
of blue lips and
trembling hands
even cigarettes and candy
can't seem to quell
she's misery; she loves your company
Nov 2016 · 675
bloodlust [6w]
qi Nov 2016
verbal battles: bloodrust between your teeth
qi Oct 2016
your lips are cherries, stained with wine––
how'd they taste pressed against mine?
Oct 2016 · 2.6k
POLYPHEMUS
qi Oct 2016
here is something that
mother told me
about god complexes:

“everyone believes themselves
to be gods among men:
even that hideous monster from your
half-remembered Hellenistic dreams
will retreat back to
his craggy hideaway and continue
with his hedonistic ways.
the poor creature:
he will don a halo,
iconize himself in caricatures
pretending that if for a moment
his veins flow ichorous that
Icarus may have envied when his wings
beat in tandem with the footfalls of
the sun chariots’ horses.

“the sun shines upon
hallowed ground, though Polyphemus
will avoid Helios’s scornful gaze.
he herds sheep––his only acolytes––
an unabashed king in his realm,
like a god plays war, or as a child
would play house,
humming hallelujah,
veins running gold-blooded.
when moon rises,
he will hang his weary
shadow at his door and retreat
to his fire-pit. perhaps this will be
the closest he will be to the gods,
basking in the heat of Hestia’s
humble hearth.

“in the end,” mother said,
“Nobody will end up deified.
Icarus may have rained down wax and
feathers in godlike fury
before tilting his head to Helios once more;
Polyphemus waded into the sea,
eyes clouded in godlike fury
before resigning himself to fate, head bowed.”
the fallacy of mortals, of monsters, of gods
Aug 2015 · 1.0k
the fury of mnemosyne
qi Aug 2015
he sits, patient and waiting
under a copse of diseased trees

but when the first bands of light
pierces through the trees' protective canopy

he will fade away
with the stars and their waning light
a quick something i threw together to celebrate my return to hellopoetry. it's been long since i've logged on.
May 2015 · 19.9k
The Fallacy of Man
qi May 2015
much meme
this poem is rarer than all the pepes. credits to a friend.
Apr 2015 · 427
alive
qi Apr 2015
we are all just infinitesimal souls
stagnant; utterly still
in a plane of
nothingness and everythingness
and like Newton's First Law of Motion states
we will only continue
unmoving
yet
all we need is an unbalanced force
strong and relentless as gravity
that'll send us careening
back into our own bodies
we're all waiting for
someone, something
to bring us back home

this imbalance
is the very force that keeps the blood
thrumming in our veins
and roaring in our ears,
allows for jolts of electricity
to run down our spine and spark
at the pads of our fingers; we are
the brilliance of dying stars,
contained and bound to a mortal vessel

our hearts are pulsing, pulsing
erratically
to the rhythm of the songs that stars sing
and i hear the music resonating,
bone-vibrating and teeth-chattering,
and when we can all hum the melody
that the universe plays,
sear it and engrave it into our minds,
seven billion hearts
will (finally) beat as one

we are
caged beasts

we are
supernovas in the making
(wherein we can only burn bright and then brighter
until one day
we will return to the stars)


but at the very least, now,

we are
*alive
probably going to write a second version
Mar 2015 · 634
Surrender Your Hurt
qi Mar 2015
Think of me
When hopelessness clogs up your arteries
Eats away at your bones
And leaves you gasping for air;
I'll be the oxygen you breathe

We are all so* weak, *dear
And every night, flames gutter out, die,
swayed by the call of the wind,
and I fear you will too.
you deserve so much better.
Mar 2015 · 444
rest in peace
qi Mar 2015
clutch at Life in a post-death grip
*(why don't you do the same with my heart)
2am thoughts
Mar 2015 · 476
Unspoken Confessions
qi Mar 2015
Hello,
     (dearest)
It's been a while
     (since you've left me good for dead)
We haven't talked, but
     (i can't get you out of my head)
Well, how are you?
     (you haunt my everyday dreams)
Has Life been treating you well?
     (my heart is bursting at the seams)
I heard that there's someone else
     (each night i die of suffocation)
Does she treat you well?
     (its the ****** six degrees of separation)
I suppose I'll take my leave
     (without you my life has been so mundane)
I'm sorry for bothering you
     *(how i can get past this pain?)
I can't tell if I'm having really bad mood swings or if I genuinely miss you.

I suppose you can read just the italicized words...?
Mar 2015 · 946
City Girl
qi Mar 2015
welcome, ladies and gentlemen
to the Realm of the (Un)forgiving
     where what vile premonitions may come
     will give way to subdued laughter and––
                                                           ­                  succumb;
                                                                ­                        drown
     in a sea of dripping neon lights,
     wipe away the mist in your eyes,
     say your final goodbyes
     before you disappear with the night
i have absolutely no inspiration these days...
Feb 2015 · 755
despondency
qi Feb 2015
there are manacles of lead on my wrists,
poison bleeding into blackened veins
capillaries thinning from overuse
and over-abuse of injectable bliss
that pumps incessantly
into my dying heart
(it contracts so painfully now)

scale my fortress; a cesspool of lies,
of drunken kisses and hasty goodbyes
find me behind
closed bathroom doors and
abandoned alleyways
before my pulse ebbs away
and is swallowed
by the endless night
????????
Feb 2015 · 32.5k
serial killer
qi Feb 2015
load your bullets
in the firing chamber
and they'll fly
from your lips,
ricochet and lodge
past the scarce armor
of my ribcage
into this glass heart of mine
     let my insecurities bleed out
                         don't staunch the flow


pierce my skin
with the shards of my heart
end my misery,
squeeze the trigger
with practiced ease
     breathe in,
          breathe out
               breathe in,
                    breathe out


                             *(you'll find another victim
                              downrange of you)
find someone else for target practice, *******.
Feb 2015 · 694
ultramarine
qi Feb 2015
i find solace
not in the way you embrace me
or how your fingers
intwine with mine
perfectly
but with how words
tumble
from my lips
and bleed
onto parchment
mottled with blue ink
but sometimes, i  wonder where you are
when i need you the most
Feb 2015 · 753
placid disposition
qi Feb 2015
i will be no Elysian hero;

i shall be condemned
to a life wandering in
the Fields of Asphodel,
to walk aimlessly forevermore



i dread

that i will fall into a crevice
and tear the flesh
on my fingertips
in a futile attempt
to claw my way out
of the pit that holds

           every
living
manifestation
of the creatures
     that haunt me
                  in my sleep

i'll hold a talisman
tightly
to my chest,
so purge my mind
of these nightly horrors

and cleanse
my mind
again
Feb 2015 · 464
sweet remembrance
qi Feb 2015
he was nostalgia
                                                       ­      like tarnished silver
                                                          ­                    and black cherry-stained lips;
found comfort
in bottles of gin
to wipe away
the icy bitter resentment
entrenched beneath his skin
do you miss me at all?
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
Never Leave Fires Unattended
qi Feb 2015
my love and devotion for you
was a wavering candle light
held to my chest to shield
from a wicked wild wind
it dripped wax onto my unsteady hands
scalding my fingertips
a foreign burn seeping into my skin

(my love) became my sole source of comfort;
a wooden fireplace
in the depth of a cold Chicagoan winter
thawed my heart of ice
and you breathed life into my lungs

every time you beamed at me
I  found myself
falling in love with your smile
'til I had seen that same lopsided grin of yours
flashed to someone else

and so,
the fire in my soul gave way
to waves after waves of relentless jealousy
that which pounded
against the shores of my heart
carved away gaping crevices
in the jagged ridges of my ribcage

in one final encore
black acrid flames returned in full force
as I clawed off
my flesh and bone
tearing at the itchiness in my blood
and the taste
of iron in the back of my throat

here I am
another one of your victims
with third-degree burns

my nerves are burnt beyond repair;
I no longer feel anything for you
goodbye.
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
Grow Up
qi Feb 2015
Perhaps one day, when I am older,
I will look at who I am today-
A scrawny girl
with her hands balled up so tight
That there are crescent-shaped depressions
in the palms of her hands

(She will be standing leagues behind me)

And I will run, run to her
with my dying strength

I'll offer my condolences,
And give withering flowers to my own ghost.
Things won't be quite as terrible anymore
Feb 2015 · 1.3k
musically gifted [15w]
qi Feb 2015
You pulled apart my heartstrings, restrung them again
And sung a ballad of how we'd end

— The End —