It has been a year
Since I was in a relationship
Where in I get to feel what you feel
When you are in one

A year has passed
Since I tried this thing called "dating"
Where it is nothing like
Being in a serious relationship

I tried and tried to be that person
Who is into dating but I realized
I am not, I am not that person
I always long for something permanent

Something that is serious
Where in you know what is bound to happen
Where in you feel settled inside of you
That this person is here to stay

However, a year has gone by
Yet, all of the people I have met or most of them
Would only long for other things
Either they are not ready or just not into it

This gave me the thought
That I was not lovable
That I was not enough
That I was not worth it

I guess you can say
That a year has gone by
That I have been shot down a couple of times
Getting my heart broken over and over

But I told myself to stop looking
And let love find me instead
Because that is how love should happen
It should surprise you when you least expect

So, here is to another year
Hoping not full with heart breaks
But heart mending
And bountiful joy, instead.

For all the things that happened in the past
It left me, for once, terrified
Of the idea of love
Yes, love.

It is something that almost everyone is scared of
But I was never terrified of it
Until now....
Things do really change

I am terrified that I would always be let down
Terrified that I would never be good enough
Terrified that I would never fine it again
In totality, I am terrified

Love is really not something to be afraid of
It is something to cherish
To enjoy and to be thankful for
But, sometimes, something breaks the idea for you

However, I still keep a positive thought
Of the idea of love
I know one day I won't be terrified again
I would embrace it again with no hesitations

Finally, a new year has finally arrived.
Bidding 2015 goodbye and 2016 hello.
But before I can fully welcome the new year
I must go over and reminisce
What 2015 had given to me.

So, 2015, thank you.
Thank you for all the ups and the downs
For the happiness and the sadness
For the good and the bad
For the realizations and the lessons
For the pain and the stress
For one hell of a roller coaster ride this year had been

You are one of the toughest years I faced
Yet, I am so thankful
For it made me who I am now
Someone who is ready to brace 2016 hello.
A lot had happened within the 365 days
But it proved to me that I am capable
Capable of enduring all of these
So, thank you, 2015.
You were awesome
But it is time for me to let you go now.
However, do not fret for I hold what you taught me.
This would be my key for a better "me"
And for another great year

I know it would be
I can feel it...

2015, adieu.

Hello there.
Can I say that I miss you terribly?
I am a thousand of miles away from you
Yet you manage to stay on my mind...

I am not complaining
It just breaks my heart everyday
But I want you to stay
Even if it remains this way.

I don't know what we are
Where we are
or what you even see me as
But I miss you

I cannot express it enough
But I hope you see that I really do
Day and night
I think about you

I miss you
I'm sorry I cannot say it to you explicitly
I'm just scared
But I do, I do.

With every twist and turn
That my mind makes
It seems that it always aches
Aches the idea of you, yes, you

I want to tell you everything I know
I want to expose myself
Be vulnerable
Be open

I long the day my mind no longer aches
Because I am no longer confused
The day that I finally know
That you are feeling the same way too

For now, I guess, I'll bear the pain
Keeping my mind twisting and turning
Until I know for sure
You are ready for what is bound to be

What you do not know is that you are the reason for both my happiness and sadness
I always shed a smile or a laugh whenever I am with you or just by seeing you smile
However, you do not know anything about what I feel for you which brings me my great sorrows
You see, this is why I know it is real because you are both my sunshine and my hurricane.

I wish I could tell you these feelings deep inside me that wants to be set free
But I cannot set them free for great consequences faces me
A risk that I am not willing to take because you are that important to me
That I am willing to be hurt rather than lose what we already share so fondly

Unrequited love as you want to call it because I know you will never see me the same way
These feelings I have for you, you will never feel the same for me
Maybe this friendship would be enough for me to treasure
At least in that way, I know I matter.

Nonetheless, you still make me smile just by smiling your goofy smile.
You make me laugh through your jokes despite them being so corny.
You see, you shine so bright in my world than you could ever imagine.
I wish you knew... I wish I have the courage to tell you but I can't...
and, sadly, you are oblivious as well to see.

I have felt a deep attraction to you
That you might not notice
Because when we are together
It just seems each other's company
Was... Very comfortable

Everything seems right when we are together
That I forget my problems even for a little while
But when you are gone...
I realize that I am having problems because you do not know

You do not know what I am feeling for you
You are completely naive of these feelings I have
That telling you would be a risk I am not willing to take
Because I do not want to lose what we have
This relationship we share

Maybe it is wrong that I fell for you
Because you are one of the best friends I have and treasure dearly
But I told myself no more what ifs
But I also cannot risk getting hurt again
Should I keep on going or should I put this to a stop

I need answers
I need signs
I need something to tell me what I should do
With what I am facing right now
Because I could only do so much...

How can something good suddenly turn bad
Like at a moment you were laughing
And then suddenly you were crying
How can life be so unfair?
Can it just be fair?

But then again... What is the thrill?
We would never learn what is good from bad
Without the other happening
We would never appreciate the value
Of things if life is fair

That, I think, is the irony of life
We can never have just one
It must always come in two's
Something good and something bad
We can never really choose

So, carpe diem, they said
Let us just seize the day
Live the moment
Because we only live once
Might as well enjoy it

I have to say that I do like you
I like the way you smile
The way you laugh
Even your awkwardness

But can it be possible
That I liked you even if
I only met you
Is this even possible?

Whatever the answer is
That is what I am feeling
I can't help smile when I hear your name
Or even when I think about you

This is what my heart screams
But mind doesn't want to admit yet
Because it is protecting my heart
From getting hurt again

But I do hope that one day
My mind would finally permit
My heart to admit what it feels
But for now I would leave it be

I just got to wait for the sign
Or the moment
Or the time
That it would be perfect to tell

I really want to meet you
But something is stopping me
And something is stopping you
How would that be possible?

So many obstacles are in the way
That sometimes I want to give up
Because I am losing hope
And I don't want to get hurt

But I also want to keep going
Because I have enough regrets
In my life that I could take
Life is too short to not take leaps of faith

So maybe the advice I could give myself
Is to keep going, keeping going
Because life is too short
And my life has already too many "what ifs"

And another thing to remember
Is to not expect anything
Because that is when you'll truly be hurt
Just live in the moment, that's all it takes

For now, it's enough for me to know
That we will be meeting each other
Someday.sometime. And hopefully soon.
But for now I bid adieu, from someone who really want to meet you.

I wish I had the courage
To tell you
How much I really want
To know you

I wish I had the courage
To say to you
How much I wanted to say hi
To you

I wish I had the courage
To show you
How much I like for you
To be my friend

I wish I had the courage
To let you know
How amazing you are
To be just you

I wish I have the courage...
The courage...
Courage...
That I wish you had too

There are thoughts
In your mind
That you wish
You could erase
Or forget
Or not thought about
At all

There are moments
In life
That you wish
You could repeat
Or remember
Or relive the
Feeling again

There are memories
In your head
That you wish
You could take back
Or happen again
Or not happen
At all

There are so many
Things going
But sometimes
What is done
Is done
We just got to move on

It gets better
Maybe not now
Maybe not tomorrow
But I promise it would be

Give it time
And it would heal, eventually
Some things takes time
There is no need to rush

When it does get better
You would never notice
Because you already forgotten
The broken pieces you once were

So take the time
To clear your thoughts
And give your self time
Because in the end... You'll make it

What is this thing I am feeling?
I am not quite sure.
It is something I never felt before.
I do not know what to feel.
Should I be scared or be happy?

I find it funny though.
I do not know you personally.
You also do not know me personally.
Yet, why do I feel like this towards you.
A feeling I never felt before.

I can't quite point what I am feeling.
Is it good or is it bad?
I really can't tell.
I just have to wait and see
Till i meet you and you meet me.

A lot of things left to see
Before I leave this earth to be
Somewhere else far from here
But do not fret, it will be near
For I will travel the universe and maybe even          
    Mars
Discover far more than the moon and stars
Because so much more is left to be
    discovered
But keep it a secret, this completely
    undercover
However, while I am still here on earth
I will tell you about this planet's birth
How? You may ask and wonder
I am a time lord and a traveller
Keep all of this to yourself
Because I am here to help
But in silent and in shadows
No one must know but you
I trust all of these to you

People tell me I am strong
But maybe I just put on a good mask
Well I try to be strong
But in the end, I am truly broken

Yes broken thats what I am
Not strong not brave
I just learned how to keep up
Because I am so done being broken

But why do I still end up
Shattered in bits and pieces
Am I stupid
For feeling the way I feel?

I just want everything to stop
So that I cannot be broken anymore
I just want feel complete again
Like the way I was before