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My dad was never a dad, just a father,
Never resembling a father figure, just existing.

His voice is gruff and deep,
Every time I hear it, I can't help wondering,

"Why is he so detached?"
"Why does he keep his distance?"

I thought he was supposed to love me unconditionally,
To always be there for me,
To offer a shoulder to cry on in hard times,
But instead he abandoned me.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Angels of the sky, let me be at peace.
Spread your wings and listen to me.
I dont want to be empty anymore.
I feel so lost, so alone.
I'm drowning in my thoughts, I can't breathe anymore
Im trapped in this infinite darkness, I don't know anyone.
Come to me with your powerful light and let me go.
I dont want to be alone.
Let me touch the sky and let me fly high.
Send them doves as a sign.
The brightest star has now stopped to shine.
Ksenija Ostojić Nov 2024
Maybe we will see each other in another universe, another life.
The grief swallows me alive.
The gloomy memories that play,
in the back of my mind; aren't enough. Your voice i can feel but not hear.
Your face that is blurry,
that I cannot see,
cannot be; anymore.
This is about death, made for my uncle that has passed away.
In the stillness, a soldier lies,
Dreams of battles, now faded skies.
A uniformed figure, once full of grace,
Now gone, lost to a forgotten place.

Tears fall like raindrops, cold and clear,
A mother's love, lost in fear.
She holds the memory, a fleeting spark,
Of a child who dreamed beneath the dark.

Fallen soldiers, silent and still,
The world moves on, against their will.
But in the dreams of those left behind,
The echoes of war will never unwind.
You see a villain, but I see a person trapped inside.
I wear the mask of indifference, but inside I fight to be understood.
What you call ‘cold’ is a heart wrapped in struggle.
Struggling in school everyday,
Feeling like I'm behind.
Struggling with basic math,
teachers making fun of me.
Hurting deep,
Not receiving any support I need.
Why does my brain work differently?
Teachers, students bullying me,
Is it my fault?

The pain runs deep,
With no one to understand.
Why does my brain work in ways they can't see?
Am I broken? Am I stupid?

Laughter echoes when I stumble,
Words like knives, they cut me thin.
I wonder, is this my fault?

Students, teachers bullying me,
How long will it last?
actual story i have to go through everyday
Why does the Sun shine?
Why do the stars glow?
Moon that listens,
She is always here.

Why do my eyes cry?
Is it because I fail but try?

Poetry my love,
Endless love that will always grow.

No matter how hard I try,
I still am not someone, even though I cry.
Tears mean nothing,
Discipline is power that holds everything

I try to be everything,
while I fear that I'll be nothing.

So what? Should I quit writing?
Or is it not my time yet?
Whatever I'll do anything to be something,
Even if it's not everything.
Even if I fail, I'll stand strong,
tall like the trees during a storm.
Poem before psych ward sorry if its bad
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
My wings fracture as you demand what I cannot give,
Images of my form,
though I've whispered no.
In this strange dance, I despise the shell and cherish the soul within—
Yet you remain blind to its glow.

Your eyes seek only bare skin; they dismiss my silent plea.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Like the calm waves of the ocean,
The gentle moonlight from above.
Like the waterfalls on a clear day,
Like the birds that sing their song in May.
Like the fog in the forest,
Like the rainbow after rain.
Like the snow near a lake,
The hills that nature made.
Like the feeling of nostalgia,
Like the smell of the summer.
Like the dream that brings you rest,
That's the beauty you possess.
I hate being clingy but can't help it.

I miss you, I've been thinking about you, about us.
I miss the days we talked everyday, all night.
And I don't mind the red flags you possess,
because I only think about positive about you and obsess.
Even though we never dated, I still am clingy and annoying over you.
I'm sorry.
As I dance in the shadows of night,
The Moon casts its soft, silver light.
A glow that brightens my darkened soul,
In the rhythm, I feel truly whole.
I release my darkness into the sky,
As music fills my ears, ready to fly.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
The day you died you took my soul with you.
You are Gentle as the mornings sunshine,
I Know my soul is with you
and I want YOU to come back.
I pass by your grave
and talk with the dead.
Every time I remember that you are there, my heart shrinks deeper than the ocean's- end.
I go to your room, everything is still there like you are coming back.
Death is strange,
I can feel your soul but your body,
it will never come back.
The grief eats me up alive,
Death is strange and my inner child cries.
I miss my uncle
Everything is connected.
The old tree lines and the wrinkles that we get.
The ocean and the eyes.
The rain and the tears.
The fog in the forest and our gloomy dreams.
You braid your hair and suddenly you're back in history with your ancestors.
You speak up about your rights and now you see them in pure hopelessness, they fought but no one gave a thought. No one cared enough to give us the rights we deserve.
Go out in nature and listen to the wind dancing as you sing your favorite song.
Somewhere far away in the middle of nowhere you dance in the rain and enjoy life as the love fills your home.
The universe whispers to you. God hears you and loves you, this time enough to save you. You finally found peace.
Just random poem i found in my notes that i made
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Staring down at the rope,
Rethinking every life choice.
Wishing to be dead,
Messages are already sent.
There is no going back.
I get the rope tie it around my neck,
I can't hang it anywhere.
I tighten the rope,
Vision went blurry.
I can't hear anything,
Ringing in my ears is too loud.
Its been 10 minutes,
I didn't go unconscious.
I just gave up.
Woke up with my face blue.
Its kinda bad
Drowning in the ocean just to feel your skin,
Even though deep down i know you lust me.
Love is blind,
So I'd rather stay and live in a lie.
And the hot sand burns my feet,
I don't want to change you, i just want to love you.

Your beautiful eyes that i want to look at,
Your hair that i want to touch.
The sun makes me sweat,
Would it be okay to get your permission to feel your warmth?
Your flaws make me love more and more.
Even when i feel like you don't care anymore.

I swear im not evil,
I just want to feel you.
Skin to skin, lips to lips.
My only wish for this life.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Dear Holy Tree,
I invoke the thee.
Don't ever dissapear,
The gods have forsaken me.
Done me so wrong, so wrong,
That the voices never stop.
I thought they were my shelter, my refuge,
But all they did was give me an urge.
All i need is a bullet and a gun,
It's an act that can't be undone.
New poem!!
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Why would I want to get to heaven?
What if in heaven is my assaulter that repented?
Why would I share an eternity with someone evil like him?
I would rather burn in hell and feel the pain of fire than the pain of despair for eternity.
Just thoughts
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
I carved holes into my skin, to my bones,
just so a glimpse of light gets into my soul.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
I carved holes into my skin to my bones,
just so a glimpse of light gets into my soul.
Reupload
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Izvini za moje manice,
ali ti si taj koji je proš'o granice.
Od moje sise po moje dupe,
Jel moje telo bitnije od moje duše?
This is a poem in serbian.
Him
Him
My heart that seeks the world to mend,
With kindness, love, and courage to lend.
In every thought, in every sigh,
The love I have for you won’t die.
The world may change, and time will flee,
But in my heart, you’ll always be.
In your presence, I find my peace,
A love that never seeks release.
You are the best person I've ever met,
May my love for you never end.
Some people exist some live, I rot.
Short n quick
My beautiful boy I never dated.
Sweetheart that gives me butterflies.
He thinks he is just a boy but he is my
salt in the sea,
warmth that you feel in the summer.
Love that you wish to receive.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
3AM
And just like that its the night before Christmas.
You leave your room, go downstairs: you must be quiet, everyone's asleep. You stare at the Christmas Tree that's glowing like the brightest star, that reminds you of all the memories before it all went wrong. You stare at it for a while. But after few minutes you leave and go back to your room. You slowly grab the blade and slash down to your wrist. You scream, waking up the dog and mom. Mom only heard the dog bark so she isnt aware that you are bleeding to death.

8AM
The dog barks widely, waiting for you to open the door, not knowing that you won't.
Your mom screams down the hallway echoing at you to take care of the dog, but you don't respond.
Something is odd. You are not replying like you usually do.

8:30AM
Mom comes to check up on you, she assumed you were asleep, she opens the door and finds your dead body in a pool of blood. What a shame, such talentful child passed away by thinking it is a failure.
quick poem sorry ik its bad but its just based on how im feeling rn
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Your dad loves you,
He doesn't hate you,
He was always here for you.
Your parents love each other,
They never sperated.
They never bodyshamed you,
They always loved you.
Your childhood best friend is here,
Outside yelling your name to come and play.
You made beautiful memories
with your new friends that you met.
Your dog is alive once again ready to play.
You are at peace,
You know he's not there.
He won't touch you,
You are safe.
You're are happy,
Because you are a child in that universe where all your childhood wishes came true,
Because this is the Life you Deserve.
In the Danube’s endless flow,
Beneath the dark sky’s gentle glow,
A little dove soars high above,
Carrying whispers of a love unknown.
There’s a secret only the wind bestows,
Where beauty ascends to meet its god,
A hidden place where the heart unknows,
Yet longs to rest, though paths are flawed.

Listen, dear child, spread your wings,
No hands will break them, nor silence your song.
But tread with care, for shadows creep,
And predators prowl where trust belongs.

You won’t be lost, nor walk alone,
For somewhere waits a place called home.
I don't want to live anymore,
It hurts so bad I can't take it anymore.
I fight to survive,
for a life I don't want.
And I whelve on memories,
that I never had.
Somewhere in some other timeline,
I can feel happy without snorting a line.
I have so much love to give,
But none to receive.
short
I failed at it several times,
I shall not fail at it again.
The world is so ludic,
I need some quiet space.
Deeply in my soul there is a missing part,
And ill find it once i drift apart.
You won't find me for some time,
I will disappear for a while.
Somewhere far away from this cruel world,
Maybe in heaven where my thoughts lure.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
Asking for my pics,
even though I insist.
Saying it'll stay only between us,
how am I supposed to believe that?
I don't want to be rude,
but do you only want to see me ****?
I don't want to be a fool,
but it'll make you feel good.
Even though I feel so blue,
I will still do it for you.
vent
I met my younger self for dinner today,
Her pupils were large and dilated,
She felt that she will never be sober again.
I noticed that she carried something with her,
It was substance just in case her high goes away.
I ordered some Caesar salad,
She couldn't think about food,
Because she would purge.
Then she spoke:
"Are my scars visible"
I couldn't reply,
I didn't want to make her feel bad.
And again she spoke:
"Are we finally sober?"
"Of course we are!"
-I replied.
If she only knew we have so much goals ahead of our life.
The silence echoes, deep and wide,
Where once your presence used to hide.
A shadow now, where love never lived,
A hollow place, no warmth to give.

In every room, your absence cries,
A thousand questions fill my mind.
Why did you leave? Why can't you stay?
I waited for you, but you’ve turned away.

Your absence leaves a mark so deep,
A longing that I cannot keep.
My father disowned me.
Ksenija Ostojić Nov 2024
My head is calm like the ocean's shore,
I push the trigger and the gun goes off.
I accepted death,
I accepted my fate.
I know it will never get better,
my soul will stay bitter.
My cuts will go deeper
for every dog that has bitten.
I am not alive anymore,
my body is bleeding on the floor.
As my dead corpse lays in the pool of blood,
my favorite song still plays non-stop.
Sad poem
One day you'll wake up,
Brush your teeth, eat your breakfast.
Not realizing you didn't think of it.

One day you'll wake up,
Go as usual and realize things aren't so bad anymore.

One day will be soon, maybe not now, not tomorrow, but it will be.
One two,
one two,
deep breaths.

Shaking crying,
what am I feeling?
its bad and short but im busy writing a book on wattpad Courage. Check it out im Ksenija Ostojic on wattpad i uploaded few books.
Sun that smiles in summer,
waking you up.
Birds chirping their favorite song,
That you'll never forget.
The sound that you can never forget of the dogs barking widely,
on a dark summer night.
Ocean waves and the sound they make as they hit the shore.
Your feet in the bare hot sand,
Walking fast as you can.

Let them be at least a Reason To Stay
Well since we dont have enough math knowledgeto fully solve it we need one of the futuristic mathematical stuff using logic and intuition like they did back in prehistory to discover current maths. I believe the whole mathematical system works by following the golden ratio meaning everything will end how golden ratio ends. Which means RH could possibly end at complete 0 or ½. Why? Bcs it would fit to the golden ratio and also golden ratio is everywhere. Also as t takes up space it will have to end at some point and the largest 0 we could get is 0

Well math and philosophy need ro be together in order to discover new mathematical approaches and to advance maths. I know it wouldn't be approved but it can be used for more futuristic mathematical stuff making math knowledge expand with this idea
Just sharing my idea, not a poem. Recommend websites where i can share my theory
Culture rich, a heart of flame.
A realm upon seven hills it rose.
Barbarian winds blew strong and cold,
The empire is reborn.
Roma Aeterna!
The spirits reigns, through shifting sands and distant plains.
A world reborn,
all roads lead to Rome.
Roma Aeterna
I stand beneath the rotted cherry tree,
Its branches barren and weak,
A reminder of all that was lost,
Of all the sweet cherries that once bloomed.

This tree was once a symbol of life,
Of love and happiness,
But now it stands, a hollow shell,
A testament to all that has passed.

The sweet scent of the cherries that once were,
Is now replaced by a smell of decay,
A constant reminder of the past.
Humans are so lost in the search of God that they have lost themselves.
Seven Minutes before you die,
You'll be flashed with the best memories of your life.
Seven Minutes before you leave,
You will hold on to them but not grieve.

Live for memories, for yourself.
And may life give you rest.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
I dont feel safe anywhere ,
Your touch haunts me everywhere.
When I see you i feel an urge to throw up,
When i think of you i fall apart.
Sinking into this infinite loop,
The more I sink the more i feel like a fool.
You forgot about me .
But your touch haunts me .
I am scared that it will happen again.
It doesn't feel valid,
I wasn't *****.
It seems like they don't care.
Because we were kids,
Because i wasnt *****.
I would rather be lost with a bear,
Than be lost with a man.
This is an old poem of mine
she was 12,
of course no one believed her.
she was 12,
of course she was blamed.
she was 12,
of course she thinks its her fault.
she was 12,
of course they laughed at her when she opened up about it.
she was 12,
of course she thought it was love.
she was 12,
of course it was the clothes.
she was 12,
of course she couldn't press charges.
she was 12,
of course it still haunts her.
she was 12,
of course she's disgusted by her self.
she was 12,
of course she wasn't taken seriously.
she was 12.
When the Sun rises,
When the birds come out.
When the stars fade,
When a sunny day comes.
When I wake up,
The first thing I want
Is a message from you.
When you reply you make me smile.
I am so glad I met someone so special,
Thats you.
My heart aches for the life i never had.
Where I could stand sober,
Stand happy,
Or even stand at all;
without having the urge to harm.
Quick poem
The Field is not empty,
It is full of life.
See beyond buildings,
They hide away the true beauty of nature.

The Field is not empty,
It has grass and thats enough.
Flowers that bloom all day long,
Beauty that you can see when you listen to your favorite song.
Quick poem i made. Nature is our nurture.
The morning after I end it all,
Everything will be so peaceful, so calm.
Sun rays will hit the Earth like they never did,
No more boys calling me mid.

The morning after I end it all,
It will be nothing but love.
Spreading my wings as I reach the sky,
It will be an infinity of peaceful life.
Maybe not this one, but next one,
Because peace, I got none.
Ksenija Ostojić Dec 2024
The kiss of the man,
The scar on her head,
She saw the darkness in her.
The wrist that she cuts,
The wall that she punched,
She didn't speak that much.
The love she gave was never enough,
All she ever was her body,
Not her soul, not her heart.
Poem i made in psych ward
I love my child so much that it will never be born.
This world offers nothing only pain, never home.
Short poem before i get submitted to psych ward :)
To be a human is a sin.
Everything you do is wrong.
You get criticized for doing something for too long.
Whats the point on living anymore?
When they judge everyone.
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