I don't let flowers bloom because I'm scared of weeds.

Snowflake, snowflake
fall to the ground
light and gentle
without a sound

Winter, winter
your air consumes me
in peaceful stillness
tranquil beauty

A lone observer I am
But in my mind
In my head
There are more colors than can ever be counted
And I paint pictures of you

You're as
deep
as a
puddle.

And I'm
shallow enough
to still
*******.

I left with nothing
and I could do it again
I learned how strong I am
I found my voice again
and you can't break me

Sometimes I wear anger, hate and spite
in a layer of ugly clothes
but I always cast them off
they don't permeate my soul
because you can't break me

I didn't want a war
but I'll fight til the end
I'm a ******* fox
I always find a hen
and you can't break me

You can wait to play the martyr
Cry like a babe needing it's mother
You can say I'm a *****
but I'll never be a liar
and you can't break me

I don't need money
I don't need fame
I don't need attention
I found myself
I know my name
and you can't break me

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
she sets the stage
and pulls the puppet strings
but no one can touch hers
and when she gets bored
she packs up her playthings and goes home

selfish she
is plastic
without a heart
selfish she
is toxic
leaving her mark

a levy of limbs
a boudoir of bones
selfish she
plays her game
never lonely
but always alone

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
selfish she
laughs as she breaks her dolls

10:30AM in a gas station
on a Sunday
Her hair screams "walk of shame"
but her Michael Kors bag
keeps it classy
She's waiting for some greasy food
to fulfill her unmet nocturnal needs
I shouldn't judge her
Maybe she just has "hat head"
And I'm here buying toilet paper

It's all or nothing
There is no happy medium
There is no lucky normal
It's not one or two dimensional
It's intergalactic existential
My mind is a spinning universe
Imploding with each new scenario

And I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings

***.  *****.  Stuff.
This is poetry in the 21st century.
Can't.  Get.  Enough.
Humans are just selfish vices made up of flesh.

Waves waving
in discretion
You're amethyst
in a doll's dress
glitter glittering
sliding with
the pendulum
Feet march
to tread to
the lockdown of me
they said
put her to rest
but that wouldn't
be enough
the waves are
still waving
stick the stick
to this
wedding cake fix
layer lay me
down in strips
sub sunset
on a color wheel
glitter glittering
like sand
touching
the waves waving
in discretion
and this is
stronger than
my will
this is the lockdown of me
they said
put her to rest
but that wouldn't
be enough

I'm in a funk
Let's get drunk
Let's scream and yell
and raise some hell
And when we're done
with our stupid fun
I'll turn and run
I'm a hang man hung
I love the beginning
though I know the end
Pain inflicted again and again

Let's get drunk
The ship is sunk
There is no reversal
I'm a skeletal vessel
Riding the storm
broken and torn
weathered and worn
nothing to mourn
The captain took my treasure
and then the rocks became my friends
I'm crashing against them again and again

I am the God of my own worlds
I produce pain
I am cruel
Love is rare
A precious jewel
I create it all on the page
Mined diamonds from my mind
Or ****** battles written in rhyme

I am the God
I say what's real
I am the author
I make you feel

If you say
goodbye
my heart
will harden
as I know
that I
cannot be
without you
now
in my
picture of Heaven
resting in the
foyer of my hope

Control

You don't have it
But won't let go
You made me less than a person
Bullied and belittled
Just a dumb whispering girl

You took my spark
You killed my heart
You fed on me
I was a zombie
with no control

You hate that I got it back
and I'll never it let go

When does ambition become greed?
When does need become self-indulgence?
When does therapy become whining?
We all want to be special.

Pretty Perfect Life Entrepreneurs.

Is it really human nature to not accept what we are?
An idealist can never handle problems that are hard.
A narcissist sees no problem at all.
And we all become recycled trash in a philosophical junkyard.

what would you
do to me
if I let you do
shiny, shine
pieces of you
injected
around my eyes
little folds of
my face
function to feel
pregnant with question
the primacy question
malfunctional
destructional
stitched together
survival
survive
patterns of red
mixtures of blue
me becoming
intertwining you
physical fight
as I bite
my own lip
hold it down
make it sick
what would you
do to me
if I let you do
blood red
pieces of you
pregnant with question
the primacy question

dysfunctional hands drenched in faith

My kid is better than yours
We live perfect lives
on our spotless floors
with our noses so high
they touch the vaulted ceilings
in our perfect house
on a perfect street
We are the Jones's
except I cry myself to sleep
My husband and I don't even speak
unless it's about our perfect darlings
who can do no wrong
We are a nuclear family
I'm just waiting for the bomb
Johnny's a bully and Mary's a brat
But no one will notice anything
but our greenbacks
I lost myself so long ago
I stopped keeping track
It's a beautiful life
And I'm the perfect wife

Snap.  Snap.
Dramatic Bass Line.
This is not a poem about how poetry is good.
This is a poem about how the poet doesn't care about the reader.
The poet wants to prove how smart he is.
Green.   Carpet.  Zebra.
Dramatic Bass Line.
Snap.  Snap.

What did I do today?
Not enough
I didn't pray
I sat in a bar and wasted my life away
I didn't think about helping anyone but me
I am human and living in dichotomy
I don't want to write
I don't want to be a poet
I want to be ignorant of this world though I know it
What did I do today?
Nothing and everything
It ends the same way
The sun goes down
My eyes close and the world sleeps in its sin
The sun comes up
And I ask myself this question again

The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wants you.

The brain knows what the brain knows and my brain speaks truth.

My heart has taken over.
I'm on autopilot.
And you're the fuel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm going to crash and burn.
I let go of the wheel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
It ignores truth.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm crashing over you.

You can't fill a hole in your heart with *****
or drugs
or ***
or expensive shoes
You can't stuff it with money
Fancy lies only make temporary glue
It will burst open even bigger than before
demanding
more
more
more
and take until there's nothing left of you

I want to
start over
something fresh
and brand new

Dewdrops kissing
the morning
describe my
thoughts of you

What have we become?
we trust and depend on no one
we just think about ourselves
we are all offended and blaming someone else
like savages choosing sides
throwing insults and thumping signs
internet surfing and asking life's meanings
Where is God?
Who is Becky?

you are different
I must hate you
I am perfect
I am special

hours turn into days
days into years

there is no breathing when you are living fear

we are different but feel the same pain

inside that toilet stall we all **** the same

The altruistic traveler
Will always circle worlds
But will never find a home

The pen
I hold
in my hand
weaves its web
of magic
round
my fingers
little electric shocks
that flow on paper
enchanted currents
that paint
the artist
in the world
as a dreamer
in a dream

the days are generic like cheap beer
fade in and out and disappear
I drink them down
like they are
champagne and caviar dreams
these days
nothing is as it seems
I just expect
the rub
the bruise
the burn
the wisest fool
with nothing to learn
I hold out my heart
it's right here on my sleeve
such a
pretty
useless
silly thing
there is no new thing that is under the sun
another beer and the day is done

Fit in

or breathe in your own skin
Shed the past
Don't let the snake skin choke like a net
Close your eyes
to what's outside your cocoon
The noise so loud you wish for a silent tomb
But don't give up
You'll be a butterfly soon

time wasted
a fool no longer
dreams hastened
sparks catch
and feed the fire

No more shadows on my back
No more spinning wheels
No more constant attack
I want a heart that can feel

Wars waged
a slave no longer
hope made
there is more to life than desire

No more shadows on my back
No more spinning wheels
No more constant attack
I want a heart that can feel

Beats broken
this glue works no longer
courage spoken
I will become stronger

No more shadows on my back
No more spinning wheels
No more constant attack
I want a heart that can feel

head trauma
a finale to the played out drama
the bandages are about to come off
and you can't make it stop
you will have to look at what's underneath
the person you were fine with leaving to sleep

sad sleeping beauty
trapped in a cocoon of misery

she took back her hope
and now the fallout is going to make you choke
the fat lady's singing "that's all she wrote"
I won't suffer anymore of your
head trauma
sick games twisted plays fear and barter
the cuts have healed the burn has peeled
I've been reconstructed to let myself feel
and I don't have to deal with you
any longer

I have dreams, not delusions.  Finally myself, not an illusion.

Seconds are kisses
Let's stop time
It's my enemy now
I want to live in this alternate universe
with movies, underwear and wine
Kisses are seconds
Let's dream divine
Movies are minutes
We are the actors
and our futures are boundless
Limitless our kisses will stop time

It seems
my dreams
can't keep
well enough
alone

it's been
months since
I've thought
of you

and you
show up
feeling like
home

the dream you
is better than
the real deal

he makes me
think I
should go
back to sleep

the dream you
has never
left me

it seems
I can't keep
well enough
alone

you only love me in my dreams

Tired
your eyes reflect
in a coffee cup
all the things
you've had to
overcome
pieces of burnt paper
breathed in your mouth
Staring
your hair falls
and covers your eyes
the cup is empty
and so are you

when I get drunk
I think of you
so I get drunk
to have an excuse
to dwell in you
you're my muse
***** heartache
double shots of you

Moving against the current
It would be easy
to just let go
to not have to trudge along
every step harder then the last
I might be submerged
drowned by the deep unknown
Hope as small as specks of sand
that fall through my fingers
I'll keep moving along
holding my heart above me
shielding it from the waves
and if my bridges are burned
I'll build new ones

Cold, smooth stone
smooth like a hundred rivers
washed over
giving it shape
a long journey
of lost pirate ships in the deep
overgrown moss
like a carpet
under my feet
Cold, smooth stone
tell me
the tales of lovers
against your surface
the sun beating on you
and the moon
caressing your beauty
children dancing
using you as a stepping stone
Freckle-faced smiles
turning into serious eyes
campfires burning
enchanting legends of ghost stories
starry nights without sleep
Cold, smooth stone
tell me the
secret of reasoning
a thought, a mood, a moment
the feel of our skin connecting
laughter loud and in one voice
Cold, smooth stone
tell me the mysteries
of life.

I am a house
with paint in ugly layers
of caked on hurt, ***** hate and manipulation
I'm scraping it off
strip by strip
to my foundation
and rebuilding my soul

We are small like specks of sand
Petals picked by wrinkled hands
Beyond the bounds of space and time
In a dream you'll always be mine

I'll find you in time
You'll always be mine

There might be nothing left of me
Or everyone will think I'm crazy
My existence is the eye of the storm
but in the eye of the rose our love is born

I'll find you in time
You'll always be mine

We would no longer see the stars
Only hear the beating of our hearts
I'll close my eyes and say goodbye
and know I have no reason to cry

I'll find you in time
You'll always be mine

Kick out the crutch
False fixes are always temporary bandages

in the dark
make your own light
open your eyes
shining
like moons
stars twinkling bright
a pale luminescence
a flicker that becomes fire

you're the dark
before dawn
you will rise
and the sun
will become your own

in the dark
make your own light
open your eyes
leading
like a beacon
lost ships of the night
a gleamed guide
a thought that becomes inspiration

you're the outcome
that hasn't begun
strike the match
and find
your way home

Writers are *****
Writers are ******
Getting high off a mental fix
Arrogant-self-indulgent-I'm-Smarter-Than-You-Narcissists
Diag­nosing their own disorders no need for a therapist
Id-ego-super-ego-creating their own analysis:

Buy my book so I can feel (more) important!

Writers are *****
Writers are ******
******* out their minds doing word tricks
self-centered-egomaniacal -lunatics

Buy my book so I can feel (more) important!

Bleed out or
Bleed into one
Some have served their time
Some have just begun
We keep fighting
But no war has been won
Bleed out or
Bleed into one

Shout out or
Scream that it's done
Some read the signs
Some bite their tongues
White noise can be silenced
with a gun
Shout out or
Scream that it's done

Bleed out or
Bleed into one
Some are left behind
Some don't know how to run
Cover their eyes
Black out the sun
Bleed out or
Bleed into one

And when he looks down upon us
Can any say they were justified
and they won?

My heart bleeds out and is done

blurring a line
defining an edge
I have to find a way
to make my colors blend
I'm only happy
when I'm me
and my canvas is black with complexity
I draw the lines
straight and clean
but sometimes that isn't
what is seen
blurring a line
defining an edge
I am alive through my pen
I work on my portrait endlessly
my cells are words
my blood a river of poetry
an unfinished work
an oeuvre of me

the Machine that is me
is a little twisted
the cogs overwork themselves
creating production pods of hurt
wires get crossed
my mouth glitches
and spArks fly

when I die
maybe I can ask why
I'm defeCtive
placed here to suffer

I could put my trust in god
or in the motHer
I could look to the stars above
like the old models
did they have it any better?

take your pill
just get greased
talk about baseball
polItics
moNey
be a good machine

I'd rather rust and rot and fall asleep
my machine is brokEn
or this world is

I want to be everything to you
But it won't be enough
The lynx keeps my secrets
She watches the world
As she guards my house on a cloud
Where you smile and say
You never left
You see through my illusions
As I stand in the warm summer rain
It pounds all around me
Announcing my rebirth
Your fingers catching little drops of water
Revealing me in their depths

just a few more words
get them out on paper
they need to come out
like blood on a razor

it makes me feel whole
it makes me feel clean

though I am neither
somewhere in between

just a few more words
until I feel better
maybe this time
it will last a bit longer
or maybe I'll write til my fingers bleed

Oh, you were a pretty girl
a happy, simple girl
dancing on brown, cracked linoleum
Oh, you were pretty
at the sweet age
when no one could harm you
at that sweet age
with your hair wrapped up in Christmas bows
Oh, you were pretty
The dust couldn't settle
in the corners of your face
the way it settled in the faded, green curtains
and the dirt couldn't cover the gleam in your eyes
the way it covered the old, broken pictures
Oh, you were a pretty girl
a happy, simple girl
dancing on brown, cracked linoleum
Oh, you were pretty