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Jul 3 · 16
No one knows
No words
For over a year
There is no feeling
Numb to hate
Numb to anger
Numb to fear
Darkness descends
My mind fades and disappears
None of it matters
Time repeats
The mind deletes
The masses rise
Like the tides ebb and flow
The moon phases
The earth shakes
The cancer grows
Faith dwindles
Hearts break
And no one knows
No one knows
Heather Valvano Jul 2019
You try to steal happiness
like money from a bank
You don’t hide your face
You have no shame
I’m a pin cushion
You keep sticking those needles
Trying to find the mine
That is my heart
So you can squeeze it in your hands
Or rip it apart
Do whatever you want to me
You’ve already done the worst to yourself
Jun 2019 · 83
Demons
Heather Valvano Jun 2019
You let your demons be known
You gave them names
And made them your home
I stared while most looked away
I dove in so deep
I nearly drowned
And when I caught my breath
Heartache was all I found
I had to send my demons away
But sometimes they whisper
Come out and play
You don’t understand who I’ve become
We’re on different levels
Though neither has won
I could sit next to you
And still know what to say
I visit you in my mind
But I never stay
May 2019 · 72
Without meaning
Heather Valvano May 2019
Without meaning
It’s all really just a bunch of chaos
Are we all science projects designed to hurt each other?
Little ecosystems with layers of hurt
Revenge, rage and dirt
Our history repeats itself
and we deserve our demise
We fight for the right to ******
our mistakes for a reality that is easier
The creature comforts make us beasts
that squabble and squander
I have been given a heart
A mind
A conscious
I have feelings, dreams
We are all beings with beginnings
Hardships grow like roots from a seed
And flowers can bloom along with the weeds
But I cannot control the hearts of others
Is life easier without meaning?
I refuse to believe it’s all just the toss of a coin
Heather Valvano Apr 2019
My mind has gone off the beaten path
And I’m not sure I can get it back
My heart wants to live where souls meet
But my body passes time in living sleep
I exist where dreams dwell
Flowers bloom and song birds swell
I am the ocean’s roar
I am the storm
Raindrops race to the shore
I am a thousand summer days with no end
I am the heat from the fire
Words and thoughts and time transcends
Jan 2019 · 124
Mosaics
Heather Valvano Jan 2019
Give me little pieces of laughter
and stained glass hearts
We are mosaics of color
hurt by broken shards
that we glue together
Like bits of tiny stars
Give me pieces of patience
and hope measured in yards
Give me the fire that transforms
us into what we are
Heather Valvano Nov 2018
I am beautiful but I am broken
The truest words are left unspoken
Some hearts flutter but do not open
I can choose but am not chosen
I
Am
Beautiful
But
I
Am
Broken
I am marked but I am muted
In my belief I am rooted
Some hearts are pure but yet polluted
Red and black and transmuted
I
Am
Marked
But
I
Am
Muted
I am dormant but I am dreaming
The theory alive but soul sleeping
Some hearts cannot stop the bleeding
The willow grows but remains weeping
I
Am
Dormant
But
I
Am
Dreaming
Jul 2018 · 279
Experimental fools
Heather Valvano Jul 2018
Dilute us down
Delude us too
The solvent isn’t solving anything
Only making us lose
We are water and bone
Soul and unknown
Chemicals compound
Then break and disbound
Solutions splattered
Spineless tattered
Our volumes broken
Experimental fools
Heather Valvano May 2018
Those who have it
Don’t always flaunt it
Those who want it
Don’t always need it
The greed seeps in
And bloats the head
It all turns to dust
When you’re dead
Memories
Are what you need
Power
Is a trip you leave
Your actions bleed
a deep scarlet red
It all turns to dust
When you’re dead
Apr 2018 · 110
Death
Heather Valvano Apr 2018
I try to remember yesterday
When I thought about tomorrow
All the paths in front of me
with dreams I could borrow
I longed to be limitless and perfect in my sorrow

Will I regret my collage of memories
when the lights go out
will I sell myself a story
a novella of nothing
so I can avoid human doubt

No one knows
But some believe
Round and round
When it’s your turn
you let go and leave
Feb 2018 · 310
Ostrich
Heather Valvano Feb 2018
When you know
and you don’t speak
that evil dilutes
your truth
Eroding
Decaying
People are pawns
Someday the Queen will fall
And when the kingdom is made of bones
there will only be dust for you to stick your head into
Feb 2018 · 175
Heart's Core
Heather Valvano Feb 2018
I can slap you with words

or recite the most seductive soliloquy
you've ever heard

these talents are hidden in a trap door
kept in a room where I hide
my heart's core

It's a secret treasure
not meant to be disturbed
if you rattle the cage
you'll feel the purge

and my judgement will be deserved

I can help you realize your dreams

Tell you the course the action
plot the star chart
to things unseen

my moral navigator is set
to detect what others don't always see

forever observing
serving
hoping
yearning
for the heart of humanity
INFJ
Sep 2017 · 174
Mass stupidity
Heather Valvano Sep 2017
Luxury versus necessity
makes man a commodity
Sell your soul to reach a goal
Then parade around
a show for all
The rats race each other and fall

Vanity versus humility
makes man a monstrosity
the robots are built beautiful ugly
they shine and blind the eyes
but rust within
a devil's disguise

Frenzy versus responsibility
makes man a fatality
We **** each other in effigy
raising our causes on pedestals of mass stupidity
Aug 2017 · 264
The long run
Heather Valvano Aug 2017
Responsibility
Accountability
These are foreign words for blind eyes and deaf ears
We have gadgets to make our lives better
Where is the soul tracker?
The humane bit?
It's his fault, his problem
We have no common sense

We don't care who we step on as long as we come out on top
We hurt ourselves in the long run
Running circles that never stop

We are hamsters on a wheel and the universe laughs at us
May 2017 · 324
Natural Disasters
Heather Valvano May 2017
Certain things matter
Most do not
Movements in the water
Tsunamis of the heart
Global rubble
Mind junk
People focus on themselves
Not each other
Earthquakes in the dark
Certain things matter
Angry ants storming the hill
Blind bees swarming the hive
We are natural disasters
And create our own demise
Heather Valvano Feb 2017
So I know how to string words together
like You-and-I
and Hello-and-Goodbye
and Laugh-In-Joy-and-Inevitably-Cry

Who-Cares
Feb 2017 · 677
the altruistic traveler
Heather Valvano Feb 2017
The altruistic traveler
Will always circle worlds
But will never find a home
Feb 2017 · 412
Bleed into one
Heather Valvano Feb 2017
Bleed out or
Bleed into one
Some have served their time
Some have just begun
We keep fighting
But no war has been won
Bleed out or
Bleed into one

Shout out or
Scream that it's done
Some read the signs
Some bite their tongues
White noise can be silenced
with a gun
Shout out or
Scream that it's done

Bleed out or
Bleed into one
Some are left behind
Some don't know how to run
Cover their eyes
Black out the sun
Bleed out or
Bleed into one

And when he looks down upon us
Can any say they were justified
and they won?

My heart bleeds out and is done
Jan 2017 · 936
Hopes for Humankind
Heather Valvano Jan 2017
Blessed are the meek
For they shall inherit the earth
Turn the other cheek
Know what it's worth
Hold on to the sails
And weather the storm
Take a chance to fail
So new ideas may be born

Judge not lest ye be judged
Breathe deep let go of the grudge
Open hearts
Open minds
More meaning to start
Less empty goodbyes
Evolution
Not revolution
My hopes for humankind
Aug 2016 · 255
what if
Heather Valvano Aug 2016
what if
everything
I've
ever done
was supposed
to lead
me
to
you
what if
the questions
don't matter
but the
answers
do
what if
I just
let go
of the
past
because
the future
is in
view
what if
I stop
holding
on to
an idea
and accept
what I
already
knew
Aug 2016 · 266
I know what you know
Heather Valvano Aug 2016
I told you

I know what you know

Even though it hurt

But you don't know what I know

And never will
Aug 2016 · 390
my machine is broken
Heather Valvano Aug 2016
the Machine that is me
is a little twisted
the cogs overwork themselves
creating production pods of hurt
wires get crossed
my mouth glitches
and spArks fly

when I die
maybe I can ask why
I'm defeCtive
placed here to suffer

I could put my trust in god
or in the motHer
I could look to the stars above
like the old models
did they have it any better?

take your pill
just get greased
talk about baseball
polItics
moNey
be a good machine

I'd rather rust and rot and fall asleep
my machine is brokEn
or this world is
Aug 2016 · 184
I want to write
Heather Valvano Aug 2016
Why aren't I writing?
Meaning
I am meaning
There's no meaning
Though I am bleeding
Hurt comes and goes
Holds me close
But it doesn't penetrate my soul
no one can hurt me
I am already broken
But I want to write
Jul 2016 · 819
the wisest fool
Heather Valvano Jul 2016
the days are generic like cheap beer
fade in and out and disappear
I drink them down
like they are
champagne and caviar dreams
these days
nothing is as it seems
I just expect
the rub
the bruise
the burn
the wisest fool
with nothing to learn
I hold out my heart
it's right here on my sleeve
such a
pretty
useless
silly thing
there is no new thing that is under the sun
another beer and the day is done
And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly
Jul 2016 · 720
What did I do today?
Heather Valvano Jul 2016
What did I do today?
Not enough
I didn't pray
I sat in a bar and wasted my life away
I didn't think about helping anyone but me
I am human and living in dichotomy
I don't want to write
I don't want to be a poet
I want to be ignorant of this world though I know it
What did I do today?
Nothing and everything
It ends the same way
The sun goes down
My eyes close and the world sleeps in its sin
The sun comes up
And I ask myself this question again
Jul 2016 · 399
Tit for Tat
Heather Valvano Jul 2016
*** for tat
I'll do this if you do that
We could just do what's right but who needs that?
It doesn't come with a celebrity swag bag.
It doesn't come with bells and whistles and bedazzled strings
Just silly things like hope and faith and humanity
*** for tat
We're all ******* ***** and scratching backs
And looking the other way
And having no shame
And playing the game
And losing ourselves while we make our name.
Jun 2016 · 333
The capacity for love
Heather Valvano Jun 2016
The capacity for love
I'm filled with it
It's in my every bone
It's in my every move
It hits on every nerve
It's in everything I do

And with so much love
there is so much hurt.
Heather Valvano Jun 2016
Blood and bone
We are all just masks bleeding
Truth unknown
The skeletal is not differential
But what it means to be human hurts
We are eclipsed by doubt
Insecurity
Jealousy
Hemorrhaging frailty
Drops of vital mental anguish
Heather Valvano Apr 2016
What have we become?
we trust and depend on no one
we just think about ourselves
we are all offended and blaming someone else
like savages choosing sides
throwing insults and thumping signs
internet surfing and asking life's meanings
Where is God?
Who is Becky?

you are different
I must hate you
I am perfect
I am special

hours turn into days
days into years

there is no breathing when you are living fear

we are different but feel the same pain

inside that toilet stall we all **** the same
Apr 2016 · 281
8,000 messages
Heather Valvano Apr 2016
We've sent each other over 8,000 messages.
Some were silly.
Some were sweet.
Some were boring.
Some turned me on like crazy.
Some really made me insanely angry.
But I can't bring myself to hit delete.
Heather Valvano Apr 2016
The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wants you.

The brain knows what the brain knows and my brain speaks truth.

My heart has taken over.
I'm on autopilot.
And you're the fuel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm going to crash and burn.
I let go of the wheel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
It ignores truth.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm crashing over you.
Apr 2016 · 910
Recycled Trash
Heather Valvano Apr 2016
When does ambition become greed?
When does need become self-indulgence?
When does therapy become whining?
We all want to be special.

Pretty Perfect Life Entrepreneurs.

Is it really human nature to not accept what we are?
An idealist can never handle problems that are hard.
A narcissist sees no problem at all.
And we all become recycled trash in a philosophical junkyard.
Heather Valvano Mar 2016
I know you want to break my armor
You want to see me cry
You want to see me suffer
You think I should have to answer to karma

You can keep pounding on my border
hoping to find a break in the exterior
My heart is sometimes paper thin
But you will never get in

You will never win

I stopped pretending to love you
when you became a monster
Heather Valvano Jan 2016
It's all or nothing
There is no happy medium
There is no lucky normal
It's not one or two dimensional
It's intergalactic existential
My mind is a spinning universe
Imploding with each new scenario

And I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings
Jan 2016 · 822
Head Trauma
Heather Valvano Jan 2016
head trauma
a finale to the played out drama
the bandages are about to come off
and you can't make it stop
you will have to look at what's underneath
the person you were fine with leaving to sleep

sad sleeping beauty
trapped in a cocoon of misery

she took back her hope
and now the fallout is going to make you choke
the fat lady's singing "that's all she wrote"
I won't suffer anymore of your
head trauma
sick games twisted plays fear and barter
the cuts have healed the burn has peeled
I've been reconstructed to let myself feel
and I don't have to deal with you
any longer
Dec 2015 · 311
Little Leaps in Life
Heather Valvano Dec 2015
Love
Loss
and
Loneliness

Little
Leaps
in
Life
Dec 2015 · 2.0k
INFJ
Heather Valvano Dec 2015
A lone observer I am
But in my mind
In my head
There are more colors than can ever be counted
And I paint pictures of you
Heather Valvano Nov 2015
All I want is something real
All I want is to let myself feel
Pain was pivotal
almost spiritual
Thrown from one end of the spectrum
a reparative reawakening has begun
I'm done with black and white
and lost and alone in achromatic fight
my mental bruises were self-portraits of masochistic injury
And you healed them when you touched me
All I want is something real
All I want is to let myself feel
Pain was crucial
now hope is essential
I let you see me
someone I don't always let myself see
and now I'm not scared to be seen
Heather Valvano Nov 2015
You turned me on
and turned me out
I felt more
in less than twenty-four
I'm chasing a ghost
I should forget
and just block you out
Black and white
versus color and light
I'm left alone
in cold monotone
You turned me on
and turned me out
Like a lost planet
spinning about
I want to scream
I want to shout
I want to fight with God above
**Why did the universe show me love?
Heather Valvano Nov 2015
He surprised me with flowers
The way I felt about him was already a surprise
Like finding home and being welcomed inside
Calming like lavender
His smile made me feel sunny yellow
He held me in warm orange
that turned deep red like a rose
He let me go before the flowers wilted
Another surprise
I've never hated flowers before.
Aug 2015 · 266
Deeper and Darker
Heather Valvano Aug 2015
You're like a tidal wave
Knocking me down
Pushing me against sharp rocks
Like a sick drug I crave
I don't mind it beating my insides up
Deeper and darker
How far do the waves go
There is no bottom
It's just deeper and darker
You push harder
My heart races
I wait for it to explode
It's just deeper and darker
Let's go farther
I think I'll just drown
Deeper and darker
No more judgments
No more sound
Aug 2015 · 316
How am I still alive?
Heather Valvano Aug 2015
I have no heart
It's been chewed up
and spit out
****** up and torn out
Blood flow cut off
Veins broken and blackened
No beats
Dead meat
I have no heart
How am I still alive?
Jul 2015 · 1.0k
Control
Heather Valvano Jul 2015
Control

You don't have it
But won't let go
You made me less than a person
Bullied and belittled
Just a dumb whispering girl

You took my spark
You killed my heart
You fed on me
I was a zombie
with no control

You hate that I got it back
and I'll never it let go
Jun 2015 · 2.3k
Truth
Heather Valvano Jun 2015
I quit writing for ten years.
I thought I was happy.
I didn't know I was miserable.
I lost myself.
I lived through someone else.
I hid.
I lied.
I cried.
I was scared to be myself.
I never felt so alone.
I finally opened my eyes.

I found truth.

I screamed.
I shouted.
I was reborn.
I quit writing for ten years.
I
won't
ever
stop
again.
Jun 2015 · 447
an oeuvre of me
Heather Valvano Jun 2015
blurring a line
defining an edge
I have to find a way
to make my colors blend
I'm only happy
when I'm me
and my canvas is black with complexity
I draw the lines
straight and clean
but sometimes that isn't
what is seen
blurring a line
defining an edge
I am alive through my pen
I work on my portrait endlessly
my cells are words
my blood a river of poetry
an unfinished work
an oeuvre of me
Jun 2015 · 2.4k
You Can't Break Me
Heather Valvano Jun 2015
I left with nothing
and I could do it again
I learned how strong I am
I found my voice again
and you can't break me

Sometimes I wear anger, hate and spite
in a layer of ugly clothes
but I always cast them off
they don't permeate my soul
because you can't break me

I didn't want a war
but I'll fight til the end
I'm a ******* fox
I always find a hen
and you can't break me

You can wait to play the martyr
Cry like a babe needing it's mother
You can say I'm a *****
but I'll never be a liar
and you can't break me

I don't need money
I don't need fame
I don't need attention
I found myself
I know my name
and you can't break me
Jun 2015 · 1.3k
Let's get drunk
Heather Valvano Jun 2015
I'm in a funk
Let's get drunk
Let's scream and yell
and raise some hell
And when we're done
with our stupid fun
I'll turn and run
I'm a hang man hung
I love the beginning
though I know the end
Pain inflicted again and again

Let's get drunk
The ship is sunk
There is no reversal
I'm a skeletal vessel
Riding the storm
broken and torn
weathered and worn
nothing to mourn
The captain took my treasure
and then the rocks became my friends
I'm crashing against them again and again
Jun 2015 · 1.1k
It hurts because it's easy
Heather Valvano Jun 2015
I'd like it to be complicated
Blame the timing
But it's clear to me
You don't want me
And it hurts because it's easy
In a parallel universe you and I are amazing
I am your everything

It hurts because it's easy for you
You didn't blink and let me go
Let me drift into the unknown
A hopeless heart with no home

It hurts because it's easy
You would rather be alone
So I have to say goodbye
I have to cry and lie and try and somehow get by
and it's not easy
Jun 2015 · 3.4k
The ship is sinking
Heather Valvano Jun 2015
The ship is sinking
I'm just a passenger
The crew have gone crazy
They've known all along
about the holes in the hold
I could jump ship
to avoid disaster
Welcome the ocean's icy folds

The ship is sinking
I'm just a witness
breathing in this fantastic funeral to the abyss
They let the rats aboard
to ravage the planks like a lover's hungry kiss
All they know is the greedy hoard
But
You lose it all when you sacrifice the ship
May 2015 · 520
False Fixes
Heather Valvano May 2015
Kick out the crutch
False fixes are always temporary bandages
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