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Mark Toney May 2
Greetings.  We received your toxic tax documents today; proceeded to immerse them in the de-cootie wash for precisely 30 minutes; then showered them with Gamma Ray’s, which is not what you think it is, but rather a high powered barbecue sauce (made by some Texan’s grandma) that’s strong enough to knock those little ****** viruses back to China where they came from.  The only problem is, by the time we detoxified your tax documents, no print was left and the paper had the consistency of TP.  So, you guessed it, seein’ as how TP is more or less the top selling commodity worldwide as such, I put it up for sale on eBay and made enough money where I can retire and never do taxes again.  So, I want to thank you for supplying the seed that germinated my newfound wealth, and I’m happy to inform you that you’ll be receiving an autographed copy of my soon to be published book, which I thoughtfully titled “CORNFED-19 Pandamick—Making Lemonade From Lemons” by T. P. Roller (which happens to be my Sudo-Numb).  Have a nice evening!

opportunity
most zany woodpecker knocks—
heh-heh-heh-hehhhh-heh


© 2020 Mark Toney.  All rights reserved.
5/2/2020 - Poetry form: Haibun - This is a zany, flight of fancy, inspired by my secular profession after 4 weeks of lockdown!  The resulting haiku is inspired by Woody Woodpecker—created by Walter Lantz and Ben Hardaway—a cartoon that appeared in theatrical short films produced by the Walter Lantz Studio and distributed by Universal Studios.  Woody Woodpecker first appeared in the short film "Knock, Knock" (November 25, 1940).  Woody Woodpecker's unforegettable signature laugh begins with "heh-heh-heh-hehhhh-heh," which works well for my purpose since it has 5 syllables!  (Woody Woodpecker | Wikipedia)  TMI? Oh, my! - © 2020 Mark Toney.  All rights reserved.
Poetic T Apr 8
Organs of dead fellows,
       rings of white
the corpses of high standing felled.

And yet you think my diminishing
                gives you heed to throw

me stained with waste...
                     stigmatized....
Bhill Mar 19
Angel Moroni watches over his fold
He holds on to a horn said to be made of gold
He stands on top waiting the moment to arrive
When it finally comes the horn takes a dive

The earth was tired and decided to shake
The Angel looked down during what was a quake
What he saw was surprising and actually quite weird
All the people were gathering things it appeard

Why do they need all that paper in rolls
Why do they need all those bottles, who knows
The horn was broken when it hit the earth
It was bent in half, now what's it worth

Someone grabbed it right up and ran like the wind
He was chased and caught as this was a sin
He would have liked to play that horn
He held it so long and now he must mourn

What to do, what to do, is all he could think
The world has gone nuts and he needs a drink...

Brian Hill - 2020 # 79
In today's climate, this I found to be extremely well-timed and very funny. I hope most of you agree.
Heather Valvano Feb 2015
10:30AM in a gas station
on a Sunday
Her hair screams "walk of shame"
but her Michael Kors bag
keeps it classy
She's waiting for some greasy food
to fulfill her unmet nocturnal needs
I shouldn't judge her
Maybe she just has "hat head"
And I'm here buying toilet paper

— The End —