I didn't think there were words that would make me stop loving you

And then you proved me wrong

You're not who I thought you were

You made up the words and we sang the song

It must be a joke

And the joke is on me

"I love her" is not in my vocabulary

What are you singing to her

A duet of lust never felt for me

The song written for another is the saddest form of poetry

I hate people
and their mouths
especially when my indiscretions
come bumbling out
and now they know
how much
you loved my mouth
last night.

There is nothing more exciting
than the perfume of your skin
I smell my hands
after caressing you
you are in
my eyes
nose
lips
I taste you on my tongue
sweet dew honey
heavy my eyes close
my head falls
under your spell
my armor unfolds itself
I am undone

Diamond rings
bring broken dreams
I hear the rain
and feel its sting
I play ignore and endure
until I can't take any more
no one will keep me chained
and I'm not scared of anything

Damaged pearls
fill this world
why must they change?
Rub out their flaws
but I still feel their scars
put them on fancy strings
and I'm not scared of anything

I don't need jewelry or make-up
to play cover-up
I don't need a man to tell me
I'm good enough
I don't need a king to rule
I'm the ******* Queen
and I'm not scared of anything

Sound the trumpets
Blare the horns
Let loose the rockets
I am reborn
No more limbo
And just hanging on
I'll never be the same
There's no telling what I'll become

Pop the champagne corks
Bang the drums
Hear the boom of the cannons
My life has just begun
No more maybe
And just hanging on
Life is for living
There's no telling what I'll become

You invaded me
like a secret army
flipping switches
I didn't know existed
the battle was won
with all the lights on
a fluorescent surrender
to the commander
love foe
you ignored the show
vividly dimmed
you let me go
when I was eager
to become
your prisoner
call back your spies
transmitting heartbeats
of lies
they've built a blockade
around my heart
these soldiers still marching
make them depart
a remorse code
with no answer
quiet noise
against the fire
of the bombs still burning
your armies retreated
and not returning
I'm a nuclear wasteland
a sad spectacle show
while you've moved on
ready to conquer
another foe

There is a monster
inside me
that I inherited
from my father
The only thing
he's given me
I'd like to think I'm stronger
than that last drink
that puts me over the edge
that last drink
that makes everyone my friend
that last drink
that makes me slam and shout
that last drink
that lets the monster out

But I'm not.

A man who thought he was
higher than God
walked on and on
through every town
A soldier to fate
he said you'll never forget my name
and his name lies fresh on my tongue
Like the blood from the first punch
his thoughts relied on greed
a man who thought he was
higher than God
a man to make men bleed

Certain things matter
Most do not
Movements in the water
Tsunamis of the heart
Global rubble
Mind junk
People focus on themselves
Not each other
Earthquakes in the dark
Certain things matter
Angry ants storming the hill
Blind bees swarming the hive
We are natural disasters
And create our own demise

The capacity for love
I'm filled with it
It's in my every bone
It's in my every move
It hits on every nerve
It's in everything I do

And with so much love
there is so much hurt.

When you know
and you don’t speak
that evil dilutes
your truth
Eroding
Decaying
People are pawns
Someday the Queen will fall
And when the kingdom is made of bones
there will only be dust for you to stick your head into

smells like
and tastes like
time to go home now

restless
senseless
time to go home now

falling
crawling
time to go home now

open
broken
**time to go home now

I wish I wasn't like you
spineless and broken
trying to pull through
angry at your slightest move
silenced and removed
I wish I wasn't like you
wearing a happy mask
being ruled by the past
and never forgetting who I am
all I feel is
permanent red
I wish I wasn't like you

Dilute us down
Delude us too
The solvent isn’t solving anything
Only making us lose
We are water and bone
Soul and unknown
Chemicals compound
Then break and disbound
Solutions splattered
Spineless tattered
Our volumes broken
Experimental fools

We've sent each other over 8,000 messages.
Some were silly.
Some were sweet.
Some were boring.
Some turned me on like crazy.
Some really made me insanely angry.
But I can't bring myself to hit delete.

two ships in a bottle
the colors of blue and purple
rain falling
into the ocean
pain into a bigger whole
atmosphere awaited
there I must go
the same notes again and again
lost souls
my lost friends
I want to rewind
let me go back to
lonely feeling
gray trees in November
candy coated moth *****
hard to swallow
hard to chew
my mouth is sour
and I miss you
three notes over and over
a cold October
messages washed into me
church bells singing
rocky sounds
blood hounds
barking
that time is playing its trick on you
distant sounds
that mean nothing
a pen that will not write
Dead.
memories that I try to remember
I must forget
your heart shaped locket
Miss Clare

Tears
salty drops of transparent fears
hidden like ghosts in an attic
they fall down my face
in streams
and grow into rivers
of sadness
a deep blackness
growing deeper
Tears
have molded the lines
on my face
throughout the years
like the unseen scar
of my broken heart
and tears
wet reminders
of childhood fears
are my companion
as long as
we're apart

Sometimes trees look
very big
with the wind
blowing their leaves
like teeth ready to eat
a small bird
They're not supposed
to be mean
They're supposed to
love and provide
give birds a home
in this cruel world
in some places
the ground is barren
there is nothing
as far as the eye can see
yet birds exist
strong
flying
I am that bird
without a tree

You're my bell
I hear your name
and lose control
you ring
without saying anything
I can hear it
like your whispering
a silent symphony
filling the hole
where my heart used to be
You're my bell
you take me there
without trying at all
effortless and simple bliss
healing this hole inside of me
You're my bell
but it is
my heart
that sings

I told you

I know what you know

Even though it hurt

But you don't know what I know

And never will

He surprised me with flowers
The way I felt about him was already a surprise
Like finding home and being welcomed inside
Calming like lavender
His smile made me feel sunny yellow
He held me in warm orange
that turned deep red like a rose
He let me go before the flowers wilted
Another surprise
I've never hated flowers before.

Don’t expect a journey
But you can come along for the ride
I’ve left a trail of wreckage
That’s miles wide
And I’ll never let you inside
My heart’s been always broken
And I pretend and I lie
I’ll smile
While I rip your heart in two
It’s all I know how to do
Because mine was ripped apart long ago
Before I knew what love was
And the pain is now numb
I feel nothing for no one
Don’t expect a journey
But it’s fun on the ride
And this train’s running out of time
The next crash might be the one
When it all comes undone
You might be the one
Yea you might be the one

I had a dream
that you weren't a fantasy
I had a dream
that you wanted me
late at night
don't know what to do
all alone
thinking of you
can't forget the words that you said
round and round
they play in my head
I had a dream
that you weren't a fantasy
I had a dream
that you wanted me

Why won't you wake up with me?

Give me little pieces of laughter
and stained glass hearts
We are mosaics of color
hurt by broken shards
that we glue together
Like bits of tiny stars
Give me pieces of patience
and hope measured in yards
Give me the fire that transforms
us into what we are

I try to remember yesterday
When I thought about tomorrow
All the paths in front of me
with dreams I could borrow
I longed to be limitless and perfect in my sorrow

Will I regret my collage of memories
when the lights go out
will I sell myself a story
a novella of nothing
so I can avoid human doubt

No one knows
But some believe
Round and round
When it’s your turn
you let go and leave

You let your demons be known
You gave them names
And made them your home
I stared while most looked away
I dove in so deep
I nearly drowned
And when I caught my breath
Heartache was all I found
I had to send my demons away
But sometimes they whisper
Come out and play
You don’t understand who I’ve become
We’re on different levels
Though neither has won
I could sit next to you
And still know what to say
I visit you in my mind
But I never stay

I ran and asked the ghost woods
How much to be free
Tell me what is
And what was

Hurt me with dead words
Make a prison without love

How much to be free

There is no sacrifice
No limbs for shelter
Show them what is
And what was
Show them how to surrender

I ran and asked the ghost woods
How much to be free