the pages of this book creak
like aging and thin bones
we read the story of us
all faded lettering and
dusted paper
the novel falls neatly shut
with a soft thud
and a small whimper
into the fire now,
with the pictures
and the past
the flames eat my heart away

I am not a person
I am masterpiece gone awry
Made up of shipwrecks
With salt water leaking through,
Spilling onto the picked-clean bones
Of my beached whale ribcage
I am hollow hollow hollow
Like the knots of a tree
I curl into myself
Filling in the cracks of my carcass
With that too-sweet, too-sticky honey
I rot all through the winter
And then I rot some more

And so Cupid's arrow went astray
Soaring across the heavens
Hitting none but the Stars
Who fell burning to Earth
Searching for a love
That did not exist

silently whispered into the dark
where none my mortal fears listen
love, love, love
a prayer a curse a taboo
not for the feeble hearts
of nameless creatures
too strong for the shadows
to devour as they do all else
love, love, love
still, whispered, unheard
even the moon's glow
cannot touch, cannot shine light
and by sunrise the word
dissipates into mere sound
no reverence, no plea,
love, love, love
the gods don't hear
and the gods don't care
and the frail human heart
breaks upon shores
of silent begging and
unmade wishes
*.love, love, love.

I'm the dark expanse of midnight
I'm the cold unyielding stone
I'm the harshness of the sunlight
And the brittle of the bone
I'm the maker of the music
I'm the bringer of the fight
I'm the storm in midsummer
I am the cold, I am its bite
I'm the stars falling from heaven
I'm the prayers left unheard
I'm the devil, slinking snake
And the shrieking of the bird
I'm the black that eats all things
I am the shortness of a breath
And the weeping of the broken
I am hollow, I am Death

I belong to all the water
That never made it to the ocean
I belong to the falling stars
Cast out of their inky heaven
And I belong to the hidden places
The green grass never seen nor
touched by a careless mortal hand
I exist inside the earth and out of it
My home is a brick house with 4 rooms
But my soul calls to the mountains
To the oceans and the skies
She longs to listen to trees
She longs to sing with the sparrows
She longs
She longs
She longs

I -

in a dark room on a bed that creaks
holding hands and we're laughing
you're stunning
reverence in your voice
i feel holy, and i feel beautiful

- II -

hungover on a park bench
the third time we ever met
you're telling me about your poetry
i'm telling you i've never had a muse
we're both nervous, but it's nice, too

- III -*

your hands are in my hair
and we fit like puzzle pieces
you love me with your eyes
and i melt, even before
you touch my body

- IV -

half-asleep curled into each other
netted in the safety of your arms
a mumbled *i adore you
as you pull me closer in
there is safety here, and kindness

The pain never stops
Growing pains
Head pains
Muscle pains
The pain of seeing
your face your face your face
stop
We've forgotten him,
I tell myself
And yet still the pain lingers
Interwined with all
The other small agonies
That i forget about
In the wake of *you

Faceless monsters in the dark
In every shadow inside my heart
The drum of blood and shaky knees
These nightmares live to devour me
In the moonlight, I lie awake
Waiting for the dawn to break
But no sunlight ever nears
Blocked by forcefields of my fears
In a prison of my mind
The dark became my friend in time
I walk with her and she with me
We eat the light so greedily
Always hungry, never full
I cannot resist the shadows' pull
In my lungs and in my bones
The inky ghost made herself a home
This is how to friend your fear
But am I the puppet, or puppeteer?

pure as the moon on darkening nights
radiant as the stars and growing, growing
bright as sunshine, gold, gleeful
warm warm warm
crisp and fresh as a spring breeze
full of life, deep roots gaining strength
gentle, gentle
buoyant as a bird's wing, joyous
freedom freedom freedom

/

Messy as an unkempt room
scattered and complicated
desolate as the drying desert
burning burning burning
lost and mewling, blind as a cub
clumsy and careless
volatile as active volcanoes
destruction destruction destruction
cold as rain and tough as hail
harming, harming

Beyond the sun there is
*violence, violence

Do you ever feel guilty?
for the scars you left?
for the missing pieces of me
I gave to complete you?
pieces that never quite fit
never quite enough
does it keep you up at night?
do your nightmares wear my face?
can you still hear me
screaming
does it echo in your head like a storm?
does it break your heart,
knowing you broke mine?
do you ever cry for the days you stole from me?
days, months, years
too much time spent fixing a ghost
demon, soul eater, blood drinker
if you saw the bruises you left on my trust
like ink stains, messy and spreading
every lie and every ******* harsh word
and yet you refused to hear me
screaming
I died for you once, burnt like a forest
now growing back without you

may you never find shade underneath me
or feel the soft soil brace your step
may you dream about the shrieking wind
and I'll no longer be dreaming
of you

held together with makeshift glue
one part blood, three parts pain
my bones cracking, fracturing
i am filling these spaces in
with mortar and cement
and the still-hot ash of my passion
passion like a furnace; alas
with all things bright and burning
the wick lights for a mere few seconds
then leaves smoke, dancing in the wind
like you then, one moment there,
setting me ablaze, the next,
gone
and i, alone
vulnerable to the cold
that was when the unravelling came
i took my broken but still-beating heart
with tears and blood and witchwork
i fashioned an impenetrable sealant
one even your pretty, silken lies
couldn't slip through
ever again

There is a stone cage
Built slowly, over years
Broken down again and again
Foul hands digging into its carcass
Rending, tearing, destroying
To get at the sweet nectar of my soul
Blood dripping from hands
I love you i'm sorry I love you
Walls laced with iron and steel
Less malleable, less breakable
Build and build and build
He says he wouldn't hurt me
Such savagery is beyond him
But I know his type
The ones with the blue eyes
And the soft lips and the warm hands
Inside they're cold cold cold
Getting close enough to kiss
Before the torture starts
My walls will not be molded
For him to climb over and into me
I'll bleed him first if it means
He is too tired to hold me
**for i will never be harmed again

Stars,
those glittering demons
mocking me with their distance
How can they be so far?
Allowed to look upon this world
without having to walk its tortured streets
They are eating me up with their brightness
Dim! Dull and fade you foul reminders
that I am trapped here on a dying planet
whilst you can burn out brilliantly
And I, in life as well as death
Decay.

my lips were stinging with words unspoken
my eyes burning with tears unshed
all i loved, i loved in silence
but i loved fiercely, without end
my lungs collapsed with shallow breathing
my heart sputtered without a sound
all i saw was my one love leaving
and then the world was burning down
within the flames i saw him crying
he muttered words i could not hear
i thought i saw 'i loved you darling'
past tense, past love, past care
my blood stopped flowing inside me
i felt nothing but the heat
and then ice and cold to drown in
thus declared the death of me

I begged the stars and I begged the sea
To take the world away from me
I want to walk through starry shores
Cosmic beaches, ocean floors
I begged the land and I begged the sky
Lend me wings that I may fly
I begged the storms and I begged the stones
Give me lightning, give me a home
I begged the mountains and I begged the trees
Sing to me upon a sleepy breeze
I begged the roads and I begged the rain
Take me from my mortal pain

And so the goddess did oblige
For within the forest I now reside
I am the flowers I am the stream
I am the sun's bright morning gleam
I am the dark that eats all things
I am lonely wolfish scream
I am whom upon wind breaks
I am the threads that do create
I am life, and she is me
No mortal knows such harmony