The way you pretended
Is the way
You love her now
The way you didn't
Is the way
You value her now
No vengeance will there be
But baby
You will have to pay for it

i wonder what it feels like
to not have the entire weight of the world of your shoulders
to not have
every
single
piece of you
poked

i wonder how it feels like
to be happy
to actually be happy
not those fake smiles or forced laughter

i wonder how it feels
to not pick up your broken pieces
to not hurt yourself when a shard
of your broken heart pierce through
your
skin

i wonder how to feels like
to be called
beautiful
or
pretty
or amazing

i wonder how it feels
to have
your parents
tell you
I AM PROUD OF YOU

i wonder how it feels like to be
whole
when everyone around you
is
f a l l i n g  a p a r t

i actually wonder what it feels like

- a.l.

I was a princess once
It was long before I was sad
I was daddy's little girl and mommy's little angel
I used to twirl in my dresses and bows
happily singing my songs
then I grew up
I lost myself
I shattered
I tried to pick up the pieces
just  for one day
one day, my birthday, to be whole again
I only had enough glue and tape to piece myself together for one day
I was queen for that day
I was turning 15, my quinceañera, I was queen for a day
My dress, my makeup, my hair was perfect
I was queen for the day
but once the party was over, and my dress was taken off
my makeup washed off, my hair back to its messy oily self
I look into the mirror and I'm no longer queen
it's 2:21 am the day after my birthday and I'm still broken
I'm still me and that *****
My demons screamed, my nails clawing, trying to get out of my skin
Sure, I was queen for a day, but I'm not a queen
I don't rule, I'm not majestic, nor radiant nor elegant
I was like a little kid for a while
playing pretend
playing dress up
although I was beautiful, I was beautiful for one day
one day and one day only.
I wish I was beautiful for more than just one day
but there is only so much glue and so much tape
those aren't permanent fixes, those are temporary
just like my reign

This summer tide had tears, just like any evening
Tears streaking her cheeks, the beasts are here to take her
Beaming up to greet them, she took the blade.
Conquered again she’s falling apart, oh who’s to blame
It’s not easy being Mia’s companion, with Ana as her sister.
The beasts are laughing as she befriends the white walls.
The whirling swish of the water becomes the music to her ears.
In too deep, no one can save her.

- a.l.

she found bits of happiness
in scars
when others only found bitterness
she found relief
when others found death

in scars
she was welcomed
unlike outside
where everyone
despised
her

in scars
was a family
who understood
her
pain
and her
suffering

- a.l.