3am - Hello Poetry

Jul 2014

nour

Hollow

From deep within;
Emptiness.
As if you're trying substantially to chase a ghost;
Aimless.
You look around and there is no one, nothing
Simply yourself and some nonsense..
then
I ask myself, is it me? Am I the problem?
subsequently..
I take a look at my heart;
I wouldn't find pureness but lucidity and daintiness
However..
Im still on my own
Fighting the feeling of loneliness everyday
The day ends, I go to bed
Cry myself to sleep.. But I wake up hoping that my day would be different
no, it just ends horribly.. like every other day.
Giving up.. It hurts to give up though
Specially giving up on him
As if you're yanking, stripping out, extracting
a piece of your own heart and mind.
..
Holding way too many feelings
Nodding to people and heads
When I wish to have a simple happy life
With my loved ones,
Instead they misunderstand me,
hurt me,
blame me,
disrespect me,
enough..
..
I can't explain my love to him,
infinite emotions of love,
flowing thoroughly within every inch of my heart
..

#love #heart #alone #happiness #ghost #him #hollow #infinite

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Ydromancy

It's my fault it rained.

I feel like I have never laughed before,
The dreary streaks increasing.
There is nothing that you can do,
I can't trust you because I've fallen

Too many times.

Dropped by the hands
That should have protected me.
I don't blame them,
I can only blame myself.

The anxiety is worse
As my body refuses to sleep.
I could never tell you--

My darkest secret
Brings sorrow to my eyes
But laughter to others.

They don't understand.

They don't believe it--
How could they?
They have never listened before,
Why would they start when I
Wanted to stop

Breathing.

I've grown.
Now I'm living
In the mourning clouds.

Could it be me they pity?

I wish I wasn't the one to rain
And ruin the day,
But nothing is done right,
I am just a half empty glass.

I should remain invisible in the rain.

Ydromancy: fortunetelling with water

#depression #lonely #anxiety #empty #rain #listen #clouds #pity #mourning #drop

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Volant

The beat of life
Pounding out an impossible rhythm,
I should have been born a butterfly,
Than without my wings to fly.

525,600 minutes,
And every moment of my year
Wishing I could cast off the old
And become something new.
Something beautiful.
Something spectacular.
The beat goes on,
The pounding of my heart
Matching perfectly.

Hiding behind hats and glasses,
It's potential I'm longing for.
I should have been a butterfly,
My wings are missing.
Wondering,
Waiting.
I don't want to shine,
Only to fly,
Only to rise above it all.
The beat goes on.

Where am I now?
What do I stand for?
Who have I become?
I am not a butterfly...
...the beat goes on.

Volant: flying; able to fly; quick.

#love #heartbreak #fall #butterfly #longing #fly #wanting #insufficient

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Turbid

I stand on the corner abandoned.
This isn't what I wanted!
This isn't what I dreamed!
Wanting to collapse into a heap of despair,
I trudged on,
The tears raining down my cheeks.
I didn't do wrong,
But quiet heaves remind me of how
Ugly I feel.
I wanted something better,
So I guess I should be happy,
Abandoned by you
On the side of a busy street.

Turbid: muddy; not clear

#lonely #scared #lost #left #abandoned #car #cloudy

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Grisaille

In the silent clouds,
A dream-like story is told.
Like a river of silver,
A heart of love can travel the world.
In the blink of an eye,
The moon blushes as the sky fades to gray.
The dark of life now
Alive in starlight.

In the silent clouds,
A promise is waiting.
Sway away to the masked music,
Feel the soft petals falling faster
Than my trust forgotten.

In the silent clouds,
Shoot my wings with misery and heartbreak.
Frozen imaginings plummet from the sky,
Simple tears slip silently away.

My story.

Grisaille: glass painted with gray pigment.

#love #heartbreak #dream #hope #fall #silent #awake #cloud #promise

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Quietus

Can I be every love song written?
Or a longing lost in your heart?
Sweet melodies and
Forgotten harmonies
Are the ampersands linking my soul with yours.
Sempiternal presence and wishes,
Have you found a rocondite?
You will never be able to catch a bolide,
Nor find Yoknapatawpha.
Yet why do I feel so close to you?
A la belle étoile,
Under the beautiful star,
Maybe I wish to be held
In honest, caring arms.
Serendip will come at last,
Cicatrix will fade away.
As I slowly saxify,
Will you ever realize
Now is too late?

Quietus: receipt; release; act of dispatching or disposing of; knockout or fatal blow; death.

#love #heartbreak #hate #late #longing #song #tortured #bolide

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Octastich

Morning has awoken
But still in evening dress,
Betting once,
Then maybe twice,
But China still too far.
I look again at shattered crystal
And toppled chandelier--
Frozen again I remain at the door.

Octastich: poem or stanza of eight lines.

#love #heartbreak #broken #abandoned #frozen #dress #chandelier

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Lallophobia

When the day will be
               When everything is
    Written,
                          And there are no new words
                                         Or ideas...

Lallophobia: fear of speaking

#words #fear #writing #complete

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Halation

But if my heart stops beating,
Who would be the one who saves?

But if I should die,
Who would be the one who cries?

Halation: spreading of light, seen as bright blur at edges in photographs.

#love #heartbreak #death #thoughts #light

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Plangent

The water is icy cold
As I press the sharp blade--
A dagger given to **** a curse,
And to take my love for you.
The thought bites,
So does the silver,
Burying itself into flesh.

How could I do this?
How could they ask me?
Why would I **** my true love?

The ones that gave me this burden
Were more like me than you could ever be.
After the deed is done,
When you look down on me,
Will you see me for what I've done?
I can't bear the thought.

I say my last farewells,
Bubbles and a kiss to the night air,
Then I step willingly through the door.
Better I go than
Destroy your future.

You look up one last time
Before the curse shatters my
Bleeding heart.

Plangent Definition: A low resounding noise, like surf.

#heartbreak #pain #fairytale #longing #dagger #mermaid #retelling

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Verboten

The poem I would never write would tell of the sun
And the moon and
The stars,
And how the color gray
Describes everything by far.

The poem I would never write
Would be about roses
And the wind in branches and trees.

The poem I would never write
Could never be read.
You see,
The poem I would never write
Would be about the unchartable,
An unwritten world waiting to be created.
The poem I would never write
Would explain my every wish,
The desires buried deeper then the sorrow I hold.
Words would not suffice in
The poem I would never write.

Verboten Definition: forbidden.

#poem #words #poems #never #wishes #write

Jul 2014

Aeya Jean Johnson

Sostenuto

No one hears my voice.

Yes. I know.
Their ears hear and their eyes watch.
But they can't dig deeper than that.

My voice is quiet, insignificant, petite,
but my voice is strong.
And it wants to be heard.

My words don't come out right when I say them.
People twist out meanings that were never there.
They hear with ears,
but they don't listen with hearts.

I write.

The meaning is clear to see,
To understand you must look.
But to those people that take time,
My voice is heard.

No matter if there is anyone there,
These words are loud and call for change.
My voice is heard.
But not to those fools
Who slit the tongue and
Devour every good meaning
Of the voice inside of me,
leaving it dead, empty, quiet, insignificant, puny.

My voice is dead
When it is unwritten.
Yet no one really wants to take the time;
Read and listen.

No one hears my voice.

Sostenuto Definition: A prolonged musical note

#hope #listen #gone #take