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 Sep 2018
Graff1980
Jealous roads
of gray gravel,
cut across
the black tops
bringing back
the dirt and dust
that we track
from the tread
of our black
dead tires.

Gingerly
travelers like me
work
the waves of
winds that
bluster
and brag about
the voices
of the past.

Daylight shifts
to nighttime bliss,
as the melody
of madness and poetry
consumes me.

I know
that it is
time to move on.
Still, I strive to hold on
to hope,

but hope is
the same torn
and tired rope
that I use
to wrap around my neck,
till all consciousness forgets
I ever bothered to exists.
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden

I know of
this exact thing I do
pushing people away from me
when I can't hide my insecurity
I say "am I wrong, I'm scared"
just to make them run away from me

I met so many
so careless
I'm sorry
So sorry
I have to be honest

My view is always a blur
constantly making me believe
in wrong ideas
my mind loves to perceive

And seeing how
sometimes they come true
against better judgement
I followed through
It makes me look like a fool
So what is there for me to do
than to think the same of you

"Get over it, we all hurt"
"Try to forget, don't be absurd"
"Maybe stop being so emotional"
"You could be more sociable"
If I could say how desperately I would
if there was a way to show I could
I thought being unapologetic
would be better than feeling pathetic
But it seems like either way
I'm the one that drifts away
Into this ocean of sickness
making me feel worthless

Though these thoughts
I hate the most
I fight feeling useless
I want to know my worth

Oh how I struggle to make them see
I'm not the words that come out of me
I don't want to feel anxious
I don't like to be sad
And I feel so pretentious
it might drive me mad

And how this thought
of losing my mind
sometimes seems
way too kind
Like such a relief
of a brain always screaming
almost a sort of dignity I could retrieve
thinking madness could be redeeming
Calming but terrifying all the same
For the bliss
would I really not care
to forget my own name?
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden

I want
my heart on a platter
so I can see the ins and outs
Want the act to matter
See it mirrored, my mouth, it shouts

Feels like
standing in front of the mic
singing of losing track of time
remembering this certain chime

Means I
don't really know how to defy
feeling lost in the rubble
of uncertainties and trouble

I hide
behind buckets full of the tide
I filled when the ocean didn't look
all I could see I took

I keep
time in a place safe and deep
live inside a moonlit jar
an ocean filled reservoir
read my own memoir
and said au revoir
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden

In the damp morning streets of my mind
a smell of words so foul
phrases that bind
and forever hidden underneath a dark cowl

Walking neath a hollow sky
a living, breathing, stone-cold vaul
as a lovely darkness constantly spills over my mind's eye
but never reaching thy heart, this empty hall

Words luminous like stars
reflecting on the sea below my feet
my mirrored self gripping onto bars
this is where truth and make-believe meet

I ask the Great Ones to give me the wounds
I ask for those that I deserve
Waited to bleed for many moons
this body is eager and so is every nerve

I cannot live another day
living of the starlit night
hiding my sole purpose away
this fragile human shell, my endless fright

Is this my Anathema?
I feel endlessly accursed
This mind's life is nothing but a phantasma
and it seems nothing can collect what has once been dispersed

Am I not dead yet?
Is this not dying?
I was not hit but still I bled
Why have you taught me how to be death-defying?

Blinded by what is illuminated
I'm always drowing in the space between
a warm light that has faded
and a bright and terrifying fire burning so keen

So just finally set my flesh ablaze
break through this agony, a heart so tame
let this sea of blood erase
and overflow this frame
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden

You say
"that's dark, babe"
But I don't think it's dark enough
Only in the night my dreams take shape
waking up these days is getting tough

I'm conflicted
my life's been restricted
Dreams seem true
and life is twisted

And all my thoughts
are growing along rose arbours
pretty to look at and impaled by thorns
each of them dying the death of martyrs

Can you see now?
There's a terrible sadness
a kind of sorrow
Turning sanity into madness

Reality check is for the sane
Imagined a world more real
Thought it's all in vain
I spoke to the devil and made a deal

Soon all I'll do is sleep
dreaming of my life to be
still better than to weep
for what isn't meant for me
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden
Radio Silence
in my head
in my bed
as I've met
many dark creatures
in my dreams
all in my dreams
so as it seems
This Radio Silence
is leaning over
I can't take cover
my thoughts they hover
around my dark-minded lover
ruins my eyesight
as I hide
in this shadowed light
and I abide
I abide
no care for pride
It's for the fool
the one that knows better
I rather drown in a pool
suffocating in words I drool
as I ascend
as my physics bend
blood-colored steam rises
my guilt finally liberalizes
Radio Silence
as I shout defiance
Radio Silence
as I speak of compliance
Radio Silence
a sort of reliance
when I lie in stillness
contemplating my wrongful illness
and ask for forgiveness
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden
I reached the hill
now there is silence
Thought I took the right pill
felt like hope wasn't a form of violence
But when I met myself at the highest bit
I didn't know what it meant
The hill was really a pit
a hell heaven sent
Feeling fragile
wearing nothing but torn dresses
as the devil became more agile
I dream of him as he trespasses

I reached the hill
it's silent
My own abandoned town
filled with ghosts and defilement
Burned my notes of obsession
cinder on my lashes
for a brief moment I see flames of possession
as dark eyes rain down ashes
The devil's got ahold of me
he brought flowers filled with poison
I grew a field of them, a flowery sea
silence came as I shut the noise in

I reached
My silent hill
poisonous oceans will hide
as I keep us still
the devil always in sight
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden

In awe of nature
high on its vigor
Shadows dancing through
dark forests of my mind
thunder breaks open the sky
lightning pours down from the heavens
with relieving sigh

I am struck down
by creational forces
the only god I need
cause she is none
Nature won't bow
there's no need
just go
run with its wild horses
Stop fearing
what was yours from the day
you were put in this earth
just like a seed

All is one
I am one and
I am all
I feel the storm
raging on
Inside me and
all around
Hold onto the winds
for I am bound
to this chance of living
and I am not afraid
of what nature is giving

This macrocosm
this moving world
the ground on which I'm standing
There's nothing in pain
no being can harm you
all will be overgrown
all enemies will eventually be slain
There's no need to hide
your darkness or your light

No, I promise, I won't
I won't be terrified
 Sep 2018
Blade Maiden
Let me die
in a battle
with sharpened metal
As I put down my weapon of distance
til now a bow has always been my choice of resistance

Or
let me be an animal
tearing flesh from my enemy
with sharpened teeth
the breaking of bones
skin tightens, body crumbles underneath
I'll go back to stick and stones
Bleeding til I'm dry
finally feeling terribly alive
before I end and die

But before
let me run
with wolves across these snowy hills
let me paint in red
in the heat of the midday sun
let me be the whale close to the shore
til the hunters come to get their kills
Bleeding til I'm dry
before I end and die

But until then
let me be courageous
let me be poison and contagious
like a venomous reptile
trying to survive me will be futile
I'll take all those who lay their hands on me
with me into agony
finally understanding the beauty
of life and death
I will show my natural fury
and never again be silent nor deaf
Bleeding til I'm dry
before I end and die

Wild and burning in life's fire
insight will come as my flames grow taller
And I know only in the wilderness
I won't be doomed as a pariah
Only there I can find the truth
and there is none to confess
As I bleed and live another day
far away
from human's self-glorifying mess
Bleeding til I'm dry
before I end
and
die
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