we don't even know the half of the beauty that we are

One night you'll feel like a speck of dust.
Smaller
Than
Ever
In
Your giant self.

How long did I travel
to walk up to this fortune
among distracted people
I was somebody

How many sleepless nights
to climb this wall
among forgetful children
I've put my fear away

I was waiting for you
in my veins it crescendoed
an ardent music
burning from inside
and you held on to me
like an ultimate hope
I could feel it inside
in all of my clothes

My precious
now I’ll fly together with you
and this journey will be a song
for giving me the love to live

My precious
now I’ll go along with you
to fetch all the most beautiful dreams
for those who must go on

How long did I travel
to walk up to this fortune
without any jacket or tie
and like this I made it
among important blokes
who’ve reached for the moon
Sometimes I look back
to figure out what I’ve been through

I was waiting for you
in my veins it crescendoed
an ardent music
burning from inside
and you held on to me
like an ultimate hope
I could feel it inside me
in all of my clothes

My precious
now I’ll fly together with you
over the time remaining for our faces
let's smile

My precious
now I’ll go along with you
and continue this dream while we're awake
then I will be a man freer still

My precious
now I’ll fly together with you
and this journey will be a song
for giving me the love to live

My precious
(I was waiting for you)
now I’ll go along with you
(in my veins it crescendo-ed
an ardent music)
to fetch all the most beautiful dreams
(burning from inside and you held on to me)
for those who must go on
(like an ultimate hope
I could feel it inside me in all of my clothes)

I saw her,
she was there among the leaves and flowers.
I walked towards her,
she was reading slowly...
she saw me,
but kept on with her book.

Would you mind if I sit here?
Of course not, be my guest...
Could you tell me what you do? And how old are you?
                       And spring played all around her...

Would you mind if in an instant,
I fell in love with you
and your air of serenity?
Could you tell me if you come here often?
Would you mind?

I'd follow you to your door if you'd show me the way?
Or at least if you're coming tomorrow...

We were there like those who've been there for ages,
she spoke, I spoke
                                 and evening fell...

She showed me her ideas on beauty,
I listened, she listened... and it got dark.

Could you tell me your name?
I'm Chiara, what's yours?
                               And spring played all around us...

Would you mind if in an instant I fell in love with you
and your air of serenity?
But tell me do you come here often?
We were there she spoke, I spoke...

Is it OK? I'd follow you to your door if you show me the way?
Or at least if you're coming tomorrow?
If you're coming tomorrow?
But tell me if you're coming tomorrow?
If you're coming tomorrow...

Slaves love the weight,
what’s a feather without a date
to write it with?

I love the bones,
I hate the flesh,
I run for death.

He speaks the longest miles,
all of his verbs smile.
I carry the heaviest laugh &
we watch it blow down all the leaves.
His trees -Are nowhere near
the roots I hold.
He sees gold & I’m an old soul.
I sit and scrape this bowl,
everything I need
I refuse to feed.

He’s not mine.
All my time’s erupted to the sky
and his eyes light my world
with lies
watching birds fall
not fly,
Singing their song of sighs.

layer upon layer
I dug myself
a deeper
place to rest....
what's on the other side?
what's greener there?
can I make it through  
with
internal doubt
& rage which
push into me
spiraling
& dancing
into a red lit lounge
with your maggot brain
& passing rocks
between our tongues?
you saw my skin
& porcelain fate
all in my sentence
& then you smashed my
youth to smithereens
on the corner of your bed frame
while I learned
to fly into the night
on the
wings of moths ...
early November enveloping me
in gentle decay
& landing on your
doorway
hands clasped together
prayers & stutters
and cucumber *****
& leaving all sanity
at your front door
holding in my pocket
a shard of yesterday
just to get me through
to make me remember
that this is all
a temporary resting
place
& I can cut out of here
sooner than I let this
place slowly cut into me
& take away who I am
I am not you,
you are not me &
I'll never be what you want
& all these ways
that aren't my being
these faces, these stares
these costumes
I was meant for so much more
I was meant to be seen
in full
& not in small detail.
Take me out from under your lens,
maybe stop burning holes
into a person who just tried to love
another
I know how to plug up my own mishaps
I know how to
yes, I know how to..

left you at the revolving door
& there I go
I tell my legs
to ***
I tell my eyes not to
look behind
but I'm always
seeing you through the glass
regardless
just a wing span
away
I close my eyes
& see you
in a revolving door
so
every time I look in the mirror
I ask myself, "should I buy
the plane ticket?"
I know this should be my
own personal revolution
to change
to forget
but,
I find you
everywhere
& I keep
revolving round you
begging for some sort of
warmth from you
that you shouldn't give
like you're the sun
in a galaxy
I'm encircling
in error.

I’ll always remember that last time with you.
I wore my black fur coat,
the “Russian one”
& we held hands together at 7:00 AM.

We stood in the middle of the street to kiss.
There was no one in sight.
We held up, only,
The traffic in our hearts,

Just to watch the dawn that came upon us.

Assumptions the kamikaze
Through my brain
Target . Reality
Perceived as threat
Heaven forbid
You see yourself
Safe Among the clouds for once.

Lips locked around the world
I speak and I'm never
Sad with you
If I stare at you, you'll see the lights
Inside my head
flicker off & on
Like a sunrise & sunset sped up
For there's no fluorescent falsity in
The way I look at you
A million flowers bloom
And sentences pull the trigger on
The way this happiness hits me & bang
I'm sweetly wounded
Plugged up with a million shots
I took
to lay here in your arms
& I wouldn't trade this place for
Any other certainty.

Drown it out
Hold the stop light under water
Tell me where’s the right path
To let go and unravel
I’ve been spinning in these hexagonal patterns
A pantomime of him, but I’m free rangin as I will like a leash I can’t let go of ..

Every ones got a comment
I’m like the moon they need to howl
At ... about how I’m just lost or little or
Incomplete
Like my brightness in the dark
Means I’m outcasted
From some better life or some
Deeper joy
And I all feel is beaming energy
From whatever Serves me best
I’ve always been a different walker
Can’t you see I’m on my own my now?

Good morning,
what'd you wake to?
What kind of eyes you lookin' through?
Tell me,
was it ever me you wanted?
'*** every dream I have
I'm haunted...
Oh, babe
I feel this kinda way now...
the way the sun rays warm us all
like anticipation for the  
rain to fall...
I gotta' know,
are you in this for the
long haul?
I know I shouldn't be...
Honestly, I'm not looking
for an answer
they'll warn you,"You can't change her,"
so in my mind
I walk to you
with
leaves under my feet
& in my mind we meet.
& I poke fun
& say, "Where've you been?
You down for sinning?"
I'm just kidding."
I just desire simple living,
picking flowers,
extending hours
in your presence
an
earthly heaven.
Laughing in a 7/11
to buy a smoke
& then we choke
from laughing.
Oh, babe
I'm already ******* trapped in

It's fine, yea it's fine
I sit 'round a fire, wine & lips
eating pears,
he loves my hips
And then he grips
Yea, babe,
here I go again
I've slipped
he hands me a clip
I burn...
& there I go,
it's all gone
numb.
I blow him
like some bubble gum.
with you
sitting there in a
corner of my mind
tucked away he'll never find.

Still wonderin',
what do you think at night?
Who is it that you write?
I know it's not my right
to know
but you,
you always linger
& I'm worse
a curved
index finger.

You say, “Stillness is the goal.”
I’d like to know who YOU is
When you’re driving round the block
dodging love,
in her bed,
****** her head..
& still your mind’s like
a gentle stream
& you pretend
like you ain’t mean
But boy, you’re a dancing devil
slashing through a
peaceful field
you thrive off her destruction.

You tried to get me to remember.
Wrote it down on paper,
stuck it in my purse,
“Save it for later.”
& when you leave
I just breathe
& you prove
you were right again.
I’m always learning on my own.
But Would it really hurt to take me
With you?

I flicker from
one life to the next
like a thin match refusing
the fireplace.

She always waits up for you,
your woman
always on,
lit up
like an old-fashioned
Christmas Tree
in a black & white film,
the way the white lights look
even brighter,
she's vintage beautiful.

So
When you turn the corner
of your dead end street
you two live on..
Does she now
how your love
flickers on & off
for her?

If you had only let us be,
just you & me...
This love...
We'd grow,
you know.

But God has plans
for seeds of love
unused.
Look at all the wildflowers
on this earth.
All the gardens
are born from
soulmate passion
& so "wasted" love
is fashioned
into lisianthus & persian roses...
& as they bloom..
under our noses...
My heart closes
for you my dear...
your naked ****
you never chose
God only knows
if we'll find happiness,
God only knows
God only knows.

You're not here,
so morning birds can't sing..
they scrape &
pierce the peace
like knife & fork
on a plate of desire.

old love like the lone porch light
on the dead end street
you've always known,
which flickers off & on
like blinking eyes.
She was always waiting...

Some smiles are merely
a motion,
skin stretching to
cover
a thought
inflicted wound.

My eyes to Slava my seamstress say,

"I'm begging you,
sew me a new skin
here
in your living room
to hold me together now
because I can't seem to anymore...

Dear Slava,
I know you know,
how the thoughts inside me
are crazed,
you've known my childhood days &
it's not me here.
Who's this dead thing in the living room?

I feel the bones inside me,
they're too loose.
You see me falling apart,
these eyes of mine the noose.
Catch me dear friend,
from myself!
I'm begging you,
change this stitch in time
for me?

The kind of love that’s aching...
I watch days fold
Into another like laundry.
Time never ends just like it,
So I measure your absence
in pant seams I press together.

It’s simple to do,
Making straight, clear-cut lines
Two halves just have to join together.
I still love you.
You do, too.
Our union should be
as simple as this routine.

How long though, until I see you?
And If then, If we go back?
Will you fold again?
If you do, I swear
to be fair to my heart
I'll lay this love out to dry.
I can't take you back.

(c) 2014 Marlena

The day they told me you had resigned,
I went searching for you.
My eyes sharpened to find you
like two new Ticonderoga pencils
on this timed, standardized test of life.
I, your pupil,
felt desperate to fill in the bubbles
on this journey
to fill up my heart again
with answers to questions
I knew only you could
score & tell me were right.
But you never had exams in your courses
I should've known when you left,
that was your way,
your blessing
to write my dissertation
and live my philosophy out, for you,
You had given me love,
you had always seen what I couldn't;
my potential. Who I am, truly.
And that's why, from you,
I learned everything & could feel internal peace
for I learned my purpose
& in my search for you again,
great teacher,
I realized you had never left
and the test had never existed.
I will still always wonder though
where you went.

(c) 2014

This morning
I awoke from a tangle of dreams
from wild feelings
in the jungle of my heart
The morning sun
sliced through
the slumber
like machetes
just in time
to bring me to
a clearing
to my reality.

(c) 2014

My breathing's wrong.
This pattern inside me
isn't my rhythm.
You've got all the control
& I'm programmed to rise & fall
just from a single phrase of yours
and
I wish I could even try
to get this heart to knock on rib doors
build some courage up
to
whisper truths between the
sliver membranes so I can
try & balance out the breathing
and get a grip on reality
cause I'm almost outta that conscious-land
& I don't know
this man
he keeps bringing me to hell & heaven...
then back
with just his text.

(c) 2014