layer upon layer
I dug myself
a deeper
place to rest....
what's on the other side?
what's greener there?
can I make it through  
with
internal doubt
& rage which
push into me
spiraling
& dancing
into a red lit lounge
with your maggot brain
& passing rocks
between our tongues?
you saw my skin
& porcelain fate
all in my sentence
& then you smashed my
youth to smithereens
on the corner of your bed frame
while I learned
to fly into the night
on the
wings of moths ...
early November enveloping me
in gentle decay
& landing on your
doorway
hands clasped together
prayers & stutters
and cucumber *****
& leaving all sanity
at your front door
holding in my pocket
a shard of yesterday
just to get me through
to make me remember
that this is all
a temporary resting
place
& I can cut out of here
sooner than I let this
place slowly cut into me
& take away who I am
I am not you,
you are not me &
I'll never be what you want
& all these ways
that aren't my being
these faces, these stares
these costumes
I was meant for so much more
I was meant to be seen
in full
& not in small detail.
Take me out from under your lens,
maybe stop burning holes
into a person who just tried to love
another
I know how to plug up my own mishaps
I know how to
yes, I know how to..