The light dances on the sea’s waves like those little skater bugs that hop on a pond. The jitter of tiny lights reminds me of a time that I was fainting; the same specks of glitter shimmering in front of my eyes as I tumbled onto the bed in a cold sweat, mother at my side with a damp, white flannel. But now, as I watch the same twinkling flashes surfing the tide, in the warmth of the sun, they seem not to be as intimidating.
I stand up and feel myself grow faint so I just sit there and wait for it to pass. But as I sit there, I feel fainter. My ability to comprehend and think vanishes. I sit, accepting what will happen, Until I *Faint
So sometimes I get head rushes, and they usually make me faint. It can be really scary, because I either faint or just lose consciousness, which I say are two different things because when i "lose consciousness," I move and do something without thinking about it, and without being able to see anything, then I wake up and don't remember what I was doing.
I took a step into my pained world and notice everything has swirled The buildings standing sternly now, seem to be upside down The blackness grows through my vision, and everything misses precision It seems everything is in slow motion and I swear I can smell the ocean I collapse into the ground, and I notice my head starts to pound I feel tears stream down my face, I close my eyes and everything erased.
i had a headache when i walked into class and even though you were at the opposite end of the classroom, it felt as though glass was crushing against the back of my skull and there were spots of black and blue and bruises in my eyes and i couldn't feel anything but the bile in my throat, not even my lungs could tell if i was breathing
when i fell into the darkness which people often call the pseudonym of "passing out" and my instructor shook me awake, pulling me from the depths of the unfeeling (and how i longed to remain there), i couldn't answer the question of "why" and simply stated the cause to be dehydration instead of panic.
you attempted to make eye contact with me whilst people had me ingest water against the currents of the bile and i just can't look at you without succumbing to all things you might've read about panic disorders and ptsd and lonely women and sometimes there's this wound nestled in my chest and it refuses to heal properly because you make me feel loneliness in the worst of ways.
i don't want this. i don't need you. i never did.
get away from me get away from me get away *get away*