I have this same recurring dream
And you are always in it
Mostly its us cuddled together
Legs over legs
Fingers laced together
You holding me
Sometimes Im crying
Sometimes were laughing
But all the time Im happy with you
I talk about my life
My childhood memories
I want you to know every part of me
Sometimes I want to give up
Because loving you this much hurts
But I can't imagine life without you
Because without you
I couldn't imagine
And that's why it hurts so much

Somehow somewhere we belong together
Some how Somewhere
I wanna be right where you are
But where you are is to far
Somewhere you're happy
Some how you found away to live without me
I couldn't find away to let you go
My love for you never washed away
I still dream of a place where were together
I hang on to the past
Willing it to be the future

Im afraid we will always be a book with the ending pages ripped out
And you know what its called
The never ending story
I love the book but sometimes it leaves me crying
Which all good books do
You could read it or you can write it
But there is two writers
Writing two different story
Leading up to different endings

You are chaos strong and pure
I am warmth on a winter day
Cozy by the fire
You are outside barefooted
Im safe and careful
You are wild and carefree
Reckless and dangerous
I'm ***** and innocent

To the guy that broke my heart
I don't hate you I couldn't ever imagine hating you
I wanna thank you
You helped me realize how strong I really am
And the pain you left
In away I'm glad to have it
Because its the last thing of you that I have
You knew the girl before the hurt and pain
Im not gonna say I'm a whole different girl
Because I'm still me
But when you left It changed me
It broke me to my knees
I cried all my tears
Its time to give my heart a rest  
You no longer have this hold over me

When the tears running down my cheeks turn into my blood running down my thighs thats when I know I'm gonna be fine When I feel the blade sink in my skin I'm not brittany anymore in that moment I don't matter the only thing that matters is the pain the blade makes All worries all fear all negative thoughts fades away And cutting is the only thing that has had that effect and when I feel the pain left over from the blade or look at the mark I get a glimpse of that safe place again. I feel safe when I do it I feel like I let everything out. And I have control of what happens I know whats gonna happen

I want it to be how it used to be
Before you told me you had to go
That this was the end
Before you broke my heart
I want to trade my tears
For the laughter and the smiles
Id give anything to go back to your room
Where we were us
Where we began

Wake up
The party is over
Grow up
Put it
Away
Its not worth it

You say I'm stuck in the past
But the past is the only place we existed in
There never was a future
You Abandoned me
Left me with nothing but memories
I wanted a future
I had it planned
I dreamed a life with you
One that you never wanted
You weren't capable of it
You say it's not your fault
I didn't want what you could give me
But what you gave me was nothing
And I wanted something
Something besides nothing
You can't blame me for that

You asked me if I thought about you
And I lied and said I hadn't
I wanted to scream
Because all Id done
Was think about you
In my sleep
While I eat
In the shower
On my knees crying
Smoking a cigarette you guessed it thinking about you

You feel like your in my past
I talk about you as a memory
I feel in my bones this is the end
The last memory I have
Is the last one I'll ever have of us
If I knew it was the last I would of paid more attention
Remembered every word of it
Every touch
Traced your face until it was burned in my memory
The last memory we had together is lost

I want to be the lyrics to a song
My words flow and relate to peoples thoughts
The lyrics people listen to when they are sad
The lyrics they listen to when they are falling apart
The lyrics that describes their thoughts
I want to be a song for people like me
The sad. The angry. The broken. The confused.
I want to be a song
That makes sense
Right?

I try to let you go
But your in my dreams
My heart beats your name
My soul aches for your love
I see your face everyday
I think about what we could be
Without the pain
You make me happy
But you you break my heart
With everything you do
I dream of a life where you love me back

Leave again
Just to come back
Be so sweet pull me back in
Leave me again
I'm crying I'm dying
Waiting on you again
Will you be back this time
How long will it last
I'm waiting on the day you don't show back up
That day will be bittersweet
I want you to stay
But coming and going is killing me
What kind of game are you playing
Because I don't know the rules

If you don't love me let me go
I won't forget you
You're the one I hold on to
I see you in my dreams
You're always on my mind
It doesn't matter if you leave
Because I still hold you in my heart
If you leave ill be a shell of what could be
You will live in a broken heart
Because I will never let you go

I wanna delete you from my memory
So I won't know how much I miss you
Because when you aren't here with me
I feel like I'm dying
I didn't know you before
So why does it hurt so much
When your gone
Why do I miss your smile
I was fine before I knew you
So why am I falling apart without you
Why do I miss the things I never knew before
Why do I want to feel your lips on my lips
Why do I want to feel your body against mine
Why do I crave your smile
Why do I miss everything about you
I count the days until I see you
And when I see you again
Ill feel your lips on mine
Ill feel your body against me
Ill see your smile
And ill take in every part of you

Isn't it funny that I got hurt because of the hurt in the past
Isn't it fun you left me because I was scared to get hurt again
That I was trying to protect myself and pushed you away instead
Isn't it funny I broke and you swung the hammer
Isn't it fun That I'm crying because I never wanted to feel the pain of losing you
Its so not ******* funny I lost you because I didn't want to
So not funny
If you cared you'd understand
You would get that I was glued back together many times
And didn't want to hand you the hammer
For I knew if I broken again that there was no more glue

You live in a box
In a song in my dreams
In my memories in my heart
You my love live in my past
I dream about you
I think about what could be
You come into my life
And leave just as fast
This is not a jump in jump out
Kinda thing
My heart can't take it

I want to be angry
******* and hate you
In stead I'm crying myself asleep
Falling a part wish you'd come back
Knowing that if you come back it will be different
Because the way you hurt me broke me
And I'm not the same girl you left

Though Years have passed
I still visit you in memory
Your voice plays over and over
Like a old favorite song
It takes me back to a time long gone

Dark haired girl
White skin that doesn't match
Blue eyes
Surrounded by black
Heart shaped face
Smile so fake
Hides the fact
She wishes to be a memory
She takes her razor and drags it across her skin
To know she is still there
When she's alone in the dark she falls apart
It's became her routine to cry at night
And rip her skin apart
When the red drips from her wrist
And the pain shoots through her
She's alive

I think it's about time
To let you go
While there is still good memories
We share
Words thrown like knifes
Like we're at war with our words
Wounding each other's hearts
Like soldiers in a battle field

She's empty,She's broken
She's full of regret
Life is not what she wants
She wants to be fixed
But she is scared she is unfixable

I can't promise forever
I am drifting away
Into infinity
My heart is so far away
What we had is lost

You were like a disease
You infected my blood
And made me weak
No matter what i try
I couldn't get over you

I like hearing memories of my life better than actually living it that's why I like dreams.

Why when the blade scraps across my skin
Does my breath refill my lungs
Before I was gasping to breathe
My Panic, is covered by the panic
That I might of went to deep
When the redness on my face
Fades to the redness dripping down my wrist
Is when it all stops
No more panic  
I rub the mark it leaves
Adding another scar to my collection
No it's not a collection you should have

I feel like my insides are broken
I feel like a broken girl
I feel like i am the reason I am broken
I feel like I will fall apart
My broken parts might crumble to pieces
And then I really would be a broken girl

Time and love doesn't mix
When I'm with you time flies by
When I'm without you time stops
Im always waiting on another time
I get to spend with you

In your eyes I see hope and love
I see something that you're working so hard to get
Something that I can't give you
I care enough to care but not enough to love
That part of me broke when he left
It isn't your fault there's nothing wrong with you
If anything theres something wrong with me
Im the one that can't let go of someone that broke my heart

Your words were to late
And you didn't mean them anyway
You know just what to say
To pull me back
You get me right where you want me
And you stop
It's not enough to say sweet stuff
One day and nothing the next

I was young and naive
Innocent if you please
Didn't know what it meant
To much to uncover
Afraid of what we might discover
Loved you like no other
How will I ever recover
You became my obsession

I remember wanting you so bad
Doing whatever it took to have you
But it faded and I don't know where were going
What we will end up as
I dont know what happened what changed
But I remember right when I felt it
It felt dangerous and sad
I didn't recognize it at first
Now that I have I want it back
I don't know if we can ever be the same
And the worst part is i knew it was gonna tear us apart
but i did it to keep us together

It piles on and on over the years
Until one day it breaks you
And it all falls apart around you
And the aftermath is unbearable
A girl like me isn't something to break
Im easily broken
So take my shattered pieces and spread them around
Im not picking it up anymore
Its broken and falling out
Im just going to sit and watch like the rest

I want to write a dark and sad poem
But you're making me happy

I treat you badly because I'm thinking about myself
Im trying to keep you and thats all I think about
Instead of you and your feelings
Its not that I don't care because I do
And I do think about you
But I let my obsessiveness over take that
I guess Im saying I care in a different  way
I worry and obsess that's how I show I care
Through the same questions over and over
The more I ask the more I care
I obsess more when I care more
Its something I need to work on I know
I worry that I worry to much
And its killing me and its killing you
And I'm sorry for that I am

What your addicted to
Has convinced you that you need it
You got ****** into a black hole
Disguised as fun
Now you're drowning
Losing your grasp on reality
Keeping you away from the things you want
You choose it over anything else
You let love go
Just so you can be with addiction

Make me a tree
See the beauty in my leaves
The age in my trunk
Sit under me and read a book
Have romantic picnics

I wanted you to tell me to stay
I wanted you to fight for me
I wanted you to tell me you loved me
I wanted you to tell me you missed me
I wanted you

Should I start a fight
Make rain pour down
Make the sky scream
Light up the night with violent lighting
Then you would see the pain I felt when you left

Memories run through my mind
I close my eyes and I can see your face
And my heartbreaks again
I can close my eyes and almost feel your touch
Your voice I can always hear
For your so close to me
You live in my heart

You say its up to me
To do whats best for me
Open up your eyes
And realize
Your the best for me
Close your eyes and kiss me
Forget your past
And just be with me
You think your protecting me
When really your breaking me

I want you to look at my picture
And feel the way I do
When I look at yours

You're gone
And I'm waiting
On time to speed up
Or to turn back
A temporary fix
We can't go back
There is no future
My love is strong
But I can't do it on my own
You try to come back
But I'm beginning to think you don't know how

I don't know why I love you
I don't know why I care
I just want you to love me
But I feel like you don't care
Maybe you don't know how

Love isn't coming my way
Only heartache and pain
People say love hurts
But does it even exist

Ill always have what we had in my memories and thats better than not having it at all.

Silly girl what are you doing
You're doing it again
Silly girl you're gonna get hurt
Letting someone in
Silly girl put your guard up
Silly girl what were you thinking
Crazy girl slow down
Your so intense girl
Take a breath girl
Put on the brakes
Girl

You seem unsure
How you feel about me
It got lost somewhere
Between then and now
I want your kiss
I ache for your love
Because my heart won't back down
Your missing out
Letting me go

Im feeling so broken
Drowning in gray
Crushed under my self hate
Smothered under negativity
Wanting more