felt terrified of what was,
scared of what could be,
and petrified in the moment?

Just wait for it
She continues to say,
words of wisdom
pouring from her mouth.

You'll see, I promise
I don't quite believe,
but she studies this,
therefore it must be correct?

Time will tell
Time will tell what?
I'm very curious
to see if your prediction is true

Its funny, how things change so quickly
I see no change,
I am still confused, but
something must be different

Is something different?*
I'm actually not sure
Are you?

The burning fire returns
as it blazes in the darkness
Roaring over the howling wind
sweltering the anger within

Ardent eyes glow in the night
like the hard amber stone
which captures the light
forever in its golden shell

Forever is not forgotten
it continues to burn with rage
seeing the flash, continuing to spark.
The burning fire stays.

Those wood covered walls, water damaged floors, torn up carpets
hold memories.
That candy wrapper, that's been there for three years,
The office where deep conversations where held early into the morning
The old birch tree which friends and family gathered around
The hill on which children sleigh, speeding down almost to the road

Smoke fills the air with the roaring fireplace,
day in, day out.
until the departure day
the smoke clears, the memories are pushed aside
Bustling, Hustling to rush out

Rushing too fast to enjoy the last moments,
*moments you can never get back.

It's okay, not to be okay

Learning this phrase, not to long ago,
has given me a false sense of reality.

It is? Oh, Is this what this feeling is?

Never noticed, never classified,
moved on, and pushed aside.

I guess I'm not okay*

Now I know, and Now I can say
Rather than pushing my thoughts away.

Felt the desire to hug someone,
and send your love so far,
but know deep down
*you may never get the chance to?

Poetry is an escape from the reality,
Poetry is a way to let out all emotions.
*I've escaped from reality for too long.

I walk through the crowded mall, hearing the bustle of the after holiday rush. Everyone is looking for that one deal, or meeting up with their friends one last time before the busyness stirs up again. I, like always, am in my own little world. I see one thing, and my mind goes off on a tangent. Frozen Yogurt!-Oh that reminds me, I'm hungry. When did I eat last? Was it before or after...Oh yeah we met up with Grandma! She was wearing that pretty blue sweater...blue...I had to do something with bl- Then it cycles again. Honestly, I'm pretty used to it, I just kinda deal. I continue to walk, until I reach Hot Topic-my favorite store, of course. So, I go in, shop around. I'm minding my own business...then I hear it. The first note plays and I freeze-I haven't heard this since... anndd we get to the bad part of my mind. The crazy tangents can change my mood in an instant. My mind spins, and it leads to the same place it always does. I just stop and stare. I thought I was done with this-I thought-- Aye-that's where I was mistaken and went wrong. I thought-thinking-thinking is bad, at least in my context. One more thought came into my head...It's 2017.I repeat that over and over again-It's 2017...It's 2017-Why you ask? I'm putting up a shield. Things that happened in 2012, 2014, 2016, etc. They are all behind me. There is no use in holding  a grudge, no use in holding onto the anxieties that worried me then, because I can't physically handle holding onto these. Now, haha, yes-Easier said than done. Because yet again today, I passed a sign, I passed a person, I passed a decoration-and I thought-thought way too much. The thinking I'm doing is not random-I have my reasons, even if those reasons are crazy and insane. Now, some of you may be thinking, Isn't that unhealthy? To block something out of your mind? It will only resurface at a later date and be worse. It's better to face your problem head on, rather than ignoring it. Yes, I've thought about that, and well, it hasn't worked so far...Sooo, I'm thinking everyone has their ways to heal, and I have mine. Maybe one day, I'll be able to listen to that song again. Maybe one day, I'll be able to listen to the  entire album. Baby steps, I continue to move forward. Right now, I put up my Shield of 2017, and continue on my way.

525,600 minutes.
Minutes in a year.

How many of those minutes, will you be happy
How many of those minutes, will you feel on top of the world
How many of those minutes, will you want to relive?

Think.
Really Think.
How can you make your minutes happy?
How can you make the best out of your 525,600 minutes?

It can simply just be, to find happiness in the smallest things
therefore no matter where you are,
no matter what happens
There is always ONE thing, that you can turn to
That you can feel happy for-
Whether a person, place or thing.
pet, note, or song.
Doesn't matter.
As long as you know:
You have the ability to be Happy <3

Now go make those 525,600 minutes,
the happiest you've ever had.

I can't help, but think of you
In the times of distress,
and the times of darkness.
In the times of happiness,
and the times of hope.

I am my own person,
and I will always be-
but the thought of you holding me,
protecting me, loving me...
I like that.
I want that.
But the issue is, I can't find that.

I like being independent
but I like being connected.
Fully intertwined-never wanting to let go.

Keeping each other warm,
with hugs and kisses,
With the love-that was worth the wait.

But now I ask,
Where are you?
Who are you?
I've been looking for you, for a long time now.
I hope I find you soon,
So not another day goes by without you in my arms.

Someone who loves me for me,
who wants me,
who loves me entirely.

Someone who stays with me,
keeps me in their arms,
and never lets go.

That was my wish, what was yours?

Shoved to the ground,
Elbow to the arm,
Ball to the face.
Visable bruises form, sore to the touch.

Screaming through the wall,
Ignorance of the people,
Suffication of the culprit.
Mental bruises form, sore to the mind.

Nothing is ever enough
To you, I stand proud.
To you, I stand tall.
To you, I....
Who am I kidding?
To you, I bow down.
To you, I worship.
To you, I....
              I....
To you, I owe my life
My whole being
To you, I am worthless.
To you, I am trash.
To you, I am nobody.
To you...
To me....
**I am one the same

I love the trees
Mountains filled with snow
Icicles hang off the roof
Snowmen are built
Snazzy lights put everywhere
Yuletide is made gay
Opening presents before the light of day
Unwrapping happiness and love

If you actually knew your facts,
you would've kept your mouth shut.
You don't understand the situation.

I may, mistakenly, be changing up the facts.
Maybe you do know of the entire left side, and I am wrong
Yet I know-I know for a fact, that you sure as hell haven't heard the right.

So step back, seriously.
you don't know the power you've created.
I would say I warned you,
but it's too late for that.

Good Luck-You'll need it.

Not talked to someone all day,
then the moment you see their face
or hear their voice,
your heart feels warmer
and your day gets brighter,
One uncontrollable smile at a time?