I wrote on myself last night

I wrote the words

                                                          Vile

            Broken

                                                                                            *****

                                            Alone

                      Ugly

                                                                             Fat

                                                    Pale

     Stupid

                                                                                     ****

                              Inferior

                                                                                                            Lonely

                 Sad

                                                          Awkward

                          Weird

                                                                                        Worthless

I wrote them with sharpie

And then I took my pocket knife

Freshly sharpened

And I cut the words into my skin

I cut lines across my thighs

And I watched all the ink sink in

"They say that ink poisoning can **** you

Well, welcome death

To my body. To my temple."

That's what I said

Later, I got in the shower

And I scrubbed off the writing

I scrubbed until my flesh was raw

There was even a little more bleeding

I marked DAY 3 off the calendar

And I went to bed

This morning I woke up

I plastered a smile on my face

And prepared for the day

To see the only one who makes me happy

And keeps me sane

At least when he is around

Soon I'll go home and do like usual

I'll pull out the sharpies

And again I'll sharpen my pocket knife

I'll make a long list of words

And I'll repeat the night before

But tonight I might not cry as much

Even though the pain will be 10 times worse

She's a soft cool rain on a hot summer's day.
She makes me laugh with the funny things she has to say.

She's the beat of my heart, and the air that I breathe.
She's the sun and the wind, and (Autumn's) golden leaves.

She's the pride that I feel when I know she's done what's right.
She's that warm feeling I get, when I remember tucking her in at night.

She is homework and a busy social life.
She has this beautiful smile that could light the darkest night.

She is the scared feeling I have when she stays out late.
Or the feeling that I am losing her, when she wants to date.

She's the mixed emotions I have, as I watch her mature and grow.
I tell myself she will never leave, but, I know in my heart that someday she will go.

I hope the man that steals her heart, will treat her like a queen.
Because she deserves so much more, than a man that treats her mean.

I will always cherish the heart wonderful times we have had.
The best part of my life was being her dad.

So now you know who she is, she's my little girl.
I love her with all my heart and always will

Let my lust overtake me
Let my sins forsake me
Let my anger erode me
Let my joy escape me

May this void replace me
May this addiction erase me
May this trust evade me
May this truth awaken me

I'll give in to the battle
I'll surrender my weapons
I'll open the floodgates
I'll learn these lessons

And when the earth shakes
The mountain quakes
I'll be here to calm your tremors

And when the world stops
Your reality drops
I'll be here to fix it

And when hearts break
Because saints are fake
I'll be here to save you

Shadowed hearts
Dancing on a broken flame
Where they are going
They shall remain

Fractured souls
Ignoring the burning urge
To become whole
Into darkness, they surge

Candle light
Illuminating the shelter
Of those alone
With lives so helter-sketler

Drifting comrades
Ignored calls in the dead of night
Lost in thoughts
They've backed down from the fight

Holy water
Poured out by a pastor
Forsaken love
From thy father

Abandoned faith
Drenched in the guilt of blood
Confusion sets in
Guidelines as clear as mud

I just hate it when i comment on something and it comes across as rude or insulting. I never mean it to..I dont know why, but it happens a lot.

I keep thinking how Jesus raised Lazarus from his tomb
And about how that really must have healed his family’s wounds
I’ve been praying for some leniency for yours too
Still, no matter how many tears I shed, it’s for no use
He must have thought Lazarus deserved life more than you

But I don’t think he does
See, I think God chooses favorites
And it just wasn’t us

I keep begging for a miracle to come through
Hoping that all this tragedy doesn’t have to be true
And I know it’s pointless of me to do
But I’m only human; What am i supposed to do?

I want your love
I want your everything
I want no one else to have you
I want you to Be Mine

Hold me, hold me captive
Keep me, keep me right
Take me to your dungeon
Torture me all night
Bleeding Casanova
Broken arrowed sight
Holding on to lovers
Damning their romance

Kick me, kick me harder
Slit it, slit my wrists
End your empty sorrows
Drinking of my blood
Let me be your whiskey
Watch this lovely flood
Hurt me until you miss me
Tie the knots too tight

Just like a song
You're musical

Just like a song
You're rhythmic

Just like a song
You're hypnotic

Just like a song
You're lyrical

Just like a song
You're in my head

Just like a song
You're catchy

Just like a song
You're on repeat

Just like a song
You're inspirational

Just like a song
You're my favorite

"This life is all I've got.
And heaven is all in my brain."

One day I'm going to be old and droopy
And your ears are going to be huge and hairy
My cheeks are going to sag and so are my arms
And you won't be able to move like you used to

One day I'm going to be grey and naggy
And your hearing aids won't work and you'll complain
My eyes will steadily stop seeing as well
And you'll never remember what day it is

One day I'm going to be confused and deaf
And you're going to be elderly with dementia
I won't be able to walk, but I'll crawl to you anyways
You won't be able to speak, but you'll love me the same

One day we're going to be nostalgic and cranky
And we won't understand our grandchildren's technology
We won't understand why these kids listen to such garbage
And we'll be forever together, in love with each other

It's like broken ribs
It's excruciating, breath taking
But no one but you knows it
Not another soul can feel it

It cripples you, drains you
It takes all it can from you
And just when you think it's moved on
It stabs you yet again

As if to tell you
It's best to just give in
It likes to make you cry, weep
Your joy, it likes to take and keep

You'll want to give up
For that is its goal
It'll take your will to live
And crush it without a second glance

It's the product of too much evil
Sometimes too much love
It comes along when you want it least
For many of us, the pain may never cease

When you can feel the rush
The pressure

When you can't breathe
Or think

When the world spins
The walls close in

When no one notices
You fade away

This life is like a fantasy
My own personal nightmare
I'll always plead insanity
I know that I can't stay here

Your love is like a drug
Making me feel amazing
Never fallen for a ****
I fell for who deserves me

Breathing is such work
My lungs are often stopping
My heart will randomly hurt
Sometimes it's barely beating

You'd call me insane
If you saw the ****
That went down in my brain
The powers mine to claim
Ima overdose on some fame
And hit the top with Hussain
Osama Bin Laden type of fame
Look inside this ******* membrane
And see the **** I'm on is midgrade
Dirt cheap Reggie on the end table
Hittin the **** watching cable
Jerry Springer, this ***** tellin a fable
Say that ***** ****** her man in the stables
But it was that **** bending over my table
Made her scream while she grabbed at her ankles
******* *******, giving ****
Plot twist like the demons used to be angels
And I'm hittin ten at these angles
My pen makes sense of the tangles
Gave me a funny look so I strangled
Him and his little Angel
I don't care about the babies
I act like an animal with rabies
So when I die I'm going straight to haities

And I don't know what this ***** doin to my head
The room is starting to spin
And I don't know what this ***** doin to my head
But I'm clawing at my skin
And I don't know what this ***** doin to my head
The roof is caving in
And I don't know what this ***** doin to my head
*But now I'm feeling the zen

I tried to sit down
And write a poem about me

You know what I've found?
That that's just not me

I don't know myself
My inner thoughts are confused

I don't know myself
My identity got lost in the abuse

Truthfully, you make me jealous
You know yourself and you have talents

You understand how to have purpose
Thus, your days have meaning and balance

But I don't know myself
Though, I'm working toward that clarity

I don't know myself
So, I won't be writing a poem about me

You could give me
A million reasons to hate you,
It wouldn't matter
Because you've given me
A million more to love you

It really is shocking
That someone like me
Could trip and stumble
And fall right into
That hole in the ground
Filled with happiness and tears
Filled with risks and fears
That we all call love

I never thought
That I could ever
Be so utterly consumed
By one man
By one soul
And sometimes
It shakes me to the core
I cry a little more
Every single time
You say, "I'm glad you're mine"
We can stay this way forever
Fill our infinity with each other
Hold on to one another
And, as always, I'll cry a little more
Tears Of Joy

I don't wish to be
Anything more to you than what I am

But I'd love it
If you'd come take my hand

Hold me close
Through this long night

And when I'm alone
Please come and save me from the fight

I don't wish to ask too much
I just believe you could be My Hero

Oh, we had it all
Bridges burnt
In love, ready to fall
Alienated,
But still together
We made it

Soul mates, you said
Forever, you said
"It's better to have loved and lost"
Well, I disagree
I'd rather have
Never loved at all

Liar, Liar, Liar
You're a *******
*******
I hope that one day
Cancer
Is what you get

You're weak
Pathetic
A child, really
"I feel like a man"
Really?
I don't understand

A man could work
He could try
He'd hang in there
When things weren't right
But you couldn't
You're no man

You're a sad little boy
With a little **** complex
Maybe that's for good reason
It's not like you were
Any good at pleasing
Hehe I know, I shouldn't have..

I have those moments
When all I want to do is
Read your words
Hear your voice
Hold you close
And feel your warmth..

And I have those moments
When all I want to do is
Finally drown
In this ocean
Of endless sadness
And just slip into gray..

Right now
I feel both
And I need you here
To lie to me and say
Everything is ok
And you're going to stay..

"And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know"