My life would be so much easier
If you would drop dead.
I was laying in bed last night thinking
And that thought just popped in my head.

I plan to love you past my capability

I plan to love you until all of heaven and earth's love has run out

I plan to love you until the end of The Neverending Story

I plan to love you until all the world's hope has run dry

I plan to love you even after the day we both die

That was supposed to be me
I'm supposed to be the one with you right now
Calling you baby and holding your hand
Kissing your cheek and making you laugh

I remember when it was
When you were faithful and you cared
I remember how sweet you were
I remember when you turned

Was it your friends?
Or was I just not good enough?
It's times like this when I miss you
I was tempted with the thought of you and now I'm relapsing

I have a love
I have someone better
But still I sit here in tears
Wishing I could still call you my dear

And I know if he read this, he'd wonder why
Why am I not satisfied?
Well, I am. He's more than enough
I just can't function through this brokenness sometimes

I don't want you back..
I just want to know you
I just want to see your face and still be ok
I don't want you back

It hurts to think about it
It still gives me nightmares sometimes
And still stings my chest
But I'm not giving in

I won't text you no matter how bad I want to
I won't say I love you even though it feels like routine
I won't assume to position of my arms around you
I won't break and do what you want me to

But it's so hard
When I still have your number
Still want to run to you and hold you
Still wish to be your everything

I want to hurt you more though
For all this pain you've caused
And for how you've broken my trust
And left me damaged

I just wish I'd never asked your name
Never given you a hug
Or gave you my number
Never put up with the racist laughter

I stood up for you
You knew I was true
And you used it
Why didn't I see it?

I still lie to myself
Saying if I were to see you today
That you'd want me
You'd still need me

I'm too stupid
Too broken to know
But my heart now belongs to another
And he's putting it back together

Marry me
Marry me right now
Take me and keep me
In holy matrimony
Forever and always
That's all I ask
You're all I'll ever need

Your touch is like sin
I'll still give in

I know it's wrong
But it's all I want

Your lust infects me
Courses through my veins

I know it's not right
It'll only fuel the fight

Your voice soothes me
It moves me

I know I should run
But the game has only just begun

Sometimes I feel lonely
I'm not alone
I have a boyfriend
And great friends
But within myself
I feel abandoned
I feel lost, abused, and afraid
But mostly I'm lonely
I don't know why
All I know is I'm dying inside
It's horrible in my mind
I need stability
I need internal security
It's terrible to be lonely

Baby, let me hold you one last time
Give me this chance to call you mine
I know you won't miss me
But I'll always yearn for you here

Baby, let me love you one last time
Give me this chance to trace your tattoos
I know you don't care for my innocence
But I gave it to you anyway

Dear, allow me to feel your skin
Let our bodies move once more with grace
I'll open myself to you once again
I'll entertain your wondering hand

Dear, allow me to wear your lust
Let our movements synchronize as we sigh
I'll release this tension within
I'll caress your face as you enter in

Does it taste sour?
The bitter hand of reality
It used to feed you
But you bit it

Does it feel painful?
The sharp blade of death
It used to protect you
But you abused it

I hope it's disgusting
I hope it stings
Because the truth
Is relentless

I WANT TO LOVE YOU
AND ONLY YOU

You thought it would be innocent
Always thought I was heaven-sent
A demon, from Hell I made my ascent

Words once so tangible
Phrases so easily written
Character after Character
Flowing so elegantly
Cascading flawlessly
Dripping from ****** lips
And filled with a ******'s confidence

Artistic expression
Which can only flourish
In the shallow waters
Of innocence's temper

Dreams clinging foolishly
Fueled by nonexistent beliefs
In nonexistent things
Unknowingly temporary
Oh, so faithful were they
As they faded into memories
And we drained every ******* bit

Purity once so present
Talent once so black and white
Blurs into grey, stoner stories,
Pipe dreams, and *Childish Things

Life is like a box of chocolates
People don't read any guide
And we take a bite out of everything
To see whether we like it or not

The scandal burned red hot
As it kissed my lips with hidden passion

The temptation tasted sweet
As it entwined with my modesty

The confusion set in deeper
As right and wrong blurred into grey

A phrase said so much
It's almost lost its meaning
Started so important
So influential

It has lost its touch
Because it's said too much
Not often thought through
It's now a reflex

Take this seriously
I mean it truly
You are my everything
I Love You

Why the **** should I be sober?

All you've ever done is **** me over!

I'll drink, I'll smoke.

I'll do ******* till I go broke!

Cuz when I needed you, you weren't there.

But it's whatever, I don't care.

I’ve read a lot of books
So many stories

They always describe it the same
Dry mouth, empty thoughts
Usually even instant understanding
But that wasn’t how it happened for me

They all say they couldn’t breathe
But I was breathing too much
Hyperventilating

There was nothing empty about my mind
The thoughts were racing
Oh, all the images
The memories
Of you and me
Under the bridge
And at the trailer parks

Our last conversations
That very final hug
But not our last embrace

I held you from the casket
I planted a loving kiss on your face

My tongue didn’t feel dry
I was mumbling to myself
Screaming in devastation
Drowning in my grief

I kept calling your phone
Praying for an answer
Praying for anything

I needed it to be a lie
I needed it all to be fake

I couldn’t understand
No sense could it make

I threw my head against the walls
Hoping the bricks could seal my fate
Blow after blow
Trying to join my soulmate

Pleading

Bargaining with God

I’ll change my ways
Just let this be okay

Begging to have you back that day

Hopeless.
Lost.
My soul felt pointless.

And when I saw you for the first time
When I laid my eyes on that box
It wasn’t just you; it was me that I saw

I was you and you were me
And I knew the truth
I was dead now too

I miss the way things used to be
Back when it was just you and me
In the backroom, smoking a doobie
Making love better than they do in the movies
Showing each other crazy new things
Giggling, we were always laughing
Holding each other like otherwise we had nothing

Now, i sit here all alone
I only see you through my phone
It's been so long now you've been gone
And we're both finally almost grown
And neither of us has wanted to move on
I thank God I get to call you my own
And right now I can't stop staring
                       at your picture on my phone

I need someone who wreaks of cannabis
A guy with moscato sitting on his lips
With the stress of nicotine on  his mind
And the threat of bankruptcy in his kiss
One who makes it snow when he sniffs
And lets me go when he finally quits

No obligations
No simply faking
No sweet nothings
No heart racing

No holding hands
No gentle demands
No feeling grand
No wedding band

Sometimes I sit in my room
And I cry my eyes out

Sometimes I cut myself
And let the blood out

Sometimes I wanna slit my throat
And bleed out

Sometimes I wanna run away
And get out

I cry, beg you please
Scream
Scratch desperately


Why?
Why not me?


****** words
Empty minds
Broken hearts
Lost in time


Open the doors
Let in the contraband
Crimson stained skin
Take me, I'm yours


Guess it's only right
To give in to the fight


You'll eventually leave
It's only for tonight

This truly is
The High school
Teen Girl Saga

Bubble-wrapped
Overflowing with
Teen Girl Drama

Who kissed who?
Who to choose?
Teen Girl Trauma

Broken hearts
Disarrayed
Teen Girl dogma

Please
Don't look at me
I don't want to see your face

                            Please
                            Don't talk to me
                            It is I who wanted space

                                                        Please
                                                        Don't love me
                                                        Find someone to take my place

                                                                                                          Please