“Could you ever be ashamed of me?
Sometimes I ask how could you ever want me.”
Lyrics so loud and clear hitting me
Triggering these inner demons that take control of me
I ask myself could you really?
I’d like to think that you could want me
But my demons tell me differently
You’re out of my league
I hope one day I’ll get over these insecurities
Because I’d like to think there could be a you and me

I thought I was doing great without you
Actually...
I really am
I haven't been happier since the day you left me
Months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds past
It gets easier
Then out of no where
I have one of those days
Those days where I break down
I let myself feel for a bit
Heal for a bit
Then I wipe my tears
Pick my *** back up
And continue to slay this world without you

2020
A year that everyone wishes would be cancelled
So much death, hate, pain, racism, etc.
As much as I’ve been feeling the impact of all that’s been happening you somehow keep me grounded. You’re my peace, my favorite person, my best friend and lover. You’re my blessing, my queen and the best gift of 2020.

I lay in bed in extreme physical pain..

The doc walks in and asks..

What's your pain level today, on a scale of 1 - 10?

My response..

15

Never have I felt physical pain this painful before
But when I lay in bed with a lot of time to think
My thoughts begin to consume my mind
This physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I have felt this past year and still continue to feel..

One thing I'm certain of is..

I choose Physical over Emotional any day!

My heart is an unpublished book that I allow only a few to get a glimpse of

I know you're broken
You don't have to say a word
I can feel your hurt and pain
Although I am broken myself
I can't help but wish I could take all your hurt and pain away
I want to give it to myself if it meant you could be happy
I want to give you a chance at happiness
I want the world to see your beautiful smile that seems to have gotten lost in that broken heart of yours

Headed to a city that I think I’m not ready to go back to
Last time I was there was with you
Not long ago
Very recent actually
The laughs, the smiles the stolen glances
This city reminds me of you
And I don’t know how to undo that
In fact I don’t even know if I ever want to

You know that feeling of addiction?
Imagine an addiction to a soul who gives you the right kinda feels..
Great right?
Now imagine an addiction to a toxic soul..
One that you know is not good for you but you still crave..
***** DEADLY..
Get your *** to rehab..

I just want to vibe to good music with you...

If it ain’t you i’d rather vibe alone...

Until you can fully forgive
Is when you can truly move on

Just come here...

And...

Let me hold you
No words
No strings attached
No other motives
Just let me hold you
Everything will be alright

I woke up sad....


But I woke up...


And that right there is a blessing

If lost, please return to:

My Heart

i sit here broken
pieces i have still yet to learn to piece back together
regret?
no
if i could go back in time knowing it would end the same way
would i do it all over again knowing the pain i went through?
with no hesitation i would do it in an instant
because aside from it all you showed me how it felt
to be in love
to crave someone so much
and showed me what i never thought was possible
without you I wouldn’t have known that I could treat another person with so much love and care and for that I thank you
Because with whom ever I end up with I know she will be treated the way she deserves to be treated
Like a queen who deserves the world

And just like that..

I no longer hear from you..

How about..
Your soul get with
My soul
So we can be..
Dope Souls

My mind is in a million different places
My emotions are struggling to feel it’s highs and lows
But one things for sure
I’m more at peace than I’ve been in awhile
The thoughts and emotions that flow through me are needed in order for me to fully connect with myself
And I have you to thank for that
You’re my lesson
No hate, no anger just blessed for what the future has instore for me
Because now I know my worth and now I decide to put myself first not last

find the one who will

build you
support you
encourage you
and push you to become a better version of who you already are

find the one who will
listen
seek to understand
and continue to fight for you when things get rough

and when you find that one
don’t let go
cause they don’t come around often

One day...
You will change
One day...
I will no longer be your second choice
One day...
You will love me
One day...
I realized there was never going to be a one day...

I will always say “I heart you”
Without saying “I heart you”

I steal glances and kisses out of the blue
And grin just by simply looking at you

“You’re beautiful baby”
Something I tell you everyday
Because after all the days and months that passed
You still turn my head and always make me think back
To our first date
**** you’re my soulmate

You still make me blush by your compliments
And give me butterflies all over again

Seeing your name pop up on my phone never fails to make me smile

I kiss you goodnight and good morning
Without even thinking twice

You get up early to get ready for work
And I get up too even when I don’t have to
Because I refuse to miss watching you get ready
It has become one of my favorite things to do

You sit at the edge of the bed
You look so tired but so adorable
You tell me you’re tired
I get up and start making your coffee
But I never add your milk and creamer
Because we both know why

I like picking up your favorite anything
Even when you don’t ask

You’re my muse who brings out my creative side
and I enjoy little projects I do for you

“Just because” flowers and edible arrangements
Because you deserve flowers without any reason or occasion but simply because I heart you

“How are you feeling? Emotionally, Mentally and Physically?”
Things I genuinely want to know on a daily
Because we’re a team and I always got you

I will always say “I heart you”
Without saying “I heart you”

I have these demons that I can’t seem to get rid of. They’ve attached themselves to my mind, my heart and my soul and I’m tired.