I question at times if my love is as strong as my pride
Could I walk away from his touch,
Just to make sure I don’t look stupid before I do?
Am I already a fool to everyone else?
I was raised to think appearances mean everything,
But what if he’s not what he appears?
When our love looks in a mirror what does it see?
Does it see you holding me in the light?
Or is there a shadow with it’s arm around my waist?
Am I strong enough to love you blindly?
Could I walk away to find me eyes?
Or is the truth clearer than I allow it to be?
My love is so strong that I question whether it can be real,
And if it is real, am I strong enough to let it be?

If I could live in a moment forever
Blink 182 would be on the radio
You would be singing every wrong note
As I learn how to be free through your spirit
 
You would be beating the dash board drums like no one was around
Taking all the turns you could on a 2 hour 10 mile drive

If I could live in a moment forever
I would live in the evermoving stillness I felt in the moment I began to fall in love
for the first time
again

Who hurt you to where you can’t love me with the capacity you once could
Am I the problem? Or do you stand where they once stood?
You showed them off like they were the world's only treasure
Why was I never granted that pleasure?
The world saw pictures of how happy you were
Now I feel it’s them that you would prefer.
I stand in your world and you are so proud of the people you’ve brought in it
But sometimes still I get this feeling that I don’t fit.
You show me memories of loves that have faded.
And I can’t help but be just a little jaded.
I don’t know if it’s this voice in my ******* head
Or if its someone else you wish you were sharing a bed
You wanted a future with them
But when I mention our lives your voice becomes numb
I want you to show me that I wrong
That your goal in the end is us and i'm not being strung along
Who hurt you to where you can’t love me with the capacity you once could
Am I the problem? Or do you stand where they once stood?

I have nightmares of wearing a white vail
Still tethered to him by the shock collar he put on my finger
He made my weakness his strength
So when he got on a knee
I said yes because I was scared of what it meant to say no

But now I'm with another who I fear
Feels trapped the same that I did
He tells me that he won't leave
But I've been on his end of the conversation
I'm scared that my breaking of a vow
Will haunt me with the first man I've truly loved

My nightmare isn't that I'm still with him
My nightmare is that I have become him

I will raise a better daughter than my mother did
I will raise a daughter who has a voice that cannot be muzzled
a daughter who does not measure her self worth with a scale
a daughter who will not let a man speak down to her, even her own father
a daughter who does not back down because she's told to
a daughter who does not need to hide her moments of weakness to protect those who should have protected her
a daughter who puts herself first
a daughter who wants her mind to out weigh her beauty
adaughter who does not think that her place is a slave to a man
I will raise a daughter in a way God did not create my family to raise a woman
I will raise the kind of daughter I wish my mother raised me to be

Some days I still crave the idea of death
the escatsy that comes with having no breath

Some days I'm scared of the person in the mirror
maybe without tears her image would be clearer

Some days the voice in my head is the only thing I can hear
but I don't know if it's her or the silence I should fear

Some days breathing is a job with no pay
and I can't figure out why I still stay

Some days it's all just too much
but they tell me happiness is almost in my clutch

Some days I just want it to end
but they tell me my heart is on the mend

Some days feel like there will never be a next
but waking up is my godly hex

Im addicted to your skin on mine
because I can feel for the first time
I wake up still dreaming of you lips on my neck
and my hands making your hair a wreck
before you I was trapped in the body of a corpse
now i'm brought to life and im not sure worse
your hands are the first to earn my bodies trust
and now for them I have an overwhelming lust

She tells me the truth I want to know
in the mirror she shows me what I know is here
that no one sees
She's let's me know my paranoia is speaking the words others won't
She confirms my feeling that I don't deserve the love he's professed to me
and she whispers to me the names of the girls he thinks of while he holds me at night
She tells me that my family would be better off if I was dead
that my mom would finally have the family she wants
She makes me fear every I love you
and every smile is just a trojan horse
waiting to destroy everything I built
I'm told to block her out
I'm told that she isn't real
but this ******* voice in my head is the only thing that's never left

I can't get the words out of my head
like the vision of a man lying dead
as she professed her love for you
because of a night I didn't have a clue
I'm trying to relearn trust
now for ignorance I have a lust
I have nightmares of ever smile you ever gave
and to my paranoia i'm now a slave
I can't kiss you the same
or believe the love that you claim
I have visions of her lips on yours
but I'm scared that they're truths from behind closed doors
I try to love you with out fear
but I need the truth to be clear

I sit by our front door to make sure that mud doesn't get in
and if it doesn't I quietly wash it away before you can see
so that you always have a clean home in me
and when it rains I become an umbrella
so that you never see a storm
and when it's cold I ignite a fire from my flesh
so that you never know what it's like to freeze.

But the mud has begun to drag me into a grave
and the lighting has struck me to where I can no longer breathe
and my fire has lost all kindling.

There is nothing left of me to give
I'm crying out for you to open your eyes
and save me from the ashes i've become for you
I need you at my door
by myside in the store
and I need your flame to reignite the one i've lost
I need you.

More than anything I need you

I live in a world that exists entirely in my head
a world where words flow easily from my mouth
I speak without the urge to cry
I have a voice and opinion
and he doesn't think im passive

I live in a world that exists entirely in my head
A world where we care in the same way
where he tells me he loves me unprovoked
and kisses me out of want
where im his waking though
and his greatest treasure

I live in a world that exists entirely in my head
a world where i'm part of my family
and they don't lay me by the front door
where their proud of my for using my voice
and don't muzzle the truth in a windowless room

I lay naked under the moonlight
For God to see the Apple with a bite
Though unlike she before me
There's no shame to see
I lay bare as a sinner
Like Judas before the last dinner
A taste of forbidden lust
My virtue in others hands I now trust
Just a simple bite
Has set my body flight

The young Witch puts a note in a bag
She’s yet to turn her back on God
But rather open herself up to the universe
The young Witch sits naked under than moon
She no longer prays
But speaks to God as a father and not a master
She’s no longer afraid of his approval or denial.
The young Witch speaks as the trees blow
She tells him of the boy she wants
She commands that it’s what she deserves
She demands that the universe bring this boy to her
The young Witch cries
As God responds to her
As a daughter and not a slave
God reads the note
God meets the boy
The young Witch smiles
As she hears the voice of God
Through the boy from the note
Telling her of what he wants
Commanding he’s what she deserves
And wandering his way to the young Witch.

If I died tonight would anyone care by the rising sun
Or leave me to rot as they've already done
Would my mother shed a genuine tear
Or would the burden she claims finally be clear
Would I finally find my fathers voice
Or in my absence would he just rejoice

If in sleep I took my last breath
Would and almost love resent my death
To our short memory would he hold
Or by mornings light would he have another as stories told

In breathing life I hold only to the words of care
And the truth lay visible as air
I'm terrified of feelings when i'm not there

I let my trust run wild until it turned into paranoia
I let my paranoia go untouched until it turned into resentment
I let my resentment fester until it turned into depression
I let my depression grow until it became doubt
Now my doubt had turned into confirmation
It wasn’t a kiss or a word I was scared to know of
I was afraid while I strangling my tears so you couldn’t see them
You were building a dam to keep others away
I was afraid while I was trying to mend my heart with bullets
You were acting as a tailor for someone else's
I was afraid that you had become someone else's safe haven
While I was learning to be my own
But still I let my trust run wild

When I look at you, it’s like im hearing my favorite song for the first time
I’m entranced in your voice with every line
I become connect to you by sound waves coursing from your smile to my soul
And I'm parallelized in a way i could never know
To most your just a song to add and skip when it plays
But my love for you I swear is more than a phase

I invite my demons back into my bed,
I let them taunt and torture me
As I kiss their lips and feed them, love.
I beg for them to blacken my eyes ****** my wrist,
And fill the void that rests within my soul.
I’m addicted to the way the pain feels
And they're addicted to the ways my tears taste

I listen for the guitar player by my window
Throwing rocks for him to toss back,
I wait to feel the vibrations from the chords
That is meant to stitch the pieces of my broken heart.
And when he finally comes
My eyes become blind from beauty
And my spirit falls for the energy
Coursing through the guitar player's soul.

Mother do you hear my silence now?

I've been floating in an abyss terrified of who I am
Waiting for you to understand

Mother do you know why I said what I said?
You sit in a tower looking down only acts
But is it me or a reflection looking back

You claim to care about my mental state
But don't give a **** about what brought me to this fate

Mother do you hear my silence?
In the midst of his verbal violence
Can you see the pain I keep inside
Because it's all getting harder to hide

Mother when you say you care
Is it just to hide behind a prayer
Or is it more than to show God the cross that you bare

Mother do you hear my silence now?

I stopped praying to God one day
To hear what Gaia had to say
I thought if I turned to a devil less religion
He'd leave me alone for a smidgen
Yet his hand still rest on the back of my neck
And for his shadow in the light I constantly check
I thought he existed in the basement of the church
But I guess it's my shoulder where he likes to perch
I stopped praying to God one day
But not even Gaia could keep my mind at bay

My persona seems that of a blank book,
No words to give yet to be made,
Plain on the out side not worth the first look
But the pages of my mind are screaming not to let them fade

My thoughts lay plainly in invisible ink,
Wait for someone to try and read
They're afraid to show for what people may think
Still you believe someone with a pen is what I need.

What I need is a blind man to the words I can't say
Someone to connect with beyond the visible
Someone who will wait for the end and stay,
And with you, I might have finally sound someone capable

Ive never felt more secure being alone than being with us
You're always there but your absence is the only thing I can trust
While my tears wash my pillows
I can count on you not to know
But I guess that's just the way it's supposed to go
Your arms are supposed to be the most familiar forigne place I've ever been
But just when I start to forget them- they come back again
You're the only stranger who's kiss can ground me
The only ghost who's seldom smile I beg to see.
I'm screaming to the Gods almost every night
Begging not to be the only one in the fight.
And then I hear my phone ding,
And I forget why the **** I'm writing this thing.

I want to be loved again.
Or maybe even for the first time.
I want the love of a blind man to the soul
Where two minds hold hands
And smiles meet in the dark.

I want you to love me like that
But I fear you speak a language I don't understand,
And the words that now make me smile
Will send my neck back into the noose I once knew.

I don't know what love is
But I know it's far far this
My hearts become too fogged
So I can't see the intentions in your eyes
I'm terrified of my blind lust for your heart
And my desire for you too want mine.

I want to be loved again
But I fear that with you it's just pretend.

His touch sent chills through my spine
Like I was posessed by the devine
Not a child like the rest
Oh to a man my body  confess

Strong hands but not a wicked grip
No longer a juvenile attached to my lip
No this is not some 16 year old affair
Oh to a man my body I swear

He'll reach me why I know not of sin
and i'll let him with a grin
No he's not a child like the rest
Oh to a man my body I've confessed

He was my whole world
With him my future was furled
Yet my soul felt there was something a lack
Of what I couldn't find a fact.

My wandering heart began to stir
For another planet I began to explore
But I couldn't find anything like the world he gave
Though what I found I began to crave

The new reminds me not of the old
It makes me feel things that couldn't be told
My mind no longer chained to the ground
To no ones planet am I bound

I rest now a moon in the sky
For I told his world goodbye
Now it be just me and I
Searching for what makes my soul fly.

I hung her from the ceiling of a stairwell.

Looking down on two lovers pressed together
forced to watch upon her soulless sinful body,
as it allows foreign hands to mutilate her morals.
The arch of her back from being limp and lifeless.
Tears fall from her face,
each kiss tightens the noose.
The two mistake her tears as paralyzing pleasure.
She grinds her body to his hoping to become one.
For if they are one, is this truly wrong?
She envisions wedding bells,
hoping that her delusion will forge the knife that frees her.
She truly believes her breathless state is a result of pure ecstasy.
Unknowing that the further down his hands go,
the closer she comes to the grips of hells fire.

The rope breaks crippling her life

She falls to her knees suffocating.
He takes advantage of her weakened state,
her tears bring him joy
Breathing falls flat as he leaves her there
Hopelessly she grasps at his ankles
Screaming as regret cuts her wrists
One step at a time the vision of him disappears.
As her body cries in the corner,
Her soul lies in a pool of red regret
I‒

She, died in a stairwell.

Our souls were intertwined
Lying in a pit of darkness.
You point out a constellation,
To me the sky remains blank.

All I see is you
All you see is what’s beyond

The Earth drifts from the Moon
4 centimeters each year.
You drift from me
4 days each hour.

A year, an eternity for planets,
A day, an eternity for us.

He had this divine seduction
Like when you meet God or the Devil

My love for him was shallow
as the Aral Sea.

He was immaculate.

Enticing.

He had a beauty,
held by none,

a voice that hummed
like the flute of a snake charmer,

and eyes that gleamed
like the dead of night.

He could draw you in,
with just a wicked grin.

An Angel of God, that boy was,
And I worshiped him just the same.

I once dreamed to be wed in white.
Angles gleam, as I pure as sunlight.
Oh but temptation surely put up a fight.
One that drained all my might.

The darkest cloak will drape around.
Dead flowers and fire for the fate i’m bound.
Tis not a dove but a crow that sound.
Yet there be not a regret found.

Hear the bells of death ring.
No care for sin feels a wonderful thing.
The touch he gives enough to unclip my wing.
A hymn of death i’ve forced the choir to sing

I dreamed once to wed in white.
Though now it will be darker than night.
For the grace of sin is quite the sight.

How long must I wonder,
Street lights lighting this road I ponder.

I'm lost in a place I know,
It's hard to be real in a town so foe.

This emptiness is weighing me down,
It goes with this pass through town.

My gypsy soul pulls me in a direction,
But my brain chains me in refraction.

How much longer on this road I ponder?

Sound asleep i’m carried by your light
Not a mouse squeaks this far in night
Peaceful wind, and steady breath
With your guiding hand, I fear no threat
Mr. moon in your light guide me this night

Graceful footsteps, and braided hair
On this night, roaring fire and smoke filled air
Take my hand and lead this dance
Quickly before the Sun takes her first glance
Mr. moon in your light guide me this night

The starry sky and your smiling face
My smile brightens looking into space
Morning sun to close and dreary
Your fading grin paints me weary
Mr moon in your light guide me this night

With sleepy eyes your light carries me back
Your eyes close quick as mine, so the sun doesn’t lack
Mr moon in your light guide me this night