Scaling and zooming in
On my porcelain skin, a rainbow colored heart in my hand
And poetry, you will never understand.

Calculations and budding numbers
Our paths differ and conflict
You can't make your clock alarm sound
And drown time next to me.

44 pages worth of poems, hours spent over the internet
Remember how you would say "baby, thats some good ******'"
I know you must recall when you walked into my door
Took me into your arms, lecture me about my little baby tops
I no longer wear for you.


I believe that human beings choose to be too busy
I believe that human beings make 5 minutes of their time
For those we deem a priority.
So thats the answer to the equation
You could have just drawn me a graph
But I hope my echoing laugh,
Haunts your cleft chin and water eyes.

Like Venus but in mermaid glory
I swim away from the shore
Of what I thought I had before.
Latin America quakes all around you
As I rip off the last button on my blouse.

I hope you are well.
I am glad to see you are well.
But I don't wait or appreciate promises
That hold no weight.

I placed your polaroid inbetween two plays,
Several days ago the titles jeering:
"A Fool For Love" and "****** Adulto Escapes From The Zoo"

Where did I learn how to dance the way I dance?
You can't teach electricity.

Doin' what I can to just swim right past it
A picture of her hand on his stomach
Contentment.
But I wear sweaters that show my tattoo
I feel my temple pounding
Lipstick on, our lips brush each other
I guess I am a little bored.

Need and want that sweet company
You left, very little words inbetween
But I keep up with the cement in the city streets
Blonder and bolder
Than I have ever been before.

Maybe you wonder, with your punctuation and very little time
But a big beautiful bag can't keep me company.
So I sink my limbs into what is right now
Film a ****** bird carcass on the street
Swans, firebirds, peacocks leaping right through me.

My waist and hips grow smaller and tighter
As the numbers in my world increase
But take pictures of moments I can't forget
Everyone knows, I soon leave.

I hope Latin America treats you well
I hope its worth all the fuss
I hope I fly high above you
Don't need any more explanations
I just fly across the moon.

Seems like just yesterday you buzzed my door
Sent me songs every other day
Grabbed me against a wall
I was the sexiest of them all.

It has given me an aching feeling of loss
Resentment and anger
But I let that go, jumping into the trampoline
Of my beating heart


You were right.
I am a dream boat


A dream boat meant to sail away.

"Our lives are really pretty ******* amazing."
Rain drenched all down our expressive faces
Stomach in ropes and coils
Should I have sent him that message?

20 something young pretty, little things
We glide over the moon, our long limbs
Reaching and leaping all over town
Because we are the women of the now.

We got our fears, our worries, our *******
Everyone gotta say: today is not my day
But if I could paint the town with all the fulfillment in the world
I would do it with biggest paint brush
Your eyes have ever blinked at.

Blinking blinking blinking
Feeling, gripping my utmost attention
Clap, clap to the beat of your own name
Ain't nothin' ever gonna be the same.

I could sign into all of my technological means
Hoping to just see a typed: "Hello baby, how are you?"
And oh, how I do wish and wish
But I hit that sweet ****, take a lick of present tense
Instead.
While everyone whispers, don't deny
So I don't crowd myself with the blank faces of denial
But ******* to see that empty seat
Become filled and meeting me at the end of the aisle.

But I slay and stray against everything the sweet south
Told me to wear full length gloves to
I dodge gritty bullets bad men throw my way
While I sway, link fingertips, lips
With beautifully molded hourglass bodies
Right next to me
We, we Women of The Now.

Can't see a thing, in the blackness
Of the megabus windows
Curled up like a rabbit
The woman next to me and I
We slumber so hard
Dust in my eye
I remind myself to be grateful
For my life.

Plotting, crafting, contemplating
I make long winded videos
About mishaps from late nights
Trying to nod at the present
Forget the past
Not chase the future.

Tomorrow
A room, hearts, words
Eyes, dreams, love
This is not last year
Lost in Brooklyn until 8am, everyone insecure, trying to release
No, I am a different me.

It pains me to hear so little
And it pains me to be disciplined
But my ladies and I, we paint our dreams into the sky
Fearful I am full of horseshit
Or people see me as a southern little fool
But my crinoline skirt and I,
We waltz away.

This isn't for you and it's not for him
Or him or him
It's for the thrill we feel the first time we see who we have always wanted to see looking back at us in the mirror.

And by that, I mean a daring, unique
Fulfilled, ambitious, goddess
Me.

Bend me over,
He said, the counter looks so *****
Lets bend me over
But a bottle of fireball in my hand
I tell myself its my job to teach you a lesson.

You and your girlfriend, a few stories below
You and your daughters, your wives, your mothers
Be good to them.

I can't offer the seat across from me to you today
Because I wait for someone.
And as everyone around me touches legs
I know my beating membrane resides elsewhere.

I have found peace with not seeing
Or hearing your voice every day
So I just use it.
I sweat, glisten, pour
As large blackened hands reach for me
But I twirl so handsomely
Into my cocoon.


Can't help but ponder
If you stumble upon this site
Try to gage where I am at
By sight seeing my typed words
That I no longer send to you
Not to inflict hurt
But because I write for me
I know you have got that folder of my face
I hope you remember the essence, smell of me
On your neck and lips.
But for now, I sit alone.


New York City shining lights
Wait to fill my heart
Temporarily and it won't pain me
Because the Betrayer don't mean nothin' at all
What an experience it all is.

Pack the bags,
Text all morning,
I barely eat these days.
Chicago, LA, Chicago
Feeling hope and a new beginning
As I cry in the theatre
Nothing like moving art
Writing my name on the ceiling
I journey on.

Reveal, just reveal
Surrender and I do underneath
The bed covers
Long Eyelashes sensually rubs his skin into me
Won't try to groom him, no more
I know
Release, release
Face aglow
As I read your email
Choose from the menu.

Babe, that word
Snow covered everything
Can barely feel the hands
Sugared coffee and enticing nights
I won't wait for you to catch up to me
But babe, as we said
I will be admist the flames.

I make plans and I play lots of games
Make up from the night before
Creases in my face I try to embrace
Swans nestle and neck all around me
But please don't forget me

It's so close to home, it's so close
But I open and I release
My mouth still feeling  like ***** martinis
Too many glasses of red wine
Women and I brave the universe

If I could play the piano
I would swirl into an ominous
Beautiful place, wearing nothing
At all but my long legs and lean jaw
Release, concave with me

So we rise up
I take a seat at the table
Make room for everyone else
My youthful swan on my shoulder.

I did want it to be you
I hope that it's you
But you don't have time for me
Right now
Or my poetry

So I kiss beaks
I kiss and love my own tiny
Little baby beak

We swim

Sign off, water spilling from the faucet
I imagine white and black paint
Wings to whisk me away
You will wish you hadn't missed out.

I recorded myself late into the night,
Lets create that reminder
My hair grows longer everyday,
I throw myself into the world
Because no one will for me.

Don't do what he did, don't talk like he did
Don't be silent like he did
But like I said
White and black paint cascade all around me
My wings, flying and flapping
So high.

A sunset, throwing things out of the window
Or miles and miles of snow
Answers wait to whisper my name
I hate technology, but I have to use it
To get by,
But I sign off because I refuse to wait.

A cocktail here, a cocktail there
Never enough time.
I have about 12 errands to run
And you don't seem to be one of them.

But thank you for the art,
Every single one of you
As my mother wishes a wedding veil were on my head
I leap in the air knowing,
In time.

But I won't fight, I won't force
And I sure as **** won't chase
Because girls like me,
We get chased.

Embryonic and chaotic
Catalytic is what everyone says as they pivot
Toward me
There is no man who could control my fate
So I let go of what was
What could be
What I want us to be.

Because I am a palette of colors and gems.

I think you might have forgotten
Forgotten my cracked in half
Little doll face
But that beeping and ringing
Hands in my hair
You said I was the sexiest.

Words in circles and circles
My best friend and I drink coffee in bed
Walking in the rain with a dog that is not my own
Don't get hit by the big truck
Eyes shift and glance around,
Be grateful.

And I don't know what keeps you from me
But a computer screen and math equations, you seem to prefer
But an exotic place I hoped to bathe in, does not appear
For me, right now.
So I Dear No One, a million times
Until I find peace.

I don't think or know that you are gone
Your exclamation points and long waited answers
I strangled myself with our memories a thousand and one times
But I can't give you three months of my future
I can't give you my stamina and core
Because I need it and I gaze into the future
But right now, I dance in the now.

Long Eyelashes calls me babe and whispers I love you
When I let him do so,
But I can't say it back
But I see tattooed arms gripping and calling my name
But I turn the other way.

But its not, no
Not for you
I turn because I turn and I turn
Into the woman I long to be.

High collars, zippers, a lady tie
Red flaming mouth
I take direction and I give direction
Make the movements more smooth
As I dance so sensually
To my own melodies.

Maybe you will whisper baby and come after me
But no, I won't wait up to find out
Betrayer I know it felt so good
To see my name
But all the boys who have ruined me
I curtsey away.

Because I am a ******* belle.

Lingering, wanting prickles
Of flames and whimpering the Greek god's names
No, no
You can't touch this.

Fingers interlocking with tufts of hair
Blood curdling down your face
You thought you could beat
Me into the milky white
On repeat
But I rise trembling with booming and beaming
Echoing sounds, that make your skull
Penetrate sin and a fire to your bones.


A slithering entity in the mouth
Gaps slide in and out
Hear that rattle and shake
Turned to stone, you appear.

Breast plates shifting and biting
A shudder here, a shudder there
All the young girls stare.

Water into wine
Blood into ****
Lust into honey
Love into flame.

Don't look for the birds in the sky
We fly too high for your thrown stones.

Gold watch too big for my little wrist
A tie at my neck
Red laced around me,
Can't say anything back to that text
"I adore you."
Don't mean nothin'
Comin' from you.


Pairs of tears sliding down cheeks
I type and type what I feel
Can't you see that I never wanted you to leave
But all my friends and I
We hold cameras in our little hands
My lips were never more red.

Hours and clocks echo my name
I do what I can to inspire
Self loathing has become my middle name
But I describe a beast, with red and yellow fangs
"BOOM!!"
I said, my voice strong and monstrous
Scrapes in the snow
I've still got my scar
To lick upon.


A past love, from too too long ago
Wants to say, "Glad you are well. Lets find time."
But my lips part and know.

Papa says beauty is the most valuable thing
For little ole me
But what if he doesn't answer me?
But he will, there will be no deactivation
But I won't sit in front of my computer screen
Check my email a thousand and one times
But I confess, I already did.

I remember the skeptical blue eyes
And the coy grin that left so many
Bite marks behind
I wonder if you think of me
And it feels so good, for you to see me
Fly above.

When eyes take in the environment
The snowy filled ground
And 5 year long relationship with the Philadelphia
***** city dreamin'
A text away from a man or two
A friend who goes through the same issue
A bottle of wine, we deem "Goddess Juice."
I will not watch my life pass me by.


**** *regret.

Gray puddles and slosh,
I leap right over them
The couples to my left
Right, backwards, forwards
They hold limbs and guide
But I skip through it like the night.

I could hear them all say "baby."
But I rise in the morning and leave a note
On your pillow
Because my heart, my mind
Are elsewhere.

Flipping through tattoo sketches
Don't make a sound, like a mouse
I can't do a breakfast with you
And I can't touch you the way you want me to
Because I guide myself through the puddles.

So good to see the sunshine again
A southern girls best friend
I type and look at it because I can
"I love you. Please marry me."
But I erase and take that shot
All the boys wanna go home.

A shoe shine, a strange man
Just tried to educate me about salt
And the woes of February
But I chide and nod my head
To the beat of my own leaps.

https://vimeo.com/119862986
Crinkle of blade and flabbergasted
Oozing an ointment out of fresh
Pretty, such pretty
Shining skin.

Can we all say Amen?
Like Mama told us to in church.
But I don't wanna end up just like Mama
Or Grandmama from before
Or women from the 1940s, 30s, or 1800s
High neck collar, a glance of flesh
But don't shove down my glove
Powder on our noses--we stare down
From the very very high balcony.
We've got the shaking power
In our tightening hands
Like twisted vines and everyone's whispering
"Cave in."

But its true
We do--we ******* question it.
Oh? Whoops. I'm sorry--
So sorry. I did not just say the word
*******
Oh goodness, how unladylike of me
My crinoline and garter in my mouth
Smeared redness on cheeks of lust
But I could beg and plead
For you to not leave
But I would rather regurgitate
My otherworldly thoughts, instead.
But if I could, I would crash and crane and bang
A swift kick to the ribs
Red boiling heart on the cement
Tear my knife of love through them
The ones who struck through the swing set,
Oh my
I forgot--to annunciate the word "stop."
Or so you thought.


But if my clinging and longing
Paint drenched hands
Tell you anything at all, darling
I would leave behind marks and residue of
My freshly cut wounds
A little blood on my upper lip
But I would rather lay my ******* atop them
Because I chose to do so
Like the ***** that slinks next to me
Twirling into the sea I ride in.


A glimmering white soft moment
I never knew she could fly so fast
But a heavenly moment drags me down
Into the sounds of her heavy whimpering
My world of coughing up gold and lace
Thrown in my face
But I could never replace
How you thought you could destroy me--
Into nothing but a liver and bones.

But I rise above the flames
My red hair burning like sweet sorrow
On a lonely night you thought you might dismantle my toes
But my throne of yellow and missing arm
We seek no harm.


If I could give one thing
If I could loop and tingle my lingering limbs
I would throttle, lick, taste,
Every moment a woman cried into her palms
Every second of self worth questioning
Every time you looked for his face
Every hour you laughed until your stomach pained
Every minute you wet your fingertips
Every millisecond I slobbered
My fingertips

With the flight of me.

Lick, cut my soul in half
Up against this wall, I could shut my little
Tiny mouth
I let the bags of what we wish we could have
Sit high up on my back
Rip down the doors and walls of our past
But we curse and I try to strut
Liquid coming from face
Lets not cry into wine tonight
But I just know it, I know it
Red flowing skirt, bare skin
And your ******* adoring grin.

I pleaded and wrote 44 pages worth of poetry
My objective so clear and loosely concise:
This, this is worth fighting for.
But sometimes, I, my body fights against me
Lights and drama tighten around my neck
But you whisper over technology
That you are the best for me.

Well.
I think that I am the best for you.
Shake loose intellectual mathematical equations
But I put on a beret, a pencil behind my ear
I can wear stockings and a fur stole
The way you sorta stole
My heart, before you go.

Ringlets of what could be fly high above our heads
But I could stay on the ******* internet
If it meant to see that face again.
You say you worry, worry about me
I am no PhD baring goddess or wise Egyptian
I know my palettes of paints confuse and ponder you
But I could misuse the word "literally"
A million more times
If it meant, I got to hear that little
Chuckle, from you.

I would do a lot of things
To be back in the corner of your room
Your back to me, in your sweet chair
Spanish echoing all around
Let me be your witty doll
I can throw you a curve ball
With my diamond eyelashes
And biting quick steps.

Happy Valentine's Day
My aching skin and longing lips
We, we dance in the dark
Wishing to turn our head
See you there coming near me,
Again.
Like the night you did,
When we first met.

But Button, Darling baby.
Your hands would brim and cascade
With my golden locks and hungry lips
But I would and could whimper with you
In a way you never dreamed.

So let me be
Let us be
I will let us be
A heart shaped box
Of the weirdest, most intricate
******* candy.

Painted blush and bursting red
Out of my breathing, heavy chest
Took so much to get here, but I know
It ain't over yet.

Boxes come and my door buzzes
Gifts and tokens of love from you
Handles of wine disappear
But I don't know how to write
Anymore.

A series, a trilogy--make everyfuckingthing
Waiting for the ring ring ring
But I don't wait
A slice of pizza in my mouth
Kisses and physical affection I long for
But I shoot with my little camera
Dance to the upbeat chorus
With all my friends by my side
Oh what it means, to feel revitalized.
Humming radio sounds, can't get you out of my head
"Baby, I think I am the only one who deserves you."

Stripping down fabric, lets take our chaos out on the town
I pile clothing and articles of the past
High atop each other like a mountain
Into the sky I wish I could float and knife through
Sell it, take it
New chapter, woman I am becoming.

Hearing voices of candy hearts
Twisted pink swirls of lust and love
I wear my little red dress
Glad to be so done with the past
My walls become more and more blank
New ******* slate
And I cannot seem to break
Old habits of mine
So we do, we discuss self worth
And the wonder of 20 something
Late into the snowy night.

I should really get that camera in my face
Try to make you see what you mean
But baby, you are just a computer screen
For now.
But I smell real leather and sing songs
Of my longing for a man
I cannot have right now
But my gypsy skirt and I
A wand of power and sensuality in my hand
We burst like a flame
Into the world.


Everybody has to say something
About everyone's happiness
Caffeine filled veins
I trudge through the snow
Nothing wrong
Something beautiful
About sleeping alone
And I don't wallow over The Betrayer
Or past lovers
But I smile at new bags
Art that lifts me up into the sky
People that dance around me,
Lightning bolts and disco lights
Line up next to us.

Valentine's day.
Red, pink, purple
Light pretty little colors
Open your organs to happiness.

There is nothing stranger than seeing someone you once promised the world to, seem so together with someone else.

Dribbling from our chins, I could mix
Up that jealous potion we both salivate
Into jars we store under our beds
Like a tigress in the night
I maul down my past,
But move really--very fast
Because I hate to wait.
Crying into my red wine
Tantrums you could somersault into
But you've got that something for me
So my long legs and I
We stop running.

I see you swagger into a brisk heat
My imagination twirling and throwing
Me into the streets of Philadelphia
I look at now, with a slight negativity
Take me away from here
I will take myself away from here
But my drumming ***** fills up
Every time I am placed in a paint soaked bathtub.


I direct and I describe things with a sense of urgency
All the while I feel the howling sensation
But I see your name flash and click before my mind
Place maybe, me in your pocket
I feel my impatience and need for more
Bury itself deep in my throat

Why, yes, thats me over here choking
On the kitchen cozy floor
But you are scared to view all my angsty work
So I purr and hum
In my little Breakfast At Tiffany's studio.

Falling the more you describe possibility
But you need so much more clarity
While blonde heads tell me I really should settle down
But I jump into clumps
While jesting, "Lets just get married."
But all I want is your hand in mine
I promise I could be the prettiest little thing
Of yours
But yes, there is a mane and fangs.

Trees and people covering the streets
In your little collared shirt, Spanish
Echoing from mouthes all around
So sorry to act like such a clown
But sometimes I feel like my pounding brain and heart combusts
And gets the better of me.


Gripping fingertips laugh and lick
My skin that you long to kiss from afar
Hold the computer so close,
But don't glorify what you don't have
You are so right
But at midnight
You are not mine to hold
For now, we murmur.

If I could find a little space
Filled with only glass windows
Splatter paint and red roses
I would let you watch from afar
If you wanted, darling button baby
As I flew and drew
Exactly what it meant to be away from you.

Maybe I am just a fool
Maybe I am too young
Maybe I am unappreciative of what I've got
But I won't stop pouring and swimming
In the paint of the world I long to create
So come join me in the club foot bathtub
Blue paint would go perfectly with your eyes.

Or maybe I just
A flicker of an emotion human beings
Give a name to: "sad."
I remember when past lovers would refer to my emotion
As "mad"
But the truth is that I am a kaleidoscope
Full and brimming with childish wonder.

And I can't even formulate
The palette of colors I feel tonight
Because text is not enough.

But if you wanna buy me the biggest
Nicest bag, you can find baby
Do so,
I will wear it in the bathtub
With my passport and Chicago traveling eyes
In hand.

I could drink a million cups of coffee
Motivate myself, stress all around
Send a thousand emails--nobody can do it
I will take it on.

But God sometimes
I imagine swimming through the ocean, my tail
Flicking and waving behind me
Coming up for air,
There he would be
This beautiful, strong man
I have written about so many times before.

Skeptical, we gotta question it--academically
Mathematical equations, as the sharks swim all around me now
But with my mighty tail, I take off
Trick them into the lower depths of the sea.

Feels like everybody's got somebody, but me
I tell you late into the night, computer screen glowing
Lets say all these crazy ******* things
But I think, Oh God--am I too young
Am I transitioning?
My maidenhead would be mocked
In the deep south--I am the only one
With no real wedding veil.
How can we explore, but ya gotta just read my poetry
Darling.

Red wine skirt, twirling and spinning
Long curly blonde hair a million miles long
All the boys would watch, but its you who grabs my hand
Its been a shadow for so long
Maybe cabin fever, but I know I gotta get out of this place.

Drop an article of clothing
If it makes you sway and stay, baby
You can hear the snap of my camera
Gotta capture a moment or two
But we break down everything
Like geometry or calculus
But you know you could race to the front
Heres how to race to the front:

Let me be different
With all of my thousands of faces
I've got the technical form down
To send the ball back, speedily and quickly
Sometimes it might hit you in the face,
My sweet

But catch it, and catch me
If you please
I don't have a scientific certificate
Or an age where money flows through my fingertips
But I've got a beauty and love
A dancer and artist's spirit
That could keep you on your toes
Laughing all hours of the day and night


So lets live and love
We could say that 2+2=4
But why marry numbers?

Shuffle the *******' cards
I'm off so fast you don't even notice my blow
To your face--but thats fine because lets be real
You are real ******' headcase
Gotta rub and rub that down
Feel that sound, of the whining and dining
But we ain't got no money for it.

Some people say my heart is too heavy
And I just gotta wipe their messy make up off
Yell it in their face, maybe you don't really know me
And your ******* right I don't see you clearly
Because your humility is crowded by thorns
Lies, all the time, wind yourself down
Drink too early in the morning
But me and my girls, we are soarin'
And I wish I could ******' rap
Because life always seems like some awful trap
But don't yap, yap, yap at me
On the phone today, mom.


This isn't about you, or him, or it
But when it hits 4pm all I wanna do is sleep
But flash that camera all around
Don't text me if you ain't got nothing good to say, girl.

Face on a screen
Delirium until 4am
Lets tell stories that need to be told
As we bang our heads against walls
I would rather be the couple
No one pegged to be together at all.

I was surprised it hurt to hear his name the other day
As everyone started to whisper, throw it under the table
But I am ******' capable and able
Start over.


People test my temper
I get tired of being the leader
But sometimes ya gotta be a boss ******* *****
Question my intention
Because you just looking for attention
I avoid dialin' that number
It ain't you I'm after.

I've worked long and hard to contain the master
No dishes or scratches adorn this life anymore
But I laugh and am glad to be down with my past
Don't have time for people that weep over skeletons
Of men who simply don't look, don't mess with them


Spiked wings reach out, might hit you in the face a bit
So hop on
Or get left behind
With loss in your hands.

Paintbrushes and globs of me
Wipe them down limbs
Through the tunnel of the ripped portrait
Light escapes and gropes for us like the men
Who weren't held accountable by their mothers
By their fathers
And all the strong women nod their head in unison
"We've gotta do somethin."

Caps of jim beam
Light that **** up,
Click, click, record, perch on the counter
Nobody can give you love like you can give yourself.

I wish I could sprinkle myself
Onto a blank massive canvas
Spectators would all walk by and cry
"Thats where she is happiest."
Its not with her hand held
Its not with her name whispered
Its where she placed and made her own home.

I could swizzle and swivel my skeleton
To look just like the frozen garden outside
But I don't know who I really want to be mine
But I wanna leap across the world
But sometimes, yeah, I have this weepy feeling
Deep inside.

I don't have a second to spare
So don't tell me to give you a sec
Or that you had a dream
I know loved ones reside across oceans
But I can't and won't wait up for you
Or stay, because its easier for you
Love, we all have love, but
I gotta go to see all the places and all the things.

My mother and father
They tell me now, at age 24
They never really realized how I was pretty
Like a model
So young, my father always knew--he says
But I roll in and out of money
Wish I could rip it all away from the tree
Because ain't none of it really for me.

Swish, click, like, repeat
Gurgle and spit a multitude of colors
I always loved to spin in circles.

Can a person be your narcotic?
"You gotta find a way to pull yourself out of this"
"You need to decide what your narcotic is!"
But I am the girl with the ***** martini in hand
Shaking my head to myself
I wanna be my own narcotic.

But there is nothing like seeing his face
Though he is light years away
And you understand when you hear your best friend say
"My narcotic is away, his name is _"
All these blank spaces, sick of the black spaces
I don't want to forever ride on a blank space.

Twiddling thumbs and rubbing lips
Slobber slides down like a cliff hanger
Beaming perky ******* and joyful words
I miss waking up next to you
But I think I gotta be my own narcotic,
First.

If we depend on others,
If we completely depend on others
How will we fair when we link arms with solitude
I want you so badly, I tell you
Your face glowing and staying in the memory of my mind
But I don't want you to be my drug.

I want a companion, a champion
I want a witness to my life, someone that holds me
Late into the night
But I am just fine sleeping alone.

As women, we hustle after love
Give me that baby bump, ring on my finger
In whatever ******* order--women of our generation wail
But I can't do that right now, and I don't wanna--
Gotta be your own narcotic

Sometimes you do NEED a little help from your friends
And tapping your fingers into the palm
Of marijuana, whiskey, your best friend, poetry
Or holding your computer close because he is so far away
And this is the closest you will get to touching
That pretty hairy face.


I don't really know what I am trying to say today
But I am a believer in being steadfast
In finding peace with being on your own
How can you ever really love,
If you depend on someone to be your narcotic?
I want someone who will enjoy narcotics with me
I want someone happy sitting in the front row
I want someone strong and knowing.

But first, let me inhale my own intoxication.

Errybody gotta mourn a little death
For each of their ex's
And a lot of people jest
"The Girlfriend I use to be with."
Flying past images upon images
Thank God for the art of letting go
Pick the pieces back up again.

Errybody gotta mourn a little death
For those that walk away
Words upon words
Won't bring them back
Nope, can't be the same again.

And errybody gotta mourn a little death
For who they use to be
But Thank God for change upon change
Human beings are always evolving.

A million bags packed
Lets stuff them in the car, transportation so hard
I can ride with you, ride with you anywhere.
But ******* everything is so expensive.

Push the panel back, lets watch it all dissolve into the ground
A witness to your life, thats something I've always wanted
I told you, as we carried each piece down old stairs
"How cinematic is it that the beginning of us is with the destruction of your past."
I watched you say goodbye to it all, but you didn't say much at all
A cigarette in your mouth
I told you, you choose to go. Embark on your next journey.
I wanna be your future, I coyly think--while I write you little notes.

Wetness and water filled my face the past 48 hours
But I just love to hide in your closet like a little girl
Pour red wine in your hair the night before
Cling to you like a little bitty thing
The word boyfriend--while looking at you
Would taste so good.

I woke alone this morning, okay with the day
I need a personal day, I tell myself
But dear God, its so good to hear from you
Don't stop, reach out, send me your passion from afar
But neither of us really utter the word love
Nothing wrong with the unspoken,
Lets earn it and not say it within a goodbye.

A grilled cheese, fries I stopped eating, beer after beer
A girlfriend and I discuss all the things
You would always smile and laugh
At all the little things, I use to say
But cameras all around, scripts, impromptu
I find peace and lightness all around.

Struggling to grab all of my millions of bags
The talkative taxi driver was ready for me
To tuck and roll out of the car
So hard to say goodbye.
But please, lets not let that be the last time.
We kissed, I think, a total of 4 times.
Stress, and tension, I promised you
You would make it there on time.

The last kiss--we held for as long as we could in that moment
A painful, hard, lasting, goodbye for now.
I got out, putting my brave look on
Glanced back in the car at your beautiful face
And marched on, flung my bag on my back
Tried to put away my grimace and welling eyes
Going forward like a strong little china doll
I turned to look back.


Through the tinted window,
Your eyes, lips, nose, bearded face watched me go
I stood for a moment as the car drove you away from me
My strength and facade broken
I blew you a kiss
We stared after each other until after you were out of sight.

You watched me go
I watched you go
And thats when I knew
This ain't over.

Oh, whoopsy—that was me just now
Your beaming salt & pepper grin, I laughed and waltzed
“Its so beautiful” I exclaim to your complaints
About the snow, but no—please baby don’t go
But I know you have to, and perhaps I need you to go
But I can see it so clearly—Gulf Shores, beers with my father As you laugh
over mathematics and what your Teedle means.

But if this should end tomorrow,
I know I’ve got the strongest shining armor.
I wish I could give you a piece of my beating heart
As Chile becomes your new temporary home
Think of me and my angel face.

Lets lay on a blanket, contemplate what could be
And I know you wanna just protect me
“I can be careful with you. I see I need to be careful with you.”
I can sink my teeth into all of the cities
Swarm my heart with our vampire ways

I think the possible love of my life could leave on a jet plane, tomorrow.

Toasted bagels on the counter top
Its true, I tend to drink a lot
But I get ******* **** done.

My chest longs for you, from across the room
And if I could I would lure you to me
Wish, beg, and plead
Please, please baby don't leave.

We woke up this morning naked
Alarms sounding all around us
I could make you so good, so well, so satisfied.

Here in my own little corner,
All the musical theatre geek freaks sing
Cinderella and I with our glowing hair
We just wanna go to the ball tonight.

I can summarize it all in one little poem
Or a million, trillion, ******* I have run out of numbers
But I can write on your mathematical paper
"I am kinda falling for you."

So I fall, as tears well and undulate in my eyes
Like you chanting my name, at 5am last night.
Vampire blood and breath
I would love to be your little woman.

A few hours from now
You won't be mine to hold and kiss so sweetly
But your Spanish and PhD talk echoes all around me
In my black dress, dress to mourn your departure
But you say, you promise as you fill me up
You will bring me to you, oh the romance
Adventures we will have, come back--come back to me.
Nothing is impossible
I would rather have the wind blow throughout my hair
I would rather cover my eyes from the sun
I would rather get my body *****
Than have some boring typical romance.
I know you feel the same.
So lets be brave.

Every song I hear
Every word I utter
Every motion I make
And the way your face glitters
After our skin comes into contact
I see a piece of me, on you.

So baby love button doll.
I know I will weep tears to see you leave
But what a beautiful, beautiful thing
My heart is so full and rich
I will set fire to the world
I hope you do too
Find me amidst the flames.

Muffled laughter and click, click, click
We have probably listened to this song
At least--50 times together
Reflections in your window of sculpted body
You love it so well, but I love to give you hell
About you needing a strong ******* woman.
Hit play, I can do a dance to make your lips
Drip and get wet.

Long brown hairs found in a ***** kitchen
While you praise me up and down
I can pile it all together, pile us together
But my past, your past--we sweep it outside
Store it in the utility closet, I'll uninstall
Shelves that don't make sense, but I can see
The deep South twirling and dipping me into the midst
Interview me underground, I can see the skyline
But hardly afford--this $12 lunch, with the big wigs
But here I am, playing the part honestly.
As I was awakened this morning,
Knowing you must have been in the next room
Little white night gown and ******* you love
So well, ongoing droplets streaming
But it turns you on, you say
To see me so prettily cry.

"Pretty little Layne."
A scene partner of mine once said, as he wiped the mascaraed tears
From my face, but baby we talk and say
The craziest little things
I can bring you coffee, tell you no, get you going so
That my red wine guides me throughout the night.

A row of blue seats, check your bag, security
Maybe its my face you will hold in your hands
Before you fly to a world I can barely imagine
But while you lay on top of me
Lets taste cupcakes and discuss my dreams
I could make you feel things you never have before.

So come back, come back and find me
I will say it for the last time here, now recorded
In type, text, font, interwebs
Lick me up and down
As I breathe life into a world
Neither of us have known.

I drew a face and the word ****
On my rainy window
Everyone wants to make art
I ride with 4 boys, in my red coat
One of the boys, I've always been
One of the boys
But I gotta be careful
Of that tingling, longing sensation
When I think of your sweet face
Sleeping next to me
How your eyes flickered in the night
When you handed me money
To help me get by, you love it so well
When I tell you how it is, pointing out
Things, no man has ever noticed before.

I wish I could be in your arms
I promise, with me
You would never grow bored.
As you look at me, a hallway between us
I could make you content.
I could make you run in circles
I could make it worth the fight.

I ******* adore you and the way you lightly snore.

I think my red flaming heart
Is all over your full pink lips
Leave me wine, trinkets
You love the taste of that tabasco sauce
Whoops, I just dipped myself into the spice
But I always preferred--
All the things, but no, you could never be boring
Darling.
I want you all for me.
“Who are you?!”
I have to say, glee and love
Spreading throughout me.
I should be asleep
Things to make and create
But you, you fill up my soul
Lets fight over the box of chips.

Minuscule flickering moments materialize
Hearts adorned his shirt, the owner
"Take a bite of that wax."
But two human skulls reflect on the same power
While swatting and deflecting
"Have faith in yourself."
But lets change the vape to something
More---let us say....eccentric?
Friends, community, whatever ya wanna
Play.
Wings might as well encompass all of the earth
So worth loving.

So excuse me while I gush,
So sorry I say--my voice ringing so high
Yep--thats particles of my weary heart all on the floor.
You might have not noticed it before
But thats because a shield normally resides
But now its all just guts and vulnerability at my door.

I've got, gotta get, gotta embrace
About a million different jobs
But you hand me that $20 bill, like it don't mean nothin' at all
Let me know how my dialect swims around us
But we can argue over the difference
Between mermaid
Or siren.

Don't get attached, too fast
We both whisper internally
But I think its too late
Crying in your shoulder
You make me wanna be bolder
Than I have ever been before.

I know you gotta go,
You know I gotta go
We all gotta go
And if I could, I would eat my poetry
Like the stir-fry
I made you,
Last night.

But stare into my face for enormous lengths of time
I will whimper and say your name late into the night
Our vampiric intoxication flooding any venue
And I know you have lived so much
Seen so much, your past licks your heart
From time to time
But I could hold your heavy heart
In the palm of my hand, ever so gentle
What if we aren't meant to find another?

Pound the comforter on my bed
When you kick my *** in video games
I like the way we talk so much ****
As we click A, B, and C
Excuse my little boy grimace
On our own controllers
But I gotta dance for you, my midriff
Speaking volumes and leaving you saying
"You are the sexiest person I know."

Bring me to you, in a place I have never known
We could explore the world, I'll brush up on
A language I use to know, as your laughter plays
And lands in waves, in my head.

This doesn't have to be the end.

Lets fly on a kite
On strings that tie
Around us like whimsical moments
In the sky
But red, green, and yellow
Float into outer space
Because we loved smokin’
And drinkin’ that ****, so good
Harmonies and beats surround the atmosphere
Lets dive into what we didn’t know before.

A thousand and one bars of soap
Could probably never wash away my
Filthy, filthy little mouth.
But hold the bar of soap up baby
Like a trophy you won
Clean and powder me
Like the rag doll, I am.

Tiny black letters and sounds echoing from the mouth
"Just me."
God if I could just press
Delete, delete, delete
Hating how I cannot formulate
Or build models, like you
To represent the measurement
Of how glorious this could be.

But do, come back
As a "just you"
And chase after me.
I wish I could mutter aloud
How I feel and not scare
You or myself
Away.
I didn't know I could feel like such a we
So happily.

Sometimes I shudder and shake, press my hands
Against my face
Because I can't just--*******
Express the way you, your body
Quivers and shakes
When you take me under your fire.

I could sit in the corner of your room
Intelligent back and head to me
But we can't forget each other are here, in this very room
Nails scratched down your back a thousand and one times
There is just never enough time.
Leaving the baby letters of my name
Ten syllables
Behind
Don't forget me.

Heavy intricate weights,
Lift them off and over
A thousand and one times
But I gotta just pace, huff and puff
Like a little baby dragon
Pour red wine down my mouth, a thousand and one times
Because I worry sometimes
That I am never enough.

Lets plant a garden of everything that could be
I can see you shoveling and sweating
While my heart dangles from the branches
Above our heads
Throw a lasso, lets tie the swelling hearts together.

Slip that off, its full of you and me
Rich, full, fumes of realized desire
Lets lust after what could happen
If we err or choose a route
But all white or a bow tie
I kick pure sand with my toes
But we gotta both take our owns roads.

Perhaps for now.
But don't let your arms fall low
Your blue wise eyes filled with wonder
Lets dance to how lucky we could be.

God, **** the word "how"
And **** my ***** little mouth
A thousand and one times.
Scolding thoughts and untold tales
I am friends with the word fail

Bring me to you, find me
I can promise adventure.

You placed your hand in the garbage disposal,
Just for me.
Long lean fingers and palms
They smiled at the Philadelphia skyline
Covered in sink filth and vegetable residue
But you said you would place your hand in the garbage disposal,
Just for me.

Green and yellow bottles upon bottles
Most crush up little capsules, wishing to save the world
Maybe it can alter the chemistry of our brains
But all I know is I have the tendency
To eat the brains
Of those I love and hate.

But truly, I hate so few
And truly, I let myself love--
I have no tolerance for those who cannot kindly be honest
So sorry, to start a stir
But someone has got to change
The approach.

Your spine shines bright in the bedroom of your past
I told you tonight, "I want you to remember me just like this, in Chile."
A spotlight on my face, the corner
Of your bohemian living room
I can teach you how to pretzel and twirl
But if you throw your pink blanket over me
I will watch it all cover my glowing technological screen
While vines linger and wrap around my dark skull
Cat eyes and moments neither of us could forget
But lets all just be lovingly real.

But if your hands pressed me up against a wall
Irises and music turned off to accompany
New found shame
I think I could teach you plenty, a lot of things
But go to sleep, my darling

You have to leave in seven days.
Here are all of my x's and o's.

Purple shirt encircling my warm body
Lets yell at Mario Cart and race to the front
But be sure to come out of my bathroom,
Your pants half unbuttoned
And tell me how badly you want
Just me, you said
Pressed against a corner,
You always have me pressed--
Against a corner
But I don't really know what any of it means?
Teach me, professor

I found myself wandering around
My horror house of the past
While you smoked a cigarette
You maybe didn't really want
Isn't that how it all works?
Let me be what you want.
Let me let you be what I want.
Perhaps, whats the harm in cascading?


A single, tingling moment
Lets see how baby works
God, when you grunt and call me baby
I could get so carried away on my kitchen counter
Like I guess I have so many others before--
But no, not now.
Not anymore but now.


I'm sorta drunk
Off cinnamon, apple cider, and whiskey lips
But if I could offer ******* anyone a tip
It would be to
Eat the most delicious healthy food and drink
Laugh with your friends
Chase the moon and your dreams
Let love into every fiber of your being.

And get up in the morning,
Do it all again.

Heads crammed together
Around a bottle of honey whiskey Jack Daniels
A million voices whispered,
"They all say her mood is affected by the weather."

Don't fall in the ice, but wear the wrong shoes
Don't run after a man too fast
But make sure you bake him goods and sweet nothings
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach
And they all say:
"Thats what her mother always says."

Lets sit on our hands in unison,
But bring our paint brush and palette to the forefront
Because you can truly depend on, no one.
Lets run the show, make things happen
Because no one can, but you
Don't wait for opportunity
Make opportunity
Don't wait for love
Live it
And no matter how far you may go
No matter how much you evolve
There will always be those heads crammed together
Nodding and spewing
"They say her eyes leak fire."

Sit in bed all day and contemplate scars
With newness but we gotta inhale the fumes
Of the outside world, just to get by
Because they all say:
"She came in and she tore this world up."

Headphones on so tight
Shield yourself from the noise and coughs of others
How dare I be afraid of the very thing I seek to help?
She approached me in the street
Intoxicated, drugged up, my mind always
Creating drama.
Creating drama.
Looking around, witnesses?

I trust no one.
She asked me for directions, her whiskey mouth
Slurring and purring
It brought a tear to my eye
That I fear what I seek to change.

And everyone fears the police
I can feel us as an entity tighten and tense
Black uniform and tools on the side
Blue and red lights
No one trusts the police

How can any of us feel safe?
A missed phone call
A moment of intense vulnerability
Tears from a friend for not hearing from him or him
And I get it, I get it.

No one trusts the police.
As the day becomes darker
Don't gild the lily
An acting teacher use to say to me
Bodies all meet in a room
Lets drink wine, change the world
I'll try not to look at my stupid ******* phone.

The daunting darkness tries to bring out
The party monster
Won't you call me back?
The snowy cold brings it out
It brings it out

I hope she found where she was trying to go--okay
And was well and safe
You love my self awareness, you exclaim
I reread over piles and miles
Of my poetic past and antics
Trying to decipher who that was then.

Blue shirt, black pants
Black cap and grim expression
Sirens go on and off in the distance
There was a time I would see this and feel comforted
But how can we live in a world where we fear
What must protect us?

Fluidity with skin aching towards the moon
Marks left behind on my young aching back
Continue to take their time to--
Dissolve.
I could adorn and paint my body
Just like the rose, I always wished to be.

You get a good chuckle with me
And recognize that in all my poems about you
I do a direct address: "You"
I think you could keep up with me
Lets be that weird couple at the expensive restaurant
That discusses the elaborate idiosyncrasies behind the world
While holding hands
I will leave you something behind, with my smell.
Because I could really fall for you.

A halting breath, a silly moment
You eat it up
Eat me up
When I behave just like a child.
But my bedroom voice,
You love the best.

Throw in the broccoli, the orzo, and lemon juice
I'll make myself a porcelain doll soup--
Just for you.


You told me I just bang my poetry out
As if I am writing a text
How amazing it is to you.
I think its amazing, how you make me feel
In a crowded room
And I see all the blurry faces in the background
Shadowed bodies, with the blurry faces of my past
As I always have
But I think with you
And leaping like a ballerina after my dreams
I could be....well
Very very happy, sir.

I don't want you to go
But I also know adventure does not end here
I don't think there is a finish line
But you won't let me give you a name
With every fleeting line I write.

Warm hot taste
A burst of flavor
Soothing muscled arms and limbs

Let me be your whole three part meal.

I remember thinking
This could be our place
The little corner by the window
And now another man runs his hand down
My arm
Places my hair behind my ear
Buys me my $11 drink
Without even a blink
I thought you and I would be forever
But I saw the world as so small
And thank God
To return
As a new changed woman
In the little hole in the wall bar
I thought no one knew about
But you and me
How wrong I was
And thank God
For that.

Placing a cinnamon infused heart in the oven
I burnt my arm as I tried to take you out.
You can't wait to see me, so ridiculously
Your grown man beard so thick and sweet
Like syrup and chocolate erupting.

This shirt goes well with these pants,
You could add that blazer too
Lets contemplate if there is time for caffeine
And long, sweltering, hot kisses.
Ride in the city with me
As ice surrounds all our grounding.

If I could, I would place you in my little pocket
Carry you around with me throughout the day
Just so you could look at me and say:
I got so caught up in your face again.

Trembling legs and biting lips
Sometimes I realize, how 8 years claims our existence
On this clouded earth
Wide, anchored straight teeth
Adorn me and I can't control it
Butter me up, hold me in your arms
I have never met a man more affectionate.

Dollar bills and smells for miles
I would love to just ooze and cover myself
In the most delicious--let me be your aphrodisiac
I promise to be so very gentle.

Hop in my pocket, but you say you could take care of me
In my little pocket
Our bodies could always glow.

You looked more like a man today
Than you ever did before.
But I had to leave you, on a Thursday.

So many things I planned to say
Your eyes immediately welling with tears
Jaw so tight,
I thought of all the times we would fight
Enough is enough, I tell all my friends.

I had to change the music that escorted the scene
To something that would better match the melody
Of your welling tears, in the room.
You saved me, at a time when I needed it the most
I will remember you for that always,
I whispered amidst your: "I am so sorries"
And your: "Please just don't leave my life."
I meant what I said.

I worried you would never walk out of my apartment
Talking to me in circles, I felt responsible
But knowing.
Maybe I am a freak, maybe I am just a romantic
But you looked more like a man to me today
Than you ever did before.
But I let myself leave
And dance ******* free.

Your legs seemed longer, stronger
Your forehead more wrinkled
Scruff on your face
Where was this guy?
The look in your eyes, you knew your heart had been taken away
I had to do it.
Long Eyelashes, you said to me:
"I was filled with such hate and bitterness, before I met you. You taught me to love again."
Choking and stumbling, salivating
Smiling a smile that broke your heart,
"What a beautiful thing that is. I'm glad I could do that for you."
I meant what I said.
Wishing it was possible to dive into the nearest pool
And sink to the bottom, I darkly thought.
But I had to let myself leave.

Your mouth opened
Before you left, that you would probably drink
A lot tonight
Please do no harm.
But I know you would come after me any time
At 3am, but I'll do my best
Not to call.
Because I had to let myself leave.
I wept after you left.


Just like one big weary worn out sigh
That little table of mine
Has seen it all.
Drowning, singing to you all
When will my tail and I surrender?

I heard the door jingle and jangle
Let you exit
Wanted you to exit
Wanted the clutter to exit
Too much avocado, for me
Thank you for the extra
But I had to let myself leave
For the last time.
But always remember me
I think in some way,
I taught you the pirouettes of love.

Bathed in the ambience of snowflakes and big words
Grabbing arms to ensure we don't get stuck
In the world of our own past horrors?
Rice and carrots, I can fix you up
Beam at me--like I could really mean something.
I love the way it looks when your body
Your strong hands, they caress, grip, and tighten
On my longing *******.

I'll have another glass of wine now
Because it allows me to let myself shine
But you, you want to convince me to stay
How do you cope with your own nakedness?

I should have made you a cup of coffee this morning
But I couldn't peel my eyes away from you, long enough
To remember hospitality.
I should have shared a cup of coffee with you this morning
I should have let you take me
I should not let our sheets envelop us whole
I should be less weak.

But even though we forget our words
We forget that 5 hours has passed
To eat, to leave the house
Caught up in each others face
And taste.
Would we be fools to let this go?

I got the cork stuck in the bottle of wine
And drank cork red wine, the rest of the night
Teeth, opening, a flutter of kisses
I still taste you on my mouth.
Don't go.

11:11 make a wish
But it isn't even 11:11
11:08--that Fungomery, Alabama time.
Tomorrow morn I will ride on an airplane
My father by my side
I will examine scripts and papers, pen and hand
Lets all swoon to the sighs of the kind of man we want.

And I can feel it coming
And I can feel it sort of hurting
But I have got to let go of the bad.
Long Eyelashes I am sure you reach from afar
Somewhere, with your bags of the past
Your inability to really share and put yourself out there
But enough is enough,
Lets not drag around what is not.
Let me
Not drag around--what is not.
Right?
Right.

My hair is piled atop my head
Waiting to see that face, I wish I could see
All of my days--I think
Right!
Right?
Right.
Right

High on the last night
Mother and father scurry about
My brothers and I do our own thing
I guess I could have called you back
But a good friend reminds me whats over can be over.

I think I could feel a huge, giant wave of relief
I think weight would be gone
I think I have ****** up so much poison
And there has been light
But now let the light completely in.
I long to dance in the darkness, knowing the light resides within me


You tell me I mesmerize you
Lets play games, pretend--you and me
I don't know what any of it means
Wish we had more time, we wish time
Not enough time
A woman said next to me today
At the nail salon,
And I thought: "How true."


Windy city--its gonna be 5 degrees, my mother warns
But I brave the storm, as I always have
And it would be easier to stay
It would be easier to not make any choices
It would be easier to not chase the moon
But I never really followed the rules.

Be the person to change my mind?
No, no--I don't even really know what that means
But that phrase just flickered through my head.
My mother constantly holds her breath
"It must be genetic" we all say at the lunch table
Our dialects so ******* thick you could slice through them
Like sweet honey butter
Our eyes closed in unison, prayers before the lord
I'm the black sheep who slightly rolls my eyes
We all sigh. Let out that exhalation.

I think you and I could talk about anything.
And it scares me to be intoxicated
But God, I miss you being on top of me.
A fantasyland we can create, I see the colors and fabrics so vividly
Lets play make believe, with cotton candy grins and candy cane
Stained mouthes, I wish I could place my mouth....
Fly me to a place I have never known?
I think I could beat you at a game of chess
But I don't even know how to play.

Its New Years Eve today.
Big ******* 2015 and thank God, thank God
Close our eyes in unison.
I remember drinking out of the sink in the fancy country club bathroom
This time last year.
A platinum girlfriend and I took a million pictures
I nearly missed the countdown
But flung myself onto the dance floor at the last beat, my 2014 stupid fake glasses
A gentleman grabbed me by the waist
As we pranced right in front of the band
Belligerence was my middle name that night
And a little bitterness mixed with immense freedom
But everyone told me I looked just like
Zelda Fitzgerald
That New Years Eve night.

Hot green tea and tight braids
Photograph me if you want to keep me
An older man told me once that he thought he should chase me
I remember looking at my reflection and shaking my head
Like the Betrayer once shook his head
And I felt myself covered in weary sighs and a wetness from my face
And thinking, "this cannot be my own."

I have two days left in the ***** filthy South
So lets make it ******* count.
Bullet whiskey and love on my arm
You have to learn how to hold yourself
To release into the depth of another.


Confetti looks its best as it is falling from the air.

Blue and high ceilings
You can get everything you need here
Mother checks out as I stand in the corner of a wall
******* perky, I forgot to wear underwear today

Electronics, CDs no one purchases anymore
Love the men's section flannels
People pass by me
Maybe wondering who or what I am
I remember when I begged for a pair of glasses
But got LASIK at age 21

A woman's phone jingles and jangles behind me
Valentines day gifts are already out?
It's not even 2015 yet.

People stand in line
And I think about all the crimes
We as human beings commit

"Let's go."
My mother says across the crowded Walmart room, and does her usual whistle
Buggy sounds, people check out
An old man motions "go on, goodbye."
Farewell.

My neck feels different
And I guess I have to admit,
Sometimes I ******* write for the internet.
I can’t find that big white skirt, but my mother takes
Photographs of me in a bikini
Get me off the payroll, I say.

When your phone goes straight to voicemail
I worry every time—what if thats it?
What if he just disappears?
What if I find myself running into him someday, too
At a bar
Avoiding eye contact, side by side
I pour numerous shots down my throat
Can’t deal with it
Finally the childhood lovers see one another
You walked up to me, your southern dialect so thick
Hug, wrap yourself on me
“What happened? What happened?”
Please don’t make me ever ask that, not again.

Threats of my future being stolen away
But I try to cover ground
So tired of staring at my computer screen
And I guilt trip myself for things I did or didn’t do
No $50 for you, papa doesn’t want it
And I write and speak about the most personal things
Why ***** everywhere?

And I can feel myself getting to that point
Where the South starts to grow stale
But I know I have so much more to do
To see, be,
Before I leave
But God, I just long to be with you
We could forget ourselves, in each other
You and I.
But you have to leave
Me.

And I will leave, everything.
Because right now, I always leave
Long Eyelashes: I ponder you sometimes,
See images of the sweet messages you sent here and there
But its not enough, no
Its not enough.
You will never be enough.
And I know it.

But why stab my long fingers into what is right now
Why kick in every fleeting moment
Might as well hover here in the air, Doc
Even if I put on my best smile—as your girlfriend turns her back,
You look at me like you could just eat me up.

These men that come in and out
My mother’s best friend told me wisely tonight
That we as women, we just
We just
In one way or another, we let it happen
We don’t know why its that way
You don’t know
I don’t know.
But I know now that if anyone really tried to knock me around
Or regularly talked to me like I was some object
I would leave them
With a ****** mouth.

Kisses in the grass, my granny said the other day
A solider was so happy to be back from Afghanistan
He “could kiss the grass”
There is just something about the South
And something about the North
Lars Von Trier makes controversial films
But thank God for the art and something to discuss.

Cover me in your intelligent thoughts
Lets decipher what it is I am contemplating or feeling
I wish you didn’t have to go.
Betrayer, I see you no where in sight
The truth is that I have never been so full of shine and armor.

Close the eyes
Close the eyes for now
For tomorrow will be lighter, perhaps.

Faux fur, red lips, pleather
Everyone stops to listen, greet one another
So much time has passed.
But I jump when I receive a text from you
A girlfriend and I lament your departure
Please don't forget me.

My grandmother loved black and white
My brothers and I chow down on rice
A drink in my hand, everyone is so glad to see me
But I know how much I don't belong.

I fear sometimes
That a ring should be on my finger
But I look around and I would rather not settle.
Its not that I don't have love in my life
But I know, its not it
God, do I long for the fairytales
White wedding veil
A sundress and firm body, with a beautiful man standing next to me
My dreams and career not abruptly stopping
Let it be the best dance partner.

I'm not really sure why things work out the way they do
And I have started to grow bored of my own poetry
But call me darling, again.

I have cheated in the past
And I hope I don't cheat again
When a man is a man,
And makes me want nothing else but him.

Call me tomorrow,
Call me tonight
Call me right now.

I am at my best when I run through the Alabama flowers
But I am much too young to play Blanche Dubois
And thats okay
Because I don't really belong here anyway.

But the love and the sentiment
The sensuality
Is within me
Tattooed on me with a gentle hand
I act like a little girl, when I am back home again.

There is nothing in this world as courageous
As children.
Fearless, no apologies, committed to the end
Lets make a mockery of all the people
Who do us wrong.
Rewrite history cathartically but secretly
Lets draw on dolls with sharpies, paint their bodies and faces
Perform funny voices, themes
Spend hours building sets

Shrill voices, laughter that makes your stomach ache
There is nothing as brave as a child.
And though the world looks at us
And we look at ourselves
We wonder and they wonder:
Who are you?
We are heroes.

Pushed down a flight of stairs
The word “*******” is forbidden
But two little girls dancing, flinging their hair about
Zoom, zoom on developing *******
I loved boys the best.

One, two, three, four
Enchanted and consumed in the world of my handy cam corder
I would hit record a thousand times,
Perform with me.
Like another limb, a lens could speak all the words I couldn’t say

Dialect so thick and heavy
Lined eyeliner
Everyone was southern
I was so southern
I am so southern.
Full circle.

And the boys, they truly are gentlemen
Perhaps we are slow in updates
And it takes time to adapt
But everyone here tries their best to be friendly
And kind.

Getting off of a plane
Looking around as if you have encountered another planet
And then slipping so fluidly, so simply
Right back into it.
But grateful to see things--me
Have changed.

Privacy is not frequent
In a house quite so big
But camaraderie and eloquent drunken conversation
Fill your heart
No matter how much you change your destination.

Beer stein in your hand,
Filled with coffee to the brim
Slumber so little,
We seem to slumber so little
Darkly lit room
Romance that surprises me

You've got that typical Yards IPA in your hand
So willing to share
I've never met a more generous man.
Its me that walks towards you in the romantic bar
Its me.
Its me that you turn to see
Your face lighting up, how could I forget.
So willing to share, I could get use to this--
You say--your life becoming poetic words
Embodied through vines and whimsical turns

A man with a guitar at the airport sitting next to me
Keeps looking at me
As if he knows something
Maybe its my red eyes or ***** hair
But I wish I could ***** out
How wonderful you are.

Maybe its too soon
Maybe its too quick
And its certainly difficult
When I have love from another breathing down my neck
And I'll be honest, it makes me feel like a ****.
But why fight
Feeling the most wild, on a full moon
God, I use to be so addicted to romantic plight.

Its not fair.
Because I can't just use my words
They don't seem to be enough.
But if I could paint you a portrait
Using only my body
Feeling your magnetic full touch
My skin would shine like diamonds on fire

I am almost wondering
If my words are worth discarding
Honesty and goofiness have taken over my soul
Who knows if expiration dates have come into play
But I don't remember the last time
Someone really saw me.
The way you do.
You generous, mythical man.

Lets go out, lets dance in the crowd
Hair whipping around like a fiery phoenix
Who needs sleep and food?

Put yourself into me
But I'm sorry I have to look away
Sometimes, but it's true
Someone else fills my mind
But let's do, let's just go
Along for the ride

I don't remember the last time
I really slept
Or didn't share a bed
This week
But I could play on repeat
Sweet Christmas gifts, hearing
I love you, a thousand times
But don't be so scared.

Newness, a sign of what could be
But I can't let go of me
So I ride Lady Liberty
Down Deep South

Drinking in red and green
Let's discuss the future
Crying in the freezing air in East Falls
Across from a dear friend
Moved, let's move people
But first, let me hit that ****
And take a long gulp of whiskey sweet

And you, you are such a treat
Poetics don't have to end
I could get use to you sitting at a nice bar
Waiting for little ole me

Go, go
My professor said to me last night
A family and children and love will find it's way
Travel, go
But I can see it all flashing in my mind
And I worry
That I will old maiden
Be

But let's go down south
Let love in from every outlet
Put myself in me.