I packed scissors and Elmers glue
The scissors turquoise, the blades worn
From all of the crafts
Built on my black and gold coffee table
Painting into the dark night
Dreaming of a world beyond
In the greenery
The moist heat of trees
The grass fresh with morning dew
Bare feet
I remember her
I hold her closer than ever now.

It's whistling and gliding in the wind
Sent you a gift from my personal heaven
Wish it was possible to release
The cruelty of this world
Punch it in the nose
Bruised and left behind
That's the fear
That's my fear.

LED lights become my synonym
Screens thundering and clapping
Ascending into the palms trees
Traveling into the light
Meditating with might
Figuring if I'd define what was right
I'd be less bored.

I have free written much lately
Opening a script too quick to
Shut the screen
Whirring and purring sounds
Technology taps out
It'll tap you out
As the robotic men at the top
Yell out in frustration
As dollar signs and clout
Descend down.

Find that balance
It can all be on the internet
I'm happy on my own
I am truly happy on my own.

And I make space
I create, cultivate, breathe things to life
Elevate all at once
And I take my time to rest, absorb, and rest
My powerful and
As the wizard said
Gentle soul
Eyes.

So here we are
In our glittering yellow light
Sparkle, beacon, shine
Sirens crooning songs to the great above
Not so below
Not so below.

2nd floor livin'
My kitty cat and I
Love the way we thriving
Love the way we trusting the thrive.

Adventure around town
Lovers in the morning or night
Light
Doesn't matter
Good night
He says to me
I know full well you ain't no
Husband of mine
To be
But I'll adore
The freedom of bliss
With you and you
And trust.
Continue to grow
Trust.

So that's
This is what its like right
To live in the city, pretty
LA living, everyone licking
Connecting right on cue
And I'm tossed around like
The little *** doll
I relish in being most
And yet I still fight it
For fear of more pain
Or hoping someone would change
When its always so clear
Right at the tippy top
Whether they are eloquent
Mature
It's pretty clear.

Its clear its all ******
And often times I let
The desire men feel for me
But not to truly build with me
Weigh me down
Pull me down into the spots and places
Where I want so badly
To avoid being the weak one
So I prance and pray upon prey
The predators once I give myself over to them
I work so hard to try and be the lover
On top
But not in the sense
Like we were today
You devouring me in large plentiful gulps
And I moan my siren's song.

I spent all my girlhood years
Believing a prince would come
I'm the prince.

The April spring becoming summer
Los Angeles
Our window boil
With the radiant sun
Fresh off the plane from Mexico
Where my red lips were kissed
With such passion.

Words exchanged over
The loneliness of an app
I woke up early just to see you again
As you drive fourteen hours
And I deleted your name from my phone today
Put you on mute
So that I could begin the process
Of assuming
I stained your face with my red lips
And nothing more.

I've been painting into corners wondering
Why can't I just find a good strong clean man
To share this heavy thing called life with
To love me with such tenderness
Me and my kitty cat
And I remember how my world fell apart
This time last year
When we made it Christmas in Chicago.

I release myself from expectation
Disappointment
Fear
Loss
And open my eyes to right now.

I've made it onto this earth for 31 years now.

I inspect it all
With my blue and gray
Perfectly 90s
Microscope
Awaiting to share
We paint
I paint with precision
No expectations
And the ability to provide
The cushion, security, well being
I thought I needed
From every man
Everyone
But me.

I thank my lucky southern stars
For the tackles
Of the boys who talked ****
And left a scar
Above my little perky
Left ***.

It healed
I heal (ed)
On it goes
On we go.

I feel the urge the need
To create, produce
Not for any other reason
Than it gives me an insurmountable
Purpose that it full of ease
Creativity
And entrusting in the practice
Of my abilities
That's all art really is.

Practice.
Pleasure.
Prepare.
Purpose.
And then it's all just release
I feel like I cannot get enough rest
In my tiny sacred room
I try to slow down if even for a minute
Enjoy
Absorb
Breath in, breath out
Feet grounded into the earth
The closest to the soil you can connect with
And thank
Thank
And move in each pivotal direction
And on.

I hit the moon dust
Of the **** a daddi gave lil ole
****, plentiful
Glorious me.

It's often I can't see myself clearly
Cannot understand how to embrace, cherish
Myself
So I've been tooth and nail
Pickin' pickin' away at that
Very thing
The world trains women to hate themselves
And I'm over here just
Drinking from the ocean
If it means
A closer connection to the earth
To the wind, rain
I'll let it baptize me
And today
Open myself up
To the spring springing on
This time
From the shedding of palms.

I remind myself often only I am me
And even if there is no man around
To love on me
I am whole
I am present
I am layered, absolutely
Breath taking.
No other entity is my competition.

Clouds rising above
A sleeping dark blonde head
Arising from the sun roof
Of the car
Like a prince at prom
Only to lose your head
Decapitated in just one blip
I looked for your lonesome head
All around the land
Broken like a barbie doll
Two pieces of you
And still none for me.

You don't live down the street from me anymore
And still I'll mourn you in little glimpses
And keep you blocked
For me.

Pistacho
I snack, we drink
The crisp green
Seasonal spring funny thing
This time last year
The ides of March riffed so much differently
I loved myself significantly less
As I bent myself forwards, backwards,
Down the sides
Deep below the great layers of the Earth
And sang lies to myself about
Who I could be
For him
Him
Or him.

I piled my hair into space buns
A bruise on my nose
From picking too hard at black heads
I've got 70 dollars to my name
But I post a picture holding
A dry ***** martini
Looking like I've got it
Looking like she's got it
Looking like me.

The text formulates to encompass the screen
The screen moving making magic things
Directing into the sunrise
The snow thick in our boots
Smoking **** into the ice
Feeling the rise, the surprise
I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

That doesn't make it easy
Or make me always entrust
In the pain that's found it's way to me
My cat strider and I
Dozing, oozing into the tub
I free write
Into the morning light
Because I can.