The waves, I see them all encompassing me now
My tail—the green scales, look out
Won’t you look out?
I might surprise you.
Look out.
All my life I whispered to myself,
One day I’ll fly away.
Alabama sunrises, pool tables, and whiskey kisses.
Look out
Because one day I’ll fly away.
Sitting in the black box theatre
Quietly, just quietly now
Tears fall away?
One day.
Wings will spread so look out
Time, hours, and ticking clocks
Echo that my maidenhead should be wed.
But going forth, I went and recited lines
In front of judges
That’s the life I have signed up for.
Unafraid, unsure how to repeat Shakespeare’s depth.
Just look out though.
For I will surprise you, my tail and I
As we jump, fly, and soar through the muddy ocean.
Philadelphia, you swept me up like a lost little girl.
I remember my jet black hair
And large innocent southern eyes
So much. So much.
Constant escalators, smokers, talkers, and homeless begging for a bite
A bite.
I looked around wondering
Who can I hold onto?
Who will take care of me?
Take care of me.
Wont you please take care of me.
Watch, watch me now.
My acting teacher asked me to become a snake.
I hissed and crawled, my eyes taunting
This is the life I signed up for.
Such beauty and fear in it all.
I soon fell, fell into a boy I hoped would lift me up
Leaving southern society and past loves behind
I hoped a northerner would set me up right.
Dishes thrown on the floor, screaming violence
Everyone’s watching
Can’t you see
All the actors are watching
The audience cannot cover their eyes.
I covered my eyes.
I ran around bars that summer
Sensuality in the air.
Returning to Philadelphia for the 3rd year
Letting go of the past
Walking away from the violence
Ready to embrace it all.
Soon again, whisked away through whiskey
And the smell of your cigarettes
You were supposed to mean nothing to me.
“The blood of water nymphs courses through your veins”
Pulling back the branches, trying to find myself through the faces of men
Lone little southern girl needs her hand held
Lone little girl
Look out, she might just surprise you.
From one man’s lap to another.
Tell me who I ought to be.
Love, the love we shared
We might as well have been on different planets
But the smoke clouds and intense love that surrounded us
We tried to brave the audience
But I slipped away.
Slipping, diving, into being the brave woman.
Brave Woman.
Legs intertwined with
The cities wind
Snow drifts down and falls into my eyes
Unafraid of what could be.
Will I cross paths with him today?
Wonderful.
You are wonderful.
He whispered that to me
And though we do not utter sounds
It will remain always.
And just when I think—my wings are out?
A bonnet on my head, a large white wedding dress
And toothless grins, I am surrounded by them
But watching it all disappear like smoke, he too disappears.
Bohemian lover.
I had to wash you away this time.
I see this moment replaying in my mind
The summer night’s sky
Wanting nothing more than to surround myself with you
But now, it’s the coldest winter I’ve ever known
But I walk through it
My eyes wide with bravery.
No longer running after care
To be taken care of.
You must love yourself.
Put yourself first.
My tail, I see it glide and glimmer
And fat mermaids, they swim around me
Their multi-colored dreadlocks
Whisper “be sensual, be free”
And in this city, this city I dove into
All on my own.
Look out, she might just surprise you.
Its true, my parents worry
“Be safe out there.”
Safety
Guns held to faces
Money dropped on the street
If only we could all save one another
But gliding like the night
Swans take flight all around me
And this time I won’t hesitate
This time you will have to look out
Shields down, throw the bread in the air
And the swans and I
We will all graze together
In one terrifying troupe
And we all know it,
Our beaks they will retract with anger
And we might start to bite those that harm us
Sharpness and poison in such beauty
But fear not,
The swans and I
Swaying, looming, dancing
We will keep the beast at bay.
Leave it for the stage.
He said to me the night I made human mistakes:
“What was I supposed to tell them, she was doing a scene’?”
But here we are now.
Staring at the face of my beautiful black haired best friend
“Atleast we know we are better people because of it. We can someday find what’s good for us.”
And I will smile my sly smile, as her words become recorded here.
But I won’t bite, I promise love I won’t bite
And I will see the dancers with heavy hands—they cannot even hold them up.
But with their heavy hands, they come slithering towards me
Trying to push and fight me off
Blame yourself, it’s your fault.
Shove, push, that’s all you did.
Acting and not acting.
But their heavy hands, I know it now
They will fall to the floor with them
And with careful and steady glimmering eyes
I will take a look at the “scene” before me
Heavy handed ballerinas
They lay on the ground like shattered skeletons.
No longer needing my hand held.
Wings, sharp beak, and white beauty
Transformation.
Such a transformation.
Reinventing, crafting, clawing
But at peace.
Convulsing in the most graceful way darling.
Green scales and the ocean still calling my name
Flying above it like the pendulum in the grandfather clock
Of my Alabama home.
We will sound our most elegant sound
For.
For before.
No, only now.
Now.
Staring into the beautiful face of now.
Soaring.