Can a person be your narcotic?
"You gotta find a way to pull yourself out of this"
"You need to decide what your narcotic is!"
But I am the girl with the ***** martini in hand
Shaking my head to myself
I wanna be my own narcotic.

But there is nothing like seeing his face
Though he is light years away
And you understand when you hear your best friend say
"My narcotic is away, his name is _"
All these blank spaces, sick of the black spaces
I don't want to forever ride on a blank space.

Twiddling thumbs and rubbing lips
Slobber slides down like a cliff hanger
Beaming perky ******* and joyful words
I miss waking up next to you
But I think I gotta be my own narcotic,
First.

If we depend on others,
If we completely depend on others
How will we fair when we link arms with solitude
I want you so badly, I tell you
Your face glowing and staying in the memory of my mind
But I don't want you to be my drug.

I want a companion, a champion
I want a witness to my life, someone that holds me
Late into the night
But I am just fine sleeping alone.

As women, we hustle after love
Give me that baby bump, ring on my finger
In whatever ******* order--women of our generation wail
But I can't do that right now, and I don't wanna--
Gotta be your own narcotic

Sometimes you do NEED a little help from your friends
And tapping your fingers into the palm
Of marijuana, whiskey, your best friend, poetry
Or holding your computer close because he is so far away
And this is the closest you will get to touching
That pretty hairy face.


I don't really know what I am trying to say today
But I am a believer in being steadfast
In finding peace with being on your own
How can you ever really love,
If you depend on someone to be your narcotic?
I want someone who will enjoy narcotics with me
I want someone happy sitting in the front row
I want someone strong and knowing.

But first, let me inhale my own intoxication.