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1.5k · Oct 2018
Mediums
It's a constant battle.
I'm finding shells on my floor,
and a flood of defeat.
They got me again.
They tore up my flag;
and flattened my heart that scoped out nonsense.
I'm getting into fist fights with the mirror.
This world doesn't matter to me.
My bleeding nose and horrid mind are too naive for you to think that I am free;
breaching a shadow too small to cover me.
Mediums hover me,
and you call to connect with me.
Against my brain;
and induced will.
Against reality to assist a thrill-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
1.5k · Nov 2018
Mind
I think I lost my mind,
Between finding myself
And letting parts go that
I'm not sure of anymore.
I needed the strength to bind
My brain together, but what's left
Isn't enough, and getting it back
Is leaving my heart sore.
Friends are slipping away,
Because I do not have control
Over what I do, or if I talk
About the pressure of being myself.
Sad thing is, I'm losing more each day,
The war opened up my soul,
I knew I was not
Normal since I met this hollow desk,
And my mind worked itself away-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated
1.4k · Jun 2018
Rations
I seem to feel the most,
yet keep it bottled up inside.
I think I've learned to conceal it well,
My heart has grown a stronger hide.
A leather pouch holding words within,
that wouldn't dare reach my lips.
I won't leave my language bare,
and let the secrets drip.
I have learned to bite my tongue,
when I think feeling's enough.
I'll let the bottle in my brain,
sit; collecting dust.
It's much safer than using it often,
vulnerable; it's too loud.
Waiting until I'm alone,
drinking death as I had vowed.
At that point, I'll rip off the top,
and consume what's in my mind.
So in the day of passing faces,
it'll handle being confined.
For now you may think I'm inhumane,
why keep emotion in these glasses?
Well, all I feel has been limited,
and today I've had my ration-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
1.4k · Jul 2018
Mutated
We grab our blades,
and go to war.
You cut me up,
and I cut you more.
I beat your arms,
while you flood my head.
**** out your words,
and I drown instead.
Yet you've no bruises,
mine are as dim as night.
They say it's just darkness,
but they can't see your eyes.
You mutate reality,
and I only help.
"Can I get better?"
I say; and, farewell--
It's like my demon and I fighting, you know?
Idk, I'm weird.
All feedback is welcome and appreciated
I tried to grow, but held on so steadily,
That I burnt my pain in a form of ecstasy.
A drug I took, to release my anger,
Went up in smoke, causing me danger.
And this smoke blurred my vision, got caught in my eyes,
I was incessantly nervous, trying to survive,
Throughout sixteen years worth of trauma, and despise
I reach eighteen, to finally realize,
It wasn’t my fault, and sadly none knew,
What I experienced, and tried to subdue,
And I blamed and blamed myself for it all,
Taking the guilt, and taking the fall,
To find a point in life where I,
Accept in growth, things must die
So the memories had to, despite the pain,
Of walking through a burning flame,
And trying to fight the agonizing burn,
That one must feel, in order to learn.
1.3k · Jul 2018
Restless
Restless, my eyes are turning
As I'm running from them.
I'm not one soul, I'm vulnerable, their
Noose was fit for me, do I take it? Or do I
Bleed? Again, another day; one more rhyme.
One more night envelopes me, addressed to the
Wavering pupils I cannot contain. Save me, I scream;
but they don't hear me. And even though
I cut them open, they still don't fear me----
1.3k · Aug 2018
Deck
He slipped too many times for it to be accidental,
Gurgling underwater; and sinking from the vessel.
He too, had supplied the deaths aboard the deck,
Where drowning and breath paddled; all atop his neck.
Do you know his struggle, until you've met the sea?
Where fish swim past on their way, and you clamber just to breathe.
Sputtering on bubbles, his exhaling's a crusade,
But please don't feel bad for him, that's just an average day-
All feedback is welcome and appreciate!!:)
1.3k · Oct 2019
Papaver Rhoeas
Postpone your worries and follow me through my imagination,
Act upon your wrongs and fall for their sedations.
Progress runs behind protection, projected
As living when death's deeply invested.
Vibrant red always becomes so much deeper.
Everyone tells me I'll heal but I'm not a believer.  
Relief is when I release it all completely,

Repeating history until it kills me.
Hover losses as shadows watch,
Oh the concern as all hope dislodged,
Evenings now tempt you to
Alleviate them for no longer,
Send me away from here forever.
All feedback is welcome and appreciated
1.3k · Aug 2019
boo fucking hoo.
your brain, darling. what happened to it?
I remember when we once were fine.
but blood has left your body, boy.
you've got a broken heart and ****** up mind.
but why? what made your thoughts blank out?
and what caused each emotion to disappear?
was it mommy? you can tell me.
after all, she's not even here.
she left you, boy. she's not returning.
I know it hurts. but it's certainly true.
was it addiction? or was it her freedom?
what trapped her more? her problems, or you?
onto all of this, did you ever try?
you wake up to sadness, that's all that you give.
im so ******* sorry that everyone leaves you,
but it's no shock when you act like a kid.
moral of the story? don't ******* be you.
I hate how you act, I hate when you breathe.
just go ******* cry and tell yourself that you're nothing,
until that's all your ******* heart can perceive.
im so sorry for how depressing this is. recently my mom has... left lol. ive been moved from my home, to live with my dad, who's great although I haven't been around him much in my life. my mom has issues. she's not a good mom. im honestly scared of her, and she's made me feel like **** for years. she's recently told me in a text "boo ******* hoo" so that's why I chose that title. im not looking for pity or apologies, or attention. im just venting and giving an explanation for this poem.
all feedback is welcomed and appreciated
1.2k · Jan 2018
Popping Stars
Popping stars just like
Balloons; I darkened my night
To feel more at home-
I don't know about this one, really. I think a person will sometimes be so used to pain, they almost want it, like it's normal. All feedback is welcome :)
1.1k · Nov 2019
Wishing Well
Where were you something so deep, so cold?
Trapped in the wishing well of the untold.
Surrounded by meer memories of my past, I am never to see the present.
Why is it for myself I hold all this resentment?
I'm mad at myself, for I am so weak.
Days are passing and breath feels bleak.
I would always play by that wishing well, never knowing what time would tell.
Jump, climb, try to survive..
Although my inner hopes can barely thrive.
Breathe! Breathe, I'm starting to choke..
I miss my home, I'm so alone, falling deeper into onset misery, setting up my life for catastrophes.
Losing, losing! My humanity; I've sunk deep into my own insanity.
Now I have fallen, now I am gone;
now this wishing well is full of my blood.
I wrote a poem about two years ago, and hated it.
But I went back to it recently and changed it a bit, and here is the outcome. I hope it's good, I don't really know
1.1k · Feb 2019
Apathy
I stand alone with my shadow,
Developing larger on the floor.
Voices are heightened in these loosened hours,
I can feel my failures outside my door.
For is it fair to live in fear,
Consistently dreading numbed durations?
I still sense the pain of things that won't adhere,
And uneasy twinges of deserted sensations.
My apathy is back and it has worsened,
My eyes have widened because I know what comes next.
The flood of my trauma ends lack of emotion,
drowning me, sending me straight to my death-
I have felt apathy my whole life

I feel so much I push it out of my head so I don't die.
I feel too much and itsit's horrible.
I feel numbed most days now to try and deal with it
1.1k · Sep 2017
I Can
Can you see my eyes, the way they evenly are red?
Puffed and slightly tearful still. Did you know it made me
tired to walk out of an empty room again, pretending to just
find something that was in my hand. Well I guess I've never lied,
I truly lost something every time you didn't  notice my breath was choking me. It's so hard to focus with shaking hands and detached eyes. I feel defeated every night I sleep. Maybe I'm over dramatic, maybe I just make things worse purposely. But you telling me I have no problems? That, my friend, hurts the most-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
1.1k · Aug 2018
Confiscating; Comtemplating
He's not what you think,
And he pretends you know.
The more he confiscates the worry,
The more it seems to show.
He's walking around the lies,
As they pile against his skin.
So at night; he'll break the doors,
And flood out what's within.
Pressing the lock into his throat,
He glides the key straight to his heart.
Stop the plane in his head,
Before it can depart.
He's convinced this plain is unwelcome,
Underlying a helpless glow.
This seed planted inside him,
fixes fears no one truly knows-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated
995 · Jan 2021
A Tapestry of Traumas
This isn't my body. She stripped me of that right when she touched me.
This vessel I possess is proof that maternity can cruelly switch to molestation, and how disheartening the world can become once you meet its evils.
Brutality in the act is only half of it though, the rest is trying to cope with the loss of your own skin.
Not a body, just a brain weighed down by pounds of flesh that became property to an abuser six years ago.
I rarely feel human anymore, and that's if I ever did to begin with.
I am a thing. A thing designed to make other people happy, even if my own health, mental or physical, is compromised in the process.
The process, an activity ranging from starvation to downright ****** abuse. I used to starve sometimes for this woman just so I'd be praised, just so I'd feel worthy of living.
Losing sleep, losing my ******* mind, all for her to facetiously downplay the traumas she consistently constructed.
Carefully orchestrated, a symphony of horrors frequent to my mind, my body.. She stole my own life from me.
A part of me remains within her, and that sadly,
is what hurts the most.
My mother sexually abused me when I was 12, and then when I was 16. It is those parts of my life that I hate the most.
919 · Oct 2018
Effected
If you'd notice, you could see the way he lost his mind,
shattered on the tile floor he donates to. The coats of bandages
that soaked right through. You can feel the lack thereof in effort;
and I'm not saying you should be the one to save him, or that it's
your fault, all I'm saying is that the signs were there,
and you didn't notice for the sake of "I'm doing better now."
Maybe we become denial, or numb to the stone cold facts in
front of us. We shouldn't side with anger because it's easier;
rather lend a hand to someone lower than us in the hopes
you'll raise the rock-bottom people and awareness that this
effects more than obviously-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!

I feel like we should check up on our friends, and lend a hand, whether they say they're okay or not. Offer help and just a friends,it can do wonders.
877 · Jul 2018
Over-ambitous?
Alien, you remain a mystery to me.
You carve upon my retinas with your ideas,
your friendless habits abduct my days.
You phrase my nightmares and phase through
my eyelashes, lasting a dawn with nothing more than
gibbous eyelids, over-ambitious? No. My heart is not nutritious,
fixing this isn't by contributing to the addiction, inflicting
absence as a base to what I do; how I think. Why are
you always at the edge of when I
blink?
---------
All feedback is welcome!!
So; I hope this poem isn't confusing.
Alien is meant to be a character I talk to; like my mystery.
I hope that makes sense.:)
800 · Nov 2018
'No Road Ahead'
His cement touch grasped my lungs,
cracking down on the system we had made.
My mind is not quiet until it is numb,
compacting a road for old memories' sake.
This ground takes place in the back of my head,
the gravel makes bumps I always displace.
No one will come; calling 'No Road Ahead'
I am lost in this part for most of my days.
The colder it is, the more likely I'll freeze,
keep driving this way to try and find home.
Frozen in time, I don't know the ease,
between what is 'home' and a house no one knows.
I isolated my heart from the world because nobody cares,
it is worthless to think of myself with emotion.
I'd rather continue just driving this way,
and force myself to keep going through the motions-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
762 · Jan 2021
Drooping Dandelions
Weeping for a sorrowful man
Is weeping for a wilted flower
No amount of water, sunlight, or even love
Will ever bring back its glow.

What you will never understand,
Are these achingly long hours
No amount of worry, care, or even love
Will take away the blow

Through the skull, because life became bland,
And I didn't hold enough power
To care for myself, nor the worry, or even the love
And in due time my true colors flowed.

For weeping for a broken man,
Is like weeping for a dying flower
No amount of water, sunlight, or even love
Will ever make it grow.
Lost my last friend. Life hurts so so much.
707 · Dec 2017
Debris
He had a paper maché heart,
and weekly, it was layered again
with more glue, protecting him.
And one day, it completely snapped in two,
he tried so hard to be free.
Now his heart is mazed in crumbles,
and he's lost in the debris-
All feedback is welcome and deeply appreciated!
671 · Oct 2018
Pause
I'm really not who I thought I was,
how do you move on with life
when you place it to pause?
I am the boss to my own mind,
but cower at each door it confines,
to condone the person I could be and
wrong the person I wish I was,
I'm the boss of my own mind
but a slave to what it does.
Died to a coward that
hides behind demands,
and the density of this reality is
what weighs my bones down,
some of you know what this is now.
What it means to be shackled
to what you hate,
here have a go at the scariest
things your head can make.
The thoughts that break
your heart but tell it to go
faster,
faster,
faster....
Running after something
you'll never reach,
and as I'm running forever
I can't move my feet
off this bed,
inside my head I'm growing tired,
so my eyes will never open;
and I'm hoping you know that I fear
when I get older my memories will wake
and it'll take me,
too late to save me.
Why bother even
waiting?
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
563 · Jun 2018
Quicker
It's quicker to finish my festered,
fleeting head with this.
Biting at my skull,
I'm sold to the night's knights.
That might mean,
I could've been okay,
if I hadn't been caught walking
out of talking to everyone.
Blood stains remain a loss,
I cannot gain from losing.
Loosening that little
band around my neck,
I can't forget it,
the tighter it grows,
bruising my skin
and unraveling my
lungs-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
524 · Jul 2019
Fight or Flight
somehow I don't believe you,
don't go out... its harder to go through..
be a mess,
take the fight,
and hate the world.
my time is overdue,
I've done nothing to show to you.
life taught me flight,
so goodbye,
I hate the world.

if moments... could show us
a good time,
then maybe
my mind
would change.
but moments,
waste moments
of good times.
and maybe,
I've lost my mind
yeah I haven't written in a long time and I know this isn't too good but im trying.
all feedback is welcome and appreciated
482 · Oct 2018
Privated Attics
The attic attacks me, won't back
me up in fights with my heart.
Dust will conclude how long I've
been afraid, cleaned for the
dusk; I don't know my name.
Wading in rivers for its own trade,
confront the buyer at higher
stakes than the owner, lower I fall.
"Tone down the pain" mediocre
control over what I am and
what I will become, my thumbs
pricked for another accusation.
I'll discuss my problems only the
world can understand, privated
and classified; I am just a man.
I am just a boy, and these passages
aren't used to show how much
better I've gotten, only if I say I do.
These words and all the strings
of things I can collect, are something
much more deep than you'll ever comprehend.
you believe I am recovering,
because that's all you're allowed to see.
Can't you sense the great dispense
that one day I'll look up from your feet?
All feedback is welcome and appreciated
451 · Nov 2019
Goodbye mom
Days awake in unwell sleeping patterns,
Mechanical days are flourishing, I've
Kinda wished everything wasn't so fast;
I kinda wish I wasn't alive.
I was taken away within stabilization,
Carried in the means of unstable air.
Bury me, I scream, reassurance is blared,
I open in the truths of holding no care.
I doted on ideations,
Creating my world wielded in shame.
Crested on my darkest demons,
Resting with every ounce of blame.
My molecules are crying out,
"The world uses broken tools"
If only this world understood me,
And the impulsivity of oncoming abuse.
Inside I am an unkempt person,
And days are passing more than I know.
I gifted your works with my happiness,
And it is now time that I let you go.
I can't forgive you but I can
Forgive myself for loving you.
Goodbye mom
My mom isnt a good person and I have to let her go in order to let myself heal
436 · Dec 2017
Spotted!
Dotted, spotted, he's found
on the run. Not from himself,
but the lack of others.
Rotted through, inside and out;
a walking price to pay.
Smothered in scars,
wandered too far;
now he's completely
lost
today-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!!
422 · Oct 2019
Sinking.
​I still haven't found land. I steer my crew in circles, drunken and adventurous, hoping they never see how hopeless I am. I cannot handle this power without something powering me; I cannot see straight and somehow that's less blinding than my own doubts. Than my insecurities, and pain I deal with. I'm afraid their trust will decimate, that this ship will sink. Far down, far away. I dream of the clouds being an island to me. A home. Familiarities I rarely feel in these murky, vast waters. I've let my thoughts wander.. farther than I should have. Do you blame me? I always knew my life held a bitter end. A small fight before the ocean enthralls me once more, capturing me, and I sink. Lower than I ever have. Losing my life to the very thing that kept me from living-
I hope yall like this one. there was a lot of pain and thought put into it.
all feedback is welcome and appreciated
370 · May 2019
Guilt
send my mind away to the crows.
their ****** will grow and feed off my guilt,  there's no will in a way of destruction and pain. so much hate in my brain my heart takes the thrill. if it was a trip then I'm overdue, if it's all was my fault then my fall out is true, there is no point for my doubts to break through, as though I'd thought I could outlive the moon,
look . . . . the birds are resting just a few miles away,
I hooked . . . . my thoughts to a line that could go either way,
breathe . . . .  and yet all it releases are thoughts of unease,
saved . . . . thousands of worries I hope would be freed.
and yet all I've learned is livid souls can't survive, and there's more impulsive acts due to pain in the night, as if when the sun goes down we run out of reason, and the darkness within us becomes more alive.
if in the time being, the pain is still eaten, am I a free man or a one within treason?
if the joy that I get is from moments of numbness,
have I received it or faked my own freedom?
be honest....
this is all I've written for a few weeks. i know it isn't that good but life has been really hard lately so I tried my best.
all feedback is welcome and appreciated
348 · Nov 2019
Bye.
I'll leave the razor on the floor for you.
There's nothing that could've changed it.
I'm nothing, that's a fact, and I ******* hate it.
I can't be sorry for doing this, it gives me a sense of worth.
A sense of meaning, and that hurts, I'm too far gone now to cease the pain.
Sadness gives me solace, and so do two last cuts, down the middle,
one last time, because scars are not enough.
They were never enough.
Nothing is ever enough for me.
I'm ******* nothing.
No I am not killing myself, but this was a poem I wrote when I felt suicidal
331 · Nov 2019
Choking
I provoke my demons, demonstrating
ways they can hurt me and invoke them to do so.
Choking them up, one by one, my fingers draped,
my senses blurred, mind emptied of their
nagging, stomach twisting as I realize what I did.
I watch them swirl, I watch them leave,
and I'm left with their staining guilt again.
Do I hold one strength if all I feel is weakness?
These demons want to win, and I always give in.
I pretend I'm in control until it seeps in;
straining my muscles, I failed again.
Constantly invited to events that
feel cathartic, but borderline insanity.
Emotions are high, devotion renewed,
I was used again.
I threw up again.
Sometimes I make myself throw up.
I'm sorry.
317 · Jan 2021
Acceptance
Fingers growing number, a twinge of sadness chokes my soul
Like the cold air of January, I fall deep into its pull.
It takes me on a journey, once before I have gone,
Where warmth's akin to weakness, and deeper I am drawn.
The naive wind for this adventure, whispers through my hair,
But I hope to forget, freezing what's no longer there.
"What was once here?"  The curious cold asked,

"The moment I share it with you, you will long for its grasp.
A comfort that is stolen, is one you'll never miss,
You'll soon forget the warmth, so the longing can't exist.
Rather just adaptation, adjusting to the pain,
And accepting that you will never, ever feel the same,"
It paused in my silence, but began to speak
Louder, its temperature brushing against my cheeks.

"I know your sadness is an attempt to move along,
In fear that a weakness means you can't remain strong.
But I assure you, my sorrow isn't easily forgotten,
Emotions are broken, twisted and knotted,
If I tried to lose one, and carry all the rest,
I'd be stuck and ever tangled with an ache inside my chest.
For pain isn't something one can simply leave,
Instead, we have to bask in it, and accept that we can grieve.
I understand the worry that a broken thought holds,
But to know a warmth, is to acknowledge the cold,"


Maybe it was right, I thought in the snow,
And went right back inside to grab a warm coat.
314 · Jul 2018
Memoir To Who?
Affable laughs glide on his throat,
they believe he's fine even if he won't.
Timidly shaking, he's achingly happy,
draining himself just to descend to the concrete,
he eternally casts his eyes with a sapphire glow.

Leave him on the sidewalk,
they move on; but he's not.
Marigold grows from his chest,
but all they see is Narcissus,
he lived very little; though it felt like a lot.

Orange was his heart,
watered from the counterparts.
Puddled with the anguish,
eventually it vanished,
I know it's quite bazaar;

but honestly,
that's his better days
by far--
I hope this isn't too confusing.
All feedback is welcome and appreciated! :):)
303 · Apr 2019
Soot
as each memory burned deeply in me, I knew
they'd be stuck there forever. forever in my mind, smoking and smothering me. I'm still rubbing soot off my skin and hoping it won't stick again. the past is over and yet, when I get scared it's all the same. stop, drop, and roll. sometimes I'll cover my face as I cry and hope my tears will be enough to put out the flames. the doorknob feels hot... so don't ask why I don't come out. i still feel it. the fire's still there. still burning in the back of my mind, and I'll always take precautions before trying. just trying to live. but how am I meant to when my past keeps burning me alive?
I'm so sorry for not posting in so long. my mental health has gone so low lately I can't even think to write. I don't even know what the **** I'm doing anymore. life is pointless
282 · Feb 2021
Never Again
Wings clipped completely,
Trauma overtaking me,
I will never fly

Again.
267 · Aug 2018
Pines
Pines littered my unlively heart, once a rooted place; with branches of family, sprouts nothing more than unwanted pain.
Trees filtered the rain and hale, marching upon my veins; leaves wither now, roaming a terrain of deserts and unanswered lies.
Tumbleweeds, each one of a kind, bellow in the wind that dried my brain, refraining the saplings from hope, holes built in my body for no other process than causing emptiness, a sense of memory that was once before.
Not anymore, I feel nothing.
I do nothing.
I am nothing.
I'm inhumane, unwillingly walking to the past; lurking from the windows, one broken and one stained, I know now that my hurt was never tamed.
It just laid,  pulsing through my feet; hiding as I am now, you hear a sound from outside, a purposeful blow from the wind.
There goes my brain.
There goes my pain.
Goodbye-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated
240 · Jul 2018
Mapless
I'm a poignant addict. Mapless, speckled floors
and uneasy voices are all I find. I'm vulnerable with the
concerning looks, and I promised I'd tell the truth this time.
Yet helplessness reached me, and hopelessly seized me, how
good can my breath be, if all it does is burn me? Words hurt
my heart, and convinced me it shouldn't be beating. The same
old ceiling won't see me sleeping. How good can life be, if it
wants to **** me?
All feedback is welcome and appreciated!
239 · Nov 2019
Ocean
I want to slip into the ocean and say goodbye peacefully,
this kind of want isn't something unnatural to me.
The waves so surrounding,
**** my heart is pounding..
I just want to be set free.

From the heart of the waters I'll eventually fade,
there's a war in my brain and it's a ******* crusade.
There's only one remedy,
I need the serenity,
Let me go unscathed.

Let me go unaided.
Set me free; fading.
No more violent thoughts, or
all of the battles I've fought for,
let me have what I've always been chasing.
All feedback is welcome and appreciated.
155 · Mar 2020
Depression
He's in your brain.
Deception is exhausting. It's haunting your purpose, binded with slow tears streaming your face as you beg him to stop. Empty expressions fill you up, nothing to feel, nothing to say... all you want is one reason to stay, and the world offers otherwise. Pain is inaudible at times, cover your mouth and arms, honey, it'll be all over in a year or so. Months pass with repression til you collapse on the bathroom floor and there's no more you. Remember when you felt something inside you? A light that shined through, no one could change you, and here you are.... Empty. Empty of everything, even your blood as it pools on the tile, no smile, no nothing.. Just something that once was. Something that'll never be again, and wasn't for far too long. Longer than when you left, longer than anyone knew. Somehow you make things even worse than when you were around, people lounge in black, eyes glued to the box you'll never leave, thinking of memories you'll never see as they regret unspoken compliments you'd refuse to believe. In this time, distant friends even cry for you, people will remember this for decades. One small act will change lives forever, couldn't you ever realize this? Open your wrists and you open a door to lost hearts searching for a reason, give them a reason, they need a reason. Notes aren't enough, stains aren't enough, the autopsy isn't enough, they need just one more conversation with you. But you can't give it...
Hey at least he's out of your brain though, right?
I hope you like it.

— The End —