sometimes she does not recognise herself
she is not the same person from five years ago
back then, things like innocence were real
infedility was something other women practiced frequenty
other women
disloyal women
not her though

she feels tainted, stained
irrevocably ashamed
marked with a poisionous cheater's kiss
she wants to go back to wedded bliss
she is desperately looking for some way to fix it
to find some sort of reprieve

she stares into the ***** mirror
hearing the whisper of her old friend, Fear
telling her of the art of sabotage
an art she wishes she'd never mastered
what can I say?
vows were made to be obeyed
when she broke those sacred promises
her soul shattered just the same
so when she looks into that mirror
her reflection is a stranger
she wants to be anyone else
not this unfaithful mess of a shell
so she smashes that glass into tiny shards
it's time to move on
time to make a new start

I have not forgotten you
I could never forget the ocean
If you are the ocean
I am the skeleton lying on the bottom
I am the lifeless mess
Broken next to a love boat ship wreck
I am drowned and crowned in shame
Buried in the consequence of all of my mistakes
I have not forgotten you
Your ocean voice is clear in my mind
I only have one question
Have you left the corpse of my love behind?

I would rather have integrity than popularity
I would rather be alone but be kind
I would rather be poor than have money made from crime  
I would rather know a bitter truth than live a life of lies
I would rather have one true friend than a group that can't be genuine
I would rather die at twenty one if that short life was filled with love
I would rather be shot than use a gun against another
I would rather be female just to prove we have it harder
I would rather have integrity than popularity
I would rather live in my fantasy than in your reality

you are my secret
but you won't be for long
your name keeps slipping out of my mouth
a friend here
a colleague there
each time i feel a little less scared
i almost texted my sister
the most open minded member of my family of six
but i kept my mouth shut
trying to practice patience
you are my secret
but i want to tell the world
how i dream of you in technicolor
how i want to be your girl

I was lying on her leather couch
This kind of love is not allowed
Two thousand and twenty one
Time moves on but stigma doesn't
I'm falling in love with her leather couch
I'm getting lost in the creases that she has created
My hands smell like discovery
Her hair looks like purpose
I was lying on her leather couch
I think it's a place where I could be found

if this doesn't last then that's ok
not everything is meant to last
not everything is forever
if you never read these words then that's ok
they will still be a reminder of a beautiful moment in space and time
if you decide to leave
if I get too intense or you lose this feeling
if this doesn't last and this just comes to pass
i promise that is more than ok

cradled in these arms
a new beginning
a metaphorical infant
of hope
the sweetest possibility
of innocent growth
in this basic moment
i can believe i'm not alone
cradled in these arms
the makings of a home

can we be more than animal?
venture outside of,
basic instinct.
let me be more than,
animal.

be more than how i think.

she handed me a grenade
told me it was a trophy
as i exploded into oblivion
i thought i had won

she was handed a grenade
they told her it was her weapon
attached was a book
called how to be deceptive

she handed me a grenade
knew the exact words to say
to turn a destructive explosion
into a positive display

if you take off your armour
if you lay your weapons down
if you show me your vulnerability
i will retreat
i will do the same

i'm finding my way back to you
step by tentative step
one day we'll look back at this
with no more regret
i'm finding my way back to you
step by loving step

Why can't I forget you?
I hate this foolishness
Self Respect has flown away
Dignity can't look at me
Vulnerability appears to have gotten out of hand
I can't understand why
I can't forget you

her hair was covering
the most flawless parts of her face
her beautiful mouth
was shouting the most ugliest words
the stares from the spectators were devastatingly blank
vapid, like only strangers posses
her body was twisted and contorted
her voice was raw and distorted
blame was being thrown as naturally unproductive
as the most troublesome delinquent
all the while ignoring the human
inside the woman on the pavement
her hair was covering
the most flawless parts of her face
in the morning she will not remember this mistake
all she will have is the labels and little bruises of shame
she will see the beautiful parts of herself
and have nobody to share them with
she will realise her only freedom is inside silence
she will close her mouth and fade away
the conclusion of a woman gone insane

i took a trip to heaven once
just to see the view
i got ****** into the tragic lie of decency
now im on a church team
trying to claw my way out of this hell

I needed to ask
I needed to imply
I needed to explore the possibility

I needed to know
I needed to see
The bare bones of your reality

Two women in a timeless love
Two broken hearts coming undone
Once upon a time they were little girls
Now they're full grown
Learning a script they've always known
Rehearsing till dawn
Lines forever drawn
Two women in a timeless love
Roles recorded on their hearts
Two healing hearts performing as one

We are the same
Except you changed your name
Except you lie about your age
We are the same
Except you wear a different mask every day
We are the same
Except you are ashamed of what I embrace
We look completely different
Due to the way you hide your secrets
We look completely different but we are the same

to all the ones who were pushed away
labelled a drain
by the ones who were supposed to love you

to all the ones who were bullied
to humiliation
past the point of reconciliation

to all the ones who were cruelly abused
denied a voice
refused the chance to be heard

to all the ones who are still hurt

i am here and this one is for you

he asks me if i want to play
so i sharpen my knives and prepare to castrate

i don't want your apology
i don't want your words
i would rather see your castration
or castrate you myself
i don't want your apology
when you don't know the meaning of the word
i would rather see your termination
i would rather see you **** yourself