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Aug 2020 · 538
Triggered
NJ Brown Aug 2020
I'm triggered
It feels like a bullet wound to my head
Like daggers to my chest
I'm stir crazy
I'm all alone
There's a breath on my neck
I'm not even safe at home
arms tighten at my throat and I can't breathe
I'm leaking from arousal
I don't want it but I can't speak
"You're so wet for me"
I don't want to be
I'm triggered
Nobody can love what is tainted
Despite August being women's month, a woman is afraid of being ***** and being a victim caught in the situation, my only prayer was that the ****** spare my life.
May 2020 · 218
Lover
NJ Brown May 2020
I used to want a lover
Like the boys in the books
Until I met you,
Now I want books with boys who are
Lovers like you
Falling In Love
Feb 2019 · 321
Vermilion
NJ Brown Feb 2019
He is my vermilion
His cheeks adorned with the love of the sun
His scarlet hair caught in the gaps of my fingers
Burning passion into my lungs.
A reason to keep breathing

He is my vermilion
Before him I was all but a black hole, my life sinking into oblivion
Lifeless living until he- a mercuric sulfide gem had me falling head first

For him I paint the blue left of me, red
Every time his chest is where I lay my head
Pieces of him have fallen through the crevices of my broken heart
Now I hurt every time we have to part

I fell in love with him before I even knew
Now that I do
He is the colour of my love
He is the colour of my life
Nov 2018 · 272
My Best Friend
NJ Brown Nov 2018
Zestful is his demeanor

Alluring is his mind

Young he is at heart

Noble he is on a whole

Omnipotent is his soul

Nurturing he is, most of all

And a letter of his name starts each line of this poem
Sep 2018 · 1.3k
Withered Petals
NJ Brown Sep 2018
I've been told never to let the Devil in
My 'no' had fallen upon deaf ears and he'd invited sin

My cries were blanketed by fear
As I sat in the loudest silence you'd ever hear

His hand held tight upon my thigh
Nobody would look me in my eye

Bruised and battered I couldn't cry for help
His fingers crawled deeper and I'd accepted the card I was dealt

I wanted to say something to somebody
But I couldn't bare the idea of being blamed by everybody

Healing is on the front porch
But I'm too weak to unlock the front door

"I told you not to wear that dress."
"Now look you're a ******* mess"

I can't fall asleep at night
I hear my mothers lack of sympathy
And I can't help but think that she was right
Sep 2018 · 280
Deta (It came out)
NJ Brown Sep 2018
Silent
for months
Mute
with the inability to say much
Weakened
by the idea that healing had to be rushed
The soul is
Painted
with the idea that the heart was crushed
Bits and pieces of the muscle
Pierced
within itself
Lost
With no idea how to start a search
Tears
like acid
Set the body
Ablaze
like a Phoenix on fire
Feelings
It came out like ****
Oozing
from an infected wound
Plaster
Like super glue
Guarded
Like Cartier necklaces far too
Precious
to put at risk of hurt
Incomplete healing, damaged goods Emotional ineptitude
Jun 2018 · 358
s h a r d s o f g l a s s
NJ Brown Jun 2018
i t s  ******* e d  u p  i s  i t  n o t ?
w e  l a y  h e r e  p r e g n a n t  w i t h  t h i n g s  w e  d a r e  n o t  
s a y
b o t t l e  i t  u p  u n i l  i t  g u s h e s  o u t  o f  u s  l i k e
w a t e r  f r o m  a  f a u c e t
a n d  t h e  b o t t l e  i s  g l a s s  s h a t t e r e d  i n t o  
s h a r d s  o f  g l a s s
p i e r e c i n g  t h r o u g h  m y  l u n g s
m a k i n g  i t  j u s t  a b o u t  i m p o s s i b l e
t o  b r e a t h e
anxiety attacks aren't child's play
Jun 2018 · 367
Struggling Artists
NJ Brown Jun 2018
Never good...
They're all heavy dreamers, spewing out promises like its a fvckin rap verse
and when it's time to pull through, excuses are their favourite hooks..
Struggling artists never wake up, they stay stuck and damage you with a glue gun in the process,
hard part is you always think that you're in love and you always go back, it's like abuse.
This all about my relationship experience with " artists" nothing more, nothing less
May 2018 · 540
Phoenix Unconquered
NJ Brown May 2018
I miss her too you know?
The girl I used to be
She's been gone,
Hibernating from this ice cold earth
They don't deserve any of what she's worth
As frostbite teased the very tips of her heart,
in pain
Her only fear was that she may never feel again
As the tears traveled down my cheeks, with the inability to speak
I know that I have failed her
All that I had once felt has turned into the nothingness he felt
He'd judged her, for loving love
It is the shallow emptiness of the walls my fingers fill, desolate of emotion
It is not my own, but those of the people whose juices I thought would colour my world
Re inviting the old me in.
Unable I was to discover my old self
But still solace is found
For from fire She will return
As recent tears are dried before escaping the ducts
I am warm
Even at a distance from the winter sun
I am warm
Because a Phoenix Unconquered is the old me
I was recently, verbally harassed for being Bisexual, and it being my first encounter, I shunned myself for being who I really am, while trying to recover, I tend to forget that I need the "me" that I pushed aside to be completely okay with who I am
Apr 2018 · 409
Homely
NJ Brown Apr 2018
Your eyes became the marble floors
Your smile the French doors
Your voice the welcoming tone
When your arms wrap around me
I feel at Home
Jan 2018 · 444
Twenty ∞ (2018)
NJ Brown Jan 2018
Resolutions,  what is the purpose? There are a number of people who asked this
Follow the trends of society and fictionalise the way you see yourself
All because you believe that the way they see you is good for your health
Their praise is prejudice and unnecessary
Don't be weary, speak life into your necessities
Make your life infinite
Have infinite love
Experience infinite joy
Live in infinite peace
See yourself through infinite success
Grab hold of the infinite possibilities
Speak infinite positivity
Work toward infinite wisdom
Feel infinite freedom
Have infinite faith
Accept infinite blessings
You are in control of becoming the infinite being.
Dec 2017 · 336
Broken
NJ Brown Dec 2017
I'm all set but still I wander around as if I don't belong, I don't know what it may be but even if my aesthetics draw attention, I could never physically keep it. I don't do much to keep up my appearance because I'm undesirable in any case. I hold the broken in close regard, but I don't love the way I supposed to. I'm attracted to the damaged but it hurts when I can't approach it.
Is there truly a pain and displeasure in loneliness or am I just a wreck, seeking attention in all the wrong directions? I have no love for the clinging desire to be wanted but it aches to be pushed aside. If the computer screen is the only place I feel a spark, why is it that I'm always looking for a ****** presence that may never come in the dark.
I despise picking up shattered pieces from the ground because I know the truth is that the love I seek is not within these dangerous encounters. Maybe the broken are all one magnetic field of which we cannot guarantee any escape and I've been bleeding out so I've been neglected now.  Loneliness is the epitome of damage and I'll never get out.
Nov 2017 · 380
Falling
NJ Brown Nov 2017
Maybe it's just because we're on equal ground or you understand the pain and misery I've been through?
I don't understand how it works, but it's been years since I first met you and we've built a pinnacle of trust and I question is it worth it all,but I can't help but admit that you've initiated my constant falling
Nov 2017 · 559
Dear: Little Girl Inside
NJ Brown Nov 2017
Dear little girl inside, everything is fine
We got through all the pain and even got to keep our minds
Sometimes we still get crazy, but not the way we used to
When the love that you know now is nothing you were used to
Sometimes you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself
And love You, that way you can teach anybody else
And if it's pain that you were feeling, you release it till it stops
Or else it will get stronger and just beat you till you drop
You're a lot smarter than you're ever given credit for
Live like a simile, lessons are a metaphor
I hope one day you're strong enough to break free from the cage
And that everything inside you is the reason I be great

And it's you and me, and everything we are is everything we'll be
I swear I'll always love you, I know you feel the same
And I just want to say you made it through
Nov 2017 · 198
Home
NJ Brown Nov 2017
Have you ever met someone who held your hand and it felt as if you embodied the heat of a furnace?

Someone with a voice that whispers your name as if you heard it for the very first time?

Someone with a personality that keeps a smile on your face as if you weren't born crying?

Somebody who's arms wrap around your body so securely, you're just about certain you're home.
Nov 2017 · 346
SoulStice
NJ Brown Nov 2017
Everlasting light glimmering in your orbs.
Your eyes open like the entry to your soul
Wrapped up in your arms, my vision walks through the door
Opening up my heart to share what makes it whole
I've fallen in love as I forget the body that cradles my being
Afloat I am as I drift through the scene
Who you are is a beauty I will never truly see
But your soul will always be what's best for me
Nov 2017 · 442
Tempestuous
NJ Brown Nov 2017
I remember not the sunshine nor the heat on my skin
Melting tears uncontrollable and my heart is wearing thin
Layers of my love peeling off my chest and it hurts me to speak
The storm won't stop and I've become weak
I have no way to let it out and I'm flooded
Withering away from who I was I'm cold blooded
I yearn for a calm
But my bitter actions push me to harm
Myself and everyone else
I can't keep it at bay
The heavy pelts
Love me still even though in the tempestuous storm I must stay.

— The End —