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NJ Brown Aug 2020
I'm triggered
It feels like a bullet wound to my head
Like daggers to my chest
I'm stir crazy
I'm all alone
There's a breath on my neck
I'm not even safe at home
arms tighten at my throat and I can't breathe
I'm leaking from arousal
I don't want it but I can't speak
"You're so wet for me"
I don't want to be
I'm triggered
Nobody can love what is tainted
Despite August being women's month, a woman is afraid of being ***** and being a victim caught in the situation, my only prayer was that the ****** spare my life.
NJ Brown May 2020
I used to want a lover
Like the boys in the books
Until I met you,
Now I want books with boys who are
Lovers like you
Falling In Love
NJ Brown Feb 2019
He is my vermilion
His cheeks adorned with the love of the sun
His scarlet hair caught in the gaps of my fingers
Burning passion into my lungs.
A reason to keep breathing

He is my vermilion
Before him I was all but a black hole, my life sinking into oblivion
Lifeless living until he- a mercuric sulfide gem had me falling head first

For him I paint the blue left of me, red
Every time his chest is where I lay my head
Pieces of him have fallen through the crevices of my broken heart
Now I hurt every time we have to part

I fell in love with him before I even knew
Now that I do
He is the colour of my love
He is the colour of my life
NJ Brown Nov 2018
Zestful is his demeanor

Alluring is his mind

Young he is at heart

Noble he is on a whole

Omnipotent is his soul

Nurturing he is, most of all

And a letter of his name starts each line of this poem
NJ Brown Sep 2018
I've been told never to let the Devil in
My 'no' had fallen upon deaf ears and he'd invited sin

My cries were blanketed by fear
As I sat in the loudest silence you'd ever hear

His hand held tight upon my thigh
Nobody would look me in my eye

Bruised and battered I couldn't cry for help
His fingers crawled deeper and I'd accepted the card I was dealt

I wanted to say something to somebody
But I couldn't bare the idea of being blamed by everybody

Healing is on the front porch
But I'm too weak to unlock the front door

"I told you not to wear that dress."
"Now look you're a ******* mess"

I can't fall asleep at night
I hear my mothers lack of sympathy
And I can't help but think that she was right
NJ Brown Sep 2018
for months
with the inability to say much
by the idea that healing had to be rushed
The soul is
with the idea that the heart was crushed
Bits and pieces of the muscle
within itself
With no idea how to start a search
like acid
Set the body
like a Phoenix on fire
It came out like ****
from an infected wound
Like super glue
Like Cartier necklaces far too
to put at risk of hurt
Incomplete healing, damaged goods Emotional ineptitude
NJ Brown Jun 2018
i t s  ******* e d  u p  i s  i t  n o t ?
w e  l a y  h e r e  p r e g n a n t  w i t h  t h i n g s  w e  d a r e  n o t  
s a y
b o t t l e  i t  u p  u n i l  i t  g u s h e s  o u t  o f  u s  l i k e
w a t e r  f r o m  a  f a u c e t
a n d  t h e  b o t t l e  i s  g l a s s  s h a t t e r e d  i n t o  
s h a r d s  o f  g l a s s
p i e r e c i n g  t h r o u g h  m y  l u n g s
m a k i n g  i t  j u s t  a b o u t  i m p o s s i b l e
t o  b r e a t h e
anxiety attacks aren't child's play
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