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"Now tell me, what do you see?"
"It's dark... I'm scared."
"Now now, don't be afraid...
Just breathe,
Now. Tell me...
What do you see?"

If one knew the secrets behind the door,
Would you lead them to the truth?
Or would that be misleading,
Tell me, that,
This is not what I'm believing,

"I see... a mirror."
"Good, good... Now, what do you see in that mirror."

It was strange, the way I looked in the mirror,
It was like... I wasn't even there,
With nothing behind me,
There was a clock,
With a quick glance,
The bell struck,
And by chance,
It was the strangest time to ring,
I looked back and saw nothing,
And just like before,
Nothing ahead of me,
Nothing behind me,
I was alone,

"I don't see anything."
"Clear your mind, and think about something that'll make you happy."

As it dripped down from my face,
I couldn't help but gasp for air,
For the room was encased in blood,
There were no bodies,
No remains,
As I looked for someone,
At least somebody around me,
It was the thought that still remained,

At this point, no words came out,
I wanted nothing more than to shout,
But what was even worse was,
There's was no longer a voice in my mouth,

"What makes you happy...son.
Son! Wake up!"


"Just breathe,
Now. Tell me....
What do you see?"


Back again, and there was this mirror,
But then again it couldn't be any clearer,
Except this time it was behind me,
In front of me was the clock,
And with a quick glance,
The bell struck,
It was 6,
And by chance,
It was the strangest time to ring,
For behind me,
The mirror began a faint ring,
My reflection was still facing towards the clock,
But in front of myself,
Blood dripped down one's face,
And the room started to encase in blood,
I was in that room,
And the last thing I remember,
When I was in that room,
The clock simply read,
3:14
This one has a little twist to it. Interpret it however you want but the story goes like this.

I am sitting with a therapist who is trying to understand what goes on okay my life, but before I know it, his hypnosis puts me in a coma and I slowly die in my sleep. Because I usually don't sleep. I find 3:14 a very interesting time. So whether the session was suppose to be an early morning or afternoon thing. It's crazy how time was still ticking even though it stopped within reflections. Hence how life lives in dimensions. Hope you enjoy!

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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert
Mom? Dad?
Is anyone home?
Mom? Dad?
Well, where did they go?
Mom? Dad?
I can't find you...
I can't see you...
Mom....? Dad?

I cannot remember,
I cannot forget,
Whatever it used to be,
Left him in torment,
Constant,
Endless,
Torment,
There was only bitter confusion,
As it carried his life away overseas,
Into a darkness that even he couldn't see,

How...

How could they just... leave me?"

Yet, they were right in front of me...

Mom! Dad!
I'm right here!
Can't you see me?!


Someone that was right in front of me,
And yet,
He didn't know the answer to even his own questions,
A father of no past,
And a mother with no future,
A present for their son,
That usually one would never refuse,
But his present's became,
Either too old or new for his presence,

Mom, Dad?
I'm scared....
Where are you taking me?
I cannot see a thing...
Mom...... Dad?


I cannot see,
Nor can I hear,
Everything around me,
Became a valley of unheard stories,
Silence touched the tip of a bitten tongue,
For it to choke on tears like words,
It became a shallow life of obscurity,
But as I continued to touch the keys,
The pencil that had the ability to write,
They became the story,

Mom... Dad.
Why,...
Why are you doing this to me?


Never once could a story such as these,
Write on such words,
But please,
Write,
Write for me,

Why did you stop?
Why did you not continue?
What piece stops halfway upon entering?
Where are these words you were supposed to add in here?
Who said you could do that?


Why....
Why....
Why....
Why...


They never understood me,
They never did,
For one that knew reality,
Forgot life emotionally,
Losing everything that was a part of them,
They became a slave to the world,
And I slowly became a part of it...

Every night,
I would lay down with,
Constant,
Endless,
Torment,
No matter how far the distance,
I will always be reminded of my struggle,
To get to where I am today....



*I'm all alone...







Aren't I?
Stories... They speak for themselves... Don't they?

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Trilla™
JayCee Russ-Cuthbert
Who knew,
You could only be,
So
                                          Far
            ­                                                                 ­     Away,
Yet, so close to me,
Who knew you could be so,
Distant

Then again,
No... This is so unlike of me,
To try something new,
It's unlike my specialty,
It's not my story,
It was never me writing,
There was always another side,
There was,
Another,
Someone who told the differences,
From the difference,
Only knowing that it was different,
And who would've known that,
Unlike being able to show what was,
Different,
It wouldn't be the same...
Do you get how different that is?
When you're simply trying to know the name,
You don't even know if it's actually his,
But who is?
He,
He is,
Me,
But how can I be him when he stands in front of me,
Telling me the same thing,
And this was no mirror,
That showed my own reflection,
No, this was my own confession,
And it hurt me inside...
To know that through every pain and tear,
It was him,
And that was,
The Truth
After not being able to write in so long, there were too many things running through my head. It was time to let go.

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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert
You were there,
From the time I woke up,
To the time you put me to bed,
As a roof was secured above my head,
You were there, but instead,

You were there,
To make sure I always had something to eat,
And with the perfect seat,

You were there,
Driving me to school,
Getting me there on time,
Just to wait for me to come out,

And you were there,
To let me watch you as you cooked to your favorite tunes,
To show me how to set the table,
And eat together as a family,

Over the years,
You were there,
From the back of my head,
I was like a book you already read,
And with every single detail,
You fixed me in ways unimaginable,

And one day,
You were there,
I did not see it,
But the eyes of the untold did,
We knew not of what you have done,
But the truth of yours told us,

You were there,

The next couple of days became like hell,
From one thing to another,
It became something I couldn't believe, but,

You were there,
Supporting me through what almost seemed like an end to my day,
To cherish what I need,
And stop what I bleed,
Because you kept me living,
And now,

Now you're gone,
And I can't seem to hold on much longer,
What was a part of me,
Was with you the whole time,
And it was something I couldn't take back,
And I miss it,
And it hurts,


...I Miss You
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Trilla™
JayCee Russ-Cuthbert
A, B, C, D,
What do these really mean?

Dear me,                                      
Look what you've done,
More to yourself,
Left from little to none, and yet,
You rely on you small conscious,
Hoping to find your way,
Now, don't be cautious,
You chose to stay,
So now,
You got a price to pay,
And what did you say,
....Well?


As soon as the words would come out,
The words would retract,
As they would react, on the inside,
To make it so simple to describe yourself,
So simple that,
You could use every single letter in the alphabet,
Starting from A through Z,

Shall we?
Let's start with the letter A,
First off you're an ********
,
Thinking you were doing things for the better, yet,
You were only doing it for yourself,
You didn't care how people felt,
If it wasn't you,
There would be no one else,
And who else? Other than you,
But it was you,
The one that, *everyone
would come to,
Finding out what was right,
What was wrong,
Man, please,
You act as if you knew how to write,
But you let your feelings come way too strong,

Now, let's move along,
How about to the letter B?
You sorry *** *****,
Yeah, that's right, I called you a female dog,
You mad bro? Cause I see it in your diary log,
Talking about the next one,
And then some,
Plus, all the ones that hurt your feelings,
Saying that, "Oh, it's not my fault!",
When you knew,
You obviously, knew that,
One was not your default,
But you knew that...
Didn't you?
Okay, so  I'm going to possibly put this into a four-part poem. I wrote this a while back but, I'm bringing this to public now as along with a few others that will be coming soon to a poet near you ;).  I will explain it in each part, but have you ever felt so negative about yourself you had to write about it? Every single detail that people recognize about you as well as you recognize about yourself? But trust me, there's a surprise at the end.

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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert
She could have wrote me a thousand words,
But out of all the words in the world,
In many of a different language,
With a different tongue,
She chose the word, Love,

At first, she didn't know how to say it,
But simply because, she couldn't
In any way, we didn't know how,
But she saw me,
And with the way that she stared into,
What seemed like dark brown eyes,
The gloss in her eyes saw what was truly inside,

We fell in love once,
Not with the same,
But with a difference,
She loved one as I another,
And as one passed by the other,
We exchanged without visibility to arrange,
Just fell in places we never dreamed,
As days flew by,
Feelings became stronger,
Waiting felt longer,
But, we would gaze and ponder,
Enjoying what would feel like the rest of our lives,

At that moment,
A painful smile ran across through her face,
But trips like these made her lost in her place,
By the time she tried to make sense of it,
Her mouth opened only to be choked by tears,
Taking but a few steps back,
It was hard to believe presence could destroy the essence,
But she knew I saw too much,
For her walls slowly began to close,
The pain that was once written all over her face,
Started changing words into "Okay",

With cold hands,
Her lifeless face was shown,
Without a word to believe,
She let go of her warmth,
And conversations that once were,
Simply became one-worded answers,
From one thing to the next,
Love showed like the text,
Without emotion,
She knew she couldn't say it,
She wouldn't,

Days would pass across unguided mirrors and silent floors,
As ceilings would fall like how tears would pour,
At first, her mind would set off,
But as spacious she was,
Her tears continued to fall,
Throughout it all,
I could see her drift farther from my reach,
While her pain would show each and every moment,
I grabbed her hand,
Again I looked through the confusion of,
Emotionally lifeless eyes,
But before I lost her,
I whispered in her ear,
Love is Bittersweet
A tribute to one whose eyes remind me of mine and may she find herself in the pit of darkness whenever she feels lost
There is never a wrong question,
But questions could lead to wrong answers,
Some answers that could be questionable,
While others just seem to be answered,
But what, is, the answer?
Something short, can't really make much more out of what I already have. Hope this make you think about the next question you answer.

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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert
The more you use it, the more you abuse it. That’s why words like these continue to have no value or meaning..
Sometimes, I fear that people take too much pride in their victory. Pride is not something we should boast, it is something we should share
She said,
She loved me,
As she pulled me closer,
But...

It was the first time I ever heard those words,
And I didn't quite understand it at first,
But the thought of it made my heart race,
As she would continue to kiss every word from my lips,
Just to see if I would try and fight it,
But instead I would bite it,
And grab her hips as she closed in,
Yet,

She said,
She loved me,
As she fed me,
But...

I would hear the words,
Over, and over,
And I couldn't help it,
Desires enticed a mind so young,
That the words would only be caught,
Just like a cat that caught the tongue,
She would have me locked in with no escape,
Hands locked together,
Playing like she through me down,
Until I rolled up top and had her pinned down,
And I knew she could feel me,
She always did,
And that's when...

She said,
She loved me,
As she brushed her fingertips across my chest,
But,

She loved me more than I knew,
For she was ready,
I was too busy sweating,
Wondering how prepared I was,

She said,
She loved me,
Before she closed her eyes,
But...

It was the last time I ever heard those words,
And to think the last would be a good as it first,
From start to finish,
We knew one lies, for,
I woke up by myself,
But another me, woke up leaving,
Knowing that two points could make one mistake,
Because,

She said,
She Loved Me
I was so close,
So close to reaching the inevitable,
But before I closed my eyes...

She was there,
I believed what I couldn't as,
Eyes met across the room,
Never looking away,
She threw herself into my arms,
And I held her tight to my chest,
With the warmth that I felt,
The world stood still,
It was all good until,

She was there,
But she was not where I last saw here,
Instead,
She was over there,
And again eyes met from our path,
This time, she stopped,
She just, Talked,
But our conversation grew,
And I watched as the hours would go by,
And before I could even say goodbye,

She was there,
We were together watching the stars,
Staring into the night sky,
Just reminiscing our past,
Talking about the present,
And what our future holds,
We cried,
But after trying to dry her eyes,
She locked into mine,

She was there,
Holding my hand,
Making the stand that she would,
Forever be with me,
She promised that she wouldn't leave me,
She would not cheat,
And with her trust,
It became,
Til Death Do Us Part,

I woke up this time,
And to my side,
No one was there,
I looked around,
Hoping to find her,
Nowhere to be found,
I looked for something,
Anything,
And that's when I knew,

She made me feel,
She made me touch,
She made me hold,
She made me love,

She made me,
But,


*She never existed
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Trilla™
JayCee Russ-Cuthbert
I found my poem to end in three ways.
The first way I saw it was that, he was basically living his dream and it almost felt as if the whole thing felt like a reality, only to find out that it truly was a dream, never being able to find true love.
Another way I thought of it was trips to his past that he remembered, but in the end, she really did leave him even after everything she promised.
A third, but strange way of thinking about it, was he's about to reach his point where he's going to die and remembers all about the one he loves, in the end when he reaches his point, he is in heaven and is unable to see her again thinking that she was never there....
It's up to you to decide. But where is the love?
He loves me,
He loves me not...

She did not speak of it,

And yet,

Clueless with confusion,
Clearly, it was only an illusion,
...Or so they said,

Everyone just stood there and began to stare,
And just beyond their wonders,
From there,
Right there,
There was but a girl,
With her,
Lifeless face,
As her long, light-brown hair covered her place,
And not knowing if she was really there,
She followed my trace,

He loves me,
He loves me not,

Looking up,
I could only hear the whispers,
No matter if she spoke,
She was a passing of ways, but,
How could her voice come across from where I stay?

But that soft, gentle voice,
It became clear as it,
Ran through my ear,
As if there was nothing,
Nothing left to hear,
But the sweet, silent tone,
That ran through one,
And stayed in the other,
I knew she was there,

He loves me,
He loves me not

She would never shout,
She couldn't,
She wouldn't,
She only whispered,
The knowledge and the struggle,
With her words of complexity,
From the inside out,

But the truth lied within the fire,
And that fire never died,

As a part of her dexterity,
Her hands moved,
As the paper reached for the tip of the pen,
Her words then became as smooth as waves,
For those waves reached for her feet,
And the cycle repeats,

He loves me,
He loves me not...
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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert
Good job,
No,
Great job,
Now look what you've done,
You got a whole mob in front of you,
And you had just one job,
As the mother of a son,
You have failed to improve what is yours,
And now he is simply,
Worthless, 
He means nothing to the world,
As of me,
It is only he,
That now can fend for himself,
For now of everything that falls against him,
May he only see,
What he may take by a whim,
For it is not what he has done,
But for what he did not do,
So now that there is nothing left,
There's nothing left to turn to,
He shall rot with the earth,
And stay stuck at birth,
And rebirth as the dirt,
Only to be stepped on,
He will no longer be what you thought,
But more of what satisfies in order to be bought,
And you will ignore his sight,
For how tasteless and bland he may be,
But also how boring and slick you see,
You see,
He is just like everyone else,
Homeless,
Worthless,
Good for nothing,
And to think you gave birth for something,
When you could just easily,
Throw him away,
And one day,
You would pass by him, 
While he sits in a lion's den,
Waiting to be eaten...
Waiting for his death,
But no, 
This is not,
The First Time
Out of anger... I can only show how worthless I am...

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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert
The truth,
The lies,
The pleasure,
And love,
All things that when told,
Still have a time when it hurts...

You come at the best of times,
And the hardest part is when I cannot cry,
You leave me here to lie between,
Beddings and sheets,
And as much as one cares to weep,
You instill this repercussion of my sanity,
Leaving a shut down,
Like when a computer... shuts down,
However it's crazy right?
How the shut down leads to a standby,
But when you're dealing with two parts,
It is not the machine no,
But merely the display,
As it, replays a signal,
That there is no signal,
There is nothing feeding the monitor,
There is no rest for the screen,
Always on,
Slowly.... dying,

As soon as it activates,
It is consuming,
Consuming the complex knowledge,
Energy,
And memory,
Of what is,
Was,
or will be,
And what became,
To create the distinction and difference between man and machine,
Is the stand,
And the costume,

As I stand here,
Staring at what is merely the imaginative reality,
The one I've always talked,
Dreamed,
Discussed...
What is the truth,
The lie,
When I love,
Hate the feeling,
I told myself,

When you are on the other side...
Does it still hurt?
I've been dealing with my insanity these past few years since I've last wrote. I've been writing but, merely hiding, I'm glad I could reach the surface again to unfold the stories
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock

Can you hear it?
It's beautiful...

Some can only continue to live in their sanity,
Others **** for their piece of mind,
And whilst I live to save humanity,
Am I killing what's most hard to find?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock

I can still hear it,
Can't you?
It won't stop,
I don't think it ever will,
But still,
It continues,

Why must you go on?
I'm too far behind,
It's almost like your gone,
Because again,
You're simply hard to find,
If only I knew you were right in front of me,
I wouldn't be so lost,

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock*

Do you hear that?
It just keeps on ticking,
No, not the clock,
Not this time,
There's another...

What time is it?
However the story ends is up to you. But life will go on with or without you. Remember that... Always.

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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert
This is not what I wanted,
I never wanted it to go like this,
It shouldn't end this way,
Why is this happening?

It was too late,
Already falling into the streams of darkness,
I let go of the last strand of strings,
And I was fell like the angel who lost his wings,
****, was it pitiful.

Despite all that happened,
You begin to ask yourself, *why?
Was it what it was worth?


In this world, there are two people,
With the ability to bear children,
They upbring one subject,
And with that project,
They teach them the truth,
The circle and the way of life,
It's a different experience for each,
But there's always something certain that one can preach,

So preach Preacher,
Have others explore your ways,
But don't force them to live out your plays,
Just say what you have to say...
Say it, and don't betray it,

But what is this all about,
Why am I,
The speaker saying things like this?


Well, if I may,
You have to live out the life you want to live,
Not what others want from you,
Learn by losing, but,
Also learn by winning,
There are no wrong answers,
But there are always decisions at hand,
And not only are those decision made by actions,
They are guided by the smallest reactions,
Take it how you want, but,
Overtime, when you continue the same path,
You will notice the pattern,
And you will either push away from it,
Or keep moving forward,

So,
Answer me this,

**Where Are You Now?
I couldn't think straight, but I hope this makes sense.

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Trilla™
Jevon Cuthbert

— The End —