I read the words you wrote.
And my heart hurts
My entire body gives away
To emptiness
And sadness
I did not mean to ruin you.
I did not mean it at all
But I am so unhappy
How can I ever move on.

It will be okay.
I just need to take a moment and breath.

I failed
And that is all I am
I failed to keep your heart safe
From hurt and darkness
I failed it all
And I failed you
But I failed myself
Cause I couldn't keep loving you

Deep internal rumble
Heard through the cracks
Hidden deep but never enough
To silence their past

1 pill
2 pill
3 pill
4
How many will it take
To knock me to the floor
Heart racing fast
Feeling it as last
Is this a fantasy
Or just the end of me
My head is spinning
The world is dizzy
I may just overdose
To feel something

The past doesn't define what we are
Unless you let it
Scars run through my heart and soul
But I couldn't be happier
For they don't hold my happiness
I do
I run the show that is my life
No negativity will define me
So say your words
Act so tough
But sorry sir
I direct this show and you are only a background actor.

"you are going to hell"
Well too bad BeCKy I ain't doing ****
I don't believe in that *******
I am gonna die and be a dragon
Gonna do all the cool things
Cause I would rather be free
Then stuck with other people
Who are like you.

I must not be alone
In the struggle to say no
Catching on my lips
Stuck between my teeth
Which turns to a yes
Before I can think
To not disappoint
To please others
I say yes
Even though
Yes is a bother

A creak in the floor
Chills cover my skin
Once thought I was alone
Not anymore
Checking all corners
Not a single soul
But then the ceiling creaks
Telling me
This is not just my home
The books hold stories
Not only held by me
It is odd
How in the silence
You really hear
The oddly creaks

Alone in the silent light
I sit
So quiet
It almost hurts the ears
A whisper
Sounds like a yell
And things in the walls seem to move
Creaking and groaning
As if some lurked
Within the books
I called my home.

I am crazy
Absolutely crazy
Focusing on the negative
And not being happy

Trying to tell myself
Everything is fine
But I can't even
Say what is on my mind.

I am crazy
Absolutely crazy

My brain is stuck in cruise
And sometimes I get lost
Lost on words and emotions
Stuck on what I should be feelin
Head poundin and medication low
My brain is stuck in cruise
Just goin with the flow
Maybe I am addicted
Or maybe this is withdraw
But baby I am stuck
Stuck on words to stay to you

I am exhausted.
Mentally and physically
Sore to the bone
And wanting sleep.
No work for me today
No care for my grades
I just want sleep
To make this exhaustion go away.

Do you see this?
The words I write online
Mixing and clashing in beautiful colors
A story for eyes who want to indulge

Do you see this?
Do you feel the emotions mix as I send them out.
Does it paint a picture in your mind
Bright colors of read and deep indigo

Do you?
Cause I hope you do.

Breath in and out
Just a little sore
Neck, back, knees
Thighs, arms, shoulders
Some on purpose
Others from age
I wasn't like this before
But I have gotten better from a year ago.
You struggle
You survive
Breathing air
Until your heart works itself to death
And you die as well

I can't write religion
Or write to inspire
But I can give my stories
From the heart
To tell the future
That it is alright
To be different
From the others

Trying to have something you never could
But still you try
Pushing yourself in the dirt
To just see the sunshine
For one taste of what it feels like to be free
You fight for it
Digging yourself out
Just to bury yourself in
One step forward and two back
You can't fight for forever

Jewellery and trinkets
Are nothing compared to your hug
Even though
I love a shiny thing
It doesn't matter
When I have your love
Gift or not
I love you deeply
Even if we have neither a penny to our name

We all make mistakes
We just have to learn from them
And grow

Everything is awful.
It seems when things seem better they always get worse.
Why can't life be easy.
Why can't life be grand for everyone and not just one big struggle to survive!

I love you deeper than the ocean
And higher than the galaxies
But you need to trust me baby.
And lose your anxieties over me.

Jealousy over talking to a guy
It is alright in my mind
But it isn't love
I don't get jealous when you talk to others
I don't care
But it seems
You don't trust me enough
To be friends with a guy
And not make it something

The future is unknown
And very foggy to the least
But make choices to effect
What we want in our near future
But it is still unknown
And gives scare
Cause the future is crazy
Cause we can't control what is there

My air in my lungs
Never seems to be enough
To shake your doubt
To make your jealousy
Turn into trust
I keep thinking of what to say
And regretting what I think
Not talking of my past
Even though it effected me.
My past is what makes me.
You talk about yours
So why can't I?

From your lips
Poetry never sounded so good
Rolled off your tongue
And into the air
And I breathed it in
A high like no other
From just words

We are not friends
We are nothing
But you can't seem to take the hint
That I don't like you
You did me *****
You threw me to the dogs
But you seem to think
I still like your guts
Coming over
Spreading lies
Acting like everything is alright
Sorry chicky
But you are just as ugly in and out
I don't give second chances
You had your chance
I am doing better now
So get the hint.

You are open like a book
Telling stories of your past
Being too truthful
And loud at each word
Telling things left unsaid
But you keep talking
Digging yourself deeper
Then you were last.

The walls have ears
Whether it be a dog
Or a child near
The walls have ears
So your secrets are never just yours
Cause all walls have ears
And your secret
And all your lies
Will be known
Cause the child hears.

Stuck in my head
It is a huge mushy mess
  Anxiety
       Overthinking
               Depression
       Insomnia
  Over reacting
Some days are better
                      Most days are better
But my head is still a mess
Just a little more
    well dressed.

Air deeply breathing
Comes in as fall
Another Loving
Crisp cold in the air
Should be just as it

Sentences left open
Never met a wanting
It open just to leave
To inspect for the brain
To fill in or maybe the kind

You most I love.
Of two perfect sets
Hand and hand
Forever yours my heart

Tonight my heart is not in the right place
My brain is lost in the clouds
And my body is buried somewhere underground
4 am
And I am forever lost
On this feeling
Maybe I should sleep it off
Or pray to God
Whatever it is
Please be gone

Ring on my finger
That stated our love
But love thou forever
I shall not
Manipulating manipulating
As years went by
Lying and cheating
Where were you that night?
Swore forever
We sure did
But vows meant nothing
If you couldnt stay in just my bed.
Packing to leave
Saying goodbye
But oh how you cry
Saying you shall die tonight
Love me forever
You shall can't
You don't get another chance

I want to disappear.
Straight into the abyss
But it is almost my birthday.
In 2 hours
So why do I feel like ****?

God God God.
I keep digging the hole deeper
I try and I try
To make you happy
And not upset
But I am only ruining it
And my happiness.

Remember when we were innocent
When accidents didn't matter
When we didn't have bills
We didn't know what death is
Or what a broken heart really feels like
Remember then?

Near Death
It seems
People really have Faith
In the Unseen

Tiny Fireflies fly by
This dark night
Catch one in excite

Make a single wish
On fireflies
Let it go this night

A full witches moon
Lights up Sky
Making wishes true

Making small dreams
A reality
To make them happy

I got something to ask
For you only, darling
My brown eyed bear
My love of all loves

Will you miss me when the world gets dark?
Will you kiss me even when I am old?
Will you love me through the pain?

I have a question for you
My sun and my world
My air and my ocean

Will you be my rock and will you let me be yours?
Can I be the smile on your cheeks?
Or the pep in your step?
Can I be the reason for your laugh and the reason for your happiness?

Can I be yours?

Take a deep breath
Kiss me hard
Forget the pain
We got this far
Forget our mistakes
We got what it takes
To get through this
Just give me a kiss
So I can get lost
Is this bliss.

Love me bitter
Love me sweet
Just sweep me off my feet
Sugar and spice
Oh you are so nice
A perfect combination
Of me and you
Just enough to make any couple.
Drool.

It has been a bit
Since I thought of you
But once you entered my brain
I can't seem to get you out
It almost seems like you never left
3 years ago.

Save my soul for I have sinned
Red hot on my thigh
And regret in my chest

What gives you the right?
To shame a girl's body
Then stalk her and find all her ***** secrets
To send out pictures not meant for your eyes
To make her shamed to exist
What gives you the right?

I was told your soul would have left in three days
But sometimes it feels like you are still here
Looking at me
Smiling
As if you never left
That day in 2016

You enter my mind
As if you always belonged
And filth my thoughts pretending to be kind
It was forever ago and I have to move beyond
But what you did is everlasting
Stained my soul with hate
But I am not collapsing
You were not my fate
Just a speed bump along the way.

Just talk to me
Say one little word
Don't ignore me

Just talk to me
What happened to you?
Where did you go?
What did you do?
To make you so hostile
Towards the world around you

Just talk to me
Say anything
I will always listen
Just trust me
And I will be your ears

Just talk to me.

I hate
Your lies
You spit at me, like venom, into my eyes
Blinding me from everything
And who I should be
You blind me and bond me with your words
That sure did win me

I hate
That you let me crumple at your feet
And used me as a stepping stool
Til I gave defeat

I hate
Your eyes that burned into me
Making all my words that slipped
Come with a twist
That hurt me

I hate
Your mouth that whispered words
That made my mind foggy
So everything I did
Was for the words you whispered into my pure ears

I hate
Your hands that touched my small shoulders
And picked me up to touch the clouds
But slammed me into the ground
And hit my face when no one was around

I hate
Your smile that fooled others
But fooled me as well

So here I am on the ground
Battered and beat
And my body slumped in defeat
Then the words set in of all you said to me
And I finally get it all now
Now that the blindness has disappeared
I HATE YOU!!!

Love me deep
Love me true
And maybe I will give you coconut
From my hips too.

My hair curly and frizzy in the summer heat
But not a speck of sweat touched my young face.  
You looked at me with a sweaty smile as we walked through the heat.  
My frizzy hair blowing in the wind
I wonder what I look like through your eyes.  

Do I look beautiful?  Even in the heat?
You say you will love me no matter what.  
Even when old age hits us both?
And we won't look flawless anymore?
Even when my curves will turn into wrinkles?

But still.  I will have my frizzy hair
And a love for you
That never started with how you looked.