5 days ago

I am young,
And I am fearless.
Nothing can hurt me,
And I will not fall in love.

I am dumb,
And I am learning.
I don't know everything,
But I will never fall in love.

I am older,
And I am wiser.
I have her to teach me now,
But I am still not falling in love.

She is peace,
And I am war.
I know I said so before,
But I will never fall in love.

I am hers,
And she is mine.
I've been lying all these years,
Because now I am finally in love.

She is old,
And so am I.
The book we wrote needs a close.

So we are in love,
And you will be too.
Maybe today, tomorrow,
But hopefully very soon.

When you find it -
This I promise you,
Don't say you're not in love,
Because you'll be lying too.

#love   #poem   #happy   #memories   #lying   #oldage   #oldlove  

I haven’t slept in 2 years. I haven’t eaten in 5, I’m not lying.

People lie everyday. “Little white lies” we call them. They mean nothing at all. It won’t hurt anybody. What could possibly happen if I told a lie?

Some people are bad liars, and some lies are just bad.

I’m not a bad liar. But people just don’t believe me when I say anything. Everything I say becomes a lie in another person’s ears, they won’t listen.

So if I tell bad lies on purpose will anybody notice? I’ll mix up the truth with bad lies and see if people can tell the difference.

I’ve never broken a bone, I’ve never been drunk, I’ve never forgotten a birthday. Do you know which statement is true? And which one was the lie?

I’ve been sick for 10 years, my IV is made of tears, my cereal tastes like regret, I’m not lying.

I’ve forgotten my own name, I forgot where I came from, I left my consciousness on the bus. I’m not lying.

It’s very easy to ignore an obvious lie, when you know the truth. But I’m not lying…

My heart is broken, my dignity stolen, and my future is no more. I’m not lying.

My friends are gone, along with my dad and mom, my sibling disappeared. I’m not lying.

My chest hurts, my ribs are shattered, and as for me. Well, there’s not a lot of me left. I’m not lying.

I can’t stop myself from constantly running away from the truth, lies are just so much easier to tell.

They say the truth sets you free…
Ok… Let’s try again.

The poem is filled with lies, some of them easier to say than others. But I want to start telling the truth now.

I want to start this poem over. I want to be better than this. I know I’m better than this… And maybe you can hear it in my voice. But I promise. I’m not lying…

Right now, I am the most honest I've ever been.
#truth   #hiding   #lying   #coward   #speakup  

The way he looked at you
You could swear
It was right through you
Like he was looking at something else
Far more important
And then he'd look at you
Really look at you
But only as if
He just happened to see you
Because of course
The other thing
Whatever it was
Was much more important

He did this on purpose
Skeevy as he was.
He liked to distance himself
I guess

#love   #romance   #beauty   #humanity   #lying   #deception  

Retrospect tells me that this is the year
Where my mind must ponder anew it all:
All these things I held true, my darling dear.
I go on a journey (if you must call)
Through disposition and natural born
Instincts and beliefs till myself I find.
Locked in confusion I grow so forlorn,
And though it’s you I hurt, you act so kind.
You must find someone else to hold your soul;
Love names me defender but it’s not I –
Faithless and worn, I should not be your goal,
Yet death ‘lone could leech my final goodbye.
    I figured out after so many tries:
    My feelings are fickle and my heart lies.

A phantom came to me
One night,
And told me that I must
Repent for all
The lying I've
"Throw away the temptation,"
He'd say, "solve
Where you stand in the
Universe and
Tell the truth, for God's
By God as my holy witness,
I swore that I

The hurt in Mommy's eyes
Strengthened the guilt that
Ate away at my
Deceitful little

Daddy was the smart one
In this tedious war
Erupting inside our
Family. He forged
Alliances first and
Managed to
Make Mom the

He turned his children
Into soldiers so he
Could master
Victory; his children
Were bloody and broken
On the battlefield, but
We still had one
Last battle.
I was the rebel force
That exposed the
Truth to the
Enemy, only now I
Realize the real enemy
Was my father.

As the cover was
She was a whirlwind
Ready to destroy
Anything in her

Even after hearing
Their screams
From the comforts
Of a corner and
As they sang happy birthday
To me with one
Pitiful candle in an
Expired cake,
I knew that in this lifetime,
Turning twelve
Wasn't so great.

My twelfth birthday.
#sad   #affair   #lying   #divorce   #birthday   #kid   #parents   #twelve  
Mar 7

hard of hearing
bleeding out
taking pills
in excess
hearing voices
seeing things
unreal sounds
playing games
different face,
different name,
different hair,
never the same
afraid of stale water
afraid of change
keeping distance
finding blame
i'm sure some of it is true
i'm not a good storyteller after all
just a chameleon
self defense mechanism
stumbling through all the fog
when i was little i changed myself every time we moved away
i had determined that life was a game and i just had a bad hand to play
i learned how from a very young age to start bluffing and counting cards
when your identity is molded from ways to avoid pain you start to forget who are
don't raise your voice here
2 parts delusions 3 parts fear
please believe me, i love you
please believe me i do
please believe me i'm drowning
you don't believe me, do you?

*jazz hands* im a paranoid compulsive liar and i dont remember whats true at this point and it's eating at my insides!!!
T      A
Mar 2

it's a not love kind of love


Darkness pools inside me
Bubbling through the cracks in my skin
Cracks I don’t want to be real

Sitting on a train moving forward and
all I can do is stare at the ceiling
A metaphor I don’t want to be real

My loneliness makes it easier
Not having to be anything calms me
I don’t want to be real

Life contrasts my hatred with my passion
The things I abhor, being seen and heard and thought about
Combined with the things I adore, lying and pretending

I don’t have to be real to be alive
I just have to act like I am
I just have to act

my love for theatre and performance is not out of place, it's just filed under 'complicated reasons'
#love   #hate   #alive   #real   #darkness   #lying   #loneliness  
Feb 22

Sweet smiles lined with lip gloss
tell the most articulate lies.
These girls have learned to deceive the weak
using their soft voices as a protective disguise.

They're trained to think it's easier to inflict pain
rather than to live in it themselves.
So they set up walls incapable of being breached
and in this womanmade pit of loneliness, they fell.

I always saw through their false lashes
and into their coffee-black tainted souls.
But it wasn't until I met the all-star actress
that on my heart, my mind lost its hold.

She became my treasure box where I stored
my secrets and stories for her to keep them safe.
Yet her snake-like tongue repeated all I invested
into building a world filled with my own self-hate.

Now, I miss her lip gloss smile
but no doubt her smile had always been a sneer.
These two-faced girls will hypnotize  you into believing
their soft-spoken lies are all you wish to hear.

#betrayal   #girls   #lying   #deceive  

I am tired of being told what I should and what I shan't.
And I know this platform isn't for ranting and yet here I'll rant.
I am sick of being empty, aimless, vague and out of place.
I am sick of wasting all your air, of taking all your space.
And my claws, I use to tear my skin, so that I could be set free,
And my screams I let out muffled and hushed to spare you my agony.
And my body feels imprisoning, my breath is getting faint
And my eyes are melting, face is welting, dying from the paint
And the bathroom doors complaining from the numb and from the tear
And my psyche getting tired of all the sorrow and the fear.
And the voice inside my head, always saying I'm not enough
And the lies I tell myself like "you can make it, you are tough."
And the people I looked up, lived with, shared with my days
And the lies they taugh me, unconditional love, they said, stays.
And the God whom I once worshiped and for whom I often cried
And the deaf, the blind, the disabled, to whom he's closely tied.
And the fact that I am beyond your repair, beyond all that can be done
And the way I feel at the start of each day and with every falling sun.
And the creature biting on my heart at every given chance
And the demons sitting in my head, not letting me advance.
And the love I always had, different faces every while
And the feelings that I gave away and never even got a smile.
This is not a ranting place, and yet here I wrote.
Is this a good place though to write one's suicide note?

#love   #suicide   #hate   #god   #religion   #society   #lying   #rant   #lgbt   #parents  
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