You said I meant the world to you
because I was the one person
who had never given up.
I was a name
you hadn’t yet added to that list.
You mistook that for love.
I will never give up on you;
that’s the truth.
I will never give up on the notion
that one of these days
you’ll find a way to be happy.
But it will be with another girl
in another land, far from here.
I pray you never set foot on the soil I’ve tread.
I will give up on us.
I will give up on the fantasies.
I will never exist to you
outside of your own self-interest
and that’s okay.
But that doesn’t mean I have to live with it.
That doesn’t mean I have to stay.
I will never give up on you.
I will give up on you, with me.
Every time is the same girl.
Every time is a different way.
Every time is it for one night.
Every time is another life after it.
Once they are done.
They both are breathless.
Then he abandons her.
Because he cannot hold her.
And stay for the rest.
Since he can't give her more.
Now he is on tour.
He acts like,
Never saw her face.
Never knew her name.
Every night it's a new show.
Every night it's new people.
Every night it's him and
Every night it's her.
Walking around in a tight dress.
Her eyes search only for him.
Laying naked in bed.
She only thinks about him.
She never let anybody touch her body.
Because she believes it belongs to him.
Waiting for him filled her with more passion.
Because once he will be here.
They will be again as one.
They dance in the heat.
They sweat in breaths.
They play the same old games at her place.
They love each other again and again.
He never shows her love because his heart was filled with dark, which only she could light it.
She never asks for love because she was broken enough which he could only heal it.
When they are done.
They move on and forget what happen last night.
No matter how hard they try.
The world will never accept them as one.
So every night they meet behind the world.
Fill each other with desire.
The World changes its time.
They forget all and proceed.
Every story is different from others.
Some have met yet never met to be together.
Some meet however the world never wants them to be together.
Everyone needs someone to comfort.
Everyone needs someone to pleased.
Everyone needs someone to satisfy.
Everyone needs someone to love.
So they used each other every night.
This is the story of a successful young man and gorgeous lady.
Stage of life,
Which everyone has to suffer.
Once in a lifetime.
And I feel like a shadow following submissively a long, unnoticed.
I make no sound, only repeating the motions I have been equipped to follow.
My manual, just empty pages because I'm not even my own person! I have no story to tell, just watching, waiting for you to write so I can follow suit.
And I follow you, everywhere you go, but every time it gets a little dark in this room I disappear because you no longer need me, you no longer want me.
You just want sleep.
So I leave you to dream those dreams and I simply blend into the background. You never notice when I'm gone and hardly at all when I'm there.
It hurts my feeling, or are these feelings yours? I can't tell. I'm you and your me or am I just a part of you with no real worth?
The only difference is you shine bright and I don't shine at all. You lead I follow. And even if i wanted to lead I always end up falling behind again because I'm just a shadow, and shadows don't get to lead.
Am I your shadow? Because I don't want to be...
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
I check quickly before the second buzz to make sure
it isn't my mother.
His name flashes on the screen,
angry caps-letters screaming in small vibrations
in my palm.
I consider answering.
Just for a second.
Maybe it's you calling from his phone,
but even then, I'd still feel jealous and borderline guilty.
Like mean gut-punches straight to my heart.
I wait it out. Let my voicemail talk to him.
I hold my breath until the buzzing stops.
I count to ten like people are supposed to do when their
breath gets stuck on the fly paper in their esophagus.
Lava engulfs the tires of my car
and it's too late to step out.
I see you in the doorway
with him on your arm
like rope on the basket of
a hot air balloon.
He's holding you down
to keep him grounded.
I'm not much better,
But I'd let you fly if
you wanted to.
I drive away,
throwing empty candy wrappers
and paper fortunes
out the window.
My wrists are bound
With an old plastic
You're dragging me along
The stoney earth.
My hair is a tangle
Of dead branches
And tall grass.
My arms and legs,
Are cut and scraped
From the dry ground.
My mouth and nose,
Are full of the dusty earth,
And I can't breathe anymore.
My clothes are torn,
My lips cracked
From the unforgiving sun,
My wrists are bleeding.
I don't know whether to struggle
Or lay down,
As you wrench me
From who I am.
your silence tears upon me
a savage beast mute
for in your intermittent groans on gusts of ire
masked in murmurs curt
seepage coarse, acrid leaks
tell me straight, hide not my fate
your real intent upon these clouds benign
for when the heat of marinated fury bursts
erupts one day on bowed head sad
intent on living life in peace
will it ruin times of joy we knew
bursts of copper, gold and red
no separation there but alchemy of spirits free
so what is it that ails you friend
arms folded eyes aflame in chilled blind rage
I'm a tight rope walker
Accross telephone wire.
I hear phrases,
And they've all bled together.
Our future and our past
Stand as two poles,
More wires than I can count
On my fingers
Webbed between them.
And I'm tangled up in the mess.
There are lies blazing through
The wire around my neck,
Love traveling back and forth
Around my chest,
Buzzing around my head,
I'm alone on my tight rope,
I don't know where you are,
All I hear are your words,
In a rainstorm signals.