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"tweaker" poems
To the tweaker who just ate lunch On the side of a 55 mph highway I'm not staring because I'm judging I can judge without looking I'm staring because I want to know If my eyes can slow down your limbs Like the arms of a fan So I can see that you're still somebody's daughter I'm staring because I understand Never mind the gawking eyes of midday traffic Never mind the glares of the gas station clerks I understand You're just having lunch I understand The bugs, the tics, the needs You are not a stranger to me You are who my sister used to be You are what the father of my niece Is trying not to be anymore You are every shady character Who ever knocked on my door asking questions I do not know your name But I know you I know you were once somebody's daughter And I hope you still are I'm not here to pass judgment Definitely not here to help I know all to well there is nothing I can do I just want you to know I know And so does any body you're trying to hide it from And they'll be waiting up for you Whether you come home or not Your mom hasn't had a full nights sleep Since the last time she saw you I hope for her sake It was this morning And I know you won't believe this But grown woman and all Your dad just wants to bounce you on his knee But what I know most of all Is that your little brother Can't go two hours without crying He's got ulcers again And he misses you You probably see him the most But he hasn't seen you Since you took your first hit He misses your advice He misses your hazing And all he wants is a sober hug And I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear During your picnic But it's everything I wish I could've told my sister Even if she wouldn't have listened I'm not staring to judge I'm staring to care And I don't presume to know what addiction is But I do know how it feels I just watched you barely cross the street I can't imagine you making it Wherever you're going tonight So if you die I hope there's **** in heaven But if you by some miracle don't I hope rock bottom's not to far down And that one day you get clean And start to make amends So you can remember what it's like to dream And if that day ever does come Do me a favor Sit on your father's lap Sleep in your mother's bed And hug your little brother Because there's a girl he could use some help with No matter what you've done Or how much pain you've caused Through the twitching The nervous glances The weight loss You're still somebody's daughter I know you I understand you Enjoy your lunch
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Jan 4, 2010
Jan 4, 2010 at 10:26 AM UTC
Somebody's Daughter
To the tweaker who just ate lunch On the side of a 55 mph highway I'm not staring because I'm judging I can judge without looking I'm staring because I want to know If my eyes can slow down your limbs Like the arms of a fan So I can see that you're still somebody's daughter I'm staring because I understand Never mind the gawking eyes of midday traffic Never mind the glares of the gas station clerks I understand You're just having lunch I understand The bugs, the tics, the needs You are not a stranger to me You are who my sister used to be You are what the father of my niece Is trying not to be anymore You are every shady character Who ever knocked on my door asking questions I do not know your name But I know you I know you were once somebody's daughter And I hope you still are I'm not here to pass judgment Definitely not here to help I know all to well there is nothing I can do I just want you to know I know And so does any body you're trying to hide it from And they'll be waiting up for you Whether you come home or not Your mom hasn't had a full nights sleep Since the last time she saw you I hope for her sake It was this morning And I know you won't believe this But grown woman and all Your dad just wants to bounce you on his knee But what I know most of all Is that your little brother Can't go two hours without crying He's got ulcers again And he misses you You probably see him the most But he hasn't seen you Since you took your first hit He misses your advice He misses your hazing And all he wants is a sober hug And I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear During your picnic But it's everything I wish I could've told my sister Even if she wouldn't have listened I'm not staring to judge I'm staring to care And I don't presume to know what addiction is But I do know how it feels I just watched you barely cross the street I can't imagine you making it Wherever you're going tonight So if you die I hope there's **** in heaven But if you by some miracle don't I hope rock bottom's not to far down And that one day you get clean And start to make amends So you can remember what it's like to dream And if that day ever does come Do me a favor Sit on your father's lap Sleep in your mother's bed And hug your little brother Because there's a girl he could use some help with No matter what you've done Or how much pain you've caused Through the twitching The nervous glances The weight loss You're still somebody's daughter I know you I understand you Enjoy your lunch
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83
iN & Out Of Rehab        iRelapse Then Collapse iNever         Commited To Sober Living So Why Are People Tripping?      Drug Programs Are A Waste According To My Case.         im Never  Going to Stop  unless i O.D And Drop But Even iN Heaven Thats iF iRise.             With the Angel imma Continue Tweaking Cause iM A ****** Tweaker      Or iN Hell With Fallen Angels. It'll Be Better,        Since iSold My Soul To The Devil. He Never Asked iJust Gave iT Up. iFell iN Love With A stimulant Drug made up Of Chemicals ****** Poison But idgaf il Keep Dosing.    Went From Snorting To Smoking     Methamphetamine iLet iT Get The Best Of Me. Part 2 Out & iN 2014 iTs Krazie iM Back To This Dope **** Its been Already 4 years and Im still Addicted. In & Out Of Rehabs, Different Drug Programs and Sad That iStill Havnt learned **** Got Out November 19 2014 For The 3rd Time And im Still Twisting, Getting Lit Ilove Living Twisted Im on a comedown Im irrated right now wanting to take Another hit.
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Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 2:21 PM UTC
iN & Out Of Rehab
On the south side of kelso if it's there that ya choose to go Well if its there ya go then ya just gotta know bout a man named tweaker joe Now tweaker, he's a scrapper and if ya go down on his door Don't you worry about wakin him up. He aint slept since 74 Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than a five eared dog Now tweaker hes a scrapper and he likes his shiny things And he likes to see what fun he has by the chaos that he brings He got a custom BMX bike with a flashlight on the grill. He got 32 lb of brass in his pack, he got a dope bag in his shoe. Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog NOW Friday bout a week ago Tweaker scrappin cars. But at the end of the alley sat a cop named Thurman and ooh dat cop looked ****** Well he cast his light upon joe cuz Thurman had a plan Tweaker joe learned a lesson bout messin with a future Sherriff man Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog Well the 2 men took to runnin and hes dragged down to the jail Joey looked like a wrung out tweaker with a couple of teeth left Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog
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May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 9:04 AM UTC
Weird, Weird, Tweaker Joe (to the tune of the Jim Croce song "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown"
On the south side of kelso if it's there that ya choose to go Well if its there ya go then ya just gotta know bout a man named tweaker joe Now tweaker, he's a scrapper and if ya go down on his door Don't you worry about wakin him up. He aint slept since 74 Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than a five eared dog Now tweaker hes a scrapper and he likes his shiny things And he likes to see what fun he has by the chaos that he brings He got a custom BMX bike with a flashlight on the grill. He got 32 lb of brass in his pack, he got a dope bag in his shoe. Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog NOW Friday bout a week ago Tweaker scrappin cars. But at the end of the alley sat a cop named Thurman and ooh dat cop looked ****** Well he cast his light upon joe cuz Thurman had a plan Tweaker joe learned a lesson bout messin with a future Sherriff man Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog Well the 2 men took to runnin and hes dragged down to the jail Joey looked like a wrung out tweaker with a couple of teeth left Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog Well he's weird, weird tweaker joe The weirdest tweaker in South Kelso Weirder than a three toed frog Stranger than s five eared dog
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A late hour. Don't even look at the clock. Every fiber of my good sense yells go to sleep and I do not. Every bit of logic understands that I need to wake in fewer hours than I needed to sleep in the first place Still I sit here Listening to music. Writing a poem. Staring idly at a browser window. The lights are on, the blinds drawn. When the sun begins to rise, I will not see it I've seen several sunrises recently I remember what they look like. In the midwest somewhere, a tweaker sits awake for the third day. Chasing vapor and ghosts He's seen the sunrise too, perhaps an hour later He may or may not remember We run from the cousin, but he finds us The sandman cometh. And Enter night and what dreams may come Locked in the struggle we all lose, Running from comfort and sanity at full-speed                                      10.03.11                                      D.B. Guy
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Nov 3, 2012
Nov 3, 2012 at 2:55 AM UTC
A poem for the weary
Pretty Girls Every Where, Beautiful Image Angel Heart, Brain So Smart Confident, independent, Successful Then iTs Stressful Disappointing, heartbreaking Seeing Some of these girls fall into the wrong trail. Influenced, peers, relatives, boyfriends, homegirls Got them to inhale A Substance so strong They dont seem to see it The new life lane there on, once they ... continued
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Sep 22, 2014
Sep 22, 2014 at 12:26 PM UTC
Tweaker
How to be a great tweaker 1) Go get some drugs 2) Don't take them yet 3) Go get some tweaker friends 4) Go get some snacks and take a shower 5) Put on clean clothes 6) Go to a tweaker friend 7) Give them the drugs 8) Walk over to a light post 9) Give it one dollar 10) Go eat that food THE END.
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Dec 20, 2015
Dec 20, 2015 at 4:00 PM UTC
NYPC #8
**** head, struggling for breath Final hit, before the red Light flashes, warning to stop Over dose, **** the innards She never chose to lose this Battle, between herself & it Where'd she go, lost in space Chasing herself, a dog with his tail Praying to an above, to lead her Straight laced, not swerving off track Please God save me, her last plea Before another day dawns, her final wish Sketcher, tweaker, where's that syringe The lights too bright, reality a curse Rolled up in rehab, another ghetto kid Not this girl, high class, white, moneyed Lost to the night, speed freak, hopeless Drowning in addiction, using again Chemical structures defining her fate Her brain the game Disfigured face, unrecognizable eyes Family love, isn't ever enough Rushed to ER, another broken soul Promises that drugs will save her When only she can ever Save herself This time, she's not another life Lost The Gods sure blessed her, not with Her wish So she's packaged off to rehab The third times a charm, right? © Sia Jane
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Nov 14, 2013
Nov 14, 2013 at 3:11 PM UTC
Rehab
Tweaker Tweaker Did you eat any dinner And Have you showered Tweaker Tweaker How long have you been awake When's the last time you had real sleep Or is everyday maintained W/ 10mins every half hr. Tweaker Tweaker Do the shadows still appear Are the voices the only thing you hear Is what you feel inside your skin Even real or just made up in your head Tweaker Tweaker Do you even care The ones you love miss you so much Do you even care You've lost your life before 25 Tweaker Tweaker Please get better Reach out for help Put the needle down Drop the pipe, hear it shatter Blow away that line you just crushed up Tweaker Tweaker It'll be alright Your loved ones are still near They still care Reach out for help Don't be scared Everyone only wants to help Tweaker Tweaker When you quit The devil will shout It won't be easy , count on that It will be worth it You'll get to live So try your best Beat past this, you'll get through this Slowly but surely You'll make to 100 days sober Reunite with all your loved ones Employeed with a growing family Is what will come When you decide   It's time to end the Devils game So Tweaker no more, but a lady or gentleman Good for you You've come far Keep your mind positive I'm proud of your sobriety Congratulations   You're living & now you see why Sobriety was always worth it Tweaker no more Lady or gentleman How was the meal you just had Was the shower the best you've had ? Did you finally get some sleep Were you able to escape the shadows and voices from in your head Tweaker no more Just admit This is the best you've felt Since your first time trying crystal   You feel human finally There's no going back To tweaker island You won't make it out The second time around So hide your very best Keep yourself busy And talk out loud When you feel like you Might relapse back into tweakers land.   With no chance to survive another night
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Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 5:49 AM UTC
Tweaker tweaker
Tweaker Tweaker Did you eat any dinner And Have you showered Tweaker Tweaker How long have you been awake When's the last time you had real sleep Or is everyday maintained W/ 10mins every half hr. Tweaker Tweaker Do the shadows still appear Are the voices the only thing you hear Is what you feel inside your skin Even real or just made up in your head Tweaker Tweaker Do you even care The ones you love miss you so much Do you even care You've lost your life before 25 Tweaker Tweaker Please get better Reach out for help Put the needle down Drop the pipe, hear it shatter Blow away that line you just crushed up Tweaker Tweaker It'll be alright Your loved ones are still near They still care Reach out for help Don't be scared Everyone only wants to help Tweaker Tweaker When you quit The devil will shout It won't be easy , count on that It will be worth it You'll get to live So try your best Beat past this, you'll get through this Slowly but surely You'll make to 100 days sober Reunite with all your loved ones Employeed with a growing family Is what will come When you decide   It's time to end the Devils game So Tweaker no more, but a lady or gentleman Good for you You've come far Keep your mind positive I'm proud of your sobriety Congratulations   You're living & now you see why Sobriety was always worth it Tweaker no more Lady or gentleman How was the meal you just had Was the shower the best you've had ? Did you finally get some sleep Were you able to escape the shadows and voices from in your head Tweaker no more Just admit This is the best you've felt Since your first time trying crystal   You feel human finally There's no going back To tweaker island You won't make it out The second time around So hide your very best Keep yourself busy And talk out loud When you feel like you Might relapse back into tweakers land.   With no chance to survive another night
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80
Left my soul in the trippin spoon. Gave it a shot now I think I'm through. Now watch me ride on and see it through. Until we meet again. A chicken crows in the dead of night. Another tweaker, been up all night. In the dark chasing dragonflies. Now its time for the morning light. So welcome home. The phone rings but I don"t pay the bill. I probably spent it on a ****** pill. But he still can't find a thrill. Where did the mortal go. Back to the trippin spoon.
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Nov 13, 2010
Nov 13, 2010 at 10:17 PM UTC
The Trippin Spoon
I ate a whole bag of cheetos one at a time, savoring each cheesy bite, and watched two seasons of South Park as my friend tried to hit a vein. **** man. I got little ones, they keep rolling.* It took her hours. Forearm Shins Wrists Other arm Calfs "What the **** man, why even ******* bother? Why not just smoke it like everyone else?" ******* tweakers* She says the high is worth it. *That rush, man. Holy **** But really, no matter how **** they are, or used to be, nobody likes a spun out tweaker ***** Nobody
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Sep 7, 2014
Sep 7, 2014 at 6:36 PM UTC
If at first you don't succeed
Go back to your violent grace Your elegant waste Your newspaper paste Trained tweaker taste It’s all good It’s all legal after all But the future is moving Too slow at a rapid pace When the rabid ones Are not free to die An every electrical device Unmoving, ruins your life Soon the candles won’t burn fire And the night will tame all desire Slave to light sockets Which were paid for from your pocket You’re walking on a street of waves An even dead trees somehow misbehave When on every corner, inside them all There’s the dearest, faintest, little hum Yeah, there’s always an end to this But knowing them they’ll ruin it Do a down periscope on your soul Is there anywhere left to go That’s not gridlocked or sold Well, now I really know The worst is yet to come
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Nov 19, 2011
Nov 19, 2011 at 8:35 PM UTC
The Hum
I’m a steam rollin street sweeper, Bomb droppin heat seeker, Warrior and peacekeeper, Geek tweaker huffin ether. I’m the sage, and the seeker, I’m the audience, and speaker, I’m the follower, and leader, As I’m both, I’m also neither. I’m a genius, I’m an idiot, An erudite illiterate, I’m about as insignificant As I am magnificent The hero, and the villain Nervous wreck while I’m chillin I’m the men, I’m the women Spittin' facts while I’m pretendin' I am more, I am less, I invest, I divest, As I focus, I digress I am cursed, I am blessed Serious, as I jest Hyperactive, while at rest I’m the worst, I’m the best I’m the grade, I’m the test I’m the train, I’m the tracks, The uncharted, and the map, I’m the boot, I’m the strap, I’m the hand, I’m the clap I’m the black, I’m the white, I’m the day, I’m the night, I am everything and nothing I am wrong, I am right.
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Mar 29, 2015
Mar 29, 2015 at 4:34 AM UTC
Two Sides of a Coin
TELL TELL TELL Me about the hell of sin While I can SMELL SMELL SMELL The love-stink of your next of kin I'll BURN BURN BURN My blood is made of gin It drips down Sticks to Stains your chin Lascivious and lurid is your predator grin When with vicious curling rictus You inflict this, you begin DECIEVER ****** LEADER My devout Sunday morning tweaker Set us up in rows of pews We sit and listen, you spout and spew Don't presume us to be in virtue weaker Than you, my fire and brimstone preacher.
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Mar 22, 2010
Mar 22, 2010 at 11:05 AM UTC
Hippocracy
Look at him twitching You know he's tweaking His jaw swinging back and forth But there's no speaking See's something down In the carpet twinkling He gets all excited You know what he's thinking Anything he finds He's going to be smoking I wouldn't be laughing Because he ain't joking Down there for hours Refusing to fail Doesn't even slow down After smoking toenail Smokes up almost All that he finds He hears a noise Now he's peeking through the blinds He's been smoking too long And he's up all night Doesn't have a job But that's alright He's finds a dumpster And without any warning He's dives in searching Til the early morning That's just the life Of a tweaker you see Always out hustling To get his **** for free If you see him at night Approach with caution He's got a stink about him Because ain't been washing Picking at his face Til his sores are bleeding A light and a mirror Is all he's needing He finally got busted Now he's on parole Has to hide his drugs Up in his ******** It's a shame, but that's the way A tweaker gets by in the world today His family don't want him And he don't have many friends His life is cut short And that's how it ends Everybody knows him But no one knows his name They just refer to him As "That dope smoking Lame"
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Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 2:42 PM UTC
Tweakers
I am the crow which rolls walnuts from your roof I wear the morning star as my crown I haven't had a proper shower since last month and I don't care. diaries from a tweaker living in her Lincoln Towncar.
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Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 5:58 PM UTC
Trixster
quips scrawled on scraps of paper, written during a come-down stupor. something she wrote, and then proceeded to destroy. (i gathered all the pieces but have become too lazy to care how she upset herself) drawings drawn in between sentences, in between words. in between syllables. drawn to obviate thought, to put me somewhere between Zen and poser. (the drugs obviate titles, but i’d hedge my bets on the latter) the remains of the Urban Squirrel Hunter – a mythology of the Grey Fox – shredded in the maw of a blue heeler-mutt. written while ****** drunk, and heat-stroked. poetry of a homeless kid. ramblings of an alcoholic, ravings of a tweaker, with commentary by the one who is just visiting –        self-destruction is all we can ever be certain of. religion created in a notebook while doing research on a chemical. figured out what near-death means, found life by dumb luck. found life via pocket valiums, gave up religion while sweating in the snow.
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Nov 22, 2012
Nov 22, 2012 at 10:41 PM UTC
she was this time of year.
the soul of Mother Nature I am a natural born hater I seek justice and freedom a life of no illusions and no cops to harass me.
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Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 6:10 PM UTC
Tweaker's Lament
If materials are your life then you’ll spend it all on your own Share it all, give it back, make a tree grow So what you can’t afford college, There are  children that can’t afford dinner Don’t pick up the pennies you drop, Walk right by every homeless man Saying “he probably just wants another pack of smokes, or a case of beer. what a ******* tweaker” Never gave the thought that he was **** out of luck Maybe in highschool his mother died and he started to **** up But when it comes to you yeah, that’s what it’s all about Buy the latest purse and the coolest shoes have a snazzy car And fresh tattoo   You might be a doctor but you barely passed Now a days all you have to do is show up to pass And if it doesn’t work just shake your *** Claimed to be a feminist But you sure gave head Made a **** good secretary, and at the end of the day the boss was making your bed. Paying your bills Buying your meals
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Apr 15, 2012
Apr 15, 2012 at 4:17 PM UTC
Conservatively Colored Catholic
Anybody etches the longwave, tadpole lyrical, and its a poem   (woa- teakettle, tweaker) Satellite poem, thunder poem, ******** poem. Sevens sluttiest angel writes a eulogy so beautiful that we give her the title of funeral director. We just give it away. (Its still only a eulogy) I have ten toes and ten fingers. Ive counted on them. I wrote a poem about getting a bikini wax, and its still only a poem. A joke. Only tadpole lyrical. I wish it had a revolutionary hermit to choke it with fingers that taste like black pepper and motor oil, and then to rake its fall crumbles into ruffles, and then all aboard the sci-fi fantasy. /Radiant, radio the masses, raffia slipping, I got the zipper of my winter coat stuck in orbit, you sea/Ive got a poem to write about synthetic jungles deep underneath our cities, lush with fiber-optic wire, you say. Air rich, the mountain. Find yourselves in dungenous traps: dead-blue thou art.
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Jul 27, 2015
Jul 27, 2015 at 8:38 AM UTC
Untitled
They call him "Tweaker" Those in the neighborhood of Spring Mountain and Desert Inn, those who pace the same streets and sleep in the same block. He's ironic and contradictory, calling everyone he happens by "Slim" his emasciated smile black potholes and pyrite is as genuine as his intentions shaming traffic with his sadness cardboard paper signs "Just trying to get something to eat" There should be a question mark My exclamation point No excuse not to give... So here you are "slim" collecting the guilt All the dollars a day in your concrete quilt and your own red Target shopping cart... Caught red handed behind 7-11 In the alley (cats avoid) with a dub, a dime, or nickle sac god smacked... carrying conversations With / a / no one...
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Dec 9, 2016
Dec 9, 2016 at 2:54 PM UTC
Tweaker
Thinking back to Thomas creek and sneaking a peak at the freaky little tweaker in blown out sneakers a toothless mistress second guessing ****** thrift dressed house guest ******* up my speakers blown out woofer wolfing down dinner mad slurping curry a beginner at twister her sister, disaster, got caught ******* the Doberman.. unable to find sobriety got gang ***** at the sorority doing an impression of Brad Dougherty shoes to tall falling all wobbly knees knocking hostilely like a rasta in Montgomery racially outcast Big Boi with a skin tare lash with passion unfashionable bastions with rashes wear red sashes like Communist fascists I‘m a pacifist with a speeding fist ready to dis any resistor to this transistor radio I eat filet-minion with boxers on my mind be gone, like, no one’s home and this body roams all alone with a ***** I’m a stoner, a postponer, ***** donor, out on loan bought and paid for, caught with a lawnmower, impersonating a horn blower like I was Gillespie at the Filmore, or Apollo theatre as a greater Walmart style wearing a wife beater, not a reader, sort of a ******* not like Kim, more like a mosquit-er drinking blood like it’s from a hummingbird feeder.
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May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 6:03 PM UTC
crap rap 7 (MCDJpjs)
I remember When a the word relapse had A meaning . When I’d Explain what it Meant so you can be aware. Told you what tempts me What are some triggers. I Expected You to View it as a 911 call. To help me when I’d fall. You never payed mind To the importance of it. Just like you Didn’t think Telling you I had an addiction Was something that bad. I remember when You Made your own definitions To all the words I’d tell you. I’m the one struggling But you always made yourself the victim when it was me who needed attention, apologize, comfort & to support me. Temptation & triggers Have no meaning. You never cared to look after me. It wasn’t something you’d have to be 24/7 about. You never questioned your negative actions & how that’ll provoke me. You never cared until A Relapse Meant I Used because I wanted to get high. Finally You show importance. Not in the way where your concerned if I’m ok & hoping that hit didn’t cause harm. Concerned to where you stood by my side & talked on why it happened & what can we do to prevent it again. instead , a relapse means Talking **** to me , making me feel bad , blaming me, making yourself feel like I betrayed you Feeling so angry saying I don’t love you & love that more. You abandon me & go m.i.a When you were the cause of why i couldn’t handle feeling hurt etc I remember when Relapsing made me feel guilty & so bad because I failed you & disappointed you. I remember When I’d tell you I’ll never be honest on my sobriety , confess or hand over paraphinillia . For me to do the opposite of what I swore I’ll never do. All because it killed me to lie & hurt me to see you stress your mind on doubts if I’m clean or not. All For what ? For you To talk **** to me when I confess about relapsing, for you to call me drug addict & insult me calling me Druggie tweaker etc When I’d Hand you things Etc Me Being honest to you & open with my recovery only Damaged me more. What I gained wasn’t support. It was money being thrown at my face telling me to go get high. Calling me drug addict in many insult full ways. You made a joke out of my struggles. You’ve never been there for me. How far the meaning & value of relapse once meant. A relapse now means nothing to me when it comes to you. Being true to you Only back fired. You use it as leverage To insult me more & have negative things to reply. “I wouldn’t know, you kept it from me before” etc
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Nov 4, 2018
Nov 4, 2018 at 1:38 PM UTC
What relapse? Prt 1
I remember When a the word relapse had A meaning . When I’d Explain what it Meant so you can be aware. Told you what tempts me What are some triggers. I Expected You to View it as a 911 call. To help me when I’d fall. You never payed mind To the importance of it. Just like you Didn’t think Telling you I had an addiction Was something that bad. I remember when You Made your own definitions To all the words I’d tell you. I’m the one struggling But you always made yourself the victim when it was me who needed attention, apologize, comfort & to support me. Temptation & triggers Have no meaning. You never cared to look after me. It wasn’t something you’d have to be 24/7 about. You never questioned your negative actions & how that’ll provoke me. You never cared until A Relapse Meant I Used because I wanted to get high. Finally You show importance. Not in the way where your concerned if I’m ok & hoping that hit didn’t cause harm. Concerned to where you stood by my side & talked on why it happened & what can we do to prevent it again. instead , a relapse means Talking **** to me , making me feel bad , blaming me, making yourself feel like I betrayed you Feeling so angry saying I don’t love you & love that more. You abandon me & go m.i.a When you were the cause of why i couldn’t handle feeling hurt etc I remember when Relapsing made me feel guilty & so bad because I failed you & disappointed you. I remember When I’d tell you I’ll never be honest on my sobriety , confess or hand over paraphinillia . For me to do the opposite of what I swore I’ll never do. All because it killed me to lie & hurt me to see you stress your mind on doubts if I’m clean or not. All For what ? For you To talk **** to me when I confess about relapsing, for you to call me drug addict & insult me calling me Druggie tweaker etc When I’d Hand you things Etc Me Being honest to you & open with my recovery only Damaged me more. What I gained wasn’t support. It was money being thrown at my face telling me to go get high. Calling me drug addict in many insult full ways. You made a joke out of my struggles. You’ve never been there for me. How far the meaning & value of relapse once meant. A relapse now means nothing to me when it comes to you. Being true to you Only back fired. You use it as leverage To insult me more & have negative things to reply. “I wouldn’t know, you kept it from me before” etc
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Sitting along the curb Sun shining bright I await for my drug delivery Wondering why It's taking so long Oh right They're on Tweaker time Texting my guy Asking how much longer I'll have to wait The sun is bright It's heat getting to me Thinking to myself Ill be late to work ***** getting ready I'll pack a bowl Light it up Only 2 hits Then I better get ready Phone buzzes My guy explains He's sent another To do this deliver I don't ask why Or who it is Just for him to get to me soon Pace back and forth Along the curb Stressing I'll be late to work Why's this guy taking so long I hear the car Look up fron the ground Finally this dude has arrived But to my suprise It's you inside Frozen Thinking is it really you Unsure How could this be It's been a month since I last saw you I question why You're the delivery guy Call you an *** For not hitting me back up I ask for the dope Give you the money Step out the car Not saying a word My hearts filled of hurt I rush back inside Text my guy why He replies why it's a problem I explain We spoke about the situation That delivery guy He's not just anyone I didn't want him to know I've been using dope Plus he's the reason why I do more than I can handle To void the memories To void the thoughts Of everything we once were It's not fair at all One month passed by No replies from you But Instead I see you To my suprise As the new delivery guy Of this dope I don't want it anymore But I must not cry And must not think Pack a quick bowl Light the flame Watch the smoke fill Inhaling and twirling Exhale, cool What was it that made me so sad ? Smile curl Phone buzzing Let's go to work Rush everything I'm ready to pretend Like nothings ever wrong
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Mar 11, 2016
Mar 11, 2016 at 5:03 AM UTC
.fml.today
Sitting along the curb Sun shining bright I await for my drug delivery Wondering why It's taking so long Oh right They're on Tweaker time Texting my guy Asking how much longer I'll have to wait The sun is bright It's heat getting to me Thinking to myself Ill be late to work ***** getting ready I'll pack a bowl Light it up Only 2 hits Then I better get ready Phone buzzes My guy explains He's sent another To do this deliver I don't ask why Or who it is Just for him to get to me soon Pace back and forth Along the curb Stressing I'll be late to work Why's this guy taking so long I hear the car Look up fron the ground Finally this dude has arrived But to my suprise It's you inside Frozen Thinking is it really you Unsure How could this be It's been a month since I last saw you I question why You're the delivery guy Call you an *** For not hitting me back up I ask for the dope Give you the money Step out the car Not saying a word My hearts filled of hurt I rush back inside Text my guy why He replies why it's a problem I explain We spoke about the situation That delivery guy He's not just anyone I didn't want him to know I've been using dope Plus he's the reason why I do more than I can handle To void the memories To void the thoughts Of everything we once were It's not fair at all One month passed by No replies from you But Instead I see you To my suprise As the new delivery guy Of this dope I don't want it anymore But I must not cry And must not think Pack a quick bowl Light the flame Watch the smoke fill Inhaling and twirling Exhale, cool What was it that made me so sad ? Smile curl Phone buzzing Let's go to work Rush everything I'm ready to pretend Like nothings ever wrong
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87
Piercing sunlight shining through a window, Ephemeral blades stabbing into me, Pinning me in place. That’s what she was. Absolutely radiant, illuminating with her presence alone. Rising right with the sun, morning coffee as white as her bed sheets. Gleaming teeth exposed as she laughs, sweet and fleeting as cotton candy. Floral sundresses and large hats a staple of hers, forever in a perpetual summer. Mimosas sipped with a beachside breakfast, the only drink she’ll ever imbibe. Spending her tropical jaunts seaside, buried in her Nicholas Sparks novel. Pure, gorgeous, vibrant, carefree, glowing, flawless. She’s daylight. But I’m moonlight. Beams twisted and reflected by the water in closed bays on lonely beaches. In the 24-hour diners with a woman perpetually smoking a cigarette at the register, a tweaker passed out in a booth, holding his partners hand. Under the pervasive neon lights of dying bars, bearing witness to the drunkards mourning love and liquor lost, Through forlorn streets, under dimly sparkling lights, bundled in beaten and weathered coats, just barely safe from the chill. Drinking wine by the bottom shelf bottle to cloud future-bound thoughts, feelings spilling out in ink or wine, impossible to tell through the stupor. Maybe it is true that opposites attract, maybe that’s the reason I can’t get away from her. But maybe it’s hopeless, maybe I’m the moon, doomed to forever chasing the sun across the sky.
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Mar 15, 2017
Mar 15, 2017 at 4:47 PM UTC
Narsilion
It says something about myself that I see death in dawn rather than a sunset. That the emergence of life and light means a finality. That the stilling of the world and its residences is a new beginning. Is it that I see myself as a predator? Emerging at night to stalk the metaphorical woods of humanity. Maybe it’s more simple than that. On the lonely beaches, illuminated by the twisted reflection of the moon on the water, in the 24-hour diners with a woman perpetually smoking a cigarette at the register and a tweaker passed out in a booth, holding his partners hand, under the pervasive neon lights of dying bars, bearing witness to the drunkards mourning love and liquor lost, through forlorn streets, under dimly sparkling lights, maybe that’s where I find myself at home.
0
Mar 13, 2017
Mar 13, 2017 at 1:21 PM UTC
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