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ThoughT May 3
I hereby invite every oz. Of pain I've been evading for years even before the recreations, to come forth, and hit me like a truck.  I understand you may need to switch between reverse and drive a few times, but I am ready.  I need my light again, for there's darkness in every direction I've been heading.  Forever unsteady.  At this point in my life i'd be happy to spend it sitting on the dock of the bay strumming the days away with the ghost of Otis Redding.  I feel like ive been riding a bike, the chain aint on but I'm still pedaling.  Show me a mystery and you will find another kid meddling.  But I dont wanna hang around while the dust settles in.  I want to watch the sun rise and set again.  I want to float beyond the skin I've been living in.  Soul been starving to go to a place I dont know exists.  I'm grateful for my life, but it's getting harder to shake this.  Been stuck in a cocoon phase unable to complete the change because the structure's too thick.  Mind still races while keeping body tethered with bricks.  But I will embrace it with the waves of sound and silence.  There is a way to make it through, and I'm hoping I will find it.  I will slowly stand up, again after hitting the ground.  Maybe enlist the aid of Chris Jericho to help me break these walls down.  I have lost many times but have not yet been fully defeated.  I want to disappear, but a holistic retreat may be what's needed.  Exorcise the traumas we mistakenly call demons.  I'll die before I settle being a cheap cog in the machine.  I just want to wake up again to see the reality of my dreams.  Instead we're haunted by alarm clocks often robbing us of sleep, and memories of truly beautiful scenes...that just happened.  Main character forgot his purpose along with the plot of the movie..why's the audience clappin'?
Therapy
ThoughT Apr 22
I dated a ghost once, and after ghosting me for months she wound up getting really possessive.  I could see right through her and felt her intentions were oppressive.  Definitely a freak in the sheet and would promptly wake me from my sleep in the morning at three.  Sometimes raging she would throw so many things and blame it on me.  Not often responsive, she'd let me know where she was through a series of banging. Felt like I'd be talking to myself and going all types of crazy.  She once entered my dream and tried getting violent with me because I was with another lady.  That's when I knew it was time for saging.  Had to have an ancestor guide my pen In the breakup letter because my hands were shaky.   In this moment,finally, from that relationship I'm free.  Next time, maybe a dating site, and not the ******* Ouija.
ThoughT Feb 26
I would like for the old ry to die tonight.
I'm rewriting the script:
The escape artist quits,
having never fully escaped.
Held down by the mask's weight,
I have to cut it free,
to honor past seeds of the family tree.  
So now the last thing I have to face is - reality.
ThoughT Nov 2018
I knew my father's death-date before I knew his birthday.  Felt a hint of shame in saying that, but he wasnt around, nothing to celebrate.  I was under the impression he didn't want me, so I left even the thought of knowing him behind.  I held resentment buired in my heart for a long time, dormant, for he didn't often cross my mind.  When tensions were high as a child sometimes I would get the, "...live with your father." threats...but what would scare me most about that was leaving my friends.  
  A few myspace messages are all we had, but through it I got to see how you represented yourself.  Warm and caring.  You definitely liked to have fun, but while you were able, you were there for those that needed you for love.  Mom, as I got older, would trip out over the resemblance...but beyond looks; voice&personality.  Your birthday is December 12th, and I get to celebrate it at a rap show with friends in New Orleans.  12/12...one two one two, the hip-hop in me once breathed in the hip-hop in you.  Today is ten years, wild how fast the time flies.  No longer though do I sit and wonder why.  Feel free to press send on the message from the heaven you settled in.  
   We met for three days when you came to visit ma n me while I was 3.  1+2, 1+2...3, 3.  I must be being watched over by a 33rd degree - angel.  Your loss was painful.  I'm still learning how to heal & study angles from the pool table.   Seriously playful, but I had to learn to pick up self whenever my head would hang low.   Christmas 2008 was planned for...but November 16th brought too much snow.  Yeah, it blows.  But I've already had my sadness overdose.  We were getting close to being close, but your absence in life taught me how to grow.  Taught me how to stay warm when your environment is cold.  Just wish I could hear your thoughts of all you'd want me to know.  Still, energy forever flows, this book is never closed.
           Love you pops
ThoughT Sep 2018
They say when depressed you should get some deep rest.  Yet I'm consistently day-dreaming over feelings,
Ready for the next stimulus, rare for anybody to catch me sleeping when it's convenient.  Magician fishing for some closeness, vulnerable to half these ill-advised potions.  Serotonin is potent, but so is the poison from the snake bite in motion.  Funeral Bin Laden style, just toss me in the ocean.  Future 100% uncertain, still going.  Violence stays televised like we're the vain new-age Romans.  Ready to vacation outside the galaxy, the door is open.  Still learning to surf these tall waves of emotion.  
P u r g e, just needed to release, please take your vitamins and find your peace.  Loaded with hypocrisy, imma shut up and take a seat, and let silence speak to me about the reality behind the scenes.  Need to learn more before I can truly teach.  Currently remembering that our energy extends beyond our reach.  We really have and are all that we seek, gotta stop measuring self by day of the work week and instead watch the leaves leave the tree.  There's so much beauty in what's not spoken, nature offers therapy for free.  
Wrote all that, just needed to breathe.
ThoughT Aug 2018
Fell through the lion's gate maybe sippin' too much of Mercury's Gatorade.  Head all over the space still forcing construction so the levee won't break.  I barely leave my mind when I get heavy for heaven's sake.  Hard to translate the mental pain when so many seem to exist on different planes.  I reside in light and shadow so I know none of this is strange.  I've taken off the mask but haven't gotten out the stains.  Ego popped up and tried labeling the experience as delirious.  Yet I can't recall E existing with long periods of fearlessness.  I'm releasing repressed emotion B, cheers - here it is.  Time to shed the shell of what was, this is Sirius.
ThoughT Jul 2018
I'm all too used to the touch of your absence.  Your mother's wrath in that time can be a death sentence so tragic.  But when you come back, Demeter returns to her senses expressing light magic.   Life springs through the darkness, and flowers race to see who can reach the farthest.  Lovers emerge to nurture their gardens, and soak in sun to thaw out the hearts that hardened.  Birds sing songs highlighting your arrival.  Trees breathe easy seeing what their last set of leaves died for..
Yet when you retreat, mother again takes away her warmth.  The high-flyers no longer soar, and some paths feel too bitter to explore.  Bone-chill zones, a frozen reality stream.  I can't blame anyone for what's a part of me, as we fall into winter's annual dream.
Queen of the Underworld, I appreciate your harmony.  Thank you for teaching me to see the depths of my own duality.  Still, I can't help but wonder how existence would be had you not eaten those pomegranate seeds.  In the darkness of winter I want to curse Hades for his greedy need to leach on life through trickery.  Though to curse him I'd be cursing myself and ive had it with the blasphemy.  Besides I too know what it's like to rely on the dead as your only company.  I ride ebbs and flows of loss and hope, but I know your presence promotes healing.  So again I'll remain as the seasons change, taking layers and peeling.  I've found in light and dark we can succeed in setting our bound spirits free.  Communicator of both worlds, I want to Thank and honor you, Persephone~
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