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"redoing" poems
with respect to your hair man play with it, been living large so you ain't got time to cut it put it in a ponytail that puts mine to shame it's a little weird talking about your hair seagulls make a birds nest on it it's a hair song, sing songs along the cold air picasso paint it well, redoing the blue three hundred times police pull ya over because of it sometimes ya skin color makes it knappy like the way it settles on my blue jeans when you rest your head on my lappy
0
Jun 3, 2018
Jun 3, 2018 at 11:38 PM UTC
hair song
Laying on the bed, reading your wedding invite. I recall the day you went silent and I threw my crown. Stepping down and lost myself. Today I let you go, my love. Not because I give up. I believe you cared and you still do. Your silence did cut through my flesh, Your strangeness burnt my heart. But here I stand today ready to let myself heal. Years of gathering broken pieces of my heart. My lost pieces of love, wailing to be found. Stranded I searched, and I still do. I held on to you, like a stubborn child. Your memories engraved, your doings encircling my thoughts. Strangely never remembering our fights, I was partial.   My heart wanted more, my soul was thirsty. I found pleasure in pain. I kept you alive. What a splendid journey, my love. The impeccable high of your addiction. As I drowned, I found myself. One day I chose to revisit my past. Regretting the time lost to stupid fights, blaming myself. I never felt, keeping you alive. Stupid were my acts, unreasonable was my anger. Childish were my demands. A sinner, at your altar I confess. Sleepless nights, result of a restless brain. Blaming you for the love I dreaded I deserved, For making me feel worthwhile. Keeping your memories alive, Redoing my past, for an escape. As the odds increased, so did my grief.   For the broken promises, and the endless thoughts. U left without a word, so did my Tears. You coward, I pushed myself to oblivion.   I saved our love when the world sympathised. I held on to respect, for u and our love. Wishing you the best, I kept u alive. My futile attempts to blame you, was a curse. A part of me found pleasure when they blamed you, My stupid selfish heart. But today I let you go my love, I allow myself to heal. You meant so much, you still do. But life is more than just you and me. A part of my soul is still with you, it’s yours now. Keep it safe my love. I’ll nurture what is left of it. As time flies by, I’ll heal. For a better tomorrow, for a better me. I’ll strive with a hollow heart and a partial soul. Thank you love, for the heat. For never cheating my heart. For the never ending  euphoria. I know u cared and you still do. When you found me, I found myself. For your breath of life, I’ll keep u alive. You made me believe in good. To Love someone more than my being. Surprised I’m to know my strength. Entwined souls, living in the moment. We headed together, Insane and reckless. Towards our predefined end.   I’m glad it was you and no one else. You were the one, my wildest decision. Oh my wings, my strength. But today love, I let you go. I was your princess. Now it's someone else. It’s time to put back my crown to rule. U won't be forgotten my love, but like any life chapter ours has come to an end.
0
Jul 28, 2016
Jul 28, 2016 at 5:31 AM UTC
I let you go
Laying on the bed, reading your wedding invite. I recall the day you went silent and I threw my crown. Stepping down and lost myself. Today I let you go, my love. Not because I give up. I believe you cared and you still do. Your silence did cut through my flesh, Your strangeness burnt my heart. But here I stand today ready to let myself heal. Years of gathering broken pieces of my heart. My lost pieces of love, wailing to be found. Stranded I searched, and I still do. I held on to you, like a stubborn child. Your memories engraved, your doings encircling my thoughts. Strangely never remembering our fights, I was partial.   My heart wanted more, my soul was thirsty. I found pleasure in pain. I kept you alive. What a splendid journey, my love. The impeccable high of your addiction. As I drowned, I found myself. One day I chose to revisit my past. Regretting the time lost to stupid fights, blaming myself. I never felt, keeping you alive. Stupid were my acts, unreasonable was my anger. Childish were my demands. A sinner, at your altar I confess. Sleepless nights, result of a restless brain. Blaming you for the love I dreaded I deserved, For making me feel worthwhile. Keeping your memories alive, Redoing my past, for an escape. As the odds increased, so did my grief.   For the broken promises, and the endless thoughts. U left without a word, so did my Tears. You coward, I pushed myself to oblivion.   I saved our love when the world sympathised. I held on to respect, for u and our love. Wishing you the best, I kept u alive. My futile attempts to blame you, was a curse. A part of me found pleasure when they blamed you, My stupid selfish heart. But today I let you go my love, I allow myself to heal. You meant so much, you still do. But life is more than just you and me. A part of my soul is still with you, it’s yours now. Keep it safe my love. I’ll nurture what is left of it. As time flies by, I’ll heal. For a better tomorrow, for a better me. I’ll strive with a hollow heart and a partial soul. Thank you love, for the heat. For never cheating my heart. For the never ending  euphoria. I know u cared and you still do. When you found me, I found myself. For your breath of life, I’ll keep u alive. You made me believe in good. To Love someone more than my being. Surprised I’m to know my strength. Entwined souls, living in the moment. We headed together, Insane and reckless. Towards our predefined end.   I’m glad it was you and no one else. You were the one, my wildest decision. Oh my wings, my strength. But today love, I let you go. I was your princess. Now it's someone else. It’s time to put back my crown to rule. U won't be forgotten my love, but like any life chapter ours has come to an end.
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72
There'll be a crowd encircling you, I'm sure. They'll nod at your every word, imperfectly mimicking what people look like when they actually listen. I'm sure the crowd will be people we know. Old high school friends with real estate ventures and gyms and multi-level marketing schemes. Most of them will be doughier, their cheeks permanently stained red from a decade of drinking. Most of them will have photos of their kids on their phones, and they'll tell you they're "sure you don't want to see them" as they pull out their phones and show you photos of their kids. I imagine I'll approach, stop just short of the circle, pretend to bid on an Alaskan cruise. As you talk about redoing your floor in a faux tile that looks just like the real thing for like half the price, you'll see me. I hope you'll think of that kiss five years ago, outside of a bar in Norman, when the world entire bent for us, when all traffic silenced for us, when all people vanished for us. Maybe you'll think of the time we ****** in a twin-sized bed, beside a wall decorated with newspaper clippings, which I thought made me look worldly and learned. I admit now the look was less academic, more serial killer. And maybe you'll think of the manchild fit I threw when I found out you had moved on after I moved away. And maybe you'll be totally present. Good to see you, you'll say. You will ask about my family. We will discuss the cooler weather. We will talk about your business, your kids. We will side hug and say goodbye. We will take the same route to the same exit. There will be children coloring the sidewalk with chalk. We'll each borrow a piece. I'll outline you; you'll outline me.
0
Oct 8, 2018
Oct 8, 2018 at 11:59 AM UTC
What If Our Paths Cross at a Chamber of Commerce Silent Auction
There'll be a crowd encircling you, I'm sure. They'll nod at your every word, imperfectly mimicking what people look like when they actually listen. I'm sure the crowd will be people we know. Old high school friends with real estate ventures and gyms and multi-level marketing schemes. Most of them will be doughier, their cheeks permanently stained red from a decade of drinking. Most of them will have photos of their kids on their phones, and they'll tell you they're "sure you don't want to see them" as they pull out their phones and show you photos of their kids. I imagine I'll approach, stop just short of the circle, pretend to bid on an Alaskan cruise. As you talk about redoing your floor in a faux tile that looks just like the real thing for like half the price, you'll see me. I hope you'll think of that kiss five years ago, outside of a bar in Norman, when the world entire bent for us, when all traffic silenced for us, when all people vanished for us. Maybe you'll think of the time we ****** in a twin-sized bed, beside a wall decorated with newspaper clippings, which I thought made me look worldly and learned. I admit now the look was less academic, more serial killer. And maybe you'll think of the manchild fit I threw when I found out you had moved on after I moved away. And maybe you'll be totally present. Good to see you, you'll say. You will ask about my family. We will discuss the cooler weather. We will talk about your business, your kids. We will side hug and say goodbye. We will take the same route to the same exit. There will be children coloring the sidewalk with chalk. We'll each borrow a piece. I'll outline you; you'll outline me.
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17
Tick Tock goes the clock of wanting to hit the pipe again Tick Tock goes the clock of wanting to be numb again Tick Tock goes the clock of the flame burning against the glass Tick Tock goes the clock of the drug melting away Tick Tock goes the clock of inhaling danger into my lungs Tick Tock goes the clock of exhaling the smoke Tick Tock goes the clock of the high warming my body Tick Tock goes the clock of desperately wanting more Tick Tock goes the clock of crushing more danger Tick Tock goes the clock of rolling the dollar bill Tick Tock goes the clock of snorting away my problems Tick Tock goes the clock of a rush of euphoria Tick Tock goes the clock of redoing everything again Tick Tock goes the clock of coming down again Tick Tock goes the clock of endless sleepless nights Tick Tock goes the clock of hearing my mother and father cry Tick Tock goes the clock of the haunting silence in my room Tick Tock goes the clock of my heart beating inside my chest Tick Tock goes the clock of picking up the pen Tick Tock goes the clock of the tear hitting the paper Tick Tock goes the clock of wanting to be numb again Tick Tock goes the clock of the trembling hands Tick Tock goes the clock of folding the paper Tick Tock goes the clock of whispering one last goodbye Tick Tock goes the clock of me hanging in the belltower
0
Apr 17, 2020
Apr 17, 2020 at 10:05 PM UTC
Tick Tock
The day a lightning struck my home in September 2010 I read in it signs of bad time grave misfortune’s ill omen Early morn it fell the night though didn’t hint of a bad weather Jolting us further a bereaved family my father had died that year. Spitting fire it chipped a chunk of attic struck dead an arecanut tree Blew the TV dead lights and fans fled it vented such awesome energy What had we done to deserve such a deal why befell us the curse Redoing the roof replacing dead wares it was taxing on our purse. They say it’s too bad when god goes as mad as to strike your home with lightning You must have sinned to incur his wrath more misfortune it probably would bring So we brought a priest for peace and worship we had to appease the deity In our quest to strike a deal with god’s will was forgotten the arecanut tree. The house was mended things returned to shape we brokered a peace with god It all looked fine the mishap forgotten no calamity struck our abode As a relic of that time stands the arecanut tree without a leaf on its head Mutely it bears the brunt of god’s fury so is the way it is made. One autumn morn there was a tapping sound on that tree’s hollowed dead bark As I peeped through the window I saw a woodpecker its beak was busy at work So many times I had thought to cut off the tree for it could never grow its root The bird has got a nest for little ones’ rest god’s will has borne a sweet fruit.
0
Oct 8, 2013
Oct 8, 2013 at 6:38 AM UTC
Misfortune
the caffeine is crucial for this day-time creature, the low-lit room an optional feature for my attempted artistic-flair paint brushes discarded on the floor i took up drawing, graphite stained hands and red eyes in the light of morning's sun through the cracked window of my old apartment-turned-studio it was that morning i realized the faces on paper would never come to life or serve a greater purpose than good looks and candy-to-the-eye it was that moment, i realized, there was much more than re-creation remixing and redoing redundant copies of someone else's idea and in that moment, when i realized, talent is subjective and in the general eyes of the artistic world, i was **** on the side of the street where van gogh and picasso strutted their dead-man's artistic ***** and now i know that there's got to be something more than staying up all night drawing from a photograph a classmate gave to my sight and earning ten dollars for every hour spent dragging pencils across leaf-thin skeletons of plants that could have grown to serve better. and now i know i was made for something more than sitting on my **** cold bedroom floor and replicating the eyes of a sixteen-year-old spanish self portrait photographer. in the western world, the people want me as an artist making prints of their faces and loved ones but for the rest? my hands are needed to build homes for those who have not had the privilege of holding a pencil or seeing their faces on a mere piece of paper.
0
Aug 13, 2013
Aug 13, 2013 at 3:56 AM UTC
i'm sidetracked and inspired, okay?
the caffeine is crucial for this day-time creature, the low-lit room an optional feature for my attempted artistic-flair paint brushes discarded on the floor i took up drawing, graphite stained hands and red eyes in the light of morning's sun through the cracked window of my old apartment-turned-studio it was that morning i realized the faces on paper would never come to life or serve a greater purpose than good looks and candy-to-the-eye it was that moment, i realized, there was much more than re-creation remixing and redoing redundant copies of someone else's idea and in that moment, when i realized, talent is subjective and in the general eyes of the artistic world, i was **** on the side of the street where van gogh and picasso strutted their dead-man's artistic ***** and now i know that there's got to be something more than staying up all night drawing from a photograph a classmate gave to my sight and earning ten dollars for every hour spent dragging pencils across leaf-thin skeletons of plants that could have grown to serve better. and now i know i was made for something more than sitting on my **** cold bedroom floor and replicating the eyes of a sixteen-year-old spanish self portrait photographer. in the western world, the people want me as an artist making prints of their faces and loved ones but for the rest? my hands are needed to build homes for those who have not had the privilege of holding a pencil or seeing their faces on a mere piece of paper.
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38
half-feigning a convenient drowsiness, half-closed eyes and half words shot at a bedroom wall illuminated by early sunshine, and it happens to be quite bright. happened again, redoing, recurring, an ordinary oration, a silent sermon the same words again, a slightly different version every morning, inside out in eversion the wrong things again, waking up getting out of bed, out of my head, growing up, getting old, aging fast, coming to terms with the fact that one’s life is only as long as one’s past all this future-talk’s got it feeling a lot longer And vacancy is at least not my mistake Filling in a bubble blindly of multiple choices Splaying multiple regrets for something’s sake. I will wake up and grow up But if childhood is living in the sun’s light then what’s staying up all night to watch its rise?
0
Mar 18, 2020
Mar 18, 2020 at 3:47 AM UTC
waking up, growing up
Restless eyes, The luminaries winking, The night, as if were The Moon's stage of solitude Shines vast in the nocturnal glory, Revealing silken flattery, The gentle light caresses. There is a connection Of the luminal glow To the eyes whose mind is Trapped in a cavernous shadow While fathoming uselessly Unto the revolving clockwork Of living, Like a trance between An unknown familiarity. Thoughts carve out timelines In jigsaw's grip, The Moon is a portal In deafening silence, Faceless memories guided By forgotten constellations and One realises the depth of life And the race of time, And come sweet soul searching In the needs of the spirit while Trembling from regret. The solitude is an ocean Keeping one afloat in a Suspended profile, Crystalline clarity like a mirror In polyhedrons, So much reflection in restlessness. And we can drown In this ocean bathed in the Moon, Like reliving or redoing All the past making it so Pure only our souls know The life lived in another version. When the thoughts calm Into the the minds realignment, The light becomes forgotten And the nocturnally calm of the spirit Flies to live another life; All that remains is the solitude.
0
Jan 12, 2016
Jan 12, 2016 at 11:32 AM UTC
Moonlight Solitude
Once, I told him that I was not hysterical and he could call me he answered what's up kid as if his voice had dropped, but it hadn't. I replied submissively and he told me that it would not work even though I did not truly want it to in the first place. It was so silent on the other end I could hear his car running. Here to stop on the hill to talk, the cul-de-sac with no cars where I once sat between his legs and did unspeakable things on the porch of someone's summer house. He wasn't sorry even though he said it twice, I made sure to count. I could probably account for all his apologies on one hand, the entirety of our two year relationship was one. They say you lose them the way you gain them, so I must have fought too hard both ways coming. He said goodbye twice and meant it, where my mom found me curled up on the swing by our old house. Drenched in sweat, it must of been 80 outside, I smelled like paint, we were redoing my room. Summer is so hard now, Maroon 5 on a Chelan boat. The memories are messy. What was that, three years ago, now? I am still startled by your name in my phone, by the notes I still find in boxes. I've kissed a few since you anyway, but I still remember the way your neck felt.
0
Dec 8, 2012
Dec 8, 2012 at 10:00 PM UTC
Convoluted.
My soul is free like a butterfly Flapping its wings in the clear blue sky Head is clear Lots of room and space to create Opportunities lay clear in my path I choose the road less traveled by Racing toward my future Stitching the pieces together like my favorite craft There’s always a roadblock disturbing my flow Constantly recounting Constantly redoing Ready to sew up any cuts, rips, tears from any major blow Running steady but quickly picking up the pace Breeze cool Sun in my face Turn to the left Swerve right… Don’t hit that tree!!! Make a right at the light. Red means stop Green means go Yellow means slow down and decide which way to go Running to fast Blowing through traffic signs It’s a dead end coming up ahead Going to fast to make up my mind CRASH!!! Life shattered into tiny little pieces Glass is everywhere…. Everything is a mess My hopes and dreams have turned into despair Trying to pick up the pieces off the ground My fingers are slicing from trying to gather the glass mound My feet are planted in the ground I can’t move…I’m stuck Waiting to be found Alive… Breathing… Thump…Thump…Thump…Heart Beating… Blood Streaming… The air reeks of failure The ground cringes at my presence RUMBLE!!! My feet planted like a tree The roots uprooting underneath me CRACK!!! BOOM!!! Branches falling Leaves cascading down all around me My future is tarnished No money… wages garnished My soul is bleeding like a dead squirrel in the street My heart aches… No butterfly wings to fly me away Battered and torn Raggedy Worn Head held down I can’t make a sound Drowning and I can’t breathe Weight of the world pushing me down Further and further Vision blurring… I can’t see My mind captured My soul no longer free Nothing left to define me Butterflies take flight I have no strength to continue this fight
0
Mar 4, 2014
Mar 4, 2014 at 10:41 AM UTC
Breaking Point
My soul is free like a butterfly Flapping its wings in the clear blue sky Head is clear Lots of room and space to create Opportunities lay clear in my path I choose the road less traveled by Racing toward my future Stitching the pieces together like my favorite craft There’s always a roadblock disturbing my flow Constantly recounting Constantly redoing Ready to sew up any cuts, rips, tears from any major blow Running steady but quickly picking up the pace Breeze cool Sun in my face Turn to the left Swerve right… Don’t hit that tree!!! Make a right at the light. Red means stop Green means go Yellow means slow down and decide which way to go Running to fast Blowing through traffic signs It’s a dead end coming up ahead Going to fast to make up my mind CRASH!!! Life shattered into tiny little pieces Glass is everywhere…. Everything is a mess My hopes and dreams have turned into despair Trying to pick up the pieces off the ground My fingers are slicing from trying to gather the glass mound My feet are planted in the ground I can’t move…I’m stuck Waiting to be found Alive… Breathing… Thump…Thump…Thump…Heart Beating… Blood Streaming… The air reeks of failure The ground cringes at my presence RUMBLE!!! My feet planted like a tree The roots uprooting underneath me CRACK!!! BOOM!!! Branches falling Leaves cascading down all around me My future is tarnished No money… wages garnished My soul is bleeding like a dead squirrel in the street My heart aches… No butterfly wings to fly me away Battered and torn Raggedy Worn Head held down I can’t make a sound Drowning and I can’t breathe Weight of the world pushing me down Further and further Vision blurring… I can’t see My mind captured My soul no longer free Nothing left to define me Butterflies take flight I have no strength to continue this fight
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67
~~~ "Fact about me:  You design me" line from a poem published here on Nov. 30, 2013 part I of a trilogy nml ~~~ 6:33am 9 minutes left in the AM hour of my tribulation, the re-design time, redoing  my outer shell legs pounding, towel sodden soggy, soon return to home do my morning ablutions followed by a frosty walk to the multiple screens for trading things makeover, do-over, but you can only easy shed and cleanse exterior surfaces, shape and appearance, the inside stuff, that's the gut wrencher don't be so hard on yourself kid! nah ain't gonna kid myself too old, too much a wise guy to show much forgiveness to self, of untruly yours, whose design was only 50% mine someone is dying,^ my cocktail of words and emotions more muddled than my usual abnormal, while sweating off the golden baddies to the golden oldies so where exactly is the truth burden?^^ somewhere  between sad and  a curt "no cares" my physical reformation, is part and parceled, of my regeneration, the one who gave me the desire to die before my time, is dead before her time, and I don't know the clear water truth of my variable emotions design me? she is deigning to design me still with her untimely death so I cycle even harder to release the anxiety of mis-everything regretting what was lost, now missed, that too was, and is, part of my design, part of burden of truths that design who we were, are, and yet may be
0
Feb 11, 2016
Feb 11, 2016 at 5:01 PM UTC
Part I: You & She, Design Me
I do not feel like myself I am not my own I am no longer on the inside nor the outside I'm just.. here Or maybe there My skin does not feel like how I remember Am I a boy or girl Does it even matter Gender is an illusion that was pushed on us by our founding fathers Oh how great they were They brought us together from chaos And we could never repay them Do we need to? Is that what is meant when they say to not sin? What if God isn't just one person but an idea An entity of a group A feeling that exists in each of us Today is a new day And it's still gloomy as ever The rain drips down my window I blow out to see my breath crack against the glass What is the point of redoing everyday To grow old? To get married? Have a wife, kids, a family? Grow old and wither away I think that's the answer We are all part of the cycle Reincarnate into something entirely new but yet just the same There is a point to all of this And with these tears in my eyes I'm yelling it to the skies
0
May 3, 2016
May 3, 2016 at 10:27 AM UTC
Deadpan
I tried to imagine leaving, And all I could think of was coming back. It’s not so much that the idea of departure frightens me, I can easily imagine existing somewhere else, I just cannot picture my home existing without me, Call me self centered if you will. Just answer me this, What would become of my room? There is so much of me in there, Permanent fixtures that would annoy anyone. My friends painted on the walls, Ink staining my carpet, The broken power outlets, used to such extent that all cords must be at a certain angle to work, To me these things mean home, To anyone else they would be annoyance in need of repair. I think of all the effort it would take to expel my presence from my room, The repainting, recarpeting, redoing, just to get me out, Would it be worth the effort? Then I think of the holes I’ll leave behind me. The books I’ll have to take with me, Because leaving even one dog-eared whether worn volume is an utter impossibility. That alone will leave my room nearly empty. What about the smell of a freshly baked dessert Will my pie tins be forced into early retirement? Or even worse, Will my lovely dishes be sold? Given to someone who doesn’t appreciate their scorch marks and abundant cracks. Will my parents try to fill my rickety bookshelf with their own alien tombs? The thought disgust me, like if someone else were to use my toothbrush. But worse than the holes I’ll leave are the things I cannot take with me, The view from my window, The prodigal richness of my meadow in spring, The sledding hill in winter. For every season, very month, practically everyday there is some joy, Will I ever be able to recover from the loss? Yet the core of my being seems to call me away, Begs me to ascend beyond this cluttered and twisted reminiscence of childhood, This broken version of a shrinking paradise, to small, to old, to painfully familiar. Is that what home really, Somewhere so lived in you cannot bear to leave, or comprehend staying?
0
Nov 26, 2011
Nov 26, 2011 at 2:17 AM UTC
As of yet Untitled
I tried to imagine leaving, And all I could think of was coming back. It’s not so much that the idea of departure frightens me, I can easily imagine existing somewhere else, I just cannot picture my home existing without me, Call me self centered if you will. Just answer me this, What would become of my room? There is so much of me in there, Permanent fixtures that would annoy anyone. My friends painted on the walls, Ink staining my carpet, The broken power outlets, used to such extent that all cords must be at a certain angle to work, To me these things mean home, To anyone else they would be annoyance in need of repair. I think of all the effort it would take to expel my presence from my room, The repainting, recarpeting, redoing, just to get me out, Would it be worth the effort? Then I think of the holes I’ll leave behind me. The books I’ll have to take with me, Because leaving even one dog-eared whether worn volume is an utter impossibility. That alone will leave my room nearly empty. What about the smell of a freshly baked dessert Will my pie tins be forced into early retirement? Or even worse, Will my lovely dishes be sold? Given to someone who doesn’t appreciate their scorch marks and abundant cracks. Will my parents try to fill my rickety bookshelf with their own alien tombs? The thought disgust me, like if someone else were to use my toothbrush. But worse than the holes I’ll leave are the things I cannot take with me, The view from my window, The prodigal richness of my meadow in spring, The sledding hill in winter. For every season, very month, practically everyday there is some joy, Will I ever be able to recover from the loss? Yet the core of my being seems to call me away, Begs me to ascend beyond this cluttered and twisted reminiscence of childhood, This broken version of a shrinking paradise, to small, to old, to painfully familiar. Is that what home really, Somewhere so lived in you cannot bear to leave, or comprehend staying?
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41
sometimes people move away move on move forward, backward, side to side some people just move in place the heartbeat of being in love with a person is different than that of falling in love with their heart ever notice how people say your name? probably just based on the emotion they feel towards the syllables of your great unknown self-medicating themselves to the touch of your skin kissing someone with so much passion that the tips of their noses go completely numb spin a globe and watch it land on the location of your beloved a lightbulb of everlasting amazement the continuation of someone with OCD constantly unbuttoning and redoing their jacket being a stranger in your own mind moving sideways in time the dimensions that you create all on your own something complex and with strong opinion a place that you reside but do not wish to a setting of great intelligent wisdom and sometimes also fortune your mind where you can't ever move from
0
Apr 29, 2015
Apr 29, 2015 at 12:26 PM UTC
the old state
My sister sat with me in her car, taking dollar bills out of my purse because she wasn’t getting paid until next week. Dollars going through the parking meter, each beep reminding me of the news she couldn’t wait to tell me. As she’s redoing her salmon lipstick and making sure her right eyelash stays put, she can’t help but let the words slip I’m starting fresh. This is my new life. She already has her mom fooled, this one’s the one. I stare at my phone, nodding that I’m happy for her, careful not to say Is this your third new life this year? She talks about his money, the daughter from a former marriage how he called her pajamas Grandma, picked her out some rouge lingerie for the ***** deed. A few ***** deeds and he wants to move out and buy her a house. I’m never quite sure what to say, all that comes out is nervous laughter. Well, boys will be boys. The one in Vegas comes to mind first, he also promised her forever. What about the dealer in California? It wasn’t even his house. I told her that I hope she’s happy this time, each ring coming from her phone, a fang severing more freckled skin.
0
Jan 19, 2018
Jan 19, 2018 at 7:14 PM UTC
Her Feral Sister
When I was down, I got high    When life got in the way, I still got by    There was nothing going ‘round that I didn’t go through    But what you left undone between us, isn’t something that I want to do. Seems we spend most our lives gettin’ out of the way Of a sun that’s meant to shine on our darkest of days Chased by our own shadows straight into the night Lookin’ back at what won’t work, when the future still might… (whatever) Friends say I’ve mastered falling down to an art, Building pretty little piles from what’s been torn apart. But the pieces that you left are as much as you took, And no one gets the whole story from reading half of the book.    So when you were up, you put me down    When I got in your way, you ran around    I reaped hope from the furrows, where nothing ever grew    but fixin’ what you’re doin-is more than any man would want to do. When I think back now what I wish I’d know then, The same people fool me again and again. They say hindsight’s 20/20, but to tell you the truth While I can see through your lies, I’m still blind to the proof. Yeh, your ghost seems to leap from one girl to the next And while they keep gettin’ better, I know what’s better ain’t best If my senses come to find me, they’ll know where I am I’m just one idea behind, where the thought of you ends.    And when I get down, I still get high.    When life gets in the way, well, I’ll get by.    In fact, there’s nothing [that] comes to mind, that I wouldn’t do    So stop redoing what you undid, so it’s done, and I’ll be over you…. Till then I’m chasing you down, ’ cause when I’m down, at least I’m close to you.
0
Oct 24, 2014
Oct 24, 2014 at 3:38 PM UTC
I Got a A Lot of Undoing to Do (on a song kick)
When I was down, I got high    When life got in the way, I still got by    There was nothing going ‘round that I didn’t go through    But what you left undone between us, isn’t something that I want to do. Seems we spend most our lives gettin’ out of the way Of a sun that’s meant to shine on our darkest of days Chased by our own shadows straight into the night Lookin’ back at what won’t work, when the future still might… (whatever) Friends say I’ve mastered falling down to an art, Building pretty little piles from what’s been torn apart. But the pieces that you left are as much as you took, And no one gets the whole story from reading half of the book.    So when you were up, you put me down    When I got in your way, you ran around    I reaped hope from the furrows, where nothing ever grew    but fixin’ what you’re doin-is more than any man would want to do. When I think back now what I wish I’d know then, The same people fool me again and again. They say hindsight’s 20/20, but to tell you the truth While I can see through your lies, I’m still blind to the proof. Yeh, your ghost seems to leap from one girl to the next And while they keep gettin’ better, I know what’s better ain’t best If my senses come to find me, they’ll know where I am I’m just one idea behind, where the thought of you ends.    And when I get down, I still get high.    When life gets in the way, well, I’ll get by.    In fact, there’s nothing [that] comes to mind, that I wouldn’t do    So stop redoing what you undid, so it’s done, and I’ll be over you…. Till then I’m chasing you down, ’ cause when I’m down, at least I’m close to you.
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30
I write and the words are empty. I try to fill the page but the meaning is not there. It is as if I am repeating myself and redoing what has been done. The well of ideas has gone empty and the water of creativity will not flow from my soul to my pen. I can only mimic what I see and not truly put my emotions into the work. What can be done when the passion has faded and the words have become hollow?
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Aug 30, 2016
Aug 30, 2016 at 8:00 PM UTC
When The Words Are Hollow
Woke up from my dreaming to a nightmare, she was screaming Got back to the car the radio sang about my demons I hate heathens, singing along for no reason As she slams the door behind me Revenge is open season 5 days in I look like you Broken glass back pain *** stains on my shoes Redoing old never feels new Only see myself in a car mirror view I want her in my windshield I want her name on my screen Any source of affection puts worth into screams A honk has no emotion My notions are bleeding Feeding on desire, I hit the gas Before my house catches fire Her words were knives, dipped in lies I realize theres no easy way I "Take a break from all my sinning" But God made me gay Screams turned to silence Caution escaped violence My bed never felt so wrong When I left my demons in song I long for my steering wheel I feel I have to stop admitting Can't help that I'm forgiving I named my car twister I call this twisted living
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Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 10:47 AM UTC
Twisted Living
I want to know the blidness that kept his hands sliding and moving as if two scences were bundled and expelled from the already darkening white shade, pearling infront of his paintngs, There he found the secrets of golden asps and seductive tones that manipulated Antonys weakness for powerful women. But now the blank verses of god and poet live to the imposible idea of finding secrecy and sharing the myth that his scribe would have to live with. The hardest process of sinking your open thoughts in hot salt. The painful scars of reliving and redoing to go out into the night hoping it wasnt your last.
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Nov 28, 2015
Nov 28, 2015 at 11:24 PM UTC
I want to know his blindness
Listen to me for once You listen but you don't understand I don't want to go back to the past There were flaws in the past The bad was horrible The good was sometimes flawed Why can't you see See the truth in my words You read them but you don't comprehend them It's like I'm writing in a language you can't read And all you see are my ****** expressions And the tone of my voice and you're all like Yeah, I understand. But I can't go back to that. Like you answered The opposite of what I'm asking Because even the poems you reference Signify changes from the past Even the rebooting poem Because it's about a clean slate Not redoing everything we ****** up.
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Nov 25, 2013
Nov 25, 2013 at 11:17 PM UTC
Why Won't You Understand?
I. switching my hands with yours in the dark wetness of night the burn is worth it let me tell you cold hard marble a solid hand to hold until the crumble **** you are not one to trust II. my grandmother told me it's good to get your heart broken/////to open it up to bring out your truth you need to be broken to find yourself raw are you the grenade for my undoing and redoing? a tool that’s it undo redo undo redo i know this III. where is my bed IV. last night i got dolled up i went out i stayed out late i wanted to be a bad girl you know i saw you coming out of smoke your knuckles like marble like ones i knew i wanted to kneel down and kiss them and beg for you to punch me in the face but instead i took you home pressed your body against my body to make sure mine was still there
0
Dec 5, 2016
Dec 5, 2016 at 12:31 AM UTC
stone cold
Conversation opened. 1 read message. Skip to content Using Gmail with screen readers in:sent Click here to enable desktop notifications for Gmail. Learn more Hide Move to Inbox More 6 of 184 Majesty's Thereupon COUCH ALLENS Apr 10 to j_blayze2002 Majesty’s Thereupon Region wifery taken role witnesses smart Forthwith ‘ Sufficient’ Sureties wedlock confraternity Basses bound over protocols. Sessions same facets subsequence crown intends before Nativity respect marginalization prior stating ‘Rosencrantz’ Magistrate provisions continue committal within the holy recognizance state of restaging/ Once discharged in rewritten accounts writing the entry palace of provincial domains/ Proper echoes where ‘Orderliness’ Ordinations/ Procedural in the ‘Continuous’-Prospect Fuel Constants/ Mirror Convictions Loggerheads/ Sufficient ‘road-map’-Territories Summon Arms Validity/ Description Variance ‘ within the athletic of allergic/ Ceasing holds-all dying gloomy/ Distress ‘insanity’-irregularity illegality/ Redoing the ‘hyper-dialecticians’-Therein/ Deemed ‘reasons’-beginning shore ‘whisper’-The prejudices/ Receptacle grounds ‘ Bishop’-The Reliving descendants/ Appoints in the behalf asylum wherein ‘Rope Such Likeness’-District Components/ Zoe Potency ‘Third-Parties’ Labourers Velocity/ Residence minority by natives of activations/ Observant ideology acres void of felonies. Retaining the unpredictable ‘Co-Existence’ of Overalls/ Inhabitants ‘One-Litre’-Imagination Drills….’ PORTAL MADE INSURANCE GAZETTE ' SPEAR EARNS...' v Click here to Reply or Forward 0.04 GB (0%) of 15 GB used Manage Terms - Privacy Last account activity: 1 hour ago Details
0
Jun 11, 2018
Jun 11, 2018 at 7:57 AM UTC
RAIL ' ATOMIC AUTUM
Conversation opened. 1 read message. Skip to content Using Gmail with screen readers in:sent Click here to enable desktop notifications for Gmail. Learn more Hide Move to Inbox More 6 of 184 Majesty's Thereupon COUCH ALLENS Apr 10 to j_blayze2002 Majesty’s Thereupon Region wifery taken role witnesses smart Forthwith ‘ Sufficient’ Sureties wedlock confraternity Basses bound over protocols. Sessions same facets subsequence crown intends before Nativity respect marginalization prior stating ‘Rosencrantz’ Magistrate provisions continue committal within the holy recognizance state of restaging/ Once discharged in rewritten accounts writing the entry palace of provincial domains/ Proper echoes where ‘Orderliness’ Ordinations/ Procedural in the ‘Continuous’-Prospect Fuel Constants/ Mirror Convictions Loggerheads/ Sufficient ‘road-map’-Territories Summon Arms Validity/ Description Variance ‘ within the athletic of allergic/ Ceasing holds-all dying gloomy/ Distress ‘insanity’-irregularity illegality/ Redoing the ‘hyper-dialecticians’-Therein/ Deemed ‘reasons’-beginning shore ‘whisper’-The prejudices/ Receptacle grounds ‘ Bishop’-The Reliving descendants/ Appoints in the behalf asylum wherein ‘Rope Such Likeness’-District Components/ Zoe Potency ‘Third-Parties’ Labourers Velocity/ Residence minority by natives of activations/ Observant ideology acres void of felonies. Retaining the unpredictable ‘Co-Existence’ of Overalls/ Inhabitants ‘One-Litre’-Imagination Drills….’ PORTAL MADE INSURANCE GAZETTE ' SPEAR EARNS...' v Click here to Reply or Forward 0.04 GB (0%) of 15 GB used Manage Terms - Privacy Last account activity: 1 hour ago Details
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29
Some days, I feel lonely In the dark, In the quiet, Seeking To create A moment Or two Of just being By redoing And redoing With Intention. Other days, Though - Other days, Everyone I’ve ever loved Or hurt Or been seen by Shows up In the alleys Between Being And doing And I Recognize Us.
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Jul 17, 2018
Jul 17, 2018 at 4:05 PM UTC
Why I Practice: Day 10 of 30
the only time I thought this possible was not yet here but yet the feelings prevailed i wanted none of it but still the heart persisted the wound though still raw wanted so badly to heal and couldn't find a better doctor still them all are the same my head would say and them all can change my heart would say caught in the battle of logic and loving didn't know where to really side guess it happened again the course of history redoing itself, guess walls are down again and this time they seem to really want to, guess i will side with the heart for now, and wait for its crying sounds again, soon i can tell i just met my future x
0
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 4:58 AM UTC
heartbreak