"pandas" poems
an aging APE developed arthritis in his ankles
several BATS tasted the nectar from the plum trees
Jessica's CAT played with the ball of wool
DINGOS were seen skulking around the camp site
there are two types of ELEPHANTS the Asian and African
FERRETS are sent down rabbit warrens to flush them out
Helen saw a GIRAFFE at the wildlife reserve
I wrote a poem titled Hilary The HIPPOPOTAMUS
Who has a pet IGUANA?
Some people say my uncle is a *******
KANGAROOS have muscular tails
Obama rhymes with LLAMA
in parts of Canada MOOSE roam on the loose
a NEWT likes being in a warm environment
some OCTOPI have black dye
baby PANDAS are cute and cuddly
in Australia we have a native bush QUAIL
RACCOONS live in rocky dens
a TAPIR has a very long nose
UAKARI monkeys hang out in the Amazon jungle
if you're looking for a VOLE you'll find him in a hole
WOMBATS move in a very slow manner
an XERUS is a mighty big species of squirrel
the Nepalese have domesticated YAKS
Doctor Dolittle has spoken to a ZEBRA
Aug 21, 2013
Aug 21, 2013 at 10:54 PM UTC
Pandas are *******
No doubt about it
All they ever do
Is sleep, eat and sit
It seems that the zoo
Is their native habitat
Sleep eat sit, sleep eat sit
Until they get fat
With their mickey mouse ears
And their love of mascara
Oh sure they make great toys
But so does a llama
You can't ride a Panda
You can't teach them to fetch
And where d'you buy bamboo
If you want one as a pet?
They're no good at mousing
They don't never forget
They don't even purr
They need help having ***
No, pandas are *******
There's no doubt in my mind
A less de-pandable pet
You're unlikely to find.
Dec 27, 2011
Dec 27, 2011 at 2:23 PM UTC
China charges 1 million annually
For each panda in our zoos
If we won't pay in full
Then the pandas we will lose
Nasty Panda's the exception
No one wants him here or there
He was paid 1 million dollars
To abscond and disappear!
Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves
I smelled him 'fore I seen 'em
That black and white pariah
Slippin' slidin' in my kitchen
On smooshy mushy pulp papaya
I yelled for him to stop
And I told him where to go
Wink and laugh was all he did
With a Homer Simpson "D'oh!"
Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves
He hasn't bathed in ages
Masked by quarts of cheap cologne
His furry skin sweat-sticky
From the surface to the bone
Smelly cigar and ***** breath
Plus an air of upper-crust
Please keep your kids away
Cuz that nasty bear can cuss!
Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves
If you meet up with Nasty Panda
Better turn around and run
You're bound to lose your money
And your wits before he's done
Don't shed tears for Nasty Panda
Cuz he likes the way things are
Don't forget to hide your keys
Else he'll drive off in your car!
Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves
Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's a scoundrel and a ***
He's such a nasty panda
~He's as nasty as they come
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He's gonna raise a stink
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He's much nastier than you think
Oct 23, 2019
Oct 23, 2019 at 6:58 PM UTC
He doesnt care, why do you?
because the sky is blue,
because pandas eat bamboo,
because Bruce Lee learnt kung-fu,
because after one comes two.
You think my answers are stupid?
well so is your question!
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 10:13 AM UTC
A forest of green
Bamboo stalks surround us
With long thin leaves
Before they were taken by thieves
Tasty bamboo
Growing out askew
The sky is blue
It’s a wonderful view
A-choo!
(Short pause)
A-choo!
A panda has the flu
As I look in the distance
I see the end of their existence
Humans and machines
Destroying their land by any means
Their Bamboo has been taken
And replaced with smoke
This is no joke
No humans spoke
Until they finally awoke
To see the pandas are dying
In what was once their land
All by our hand
Not quite what we had planned
Maybe we should’ve thought of this beforehand
Sep 27, 2016
Sep 27, 2016 at 6:50 PM UTC
A panda sit on the frozen water.
Another stares at me from the wall.
Two pandas.
Then my phone rings.
The bears sing!
And bees swarm from their mouths
and sting me with needles.
Needles full of ***
LSD!
ACID RAIN!
ICE COLD *******
And then there is no more pain.
Sleep comes.
The pandas sleep under my bed.
Mar 4, 2011
Mar 4, 2011 at 9:38 PM UTC
i like red pandas because they sleep like they just don't give a ****
on a tree branch with their legs hanging off
like they're just ******* chilling.
Aug 18, 2013
Aug 18, 2013 at 2:51 AM UTC
Signs point in different directions
Art>
<Science
History^
Oddities¿
Art:
Every memory of every sunrise
Every beautiful melody
Here.
And so many images of her.
Some sweet
Some candid
Some sad.
How can we revel in the joyful
Without knowing it's opposite?
Every delicate poem
Every lyric yelled
Every painting
Every sculpture
And in all of them,
Her.
Science:
Models of molecules
Diagrams of data
Sketches
(Where are the equations?)
Math is forbidden in this museum.
Lectures
Theories
All gathering dust.
History:
Names.
The greatest of men and women
Julius Caesar
Constantine
Marc Anthony
Cleopatra
Rosa Parks
Elinor Roosevelt
Patton
Churchill
Kennedy
MLK
Maps and charts
Famous cities of old
Sparta
Alexandria
The halls of Montezuma
Constantinople
Babylon
Oddities:
Phantom Kangaroos
Homemade Bazooka
"That made the news?"
And Bubblegum the Baluga
The Raven Empress
Flaming mattress
Sharks with lasers
Pandas with Tasers
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 8:35 PM UTC
Pandas are fluffy. Labradoodles are…
Bake the road, crush the world.
Richard Feynman, Freddie Mercury?
Can you be unique?
We are defined not by ourselves
but by the Television set
by the media
by our leaders
What the hell is this Orwellian nightmare?
Do we exist independently?
Individuality is discouraged
unless you have money
This postmodern splash
The drones of nighthawks, flapping by the shores
The shores of Calavera, of San Luis Obispo
If the mountains drifted out to sea
Let the toaster rule you.
Let the media.
Not like you can stop them.
Wheee! Ride, piggy, ride!
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 6:58 PM UTC
I love you more than I love my Momma
And quite a lot more than Republicans love Obama
I love you more than Miley loves twerking
And probably as much as teenage boys love jerking.
I love you more than hipsters love instagram
and about the same as the turn of the century loved the telegram.
I love you more than Hans loved Anna
and just as much as monkeys love bananas
I love you more than the asdaf kid likes trains
and most likely more than Anastasia liked pain.
I love you more than pandas love extinction
and probably less than pansexuality needs distinction.
I love you more than John loved his best man
and I ship us more than any fandom can.
I love you more than beliebers love Justin
and definitely more than **** maids love dustin'
I love thee more than Shakespeare loved tragedy
and the same amount as Ann is raggedy.
I love you more than Peeta loves Katniss
and almost more than cats love catnip.
I love you more than teachers love cheaters
but probably not as much as Jesus loved Easter.
I love you to the moon and back
and there is nothing that you do lack.
<3
Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 9:20 PM UTC
BAMBOO grows SO TALL
Pandas s t r e t c h to eat it all
(not just shoots and leaves)
Jun 16, 2012
Jun 16, 2012 at 1:37 PM UTC
Things that are black and white
Pandas
Zebras
News Papers
Clothes
People
Sep 5, 2014
Sep 5, 2014 at 8:37 PM UTC
Invisible bunnies fly on the walls
While purple pandas dance in the halls
Where there is no time or space
Pink clouds sail on green seas
And angels fly in and out of me
The heavens above cry out rain
Where lovely flowers are born again
And chaos of colors swam
Where honey flows gently golden and warm
The daylight seeps in to the silent dark
The fabric of time torn apart
Where the sun and moon are complete
A place where there is no cold or heat
The road is long
And equipped with guides
In each masquerade on need for disguise
In a world were nothing is what it seems
The world only exists in my dreams
Jan 29, 2011
Jan 29, 2011 at 6:35 AM UTC
it’ll be shaved legs and summer dresses
without cardigans
sunkissed hair, skin, eyes even
though you’ll never know, I wonder,
would your eyes burst out of their sockets
like rockets
if you saw that much of my skin
under healthy light?
instead of naked in your bed
I’m untouchable,
a fantasy, barefoot in a meadow
skin so wanted
- though she’ll be wearing hers
blatantly and ready
for you to have,
smoking a cigarette she says is her
last
because
‘she’s only smoked three
this week’
she’s proud, sure she is
though you’re not even sure you care at all
and the sun makes the day longer
the moon makes the night as romantic
as Paris
and you’ll get along
even though you don’t smoke
and she doesn’t know what it means
to not need you
and she doesn’t know what it means
when you’re with and crave the skin
of another woman
- like me for instance -
but you’ll get along
like sea turtles or baby pandas playing
under sheets or
spontaneously in your kitchen
weaving breaths
weaving beats
an effortless ******
then heavy sleep
because you two know what it’s like
to know each other that well
yeah,
you’ll get along
for months to come
Apr 17, 2013
Apr 17, 2013 at 4:27 AM UTC
The way you watched as I ran ahead in search of elephants,
Is not the reason I feel in love with you,
On that crisp autumn day.
The way we both agreed on how terrifying it would be to zip line over the man made jungle,
Was not the reason I held your hand so tightly.
The reason I feel in love with you was how excited you were to see the red pandas,
" Like they're ready for a wedding"
The reason I held your hand so tightly,
Was because the butterflies in my stomach were threatening to make me fly.
Feb 28, 2017
Feb 28, 2017 at 4:01 AM UTC
Penguins painted pink,
peacefully practising pragmatic pebble placement.
Perfectly pointy piles, please!
Profoundly pious Pandas ponder pancreatic problems,
predict potential palsy.
Prognosis? Perilously poor.
Pale porpoises proudly plunge purple pools,
placidly pasturing petrified plankton.
Poor protozoans perish.
Portly, paunchy, plumpish, porcine, porky pigs
populate putrid puddles,
Pulverizing pumpkin pies.
Purposely Prickly porcupines pursue palatable plants,
pin-pointing precisely.
Puce petunias preferred.
Pill popping puppet people perpetuate planetary perdition,
pardon profuse pollution.
Pretentious ******
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 11:22 PM UTC
Let me tell you of the day that never came.
The one we thought we’d see
So soon after the night.
Night of fire, day of searing light
That burned all the sinners
All of us,
And dragged us all to hell.
Hell.
Always hot and dry
We can’t wait until it freezes over
Freezes all of them.
All of us.
No more stench of charred flesh
No more black and crumbling bodies
With dry water eyes.
But the day never came
When we’d beg for water-
Ice.
Something other than
The lava forced down our throats on a daily basis.
We are tired of this!
No more, never ever, ever never forever will we
Finish burning
In Hell.
But we never did now did we?
The day never came, and
We
Are forever living.
Maybe more a torture than fire and brimstone.
But the day won’t come when it will all end
Or has it come already and this is our eternal punishment
For being sinners,
Sacrilegious in the way we moved.
And in hell we trudge up hills of spike rock
Carrying boulders the size of pandas with the attitudes of great whites
And all the stripes and teeth of rabid tigers,
Jagged claws of koalas and the ability to scent fear like no other animal can
And they are always afraid
All of us
That maybe one day
the day will come
and we will burn.
Nov 15, 2012
Nov 15, 2012 at 8:14 AM UTC
there she sat licking her paws
and her teats red and raw,
pondering, perhaps, how four black
and white kittens
happened.
There in a laundry basket
four little kittens mewed,
wondering where, their momma
was, all they knew was
hunger.
Finally settling together
all curled around each other,
all given spent in their mews,
they slept one white
and black furry
cute.
Until momma cat, her name Panda,
finished grooming her tenderness,
returned all awaking their
mewing, again.
And she licked them.
Aug 27, 2015
Aug 27, 2015 at 10:15 PM UTC
Dance with dragons to your hearts delight
Let lanterns shine and fireworks pop all through your darkest night
But if you care for your precious pandas plight
Don't buy tiger bones, rhino horn, ivory
Dead elephants are not a pretty sight
May 2, 2015
May 2, 2015 at 5:03 PM UTC
In a random experiment,
I ask all to each bury a journal
about worshiping pandas,
thinking that in 200-or-so years,
when apocalypses come and go,
it will be taken from the time capsule.
And as they read the verses
I will hope for laughter
but fear them to believe it true.
Apr 6, 2016
Apr 6, 2016 at 11:45 PM UTC
Two seven three,
Molecules set free.
Heat coming,
Sun shining,
More than it ever has before.
And it shall shine more,
And it shall get worse,
And the rise of Poseidon shall **** many.
SO3,
Oxigen roaming free.
Your sunflower rots,
The world keeps spinning,
But the caps get thinner.
And the shall thin more,
And it shall get worse,
And the rise of Poseidon shall **** many.
Take out your lenses,
**** the ant,
**** the man,
**** the snow,
**** the world.
And you shall **** more,
And it shall get worse,
And the rise of Poseidon shall **** many.
Arange your umbrella,
Cover the sun.
Grow tropical plants
Wherever you want,
**** indiginous plants
Whenever you can.
Save the pandas
Not the bees,
Whatever you say.
All shall rearange into place
All shall die or live more
And the rise of Poseidon shall **** many.
Jun 8, 2018
Jun 8, 2018 at 9:41 AM UTC
It’s been awhile since I looked around here,
at the hats, at the socks,
at the tv, at the books,
at the chair and the bed,
the pandas and the globe,
the mirror in the bathroom,
and the boxes in the closet.
there’s something odd about
all this ordinary stuff, even if
at one time it didn’t feel
ordinary
like this computer I type on now,
at one point it was a foreigner
to both this space and my
fingers
and yet there are hidden things too,
even they feel ordinary,
now.
maybe you have something you hide?
like:
the letters from lovers, the
diaries in drawers, the drugs
you keep secret, or the obsessions
you wish to hide
I have stuff to hide
(though none of it’s
on that list)
no,
what I hide is much
closer,
much more
dangerous
but harder to find than
anything in here
everything about my life
is strewn about this room
and I look at it all with
fresh eyes
I count it all up and think
perhaps this is my whole
life
except for a few things;
those I keep locked up
in my mind
those things
like:
what I really think, how
I really feel, why I really
write this poem, and where
the key to my heart and mind
really lies
May 4, 2010
May 4, 2010 at 12:35 PM UTC
I guess I was amassing a collection
So I could show my children all the places I’ve ate
Like little milestones
All the places I’ve had dead end dates
All the places I’ve gorged myself
Having just got off work
Or just smoked a bowl
Either way I felt deserving of a feast
All the places I shared stories with friends
All the places we shared kisses before we went in
All the orange chicken I ate to help sober up
All the take out I ordered when we broke up
And that one place I found out I was allergic to shrimp and threw up
Yeah I remember it all
The egg rolls, the soup, the soy sauce
The painting of pandas or dragons
The red lanterns
All the motifs
You seemingly needed to run an establishment
Like this
There are the stand outs
The Lucky Star whose pork fried rice was just cut up Slim Jims
The Panda House who treated me less like a customer and more like a friend
If I didn’t come around, they would call and ask where I had been
It didn’t matter if it was in a mall or in my small home town
I always found comfort in this other culture’s food
So while I’m waiting for all those fountain cookies to come true
I guess I’ll look back over these dozen Chinese menus
Aug 28, 2020
Aug 28, 2020 at 2:49 PM UTC