Sat on a sedan
Spiderman took her hand.

Went down on one knee
And said
Will you marry me?

I cannot face
The rest of eternity
With each generation's
Take on modernity.

It's old fashioned values
I look for and see -

Your confidence,
Common sense,
Your honesty,
Sincerity,
Your quirkiness
And peacableness.

But most of all
Your peerless take on life
Is what does it for me.

Will you be my wife?

Spiderman, Spiderman,
How you do woo!
And you have such qualities
That draw me to you -

Your patience,
Respect,
Your considerable intellect,
Your gentleness,
Strength of mind -

I could go on at length and find
You could  be my cobweb?
I could  be your fly?

Could you  be the man for me
Until the day I die?

What more can I say than
You may have concurred
That I do things my own way.

So can you guess?

Little Miss Muffet Said Yes!

And do you know what?

As they lay there
On that Le Corbusier chair
Without a care in the world -

And you know it's not novel
To be graphic -

They were not afraid at all.

Little Miss Muffet
Got ******* on her tuffet
‘Cause she don’t know what curds weigh.
A scholarly spider
Sat down beside her
Said, “Tuffet baby, it ain’t spelled that way.”

But, confused, he asked
“How did it come to pass
That you got laid and I have not done yet?
With eight legs to grab
I should be able to nab
Likely many more than than you can get.”

Muffet said, with a shrug
“You pitiful old bug,
Your brain must be little more than silage.
For everyone knows
How the old saying goes
It’s not the age of the tire but the mileage.”

The spider understood
What anyone would
That Miss Muffet knew what she was doing.
He went on his way
With no more to say,
And Muffet went right back to her *******.

Little Miss Muffet
Sits not on a tuffet
But on a Le Corbusier chair.

Curds and whey
Are not for her
As she is a vegan
And rarely eats between meals.

Along comes Spiderman,
Sits down on a sedan
And questions her
On all things entomological
And graphic novels.

And do you know what?

She is not afraid at all!

Little Miss Muffet
Sits on her knees
Eschews cottage cheese

Does as she pleases.

No cobwebs
Or flies on her.

Life does not frighten her
Either side or during
Any meal.

And do you know what?

I am not afraid to say
I could write
A graphic novel
About my ideal
New Millennial Girl.

Each has meaning to one or all of us
personally
all i learned of these
i read as i grew
these fun loving rhymes
have some meaning or other
so i put these up
to bring out the childish side!!
:) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3






Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

When the blazing sun is gone,
When the nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.

As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark.
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
How I wonder what you are.

Jack be Nimble

Jack be Nimble
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick. Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe.

Do You Know The Muffin Man

Do you know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man?
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane?
Yes, I know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man.
Yes, I know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Hush Little Baby

Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's going to buy you
a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's going to buy you
a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you
a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's going to buy you
a cart and bull.
And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you
a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover
won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you
a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest
little baby in town.

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.

There's a feeling I've felt hindering on the tip of my tongue, twirling with sawdust at the end of my bed. Its tingled my toes and tickled my nose and killed all hopes that this is just happiness.

Sleep is for figments and products of sanity, neither of which I can claim heritage. Well perhaps figments in the waking hours of the darkness, but that is a tale for another time.

I can feel his fingertips stroking my sides, reminding me what it is to feel human and vulnerable and perfect. Didn't know he boosted me ego and turned me into the self absorbed maniac you see before you today. Tyrant, remembrr? Oh wait, that's another tale altogether again.

I ramble in the night, in the morning, all the time. My thoughts wander with echoing clarity to encompass the truth about me; not everything is quite right. The teacups are lopsided at the unbirthday table tonight.

Yet again, speaking in riddles and stories unbeknownst to you. Stupid me, stupid Grace, stupider you. Why are you so open to my madness anyway? Maybe you're the crazy one.

This sick godlike embodiment I feel is one I forget isn't real, isn't me, isn't life. But wait. Its a part of me, so perhaps it is real as well? Call a jury, wake a judge, there must be a verdict on my elation. Am I a minor deity or are the synapses playing some cruel joke on my heartstrings?

Heartstrings, why did I bring them into this? I have shut them off for now, for they are dumb and deaf to honesty and logic and do whatever the hell they feel. Or is it whatever the heaven? I forget sometimes where the real misery is, or how the expression goes. I've never quite gotten everything right, being as upside down as I.

Insomnia brings out the manic in me, and I know its not real, but for a moment, just a moment, I belong. I am real, I am loved, I am powerful. Weak little Grace is no more, with her fears and contradictions. Just strength is left, and it is glorious.

Just remember not to let the heffelumps get you in the night, for they are the true evil behind your honey ***. Or am I a heffelump? I can't remember anymore.

This is going nowhere, everywhere, somewhere.

Wake me up inside before I destroy myself, or simply perpetuate my perfection with a caress of your hand. Whatever suits your fancy.

Call me Aphrodite and we'll call it a night after hours of mindblowing ***. But you expected that all along, of course you did, because you know my bones better than we both realize.

When you put your hands on me I feel ****. But yet again, right now I an perpetually **** and twitchy and awake and fake. Dare you to kiss me anyway.

Dare you to see me, psychotics and all.

Bet you'll run like the rest, yet like all good hiders its refreshing to be found every once in awhile.

Find me, and see. See the monster behind my beautiful eyes. That's the day when you'll see what true danger looks like; me.

Insomnia makes me odd, but yet again I'm always odd.

Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and craves, for a man betwixt her to tell her she's killer and make her a siren next day.

Forget, no, yes, its all I do. Its not how that goes, for sirens are certainly not temporary. I am certainly a black widow every day, not just each odd thursday.

Go to bed, Grace. I beg of you.

Close my eyes and say goodnight to the beloved moon, for the sun is nearly up and it certainly hates me, I am sure of it.

Just never forget all this is wrapped up in one little old me. No one seems to remember that until its far too late, so might as well run now, because otherwise little miss muffet here on her tuffet will be the death of you.

little miss muffet sat on a tuffet munching on curds and whey

then along came a spider and sat down beside her on a lovely summers day.

miss muffet didnt like it she hit on the head

with a wooden spoon she had now the spiders dead.



there beneath the tuffet the poor spider lay

now his souls in heaven many miles away

Little Miss Muffet sat on a bench
holding her designer weave
along came a breeze
it fell to her knees
now that's a sight you have to see to beweave.

little miss muffet sat on a tuffet
underneath the moon
along came a spider and sat down beside her
so she smacked it with her spoon
the spider he went dizzy then he ran away
she was left in peace to eat her curds and whey

Evil Tales

So you think, you know who I am,
I killed Mary, and ate her little lamb.
I killed Goldilocks and ate the three bears,
then dumped the porridge down the stairs.
I pushed Humpty Dumpty off that wall,
I'm the reason for his great fall.
I'm the one who killed Bambi's mother,
that deer tasted like no other.
I put the poison in Snow White's apple,
the blood from the seven dwarfs,
I put in every red Snapple.
I chopped off all of Rapunzel's hair,
yes I know that wasn't fair.
I'm the father of Cinderella's step sisters,
after midnight I gave her some cold sore blisters.
I put Sleeping Beauty fast asleep,
then ran her over in my new Jeep.
Georgie Porgie kissed the girls and made them cry,
that is the reason, he had to die.
Little Miss Muffet ate her curds and whey,
it was my spider who had a Muffet buffet.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
I pushed Jack down and gave Jill a thrill.
Little Red Riding Hood went to Grandma's house,
then the big bad Allen pulled up her red blouse.
The Three Little Pigs never had a chance,
I huffed and puffed and ate pork til I **** my pants.
This old man, he played one,
knick, knack, paddy whack,
then my dog ate his thumb,
There was an Old Woman who lived in a shoe,
then one day, I filled it with crazy glue.
I killed Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy,
inside my head is very, very scary.

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
The little dog laughed,
"Jack, jump over the candlestick."
Along came a spider,
the cat and the fiddle,
who sat down beside her
and frightened Miss Muffet away.

"Hey, ******, ******!"
"Yes sir, yes sir."

Jack be nimble
Who lives down the lane.

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring,
and one for the little boy
who lives in Drury Lane.
All the king's horses and all the king's men;
To see such sport,
don't say a word.

"Have you any wool?"
"Do you know the Muffin Man?"
"Three bags full."

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Jack, be quick,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.

One for the master,
Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird.  
One for the dame,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.

Jack jumped high
The cow jumped over the moon.
Jack jumped low
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
Jack be nimble,
Mama's going to buy you a cart and bull.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Jack jumped over and burned his toe.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
Hush, little baby,
one little Indian boy
couldn't put Humpty together again.

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
ring a ring o' roses,
and if that looking glass gets broke,
you'll still be the sweetest.

Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
did you ever see such a sight in your life,
as three blind mice
stole a pig, and away did run.

And if that billy goat won't pull
a dog named Rover,
see how they run,
they all ran after the farmer's wife,
and Tom was beat.

And if that cart and bull turn over,
and the pig was eat,
and Tom went crying,
Mama's going to buy you
A pocketful of posies.
And if that dog named Rover won't bark
down the street,
One little, two little, three little Indians,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.
Much wants more, and loses all,
little baby in town.
Three blind mice,
who cut off their tails with a carving knife,
see how they run.
We all fall down.

Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet up her *** hole all day.
Along came a spider, put two legs inside her.
Because he wanted a roll in the hay.
Little miss muffet, told the spider to **** it and to have his wicked way.
She spread her legs wide with a matter of pride.
And the spider had a ******* good lay

This is an ode for chicks who tough it,
About an empowered Little Miss Muffet,
Sitting alone there on her tuffet,
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
Or was he a predator?
What was he after her for?
So, she said to the spider,
Who sat down beside her,
"Rak off, hairy legs!
Don't even beg!
Less is more, less is more,
P.O.Q. , you naughty predator!"
And she ate her own curds and whey!
Empowering Miss Muffets these days,
Hopefully, us old bags do say......

I'm not Little Miss Muffet
From a spider I won't run away
I'll just squish you in a tissue
Or grab a can of bug spray

If that won't be sufficient
If that would not do
I'd just take off my footwear
And smash you with my shoe!

Spider, Spider there I see you
crawling upon my bedroom wall
You give me nothing but the creeps
with every single inch you crawl

You may weave interesting webs
But don't think I'm making nice
If I were not human (but a fly)
I'd be an entangled, delicious bite!

I hate your figure-eight, rounded body
I hate your dangly legs, eight
Is there anything about you I like?
No, I think everything about you I hate!

The owl and the ***** cat
went to sea in a boat
without an oar
When the boat sailed home
the cat was alone
and the owl was no more

Hey ****** ******
I’ll tell you a riddle
and I bet you’ll never guess
That Jack B. Nimble
was Jack B. Quick
beneath Miss Muffet’s
dress

Little Sol Hornstein
sat next to Maureen
eating his Christmas
pie
He stuck in his fork
and pulled out some pork
And said ‘what a bad
Jew am I’.

Wee Willie Winkie
Tiptoes through the house,
Upstairs, downstairs
Quiet as a mouse.
Closing every window,
Locking every door,
Drinking all his daddy’s beer
And barfing on the floor

The hippy dippy spider
went uptown to score
He got a bag of ****
from the hippy dippy
store
He smoked up all that
**** with his hippy
dippy friends
So the hippy dippy spider
went uptown again

There was a crooked man
Who walked a crooked mile
He met a crooked woman
Who wore a crooked smile
He brought her to his crooked house
And upon his crooked bed
He had his crooked way with her
(And now the ***** is dead)

(And from an old restroom wall)

Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
(He kissed them too cuz' he was gay)

One a time upon an egg,
it was the wall that fell,
and jack had fallen up the hill,
and empty was the well.

The frog had kissed the princess,
and a wart had blossomed there,
And the old lady had no children,
in a house she lived quite fair.

And while Mary's lamb stayed in the field,
Ms. Muffet ate porridge instead,
And the mice could really see quite well,
and the stout little tea *** was made out of lead.

This is the land I live in,
Of backward tales you see,
For while I am quite young and fair,
There is no Prince to rescue me.

And here the hare really won the race,
because he was so fast.
And Daisy then said yes to marriage,
without even being asked.

And the Bears invited Goldiehair-
(She didn't have the curls).
And here the wolves both big and bad,
Didn't eat little pigs or red-hooded girls.

The kittens never lost their mittens,
And King Cole let the black birds fly,
And Mary just grew pickles,
And the littlest piggy didn't cry.

This is the land I live in,
Of backward tales you see,
For while I am quite young and fair,
There is no Prince to rescue me.

And while one Jack demanded gold
from the man who offered beans,
Another landed on a candle stick
And burned right through his jeans.

And while Grandma now lives by route 62,
the river and woods cleared away.
London Bridge never fell,
But they'll tear it down too someday.

Old McDonald had no pets
and Ms. Mary Mack dressed in blue.
And this Old Man just walked home,
And oh! One, two, we tied our shoes!

This is the land I live in,
Of backward tales you see,
For while I am quite young and fair,
There is no Prince to rescue me.

And while Jack Horner sat at the table
to say “What a bad boy am I!”
All the children laughed and played
While the witch enjoyed her pie.

And little boy blue and brother john
always wake up on time.
And the little girl bought the ginger bread man,
from the baker, for just a dime.

And while Mrs. Betty Botter ordered pizza,
and the goose laid a silver egg,
the cradle was safe in the new tree house,
and we walked to our loos on two legs.

And we all know the Muffin Man,
who sells coffee now.
And the moon up there, he really wished,
He could jump over the cow.

And the wheels on the bus don't go round anymore,
we all take the train,
and the farmer finally moved out of the dell,
the busy house was a pain.

And all the stars here twinkle,
and we don't fall around the rosie,
the weasel is to nice to pop any more,
and bed made of peas, the princess is cozy.

This is the land I live in,
Oh who is that at the door?
Oh, go away young, fair Prince,
There is no one here to rescue, anymore.

Rumpelstiltskin caught the clap
Miss Muffet got a slap
Breadcrumbs leading to the gap,
Indicated on Grimm’s map.
The Magic mirror’s spewing crap
Helping the Huntsman continually fap.

The Third Little Pig, stripped of his red wig.
Booked a new gig, on Cinderella’s oil rig.

Snow White fell back asleep.
Creepy dwarves tentatively creep
The Big Bad Wolf’s known to weep.
Staring regretfully at the flock of Lil Bo-Peep.
Mother Goose’s gone years without a peep.
Recognizing that royalties shouldn’t come cheap.

Humpty Dumpty forgot the wall, forewarned of the inevitable fall.
Beauty left Beast at the mall, said kind words, but never did call.

mary had a little lamb,
she called it pinky winky,
when it turned into a sheep,
she sold it to the ******.

jack and jill had dropped a pill,
to dance the night away,
jack came home with two black eyes,
cos he forgot to pay.

hairy mary quite contrary,
how does your garden grow?
halogen lamps, council house,
thats all you need to know.

baa baa black sheep,
think i need to pull,
your tail upwards,
cos my ***** are full.

little miss muffet,sat on a tuffet,
snorting before a night out,
little jack horner stuck in his thumb,
she punched his ****** lights out.

little miss muffet sat on a tuffet munching on curds and whey

then along came a spider and sat down beside her on a lovely summers day.

miss muffet didnt like it she hit on the head

with a wooden spoon.  now the spiders dead.



there beneath the tuffet the poor spider lay

now his souls in heaven many miles away

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Jack died on ***** and Jill on pills.
Mary lost her little lamb
but she just don’t give a ****.

Little Boy Blue blows a new horn,
he’s the star of animal ****.
Humpty’s crack was caused by bad smack,
and Little Bo Peep finally murdered those sheep.

Old Mother Hubbard sells shrooms from her cupboard
and Mother Goose used to be called Lady Loose.
Old King Cole like to smoke pole,
while Little Miss Muffet licked **** on her tuffet.

All the kings horses banged all the kings men,
then headed to the Caterpillar’s ***** den.
The Pied Piper dropped E in the village well
and danced all those children to techno hell.

These fairy tales I’ve tainted, they’re twisted and sick.
So read it again and hide it away quick!
Mom and Daddy will yell, this isn’t ok,
but I’ve painted the truth at the end of the day.

Life isn’t all sunshine and roses and smiles.
Sometimes it’s darkness, loose women and their wiles.
I’ve just told the truth my dear little friend,
I hope you enjoyed it but this is The End…

Little Miss Muffet,
she certainly loved it;
rolling with boys in the hay

She always had company
but now her belly's a bump, you see
The father?  No one could say

I won't confirm or deny that I'm in a league of my own. Trapping these thoughts and neatly arranging them on the paper....or screen.  Regardless you know what I mean.

I won't confirm or deny that this is something I love to do.....it's better than keeping track of all those kids that live in a shoe.  The mother she used to be fine.....until her husband introduced her that bottle of wine.

I won't confirm or deny that she came down to my place.  She was mumbling some jibberish and I kindly asked her to step out of my face.  Her eyes were bloodshot red....she began mumbling about wanting someone dead.

I asked her nervously "Who?" She momentarily stepped out of her stupor and said "you know who!"  Now I had no clue ....just like you......I'm looking at her strangely......not knowing what to do.

She begins to cry and plops on the chair.....she utters these words and heartbreak fills the air.  Jack be nimble ...Jack be quick....Jack left me with all these kids.....He makes me sick.

I have struggled for years to raise these babies...and did all I could do.  Do you really think a mother wants their children to grow up in a shoe? I talked to my girl Ms. Muffet ....and spider is still trying to scare her away.....she said she saw Jack trying to talk to Jill.

He doesn't want to be a father.....he wants to go up the hill.  Plus, her brother Jack broke his crown....cause he was creeping with little Bo Peep.  She lost her sheep the other day.  Jack came by and wanted to play.

She lost her focus and lost her sheep....because after Jack left she fell fast asleep.  I won't confirm or deny anything I wrote here.....Hey Jack B. Nimble you better sleep with one eye open.....your wife is near.

Just a little mental exercise......

Fractured Fairies

the stalk was tall but Jack climbed high
they said he was looking for a golden goose
but the giant wasn't keen on him getting by
he caught the little brat and kicked his caboose

old mother Hubbard lived in a shoe
she had lots of sole and a rather large tongue
her old man was proficient in kung foo
when she bent over he kung foo'd her ****

Alice lived in wonderland she was constantly high
her and that crazy rabbit eating mushrooms wild
they looked into the looking glass and my oh my
they both had golden locks so neatly styled

once upon a time there were three bears
they couldn't eat the pourage on their first attempt
they shaved their bodys except for their ***** hairs
found out they were Jewish and now verklempt

little Miss Muffet sat on tuffet eating her curds and whey
along came a spider and sat down beside her
and she stomped him good put a crimp in his day

Mary had a little lamb what a big surprise
the doctor's scratched their heads in disbelief
they just couldn't even believe their eyes
but when old McDonald had a farm good grief

Gomer LePoet...

A newborn babe given to the ones who saved her from the fate of poverty and misery.
To portray the loving family of white middle class or at least the struggling to be that.
A girl of light and newness with almond eyes and darkened locks with fragile skin.
A kin to Italian plite
A kin to Irish blood
None of that to bathe in just a different type to be cast in
******* was among the living creed this family held fast the dying deed of :
no talking, no whisper, no whimper or scream.
Be quiet little one....be inside the room of your friendly playthings and create the fantasies you will keep faith in.
Fantasies are nimble and sweet for a delicate mind to entertain inside
Door closed
Fights outside it...loud and booming!!
Mother and Father no longer a family
Plates are thrown and different things left strewn about.
Her shouts sure drown the frightened whispers
The lil girl told her playthings in the room fanciful with butterfly walls and trellises that lined the closet walls
It will all be over soon
Mother will succumb to her way of being numb
She will be nice again
The lil girl can come out and try to play with her brothers of 1/2 kin
They call her brat
The mother calls her muffin or muffet
The father calls her squirt
The land of fantasies run deep in this family
Pretending is a way of life

Little Miss Muffet
Told old ones to stuff it
She ate of her shrimp and grits;
Along came a spider
Who ran at the sight of her
Because Pippi doesn't give two *****

to the rhythm of "Miss Muffet"*

A lone little girl
sat in her room
holding her stuffie so tight.
The terrible shadows
wrapped close about her
forcing her sad eyes to cry.

she cut at the shadows
but cut only herself
wishing the shadows would leave.
she dreamed of a plant
that could bloom over her booboos
where she had made herself bleed.

Her shame was so mean
and crawled bout the corners
where all the mean memories lay.
"Can't sumbudy save me
an chase out the night,
befow I cut mysef away?"

When suddenly to
her surprise and delight
the door opened, pouring in light.
The shadows hissed cruel
as they slinked off in fear,
cursing and suffering blight.

The sound of His voice
was all that it took
to chase the bad memories away.
"Come to Daddy's arms
my sweetest of treasures,
Daddy's now here to stay."

"you will not be scared.
you will not have fright,
as long as you hold Me tight.
Daddy will be here
to cuddle you close,
all throughout the night."

please kind sirs
    i assure you i meant no harm
-can't you see the poor girl is telling the truth-
revered jury i apologise
    i didn't realise my sin was so great
-really, gentlemen, it's a first offense-
i take all the blame
    i was where i should not have been
-a girl's got to make a living-
weaving my webs of destruction
    i accept the punishment
-please, have mercy-
execute me if you must
    but wouldn't it be easier
-hear her plea-
to simply be rid of me
    show me the door i'll gladly leave
-i beseech you on her behalf-
please, miss muffet
    was quite mistaken
-hear, hear, the witness is tainted-
an attempt at friendship
    has thrown me on the mercy of the court
-save the poor spider-

Tom Thumb got caught peeping
Now his life is on the run
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep
On a gambling junket she was on

Little Miss Muffet is having to tuff it
Out these days in jail
Selling ecstasy to undercover police
And now can't pay her bail

Little Jack Horner took him a corner
Of the Mafia drug trade
Once you are hooked on the **** that he cooks
There's no way of escape

You think that's bad you ain't seen nothing yet
That even comes this close
Since  Mother Goose started hitting the juice
And ended up down on skid row

Humpty Dumpty's more than broke
But not from any fall
He couldn't pay his ******
And his legs were first to go

Baa Baa Black Sheep  
Where forced to sell their wool
To pay for all the damages
While they were in school

Jack pushed Jill down the hill
When he caught her cheating with Little Boy Blue
Now he's paying her doctor bills
Which has left Jack blue too

You think that's bad you ain't seen nothing yet
That even comes this close
Since Mother Goose started hitting the juice
And ended up down on skid row

lil jack horner, sat in the corner
nursing his aching back
stuck his fat thumb, right up his ***
and miss muffet gave him a wack

Twinkle, star, you are
So high, up in the sky.
And Little Muffett Miss
Has gotten so ******;
Very upset that from
Someone else’s thumb
That was stuck in a pie.
She didn’t know why.

So she cut off tails
Enjoying the wails
Of sightless mice
Though not nice
Not fooling around
She’d blow the house down
Then give a harsh drub
To three men in a tub.

She swiped all the ciggies
Of three little piggies
But she could not see
Why everything was threes.
Narcissistically proud
She was laughing out loud
Then she started to croon
About a cow on the moon.

She looked for a fiddle
She could hey ****** ******
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare
So, she left the dog home
And began to roam.

On the way past Saint Ives
A man beating his wives
Muffet did begin
Beating with rolling pin
And the guy ran away
Not seen since that day.
Miss Muffett turned old
Folk tales into gold.

It's raining it's pouring
But we will dance till the morning.
When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall.
I had given you my all.
Kissed the girls and made them cry
I know I promised not to pry.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
Can I ever find my will?
One for the dame
You never one for being tame.
Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Once a liar always a cheater.
Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
I try not to cry, waiting for your call.
Three blind mice, three blind mice
My heart is turning into ice.
The king was in his counting house counting out his money
Now this game isn't so funny.
London Bridge is falling down,
Along with the shreds of my gown.
Ashes! Ashes! We all fall down!
Deep into the water to drown.

Mary Mary quite contrary
Just your name makes me wary
And frightened Miss Muffet away
As I wait for you at home and pray.
Little Bo peep fell fast asleep
So back home you will creep.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
Her heart is broken and all the blame falls on you.
The more he saw the less he spoke
Causing me, on my words, to choke.
She's dead of course!
She is a never ending force!
I pray the lord my soul to keep
Because honey, hell ain't cheap.
I mourn for my love
Just like the distant dove.

He didn't get up in the morning
The sirens are roaring...
Down will come baby, cradle and all
Hide the body behind the wall.
When the boys come out to play
I won't want them to stay.
Jack fell down, and broke his crown
Now I feel like a clown
One for the master
I've never run faster.
Had a wife
Who ended it with a knife.
Couldn't put Humpty together again
Now our relationship has no strain.
Did you ever see such a sight in your life,
All because of a strife
The queen was in the parlor eating bread and honey,
With the world outside so bright and sunny.
My fair lady,
Never looks quite as shady.
A pocket full of posies
In prison I will be nice and cosy.