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"headfirst" poems
when people are in love they often say they simply fell tripped over their own two feet face forward and into the arms of their beloved i did more than simply fall onto the ground of your love you, for me were an ocean and i dived headfirst roughly harshly almost painfully into the waters of “you” i knew i could not swim but i did so anyway i was drowning entangled in you surrounded by this being of “you” engulfed in this feeling of “you” and i did not know what came over me but i let myself drown i did not try to swim back up because if i went back to land, releasing myself from your grasp that would mean losing the feeling of “you” and after submerging into the depth the love the passion of “you” how could i ever leave?
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Feb 18, 2018
Feb 18, 2018 at 2:10 AM UTC
i let myself drown
i. I intentionally failed to wish you a happy birthday this year, though I know significant dates, hours, moments, people, by heart. I still search for you in boys I mistake for bandages, the ones with eyes almost the same shade of your hazels, lips resounding your laughter, resembling a wisp of your smile, But they aren't you. ii. Sometimes I pretend you're dead, because it's less painful to stop reaching out into voids. iii. My mom still blames you for everything that preceded that year. Though you probably had no idea what happened when we stopped talking altogether. Can you believe it's almost been three years? iv. My dad wonders who was my 'one that got away' Though, I'm pretty sure he knows it's you. v. Remember how I mentioned Sylvia Plath? How most everything she wrote brimmed with melancholy? How I loved every single word? Especially that piece where she talked about expectations and disappointments. You'll never know that up to this day I still think people are selfish enough to always, eventually turn into the latter. Even you. vi. It's sad I never got the chance to tell you about Ted. How she loved him so much, she just had to figuratively dive headfirst into the flames-- burning herself, what was left of her-- after she found out he never really loved her the same way she loved him in the first place. vii. *truth is, some of us never learn to accept the love we think we deserve.* viii. I don't know if you still read my poems or if you still think about me, about us, sometimes. Every time you fall asleep past eleven, a part of me hopes you do. because I always remember you-- in birthday candles, red ribbons, off-tune voice records, golden arches, concrete sidewalks, pedestrian lanes, the last flickers of city lights softly fading out of the blue. I remember you in everything, in everywhere, in everyone. It's useless, no matter how much I try to forget. No matter how much I just want to forget. I want to forget. But, how could I? When forgetting means forsaking the very memory of you.
0
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 9, 2018 at 6:00 AM UTC
i'm sorry. i thought i was done writing about you
i. I intentionally failed to wish you a happy birthday this year, though I know significant dates, hours, moments, people, by heart. I still search for you in boys I mistake for bandages, the ones with eyes almost the same shade of your hazels, lips resounding your laughter, resembling a wisp of your smile, But they aren't you. ii. Sometimes I pretend you're dead, because it's less painful to stop reaching out into voids. iii. My mom still blames you for everything that preceded that year. Though you probably had no idea what happened when we stopped talking altogether. Can you believe it's almost been three years? iv. My dad wonders who was my 'one that got away' Though, I'm pretty sure he knows it's you. v. Remember how I mentioned Sylvia Plath? How most everything she wrote brimmed with melancholy? How I loved every single word? Especially that piece where she talked about expectations and disappointments. You'll never know that up to this day I still think people are selfish enough to always, eventually turn into the latter. Even you. vi. It's sad I never got the chance to tell you about Ted. How she loved him so much, she just had to figuratively dive headfirst into the flames-- burning herself, what was left of her-- after she found out he never really loved her the same way she loved him in the first place. vii. *truth is, some of us never learn to accept the love we think we deserve.* viii. I don't know if you still read my poems or if you still think about me, about us, sometimes. Every time you fall asleep past eleven, a part of me hopes you do. because I always remember you-- in birthday candles, red ribbons, off-tune voice records, golden arches, concrete sidewalks, pedestrian lanes, the last flickers of city lights softly fading out of the blue. I remember you in everything, in everywhere, in everyone. It's useless, no matter how much I try to forget. No matter how much I just want to forget. I want to forget. But, how could I? When forgetting means forsaking the very memory of you.
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78
Spiraling                 down                           a pit                                   of anxiety.                      When suddenly                           A                           f                           r                           e                           e                           f                           a                           l                           l                     headfirst                     short                     sharp                     burst.                           And then P     r     o     c     r   a    s    tination spilled         un   e   ve       nly            on a tiled bathroom floor.
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Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 3:07 AM UTC
Going down
This poem casts a line from insomnia to morning On the wind of a prayer that whatever bites, holds on. See I have counted eleven score and ten, with rainbow like curves of my neck - contemptuous beasts leaping in formation each bleating out a preach of vague platitudes; A narrative for the night sky. My hands clamour at keys for escape until I tumble headfirst into a web so vast it has ensnared the whole world wide - millennials are living in-ter-net over in-the-world; a new ultraviolence against humanity. I beat my words into the screen until it breaks; shattering scarlet emoticons like confetti pouring over language as if it were a compliment. My mind massages shapeless polypous thoughts like tight constricted muscles aching for release. 3am casts these philosophies into horses, whipping them into shape and speed before the eyes of this statuesque ****** This anxious wakefulness begs my manic self to dance; suggestively ********* tickets to ride like cleavage. Sleep is fast becoming a neglected former engagement; as my mind trips over fallen heroes wades through my favourite mistakes in a wonderland unfolding faster than I can fall while the world beyond my window remains dark.
0
Apr 6, 2014
Apr 6, 2014 at 10:52 PM UTC
Insomnia
Remember, that chaos first was a primordial deity, Chaos; the nothingness from which all else sprang headfirst and heartfelt, half-naked and handsome, hook, line and... halibut. All of this, every measurable moment, every particle, every object set forth in motion sprang from a void so harmoniously as if the absence of everything was kissed sudden by the presence of something. Often depicted with wings, a bow, and a quiver of arrows, Cupid, son of Venus - goddess of love, son of Mercury - god of trade, his story, almost identical in Greek and in Roman mythology, his story, about a couple of gods who seem so inherently human by nature, jolted by jealousy, dumbstruck by beauty, hellbent on immortality, his story has been hallmarked as red hot velvet rose petal fine wine and symmetrical hearts. Wrapped in tin foil red ribbons bitter-sweetly sugarcoated dipped in thin layer of chocolate taste-tested and lover approved. Remember that scene in Hook where Tinkerbell leaves her footprints on Peter's chest, well that's you and that's me-- touch me where my heart beats because I don't ever wanna be a lost boy. I wanna grow up like a good bedtime story with morals and purpose, I wanna have meaning. You might say that Cupid found himself. You might say that Psyche found her soul. You might say that Tinkerbell was just faking it-- with the clapping. Truth is, we can never know the whole story-- the complete truth. Problem is, we think we can and act like we do. So the only time we mean what we say is the first time we say it, every utterance thereafter is just an attempt at recreating a moment. I love you is a paraphrase that deserves three separate ellipses because there's a lot left unsaid. I (distinctively remember shadow-boxing with) love (against a star-dotted sky anchored to a moonlight so vibrant it can only be compared to) you (and your tidal waves). And that's where I fell headfirst and handsome. I (was punched-drunk by a kiss so breathless that it spiked my dopamine to a volume that can only be described as) love (in that every time my neurotransmitters feel) you (they spin themselves dizzy and dance to your science). There was a moment in the absence of everything when I was kissed silent by the presence of something. Hold me to your breastplate. I don't ever wanna go back to the void. 02/09/2010
0
Feb 14, 2012
Feb 14, 2012 at 2:03 PM UTC
Hallmarked & Handsome
Remember, that chaos first was a primordial deity, Chaos; the nothingness from which all else sprang headfirst and heartfelt, half-naked and handsome, hook, line and... halibut. All of this, every measurable moment, every particle, every object set forth in motion sprang from a void so harmoniously as if the absence of everything was kissed sudden by the presence of something. Often depicted with wings, a bow, and a quiver of arrows, Cupid, son of Venus - goddess of love, son of Mercury - god of trade, his story, almost identical in Greek and in Roman mythology, his story, about a couple of gods who seem so inherently human by nature, jolted by jealousy, dumbstruck by beauty, hellbent on immortality, his story has been hallmarked as red hot velvet rose petal fine wine and symmetrical hearts. Wrapped in tin foil red ribbons bitter-sweetly sugarcoated dipped in thin layer of chocolate taste-tested and lover approved. Remember that scene in Hook where Tinkerbell leaves her footprints on Peter's chest, well that's you and that's me-- touch me where my heart beats because I don't ever wanna be a lost boy. I wanna grow up like a good bedtime story with morals and purpose, I wanna have meaning. You might say that Cupid found himself. You might say that Psyche found her soul. You might say that Tinkerbell was just faking it-- with the clapping. Truth is, we can never know the whole story-- the complete truth. Problem is, we think we can and act like we do. So the only time we mean what we say is the first time we say it, every utterance thereafter is just an attempt at recreating a moment. I love you is a paraphrase that deserves three separate ellipses because there's a lot left unsaid. I (distinctively remember shadow-boxing with) love (against a star-dotted sky anchored to a moonlight so vibrant it can only be compared to) you (and your tidal waves). And that's where I fell headfirst and handsome. I (was punched-drunk by a kiss so breathless that it spiked my dopamine to a volume that can only be described as) love (in that every time my neurotransmitters feel) you (they spin themselves dizzy and dance to your science). There was a moment in the absence of everything when I was kissed silent by the presence of something. Hold me to your breastplate. I don't ever wanna go back to the void. 02/09/2010
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72
You know that poem about your lips? And the one about your soft caress? Those doesn't apply to tonight My thoughts are not slow, not gentle The softness of your touch Throw that out the window I want it to be rough Forget the foreplay Lets just start the play Tonight, I'll let you pick Want the handcuffs, without the key Or do you want the stiffness in a whip? Forget the bed, take it to the floor Give you a spank, and those headlights, I'll get a grip untill they're sore. If you must have a good kiss Then I must ask you, girl Which lips should I give this kiss? Is it the control you crave? Well then, cowgirl, load the gun Grab the bearings and give them a roll Tonight, let's let it out and have some fun We can go on a mission, happy trails Take it to the couch or even the table Leave welted streaks with your nails Turn up the radio to drown the moans Back up and head down, we can mimic the dogs Pillow, headfirst to muffle the groans To the edge of the bed, make it wet I don't want it easy, darling All I really want is to get That shirt off your chest Those jeans off your *** Those curves are the best Lets not let this opportunity pass I don't want it easy, baby My thoughts are not gentle, not slow So come on woman, lets go!
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Jan 30, 2011
Jan 30, 2011 at 7:41 PM UTC
Which Lips?
There’s this winding path inside that calls to us all a simple dirt road that beckons ‘round an unseen corner not knowing where it may lead we must follow it we must roll up our pants and kick up the dust leave behind our dignity and dive headfirst into the mud feeling the tendrils of an unknown future tug at our spirits we must follow it so as to keep our souls within our bodies
0
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 9:03 PM UTC
The Path
A hand on a throat, where if all fingers touch, the throat turns to ash. The villain of an anime I now watch clutches the hero with his middle-finger aired before the vital moment. I jump on holiday off a cliff and my chest stumbles with simulations. My body angled poorly as I could slap headfirst. I was warned that my feet should sink first if I merely fall. If I dive, my fingers should first touch the water. I am depressed the months before. College student, America. So far off, so cold from the landlock of my birth. And the summer study-abroad, double-abroad. In Italy I was watching the Creation show itself on old ceilings in marble-rooms, looking for some culture that might have been ours if not for the pillagings that brought gold and bodies to shape that gold into buildings like this. So I jump and fall. And shiver emptily. It is the same feeling as the nights on the bed thinking of futures without this self. Thinking as if I did not exist. Ignored emails from therapists. And here *this feeling!*: it made me want to live. So I jump again on the higher ledge. My friend afterwards asks if I'm okay. I'm shaking slightly. I'm without words. I laugh with the same absence as any birth. A baby's confused cry without tears. A long way down. What blue-green water, as if dug for in the earth and sold for courtyard dances. It glimmers all over my body, frizzes up my hair as my ****** curls soak it, squeezes it down my face, down towards my neck like fingers. The villain walks away. The next time the hero sees him he should be careful. He will have decided to **** me by then.
0
Dec 4, 2018
Dec 4, 2018 at 11:51 PM UTC
Cliff.
A hand on a throat, where if all fingers touch, the throat turns to ash. The villain of an anime I now watch clutches the hero with his middle-finger aired before the vital moment. I jump on holiday off a cliff and my chest stumbles with simulations. My body angled poorly as I could slap headfirst. I was warned that my feet should sink first if I merely fall. If I dive, my fingers should first touch the water. I am depressed the months before. College student, America. So far off, so cold from the landlock of my birth. And the summer study-abroad, double-abroad. In Italy I was watching the Creation show itself on old ceilings in marble-rooms, looking for some culture that might have been ours if not for the pillagings that brought gold and bodies to shape that gold into buildings like this. So I jump and fall. And shiver emptily. It is the same feeling as the nights on the bed thinking of futures without this self. Thinking as if I did not exist. Ignored emails from therapists. And here *this feeling!*: it made me want to live. So I jump again on the higher ledge. My friend afterwards asks if I'm okay. I'm shaking slightly. I'm without words. I laugh with the same absence as any birth. A baby's confused cry without tears. A long way down. What blue-green water, as if dug for in the earth and sold for courtyard dances. It glimmers all over my body, frizzes up my hair as my ****** curls soak it, squeezes it down my face, down towards my neck like fingers. The villain walks away. The next time the hero sees him he should be careful. He will have decided to **** me by then.
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30
Her eyes are sinkholes in a quiet, sleeping state and I was a girl, lost and misplaced at twenty-one, looking for love in infinitesimal spaces: on her palm creases and chipped, ruby nails, and in the blown-out ends of her lotus tattoo I find myself tracing a secret, at the spiked tips of her hair tamed by fairy lights and on the slits of her skin — a rabbit hole of wonders, I always fall like Alice in sworn careful tiptoes and crash headfirst; a broken wishbone, a tainted wish some habits you just can't quit. like — October and her obsidian eyes, and the sunless ways we kissed — being lost and misplaced made sense for a while in the detached comfort of her cold bed, colder hands, warmth has become an oppression. But this dalliance has always been a disaster waiting to happen and I am a paramour, a memory, a face in the crowd swallowed in a seismic fall — and losing October has always been a disaster waiting to happen — this bed, always a site of a losing battle and I find myself in a soiled, torn dress, lying helpless on the other side of her war. Tonight, I light myself a candle; maybe one day, I'll finally learn to run away from a girl made of disasters and not towards her.
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Oct 16, 2022
Oct 16, 2022 at 1:39 AM UTC
October
ever since my childhood broke and the safety net disintegrated I've been running and holding it high above, arms aching in a futile attempt to stop things falling through woven seams. Sometimes it works and I stare up, neck burning, to the things I cannot touch. I do not look down to the debris scattered around me, to the failures of my braced shoulders, slipping through like water; impacting like stones. once I caught a fisherman; he threaded silver secrets through twine using smiles and sympathy and I lowered my arms, to keep him alongside. There were some places he couldn't reach but that was ok, because we ran for an eternity ensnared in each second. it was a particularly beautiful day when I noticed him slowing, staring out to sea, steps faltering and new smiles forming that were not faced to me. He left me and dived headfirst, forgetting that fisherman cannot swim. He drowned as I ran on, arms outstretched above me as the net danced in the wind and everything fell through. I have never stopped, never ceased these thundering steps; my eyes are still turned to the sky, the holes in my net cast beautiful shadows and through them I see the stars and wait impatient for the night when they too fall.
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Mar 31, 2015
Mar 31, 2015 at 10:52 AM UTC
I wished for a lifeboat.
Who decides life is not worth it? You? God? When you reach this point, questioning living, breathing, you play god. You feel your mind make, take, break and create new processes never felt before; a process of passion, confusion, contradiction and confession. You strive just by the thought of not surviving. The downfall of a suicidal mind. Painfully and buried deep down the impulses slip out. Screams for hopes, answers, connections, positive aspirations. Constantly wondering is this it? Is this the end? That your life can never peek again, so the result of your collapse is an eternal slumber with the devil by your side. Whispering in your ear telling you about the ache and sorrow your sinking heart and conscience feel. An eternal hell. An eternal anguish, torment, suffering. Do you stay in the hell on earth or hell in the after life? You examine all the details over and over only thinking of your lonely pitiful life. Meaningless and outrageous. Screams moving around trying to get out but only bouncing back inside of you to find the little nothingness in which they are in seek of.   Literally, are taking you in and cutting you into the smallest treads as possible over and over. Never letting up to give the one underneath a second break. Pounding as hard as possible. Thudding and pulling, twisting and hurting. Neither end nor good. You can feel the over whelming sense of your corruption taking you headfirst and choking your every last breath off. Cutting it away like a river being eroded by things we cannot control. Your life you cannot control. People you cannot control. You see the only outlet in your mind but it burdens you with insanity behind it. Taking life; your own life. The reasons are bliss. Sweet tender resolutions freeze over your tempered thoughts, fragile thoughts of a suicidal. Unaware of the footprint left behind. Your stomach churns, stirs and confusion sets in once again. You feel ***** rising in your throat about to implode but it’s just an illusion created in your mind; hallucinations. Questions are still increasing their intensity and passion. With every moment of aloneness and isolation, the time ticks away from you until you feel as though you will fly into a rage. You take a deep breath; intense thoughts. Questioning right verses wrong; life verses death; now or never. Take a step back and pull the trigger; welcome to the end.
0
Sep 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013 at 3:27 AM UTC
Welcome to the end
Who decides life is not worth it? You? God? When you reach this point, questioning living, breathing, you play god. You feel your mind make, take, break and create new processes never felt before; a process of passion, confusion, contradiction and confession. You strive just by the thought of not surviving. The downfall of a suicidal mind. Painfully and buried deep down the impulses slip out. Screams for hopes, answers, connections, positive aspirations. Constantly wondering is this it? Is this the end? That your life can never peek again, so the result of your collapse is an eternal slumber with the devil by your side. Whispering in your ear telling you about the ache and sorrow your sinking heart and conscience feel. An eternal hell. An eternal anguish, torment, suffering. Do you stay in the hell on earth or hell in the after life? You examine all the details over and over only thinking of your lonely pitiful life. Meaningless and outrageous. Screams moving around trying to get out but only bouncing back inside of you to find the little nothingness in which they are in seek of.   Literally, are taking you in and cutting you into the smallest treads as possible over and over. Never letting up to give the one underneath a second break. Pounding as hard as possible. Thudding and pulling, twisting and hurting. Neither end nor good. You can feel the over whelming sense of your corruption taking you headfirst and choking your every last breath off. Cutting it away like a river being eroded by things we cannot control. Your life you cannot control. People you cannot control. You see the only outlet in your mind but it burdens you with insanity behind it. Taking life; your own life. The reasons are bliss. Sweet tender resolutions freeze over your tempered thoughts, fragile thoughts of a suicidal. Unaware of the footprint left behind. Your stomach churns, stirs and confusion sets in once again. You feel ***** rising in your throat about to implode but it’s just an illusion created in your mind; hallucinations. Questions are still increasing their intensity and passion. With every moment of aloneness and isolation, the time ticks away from you until you feel as though you will fly into a rage. You take a deep breath; intense thoughts. Questioning right verses wrong; life verses death; now or never. Take a step back and pull the trigger; welcome to the end.
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76
The clouds separated the Sun from my life for too long I wondered if it even existed And if it existed Would it know I existed? It's warm companionship eluded me I was frozen in the wastelands I donned my armor of ice And embraced all that is frigid and bleak My feet turned into rockets as flowers bloomed all around me I rode headfirst into the sky on a jet of pure nature I cut through the friction in the air And exploded through the clouds The Sun's disorienting light loved me Without vision I flew to it's warmth When I reached the Sun I kissed it on the mouth and we danced around the galaxy And the Sun radiated our love to every living creature in the universe But the Sun abandoned me out in space The Sun returned to giving life to all And I am but one I just thought that maybe I could help it give life Because at one point I was a star Now I'm just dust Is it so selfish to want it's power for myself? I've been floating in darkness for a while And I feel very Alien: Isolation right now But this is no game And Sigourney Weaver couldn't fight my monsters Game over, man
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May 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 4:44 PM UTC
Isolation
Give me warmth in a close and quiet port with a song unwritten So when the wind unveils her pride I will not know I will dive headfirst into uncharted waters Write the words to the song With my harp of gold Send me a reason to leave my warm and quiet port with you So when the wind unveils her pride I will stay warm We will dive headfirst into uncharted waters With a new song unwritten In both our arms Promise me I will not long for the song unwritten I wrote alone When I leave my warm and quiet port to write for you Then I will dive headfirst into uncharted waters Write the words to a new unwritten song You can sing too Our song will hold a thousand nights of memories of bliss To keep us warm when the wind unveils her pride We will sing each word together in harmony While we dive headfirst into waters With our warmth inside
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Jan 17, 2011
Jan 17, 2011 at 1:59 AM UTC
Unwritten
Anorexia was the most attentive Girlfriend anyone could ask for And I fell hard for her I fell for for 500 calories a day, The sense of control it gave me Compliments from girls I'd never talked to before Doctors so pleased that I was finally "healthy" That feeling, Of stepping on the scale And realizing that I took up less space Than when I'd stepped on the day before The feeling of water hitting an empty stomach The hunger pangs That secretly thrilled me The thrill of the lies The ones that became ever so easy To slip off my tongue The thrill of a secret love affair with death I fell for an abuser I fell... Literally Bruises lined my body From bumping into walls Because my body was so Malnourished I couldn't Walk down a hallway Fell down a rabbit hole- Fell down into a world I couldn't escape- Thigh gaps, thinspiration, tips and tricks to Hide this wonderland in your head Walking headfirst into Anorexia was like walking Into a haunted house It's fun and exhilarating at first It's a game, it's harmless And then you realize that the doors Are barred and it dawns on you That ringing the doorbell of death Was not the best idea I am a study in skinny does not make you happy The 5 pounds you wanted to lose Turns to 10 Turns to 20 Turns to... I am a study in Every inch of your body being a warzone Of standing in front of a mirror Seeing nothing but a piece of meat Taking up too much space I am a study in calculation I am a study in lying I am a study in not dead, but not alive I am a study in starvation I am a study in falling out of love
0
Nov 11, 2015
Nov 11, 2015 at 9:15 PM UTC
I fell out of love
Anorexia was the most attentive Girlfriend anyone could ask for And I fell hard for her I fell for for 500 calories a day, The sense of control it gave me Compliments from girls I'd never talked to before Doctors so pleased that I was finally "healthy" That feeling, Of stepping on the scale And realizing that I took up less space Than when I'd stepped on the day before The feeling of water hitting an empty stomach The hunger pangs That secretly thrilled me The thrill of the lies The ones that became ever so easy To slip off my tongue The thrill of a secret love affair with death I fell for an abuser I fell... Literally Bruises lined my body From bumping into walls Because my body was so Malnourished I couldn't Walk down a hallway Fell down a rabbit hole- Fell down into a world I couldn't escape- Thigh gaps, thinspiration, tips and tricks to Hide this wonderland in your head Walking headfirst into Anorexia was like walking Into a haunted house It's fun and exhilarating at first It's a game, it's harmless And then you realize that the doors Are barred and it dawns on you That ringing the doorbell of death Was not the best idea I am a study in skinny does not make you happy The 5 pounds you wanted to lose Turns to 10 Turns to 20 Turns to... I am a study in Every inch of your body being a warzone Of standing in front of a mirror Seeing nothing but a piece of meat Taking up too much space I am a study in calculation I am a study in lying I am a study in not dead, but not alive I am a study in starvation I am a study in falling out of love
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53
by J.M. Romig, Ryan P. Kinney, Morgann Blackwood, and Aaron Kasunic Here’s to vices and virtues To living without apologies or regrets To breaking in order to heal This old bird no longer caged She gets to look on the other side of the bars this time He gets another stumble in the hallway A headfirst dive into a bottle of pills Purple sharks and goats That glow in the dark Banana dimpled belugas Swimming wildly asunder Then I met God The most beautiful of all my conquests I knew no one else would quite match up to her Her hair in the porch light Looked like the thunder god had an ****** Her face still cannot be manifest This woman, The most beautiful thing I’ve seen She lingers in my conscious And has a major role to play in what will be my swan song If experience has taught me anything (an unlikely assumption) It is that if a woman ever tells you -Straight up- That she is a ***** She is not lying There are exceptions to that rule As I myself am quite exceptional
0
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 8:39 AM UTC
Bartop Belugas
The optimistic existentialist getting by on the vapid knowledge that nothing has meaning but thinking it might someday. The shallowest deep-thinker you’ve ever met in a constant war between vanity and philosophy, drowning in mirror-hating narcissism and my humble ego. Introverted loud-mouth socially inclined,socially incapable assertion-loathing people-person. Vengeful peace-maker, violent pacifist fists littered with deceptive, fallacious,faint purple bruises. All these things are the drip drip drip of drops in the bucket of a level-headed psychopath. I dare you to dive into the water, headfirst, of my mind where I constantly contradict myself, like it’s a game.
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Nov 17, 2012
Nov 17, 2012 at 10:44 PM UTC
the game.
everything is changing i feel like my train is late and im not sure i even want to get on doing this scares me i envy all of you you who jump in headfirst without thinking i wish i was more like that not calculating everystep wondering when its all going to crash around me feel the air around me like i could walk on clouds flying in the sky not being afraid of falling down letting go of it all just being for once i just want to be. is it too late or is my train still waiting will it take me there to the place where the air is all around where clouds are soft and fluffy where i can jump and not be afriad of falling is this my train im not sure i guess for now ill keep waiting im just not sure cause right now i just wanna jump and fly on my own wings no train is gonna take me there
0
Nov 8, 2012
Nov 8, 2012 at 1:37 PM UTC
Train
Holding broken pieces of past in the palms of my outstretched hands Reasons evade me I sit here struggling to understand The edges dig deep Causing tender skin to seep scarlet drops Taking Tylenol to pummel pain until it finally stops I'm ready to give up life and dive headfirst into my grave It is difficult for me but I must admit my soul is far too gone to save The devil stole it from my bones and doesn't plan on giving it back Without it polished surface falters and slowly begins to crack
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Jul 10, 2023
Jul 10, 2023 at 4:04 PM UTC
Holding Broken Pieces
I’m slower than most I walk my own pace I speak my own words To match my calm face I’ve never moved fast I’ve never rushed time I’m cautious I know But it’s worked out just fine Until I fell for you I knew not of speed I dived in headfirst I lost track of my feet But quicker than that Was the length of your stay As I miled-a-minute You pulled far away Now my heart rate has settled Back to slow and reserved I miss the thrill of your rush With my caution unnerved I’m slower than most But I just never knew How painfully slow I’d be Getting over you
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May 23, 2014
May 23, 2014 at 3:23 PM UTC
Slow and Steady Wins the Race?
I burned my hand making Christmas cookies for my small chosen family- hoping that it is enough to thank them for keeping me from falling headfirst and loosing myself to my own mind.
0
Dec 20, 2020
Dec 20, 2020 at 11:03 PM UTC
Burning Thanks
How do I show my beauty? By just being me. By embracing the things I love in life. By feeding into my energy. By diving into my creativity. By leaning into my curiosities. By embracing change and striving for improvement. By showing empathy. By digging into my strength and endurance. By practicing mindfulness. By harnessing my focus. By utilizing patience and compassion. By feeling strong emotions. By loving my nature. By moving with passion and resting in good reason. By needing nothing else outside of these. These are the beautiful things that come from within me. All that’s needed of me is to dig within myself, to dive headfirst and fully submerge into the water and pulling out these attributes- these facets of beauty, reflecting the sunshine like the scales of a fish, the cuts in an emerald, the ultraviolet color in flowers and birds.
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Jul 13, 2023
Jul 13, 2023 at 11:15 AM UTC
Being Fully Me
Peering out the window, I thought I saw you weeping I thought, my mind in limbo, That I glanced you dreaming. - It was as if you were right there, Standing shaking in the rain, Water off your short hair, Your frown reflecting pain. - I thought I saw you standing Beyond the trees out back, I am not quite understanding, Why still your sight attacks, - The nerves inside my chest, And the bottom of my gut Adrenaline in my breast, And the wind wont upon my foot. - I could have sworn to up above That I saw you beckoning, The water, showing what once loved, Into somehow in front appearing. - You saw me looking towards you I tried to hide my face, You tried to hide your smile too I glimpsed it in your gaze - I know I didn’t dream this today I thought I saw you, truthfully, It was not longing in that way, I was just caught off guard, you see. - Perhaps you may have seen me too At one point or another, Walking the streets that we used to Or just holding each other, - But honestly I do not long Verily I do not pine, Although it would be nice in song, I know you don’t feel at all fine, - I know I must make you sick, I know I must make you weep Which is why today your image yet sticks, And your broken smile doth creep. - Which is why today I wondered Wherefore you even passed me by, Fictional in my mind of blunder, And too afraid to question “why?” - Why then did I even witness you, Walking across my path, I spied you from my bedroom, At quickened pace so fast? Then you stopped all of the sudden, To give my window fair gaze, You must have seen my face be sullen, And given yourself great praise. - Although, I know you think of what could be, And maybe not being happy, But if I could ever wish it clear, Perhaps I would wish you be here, But then again perhaps I not, And first dive headfirst into cot, And see I don’t just wake up again, And find out of window, you are pretend.
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Jan 20, 2013
Jan 20, 2013 at 12:18 AM UTC
I Thought I Saw You Today.
Peering out the window, I thought I saw you weeping I thought, my mind in limbo, That I glanced you dreaming. - It was as if you were right there, Standing shaking in the rain, Water off your short hair, Your frown reflecting pain. - I thought I saw you standing Beyond the trees out back, I am not quite understanding, Why still your sight attacks, - The nerves inside my chest, And the bottom of my gut Adrenaline in my breast, And the wind wont upon my foot. - I could have sworn to up above That I saw you beckoning, The water, showing what once loved, Into somehow in front appearing. - You saw me looking towards you I tried to hide my face, You tried to hide your smile too I glimpsed it in your gaze - I know I didn’t dream this today I thought I saw you, truthfully, It was not longing in that way, I was just caught off guard, you see. - Perhaps you may have seen me too At one point or another, Walking the streets that we used to Or just holding each other, - But honestly I do not long Verily I do not pine, Although it would be nice in song, I know you don’t feel at all fine, - I know I must make you sick, I know I must make you weep Which is why today your image yet sticks, And your broken smile doth creep. - Which is why today I wondered Wherefore you even passed me by, Fictional in my mind of blunder, And too afraid to question “why?” - Why then did I even witness you, Walking across my path, I spied you from my bedroom, At quickened pace so fast? Then you stopped all of the sudden, To give my window fair gaze, You must have seen my face be sullen, And given yourself great praise. - Although, I know you think of what could be, And maybe not being happy, But if I could ever wish it clear, Perhaps I would wish you be here, But then again perhaps I not, And first dive headfirst into cot, And see I don’t just wake up again, And find out of window, you are pretend.
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72
It started out as a flame Flickering Dancing off a matchstick that was an idea. It kindled an idea to help renew, To regenerate what was once lost. The fire grew And with it A passion that could not be extinguished. The warmth was welcomed by her body A body so cold So helpless against the dangers of the world And herself. The fire gave power And with the power there grew an inferno Once ignited, could not be smothered. The fire whispered Through smoke and cinders; It whispered To encourage the distressing ideas that flowed through her. She was frozen Frostbitten to the bone without the fire And so To stay alive She stayed close by the hearth. When friends became concerned They tried to call her back But she was too attached to the blaze. While the smoke tangled in her hair And coursed through her veins She drew in ever closer. She huddled towards the light That was leading her to her dangerous desires, Cutting everything off Except for the sea of flames. She clung to her damaged thoughts And kept the fire steady. Going almost unnoticed Her skin turned red and warm; She was too happy to embrace the heat. She understood she was too close, Yet she rose from her perch Roused by the incandescence The feverish luminosity. She A mere mortal Drew within reach of the alluring fire. The flames licked her face Her hands Her hopelessly lost mind As she dove in Headfirst. Everyone she had turned away watched Unable to help. She registered one single thought: It's too hot. But It was too late. She couldn't step away from the furnace; For suddenly she was bound by ropes of her own doing A funeral pyre just for her. She was stuck within the depths Of the scorching fire she had so arduously cared for. She tried to call out To those just outside the fireplace Watching Witnessing But the fumes enveloped her Stifling her pleas, Her cries for help. She couldn’t breathe The embers burning her lungs as she inhaled, Silencing her voice as she exhaled. She flickered for a second more; The life left her eyes. She collapsed Leaving ash and bone to intermingle into nothing. What she had once mistakenly perceived As an idea, No larger than a matchstick, Was something she could not control. But no one could control a fire that destructive Or Deadly.
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May 7, 2013
May 7, 2013 at 9:53 PM UTC
Fire
It started out as a flame Flickering Dancing off a matchstick that was an idea. It kindled an idea to help renew, To regenerate what was once lost. The fire grew And with it A passion that could not be extinguished. The warmth was welcomed by her body A body so cold So helpless against the dangers of the world And herself. The fire gave power And with the power there grew an inferno Once ignited, could not be smothered. The fire whispered Through smoke and cinders; It whispered To encourage the distressing ideas that flowed through her. She was frozen Frostbitten to the bone without the fire And so To stay alive She stayed close by the hearth. When friends became concerned They tried to call her back But she was too attached to the blaze. While the smoke tangled in her hair And coursed through her veins She drew in ever closer. She huddled towards the light That was leading her to her dangerous desires, Cutting everything off Except for the sea of flames. She clung to her damaged thoughts And kept the fire steady. Going almost unnoticed Her skin turned red and warm; She was too happy to embrace the heat. She understood she was too close, Yet she rose from her perch Roused by the incandescence The feverish luminosity. She A mere mortal Drew within reach of the alluring fire. The flames licked her face Her hands Her hopelessly lost mind As she dove in Headfirst. Everyone she had turned away watched Unable to help. She registered one single thought: It's too hot. But It was too late. She couldn't step away from the furnace; For suddenly she was bound by ropes of her own doing A funeral pyre just for her. She was stuck within the depths Of the scorching fire she had so arduously cared for. She tried to call out To those just outside the fireplace Watching Witnessing But the fumes enveloped her Stifling her pleas, Her cries for help. She couldn’t breathe The embers burning her lungs as she inhaled, Silencing her voice as she exhaled. She flickered for a second more; The life left her eyes. She collapsed Leaving ash and bone to intermingle into nothing. What she had once mistakenly perceived As an idea, No larger than a matchstick, Was something she could not control. But no one could control a fire that destructive Or Deadly.
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83
we start out in the middle of a spider's web, where doors surround us that lead to grassy roads and rocky roads, difficult to maneuver through, but i've walked on burning coals and left my fingers bleeding from scratching at your door like a dog abandoned in the winter frost, because i felt more secure with the honors of you destroying my house built out of marshmellows and toothpicks, and i don't want you half empty or half full, i want you coloring inside and outside the lines overflowing the spaces of my heart you occupied and called home, but i'm responsible for raining on your parade and shattering your soul, but even i know all these ways of binding you to myself with glue, duct tape, stitches, gum, staples, paperclips, knots, can't keep under wraps for long, so i will let my clouds swell with compassion you couldn't understand because you're the flashlight in my haunted forest, shining a light on any ghosts that seem damaging to myself because you've always been there to guide me back home and keep me from falling from grace headfirst, but mother nature decides what sickening plot twist will destroy us, and you know i can't control the disgusting weather but i wish i could. - kra
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Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 9:48 PM UTC
falling from grace headfirst