You say you want to know me
What happens when you find out who I am?
Half of my stupid brain can
Logic it out,
How we got here.
Is ruthlessly sad.
Do you still read these?
Am I writing to you, or just for you?
How are you so far gone,
But still residing so persistently
In my head?
How can my heart hold so much fury
And so much pain
And so much hope?
Your texts. It sounded like you're re-writing our history.
Could I have been there for you?
You told me not to be there.
You told me to get out.
I didn't want to.
But I listened,
I wanted to respect you.
Your message has me feeling like
I should've fought harder.
That would not have ended well for either of us.
The truth of the matter is
That you've tied me to your divorce
Whether you know it or not
And I will never be able to cut that tether.
No matter how much I still love you,
You'll probably never see me without seeing that pain.
I need to stop reading your months-old words.
They don't apply, here, anymore.
N: how did you know?
M: she wants her lifeless body dealt with the same way I do - her useful bits given to those who need it, the rest returned to the earth. in the form of a tree.
N: you base this **** on things after death?
M: well....she also wants to live the same way I do. similar enough ideals for cohesion, with enough difference for intrigue and growth. we have a lot to work on but...she feels like the home I want to work on it all in.
I want to reach back out
But I don't even know what I'd say.
Don't know how to not scare you away.
My heart still crunches when I think about you. Your imprint has not faded. Not clearly, nor fully. Will you ever know how close we were?
I feel like I
Lived a thousand lifetimes with you.
Yet we are apart, and
For a while.
Do you think in another plane
Our trajectory continued?