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"dialled" poems
I dealt death today. I know it’s a part of the job. I know I’ve seen it too many times to count. But today, I felt it. I left the room long after their family did. There was no where I could go To escape their Roaring grief. They were long gone. And I was left with their precious baby. I curled his arms and legs up Closed his eyes Wrapped him up gently. With love and respect Here he’ll sleep forever. And oh, They are so thankful, That it was me That I understood That I was so careful That I spent the time with them. And you’re not supposed to take it with you. You’re supposed to leave it When they walk out the door With one less goodbye. But I took it with me today. The way they felt before The way they felt after The long quiet goodbyes The man in a suit on his knees weeping The mother and son making a cocoon Sheltering their dying baby. The solemn face of the woman who plays god. The green death. The last breath. The heaving of the living as he gave his last. The waiting. Slower rhythm. Quieter. ‘He’s gone now’. I watched the clock The same way I had An hour before Waiting for death. Soon as I could I fled out the door Ran into the street Tried to outrun it Instead I ran to you I dialled your number With shaking hands I know I’m not supposed to But all I wanted was you Your voice Ringing out Thankfully I wept alone. Today I dealt death And I found I am not strong enough To sustain this Alone Or for long. I found I still consider you my haven Deep down But that you are not my haven anymore Or should be. I listened to the silence After the call rang out And decided
0
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 6:42 AM UTC
11.4.2018
I dealt death today. I know it’s a part of the job. I know I’ve seen it too many times to count. But today, I felt it. I left the room long after their family did. There was no where I could go To escape their Roaring grief. They were long gone. And I was left with their precious baby. I curled his arms and legs up Closed his eyes Wrapped him up gently. With love and respect Here he’ll sleep forever. And oh, They are so thankful, That it was me That I understood That I was so careful That I spent the time with them. And you’re not supposed to take it with you. You’re supposed to leave it When they walk out the door With one less goodbye. But I took it with me today. The way they felt before The way they felt after The long quiet goodbyes The man in a suit on his knees weeping The mother and son making a cocoon Sheltering their dying baby. The solemn face of the woman who plays god. The green death. The last breath. The heaving of the living as he gave his last. The waiting. Slower rhythm. Quieter. ‘He’s gone now’. I watched the clock The same way I had An hour before Waiting for death. Soon as I could I fled out the door Ran into the street Tried to outrun it Instead I ran to you I dialled your number With shaking hands I know I’m not supposed to But all I wanted was you Your voice Ringing out Thankfully I wept alone. Today I dealt death And I found I am not strong enough To sustain this Alone Or for long. I found I still consider you my haven Deep down But that you are not my haven anymore Or should be. I listened to the silence After the call rang out And decided
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70
We climbed from bedrock to Idyllwild the home of Pines to Palms and Suicide Rocks but not for us only for those poor tired souls for whom the world's gone flat refusing the night threw itself boldly into the fray of winds which blew from storm to calm so this morning we awoke to a placid knap slipping on snowy piste to turn cold snaps hot spiced Nepali tea sipped from ice nipped cups I see promise picks up from backward leaps time forward flips breaking free range igneous into pan piped sizzling congenial song that carries on the tree line like spring water sprung from creeks to go scurrying off with wet socks until pulled up by old school granite skies hanging pools out to dry in sopping blue rinsed sun ahead any bald rocks or hairline fractures are long since dialled in as baseless fears knowing this mobile age can merrily slip like air through numb fingers while baseline hands declare “hold me close to gather” edelweiss echoes gone rappelling through time the route we've chosen's to be tied to each other's peaks in the way of sun and moon come what may be it creases in our skin or crevasses we'll win the battle to slim line any overhanging ridges so I take care to tighten my girth hitch to top notch and hold firmly to both your conviction and reach that setting out to move mountains we call home achieves more than staying home and calling mountains so bright you have me forget all things too trite banal office hype shopworn old hat mowing lawn weekends too dishy to be clichéd you polish off the stereotype slam the Dior on out of shape and dull as ditchwater tripe keeping a victorious secret or two in the slip knot too tranquil shade taking allure to new heights we'll never drop down from tonight
0
Sep 14, 2014
Sep 14, 2014 at 11:03 AM UTC
The Climbing Edelweiss of Idyllwild
We climbed from bedrock to Idyllwild the home of Pines to Palms and Suicide Rocks but not for us only for those poor tired souls for whom the world's gone flat refusing the night threw itself boldly into the fray of winds which blew from storm to calm so this morning we awoke to a placid knap slipping on snowy piste to turn cold snaps hot spiced Nepali tea sipped from ice nipped cups I see promise picks up from backward leaps time forward flips breaking free range igneous into pan piped sizzling congenial song that carries on the tree line like spring water sprung from creeks to go scurrying off with wet socks until pulled up by old school granite skies hanging pools out to dry in sopping blue rinsed sun ahead any bald rocks or hairline fractures are long since dialled in as baseless fears knowing this mobile age can merrily slip like air through numb fingers while baseline hands declare “hold me close to gather” edelweiss echoes gone rappelling through time the route we've chosen's to be tied to each other's peaks in the way of sun and moon come what may be it creases in our skin or crevasses we'll win the battle to slim line any overhanging ridges so I take care to tighten my girth hitch to top notch and hold firmly to both your conviction and reach that setting out to move mountains we call home achieves more than staying home and calling mountains so bright you have me forget all things too trite banal office hype shopworn old hat mowing lawn weekends too dishy to be clichéd you polish off the stereotype slam the Dior on out of shape and dull as ditchwater tripe keeping a victorious secret or two in the slip knot too tranquil shade taking allure to new heights we'll never drop down from tonight
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87
Off to the park a picnic yeah three women a wean and a man who don't scare well not too easily... as long as the swings don't make him queasily up the slide ok wee girl she's gonna fall my toes all curl nope she seems to have it dialled little hurricane dynamo child then the swings for about12 seconds three turns on the roundabout maybe less I reckon then back to the slide God I am puffed hasn't the wee girl had enough? Ok I grab achicken roll two bites its in a muddy hole this picnic is turning out to be endurance playing for Jeremy tried the kids swing I got jammed like wearing steel Y-fronts my privates were crammed ok so it was all my choice I say in a funny high-pitched voice "Jesus go up" I am told so I go Only she calls me that now you know where she got it who can guess got an idea won't confess (better than being a skinny Welsh Tw*t) starting to flag like I smoked a *** need an emergency sicky bag go home soon and lie down quick after picnic and playing I am quite sick
0
Mar 3, 2011
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:55 AM UTC
Picnic Yeah
He was coming out hurriedly While she was about to come in They met at the glass door he and she Accidentally And both froze momentarily And she startled and both stared Unattered a second and eventually he Said I'm sorry He was taken in by her beauty And so he struggled for his wallet Gave his business card she looked she Said oh really? And one night when she was lonely Remembered him she took out his card A cellphone number she dialled suddenly Accidentally Since then they met occasionally Not at her home and not at his office At the park at cafes for she said she's Always busy Too occupied in a huge company to see Unawares she's in a different division Those whom he knew acted anxiously So strangely One day he asked will you marry me Two fine kids later by merit moved his Office next to the boss next to her he Wants to be Accidentally
0
Nov 19, 2017
Nov 19, 2017 at 12:41 PM UTC
Accidentally
"Is there anybody there?" said the caller, "Six ten eight oh one two four three nine?" And his ears attuned to the empty hum Of the long-forgotten line; And an LED on the handset Flashed, for a moment, red, And he dialled the number a second time: "Is there anybody there?" he said. But no one replied to the caller, No sound but the dialling tone Came drifting into his waiting ear As he held that haunted phone; But only a host of phantom listeners, Of spectres weak and strange Stood hearkening to that human voice That echoed around the exchange; And he felt in his heart their strangeness, And his heart was afraid and nervous, With his hand on the final digit Of that number not in service; For he suddenly tapped the receiver And spoke on that line of dread: "Tell them I called, and no one answered, That I kept my word!" he said; Ay, they heard him replace the receiver, And his mumbled cursing later, With the usual subdued but enthused delight Of the switchboard operator.
0
Nov 2, 2010
Nov 2, 2010 at 6:26 AM UTC
The Caller
I am a speed-dialled emotion an ex-employee from hell my name is [ ] written in capitals all over narrow alley walls where blood traded its lingered beauty in kind the wind envies me for the way I blow into oblivion the unforgettable truth and its reason  disguised in a moment of adorned power a flightless bird is flapping its wings out of instinct this is the apology of a tsunami on the peaceful shore of a Sunday morning my trail is a promise but I will pass
0
Mar 3, 2010
Mar 3, 2010 at 1:22 PM UTC
Apology of a tsunami
Given a moonless sky there was once a time we could hold words in the mind far as the line of horizon. The problem with pragmatism (aside from self-loathing) is that no one sings of it. Of spring: it is not that the flowers crouch on with an aperture already dialled to metabolize a portion of the sun, and die,-- it is not that all of this unfolds as scripture. We live in a web of connections. For Hume, the sun might not rise. The flowers will come.
0
Aug 16, 2011
Aug 16, 2011 at 7:38 PM UTC
Dear Anne
Punctured, she remains bruised. Looking left, the back of her hand She begins, to remember that day. It began with the box, old shoes Nestled within, lay the excess meds. It wasn't planned, she was certain. Sitting on the bathroom floor, she opens A cupboard where, the box kept A thousand magic smarties, pink. They were sugar coated, laughing She thought about how, her heart Her very soul, its sadness So often wrapped a bow around, Her hurt & pain, beneath the skin, The surface, oh such depths of despair. No one ever knew, the girl behind, A red ruby lipped smile. She took the box, a chipped mug Drinking morning tea, phone quiet This was 2010, pre iPhone for her She simply text and dialled, hello. Without any force, she started to count One, two, three, as easy as, This cup of tea beside her thigh, No thoughts raced, no fixed grounding Just the addiction to take one more. And as the pills, rattled, She began to feel the rattle within. Handfuls, of the very drug That was intended, to calm her In these moments, And yet, She was calm, and she doesn't recall A single tear. Regular lunch break checks, Mother and father calling, A call to a psychiatrist, busy in clinic. It wasn't a cry, it was to ask, Why should I stop Jaya? Mothers maybe know too much And as quickly as I put, The phone down, it rings. By this point I'm sedated, uncompromising and incomprehensible, I am told I slurred and denied all. I recall a panicked voice and a mother, Refusing to put the phone down. I remember a bang on the front door. I remember a black Ralph Lauren t'shirt, My brothers. And it's all I wore. Knickers and a t'shirt. I cowered in a corner of the hall, Medics and police, and I'm terrified. A blank search in my brain. I go into a coma and my only memory is, Waking in a distant place, plugged up Machines and monitors beeping And the soft gentle voice of, My mother; Rachel! Her hand so warm, having held mine all the time,, I took residence in this, Hospital Bed. I'm alive. © Sia Jane
0
Mar 17, 2014
Mar 17, 2014 at 11:21 PM UTC
Unquiet
Punctured, she remains bruised. Looking left, the back of her hand She begins, to remember that day. It began with the box, old shoes Nestled within, lay the excess meds. It wasn't planned, she was certain. Sitting on the bathroom floor, she opens A cupboard where, the box kept A thousand magic smarties, pink. They were sugar coated, laughing She thought about how, her heart Her very soul, its sadness So often wrapped a bow around, Her hurt & pain, beneath the skin, The surface, oh such depths of despair. No one ever knew, the girl behind, A red ruby lipped smile. She took the box, a chipped mug Drinking morning tea, phone quiet This was 2010, pre iPhone for her She simply text and dialled, hello. Without any force, she started to count One, two, three, as easy as, This cup of tea beside her thigh, No thoughts raced, no fixed grounding Just the addiction to take one more. And as the pills, rattled, She began to feel the rattle within. Handfuls, of the very drug That was intended, to calm her In these moments, And yet, She was calm, and she doesn't recall A single tear. Regular lunch break checks, Mother and father calling, A call to a psychiatrist, busy in clinic. It wasn't a cry, it was to ask, Why should I stop Jaya? Mothers maybe know too much And as quickly as I put, The phone down, it rings. By this point I'm sedated, uncompromising and incomprehensible, I am told I slurred and denied all. I recall a panicked voice and a mother, Refusing to put the phone down. I remember a bang on the front door. I remember a black Ralph Lauren t'shirt, My brothers. And it's all I wore. Knickers and a t'shirt. I cowered in a corner of the hall, Medics and police, and I'm terrified. A blank search in my brain. I go into a coma and my only memory is, Waking in a distant place, plugged up Machines and monitors beeping And the soft gentle voice of, My mother; Rachel! Her hand so warm, having held mine all the time,, I took residence in this, Hospital Bed. I'm alive. © Sia Jane
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66
Good afternoon, she said, it’s me. I thought I might phone today because . . . I was wondering you see how your voice would sound, how you might speak to me (if you would speak to me at all that is).   It’s probably an intrusion, but I’m curious to know if what you write is how you are, and how you are . . . she paused, then said, I meant to say . . . but she didn't. She’d not prepared herself for silence at the other end. The most wonderful of December days, the distant cliffs had glowed as afternoon had slowly wound down into dusk. The tide had turned, and turning itself about, was going out. Picking up her mobile phone from an ever-cluttered table (where she watched the sea and sometimes wrote) now spurred by the moment said aloud - I can. I shall. Oh and this imagining they were out with the dogs on the sand, these two writers talking seamlessly about this writing life, their poetry please. Are you there? , she said, knowing, though his number dialled, she hadn’t really placed the call. A rehearsal, she told herself firmly, that was only a rehearsal after all.
0
Dec 4, 2013
Dec 4, 2013 at 3:06 PM UTC
A Rehearsal
'The number you have dialled is engaged.' Madam, I don't want to marry you. This is the tenth time you refused me. Perhaps it's an official secret a phone in an empty locked room or in a government bomb shelter. I'd better check the website again. Premium bonds or powerful bombs?
0
Oct 11, 2015
Oct 11, 2015 at 6:38 AM UTC
Terms of Engagement
I knew I had to do it I knew I had to call her And ask her out. But I was nervous And so To calm myself down And buld myself up I went to the fridge And got myself a beer. I'm not usually a big drinker But I gulped it down Quickly And it did the trick. Suddenly I felt as if I could do anything And so I picked up the phone And dialled. It rang She answered And then My words All the ones I'd wanted to say For so long Just tumbled out. I'd done it! I'd actually, finally done it! But ...She said no. I'm still not sure why. Was it my eagerness? Was it my frankness? Or, Could it possibly have been My hiccups?
0
Nov 29, 2012
Nov 29, 2012 at 5:47 PM UTC
Dutch Courage
He picked up the phone pressed the small green button scrolled through the list of recently dialled numbers stopped at her name and called her. “I just spoke to her.” “And?...” “And… And I told her – about you and me about where and when and how we met. I couldn’t not tell her any more.” There was a pause. And in the pause he said (in his mind) And I told her so much more I told her more than I can tell you I told her I love you with every bone, sinew and muscle every cell I have. I told her there were no words anymore to describe what I feel to describe how I feel about you I told her all the good words were gone taken and used by better poets than me. I told her who, and what, and why you are to me. I told her. Everything. The pause was reaching its end. “Well...” he said, “what do you think?” “I think you should have talked to me first…” Now which conversation do you think was most important?
0
Aug 29, 2011
Aug 29, 2011 at 7:16 AM UTC
Three Conversations
He would think of her and be tempted, tempted to pick up the mobile from his ungovernable desk. Navigating the backlit screens he would find her name and press to see her photo that dialled the number, and then that wait for the ringing tone, that wait while her phone rang . . . and with a connection she would say Hello you And he’d know from her voice if the time was right or wrong; she was busy, preoccupied or (and always wonderful this) happy to hear him . . . . . . and he would falter. He really had nothing to say he could say, so much to say that he couldn’t, and so he would witter: *chatter or babble pointlessly or at unnecessary length.* So the dictionary said. Such a sad business this. Better by far to stick to a letter than witter, than witter, than witter.
0
Sep 18, 2013
Sep 18, 2013 at 10:35 AM UTC
Tempted
july 19 11:43 PM my heart hurts again tonight. i cant help but feel stupid on nights like these. i feel clingy and annoying, everything he's so grateful i'm not. when i looked at the sky on my walk home i was engulfed in colours and shapes reminding me how much the world has to offer me. the first thing i thought to do was share this with him and when his phone went to voicemail without even ringing the waves were suddenly taunting. the wind as if it was just waiting to push me off the edge. i reminded myself to appreciate my own skies sometimes and to let him do the same yet somehow i had already dialled that familiar number. someone else picked up the phone and i begged the wind and the waves to welcome me. he didnt see my calls. i shouldnt have called. i shouldnt get too attached and i shouldnt let myself fall. falling only leads to crashing, a sound so familiar to the cavity in my chest as he distractedly told me he couldnt see the sky. im so selfish. im everything he hates wrapped into a package that he's convinced himself he loves. "cloud 9's never felt more like home" and ive never felt more alone. a sunset that reminded me of so many beginnings began to remind me of nothing but an end. the clouds drifted together and the stars spelled out "closed". one by one their lights burned holes and i became the ocean as salt water replaced air and i remember how to drown. i do it so well now. my thoughts are beginning to feel like quicksand, the more i struggle the more i sink and suddenly it is just me and the pit and im the only one doing any falling.
0
Jul 20, 2015
Jul 20, 2015 at 12:28 AM UTC
distant mountains and flaming horizons
july 19 11:43 PM my heart hurts again tonight. i cant help but feel stupid on nights like these. i feel clingy and annoying, everything he's so grateful i'm not. when i looked at the sky on my walk home i was engulfed in colours and shapes reminding me how much the world has to offer me. the first thing i thought to do was share this with him and when his phone went to voicemail without even ringing the waves were suddenly taunting. the wind as if it was just waiting to push me off the edge. i reminded myself to appreciate my own skies sometimes and to let him do the same yet somehow i had already dialled that familiar number. someone else picked up the phone and i begged the wind and the waves to welcome me. he didnt see my calls. i shouldnt have called. i shouldnt get too attached and i shouldnt let myself fall. falling only leads to crashing, a sound so familiar to the cavity in my chest as he distractedly told me he couldnt see the sky. im so selfish. im everything he hates wrapped into a package that he's convinced himself he loves. "cloud 9's never felt more like home" and ive never felt more alone. a sunset that reminded me of so many beginnings began to remind me of nothing but an end. the clouds drifted together and the stars spelled out "closed". one by one their lights burned holes and i became the ocean as salt water replaced air and i remember how to drown. i do it so well now. my thoughts are beginning to feel like quicksand, the more i struggle the more i sink and suddenly it is just me and the pit and im the only one doing any falling.
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3
"The number you have dialled Is  no longer in service." How those words Rung in my head When you had left; It hurt How it lingered On my tongue, The tongue that once knew Your name; so familiar You were that number And you had disappeared Appeared once in my life To leave and never come back You were like a soul Wandering, Searching, Losing her way You thought that You found your light -- The light that you needed-- In me How foolish was I? To believe that we -- In the hopes of forever -- were something permanent "The number you have dialled" Those words that came from my mouth "Is no longer in service" Are words that are, now, out of my reach Never to return; Never to reappear; Never to exist Not once more. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "How are you?" she had asked. I answered her with the words that lingered in my mind. Because, just like you, I was no longer in reach
0
Jul 22, 2014
Jul 22, 2014 at 8:45 PM UTC
In Reach
I did a little dance, when the postman came. He handed me a letter, addressed with my name. I was delighted and excited to receive such a gift. I hurriedly opened it and then saw this: The letter began with “how do you do?” I wanted to reply “very well, thank you” No one was there to hear my reply. I then continued reading, with a little sigh. We would like to offer you for the bargain sum of thirty pounds. The use of our employee to fix your computer, this offer to me was very sound. The letter stated a number to ring, have your payment card handy when you begin dialling. We’ll sort it out, just need the long number, sort code and three numbers from the back. At this point I didn’t know that I would be hacked. It sounded very easy, I couldn’t go wrong, and I began to sing a little song. I dialled the number and got straight through, they said “welcome, let’s help you” “Start Up your Computer, let’s see what we can do” • Step 1“enter your password” • Step 2 “say it out loud so it can be heard” I did exactly as the operator said I repeated the password as it came into my head I heard some hearty laughter in my ear I continued with stealth and still had no fear Next the operator said “go to your browser and enter these letters”, which I noticed spelt out  "L O S E R” I asked the operator what he meant but he didn’t reply I stayed on the phone for a little while longer, still no reply I noticed there was no noise, chatter or laughter anymore Then realised what had happened and fell to the floor. I was still on the floor sobbing when my daughter came home She called my bank via her telephone She explained what happened and how I’d been hacked I’m sat here waiting for the Bank to get back. The moral of the story is throw these types of letters in the bin Don’t be weak, don’t give in Keep your password in your head Or to be frank, you will end up with no money in your bank.
0
Dec 6, 2018
Dec 6, 2018 at 7:18 AM UTC
I did a little dance...
I did a little dance, when the postman came. He handed me a letter, addressed with my name. I was delighted and excited to receive such a gift. I hurriedly opened it and then saw this: The letter began with “how do you do?” I wanted to reply “very well, thank you” No one was there to hear my reply. I then continued reading, with a little sigh. We would like to offer you for the bargain sum of thirty pounds. The use of our employee to fix your computer, this offer to me was very sound. The letter stated a number to ring, have your payment card handy when you begin dialling. We’ll sort it out, just need the long number, sort code and three numbers from the back. At this point I didn’t know that I would be hacked. It sounded very easy, I couldn’t go wrong, and I began to sing a little song. I dialled the number and got straight through, they said “welcome, let’s help you” “Start Up your Computer, let’s see what we can do” • Step 1“enter your password” • Step 2 “say it out loud so it can be heard” I did exactly as the operator said I repeated the password as it came into my head I heard some hearty laughter in my ear I continued with stealth and still had no fear Next the operator said “go to your browser and enter these letters”, which I noticed spelt out  "L O S E R” I asked the operator what he meant but he didn’t reply I stayed on the phone for a little while longer, still no reply I noticed there was no noise, chatter or laughter anymore Then realised what had happened and fell to the floor. I was still on the floor sobbing when my daughter came home She called my bank via her telephone She explained what happened and how I’d been hacked I’m sat here waiting for the Bank to get back. The moral of the story is throw these types of letters in the bin Don’t be weak, don’t give in Keep your password in your head Or to be frank, you will end up with no money in your bank.
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35
You never told me your name yet your smile said it all you signed me your number gestured a phone for me to call I look around for pen and paper I find neither anywhere locked in memory, loud and clear in my head I stored you there But by the time I made it home my sharpness wasn’t as it were within the charging of my phone the numbers began to blur I rang the wrong number and dialled a different voice just another unfamiliar stranger I hung up, I had no choice I tried so hard to remember combining captures of what you said piecing a puzzle for a clue picturing it all in my head how the stars had failed me how in love I am cursed the more I tried to remember the more I made it worse and now you’re probably wondering why I never did call you have no idea how I’m dying my memory, your smile and all
0
Jul 25, 2021
Jul 25, 2021 at 8:01 AM UTC
Across the room
it was a saturday night when i promised myself never to fall again because i knew it would only leave me scathed to the bone and lost in the desolated world that i had unnecessarily created in the past. i had come to the realisation that there was an inevitable slough of despond, waiting to pull me mercilessly into the black hole that i knew held a despicable love that i would refuse to ignore if i did not steer clear. though, steering clear was never my forte. instead, diving idiotically into cold waters without caution was where my roots stayed, in love with the fray of things. lost in my welter of thoughts, my little pandemonium, i dreamt of you and slowly tried to fathom how we ended. was it the loss of attraction, transient chemistry or the indubitable end that had already been set in stone? because all my life, i had tried so desperately to search for nonexistent formulas for why things ended, only to accept the fact that every thing was made to be ephemeral. stop, stop, just stop! my mind never failed to repeat, yet my heart failed to comply; my stream of consciousness always led back to you. i felt alone, pathetic, mawkish even, as i dialled your number with the dignity i no longer possessed. with each ring, i tried to stop the shivers down my spine that felt like a terrible ague, knowing that you had already given up on me, on us, and wanted nothing to do with me. you were obdurate on your decision, happy to move on. but as for me? i remain that hideous book you indifferently hide on your shelf, in the shadows of your newfound lover. (( yet, even now, that saturday night repeats itself every single day, the vicious cycle of an ancient spiel that i cannot seem to let go, because the thought of you coming back still remains, engrained into whatever pieces of my heart i have left. ))
0
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 1:25 PM UTC
saturday night
it was a saturday night when i promised myself never to fall again because i knew it would only leave me scathed to the bone and lost in the desolated world that i had unnecessarily created in the past. i had come to the realisation that there was an inevitable slough of despond, waiting to pull me mercilessly into the black hole that i knew held a despicable love that i would refuse to ignore if i did not steer clear. though, steering clear was never my forte. instead, diving idiotically into cold waters without caution was where my roots stayed, in love with the fray of things. lost in my welter of thoughts, my little pandemonium, i dreamt of you and slowly tried to fathom how we ended. was it the loss of attraction, transient chemistry or the indubitable end that had already been set in stone? because all my life, i had tried so desperately to search for nonexistent formulas for why things ended, only to accept the fact that every thing was made to be ephemeral. stop, stop, just stop! my mind never failed to repeat, yet my heart failed to comply; my stream of consciousness always led back to you. i felt alone, pathetic, mawkish even, as i dialled your number with the dignity i no longer possessed. with each ring, i tried to stop the shivers down my spine that felt like a terrible ague, knowing that you had already given up on me, on us, and wanted nothing to do with me. you were obdurate on your decision, happy to move on. but as for me? i remain that hideous book you indifferently hide on your shelf, in the shadows of your newfound lover. (( yet, even now, that saturday night repeats itself every single day, the vicious cycle of an ancient spiel that i cannot seem to let go, because the thought of you coming back still remains, engrained into whatever pieces of my heart i have left. ))
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3
Her eyes sometimes looked red as sunset Trying to hide the tears of late night fight Caught between the walls of loving self or him Alone is an enemy, melting down with whim Should I say, yesterday, the moon was not full He dialled her aroused and feeling the weak pull At first, they danced in joy and spoke like butterflies But the fight broke out when the disagreements were high Oh the cacophony! that broke out in the silent sky Their throats gave up and the air became dry A minute before it was raining with abuse and curse Pillows thrown at the stone deaf floor to make it worse Don't you remember the warmth of the Redding rose? You plucked out from my palm resting on my knee bent low And the taste of the wine sipped by your lips behind your breath Your deep rooted yes to my first love confess
0
Mar 13, 2018
Mar 13, 2018 at 5:55 AM UTC
Now and Then
I'm here in Brisbane city There are people passing by I'm staring at the ceiling I'm getting high on the drugs Need another cigarette to calm my nerves The girls are putting on a show here in Brisbane city silhouettes of innocence portrayed in plays on Broadway there is so much left for me to say These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. I want to create a memory here is Brisbane city I dialled your number into my phone I know you've been hanging on my call you're a girl with attitude There are so many things I want to do with you here in Brisbane city Nothing comes easy I'm learning to survive with every minute I wait and every breath I take I know there's a better way These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. I want to bear the mark of you You can see the part of me hidden under my tattoos it ain't a pretty sight when I breakdown (alright) I didn't want you to see me cry here in Brisbane city There are so many things in this world You've learned a million signs about reading between the lines and every time I looked into her eyes I didn't think to see the signs that you needed me in your life (alright) These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. Now I'm sitting in an empty house in Brisbane city And I know where I went wrong But I can't stand this feeling of being alone (alone) I can't stand this feeling of being alone And I know where I went wrong But I'm sick of being alone And I won't move on You shouldn't leave me on my own here in Brisbane city Cakk you up to come around so I'm not alone in this empty house in Brisbane city These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. The spotlight comes on As I start singing into this microphone The crowd starts to go wild I'm drunk Here in Brisbane city and girl your wrong for all the right reasons nobody has to be alone tonight Because I need you all in my life here in Brisbane city Everyone starts singing along with me here in Brisbane city silhouettes of innocence portrayed in plays on Broadway there is nothing left for me to say In Brisbane city Here in Brisbane city ©2018 Written By Benji James
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Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 5:19 AM UTC
Brisbane City (I'm Here)
I'm here in Brisbane city There are people passing by I'm staring at the ceiling I'm getting high on the drugs Need another cigarette to calm my nerves The girls are putting on a show here in Brisbane city silhouettes of innocence portrayed in plays on Broadway there is so much left for me to say These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. I want to create a memory here is Brisbane city I dialled your number into my phone I know you've been hanging on my call you're a girl with attitude There are so many things I want to do with you here in Brisbane city Nothing comes easy I'm learning to survive with every minute I wait and every breath I take I know there's a better way These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. I want to bear the mark of you You can see the part of me hidden under my tattoos it ain't a pretty sight when I breakdown (alright) I didn't want you to see me cry here in Brisbane city There are so many things in this world You've learned a million signs about reading between the lines and every time I looked into her eyes I didn't think to see the signs that you needed me in your life (alright) These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. Now I'm sitting in an empty house in Brisbane city And I know where I went wrong But I can't stand this feeling of being alone (alone) I can't stand this feeling of being alone And I know where I went wrong But I'm sick of being alone And I won't move on You shouldn't leave me on my own here in Brisbane city Cakk you up to come around so I'm not alone in this empty house in Brisbane city These dead-end streets are leading nowhere Familiar faces in far-off places My imagination keeps on creating situations that's no good for me I'm supposed to be carefree But lately, I haven't felt the same as I used to be. The spotlight comes on As I start singing into this microphone The crowd starts to go wild I'm drunk Here in Brisbane city and girl your wrong for all the right reasons nobody has to be alone tonight Because I need you all in my life here in Brisbane city Everyone starts singing along with me here in Brisbane city silhouettes of innocence portrayed in plays on Broadway there is nothing left for me to say In Brisbane city Here in Brisbane city ©2018 Written By Benji James
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106
I dialled your number. I sent some messages. Response held-up in Vehicular traffic of       silence. Transmitting voidness in the Midst of a dead silence from A dead telephone line. A loud silence responded, Diverting answers into The vortex of emptiness. Clock of silence lightly enstopped Beacons of response. When l dialled your line, When l sent some       messages, Voiceless echoes permeated Membrane of hindrance, Waging wars of friction. But l dialled your number.
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Feb 21, 2019
Feb 21, 2019 at 4:54 PM UTC
CLOCK OF SILENCE
one day it will be easier for you to fall asleep but tonight its three fifty eight and you are wide awake even though your eyes are washed with tears and your heart is numb from pain one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel at the end of the tunnel but tonight you are freefallng p l u n g i n g and you're scared because you can't see your outstretched fingers and there is nothing to hold on to one day you will no longer need to stitch yourself together as you watch yourself fall apart by the seams but tonight you are in tears (again) and no one is here to wipe them away because the numbers you dialled sent you to voicemail and maybe one day you will be happy again but its been at least nine months and the clean slits on your left fist is barely visible you are at least nine months clean but you are not okay you have not been okay and you're scared shitless because there are some things that love cannot fix and this happens to be one of them but strength, cannot be measured in a protractor because you are not just a page in my mathematics textbook hidden in a mess of my room and perhaps, you are weak in the strongest sense because you still care for the ones that drove the knife against your skin just as you are strong in the weakest sense because its four in the morning and no one has returned your call and you can't seem to stop your angry tears but you don't reach for the knife or for the bleach at the kitchen counter or for the alcohol and one day, the pain you carved unto your arms will one day adorn your skies like constellations because the stars will guide you home even though its not tonight or twenty nights from now or twenty years from now
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May 18, 2014
May 18, 2014 at 1:53 PM UTC
one day
one day it will be easier for you to fall asleep but tonight its three fifty eight and you are wide awake even though your eyes are washed with tears and your heart is numb from pain one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel at the end of the tunnel but tonight you are freefallng p l u n g i n g and you're scared because you can't see your outstretched fingers and there is nothing to hold on to one day you will no longer need to stitch yourself together as you watch yourself fall apart by the seams but tonight you are in tears (again) and no one is here to wipe them away because the numbers you dialled sent you to voicemail and maybe one day you will be happy again but its been at least nine months and the clean slits on your left fist is barely visible you are at least nine months clean but you are not okay you have not been okay and you're scared shitless because there are some things that love cannot fix and this happens to be one of them but strength, cannot be measured in a protractor because you are not just a page in my mathematics textbook hidden in a mess of my room and perhaps, you are weak in the strongest sense because you still care for the ones that drove the knife against your skin just as you are strong in the weakest sense because its four in the morning and no one has returned your call and you can't seem to stop your angry tears but you don't reach for the knife or for the bleach at the kitchen counter or for the alcohol and one day, the pain you carved unto your arms will one day adorn your skies like constellations because the stars will guide you home even though its not tonight or twenty nights from now or twenty years from now
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54
My mobile rang late in the night Your number flashed across my phone For a second I was in a daze I hoped you felt alone I wanted you to need me I was hoping you would say That you'd been -Thinking of me And the thoughts would'nt go away But you rang me for a reason You wanted some advice You didn't ring Me once that night In fact you rang me twice But the reason you dialled my number Was because you were in pain So I told you what you had to do Then you rang me back again?! Never rang- because you missed me Didn't ring me -just to say Well anything about me or you ? Instead you left me in dismay! So now I finally realise The feelings that I've got (May mean everything to me ?) (But to you) certainly not!!!
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Sep 5, 2013
Sep 5, 2013 at 2:24 PM UTC
Wrong interpretation!
(Song title from “Wicked” by Stephen Schwartz) I looked at him from across the room, His eyes smiled, A spark of tenderness hiding the gloom, Number dialled. Never felt such a feeling as this, Scared by my mind, What is this feeling of utter bliss? True hearts are blind.
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Aug 28, 2012
Aug 28, 2012 at 11:05 AM UTC
What Is This Feeling?
she rang me. did not leave a message. later, i dialled 1471 and rang her back, there may be a charge for this. i did not leave a message. at 6pm she rang and left a message. i was washing my feet. do you think that there is a meaning to life? sbm.
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Aug 4, 2016
Aug 4, 2016 at 1:29 AM UTC
. the call .