"aidan" poems
Blood, Lungs and Alcohol
Addiction, Hell and Help
How much more
Can Aidan take
Before he decides to die?
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 3:01 PM UTC
Walkin' talking gawking
the goats, giraffes, red panda
no **** tiger
exhibit like they promised
Alyssa in the OV
for a few days with her
Mom and Dad
My oldest Chris
and Sarah.
My grandaughter at our
first meeting
of course
adorable
even if a little frightened
of burly bear Grandpa
Cant say we bonded
but we blew kisses
and met
Aidan, Journey
and Cameryn
by strange coincidence
all my children
present at once
in our undersized home
lions, yes elephants yes
no tigers like they promised
for opening day
But bubbles
lifted by the wind to
great height
above the entrance
to pop
unceremoniously
to be noticed by only me
and Alyssa
at the zoo
Apr 14, 2011
Apr 14, 2011 at 9:34 AM UTC
I got on the bus alone today
and almost no one else was on it.
As it neared our campus the setting sun
hit the window so right, sending a golden corona
across the dusty seats,
bathing us all in this brilliant golden light.
Brown eyes turned to honey, blue ones to oceans—
a handful of minor gods and goddesses
on their way to class,
in sweatpants and backpacks.
It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
None of us wanted to pull the cord to stop,
but finally, someone did,
and I had to get off.
I feel alive on the bus, I feel alone at midnight.
I am the princess of the bus.
I make my boyfriend Aiden worse without intending to.
I make a lot of things worse without intending to.
I think that if I just spent a lifetime on the bus,
circling round and round at around 6:30 p.m.
I would cause a lot less harm on this planet.
But someone always pulls the cord, even if I don’t.
Aidan won’t pull the cord and neither will I.
We might be riding this bus for a long time yet.
Oct 29, 2024
Oct 29, 2024 at 10:51 PM UTC
These road signs point to where you’d be
if you weren’t kneeled over in constant apology
you tell me sometimes you can hear
Aidan’s laughter at night,
as if someone’s strung them around
street lamps like fairy lights
your lungs collapse at the mention of his name
and your chest heaves with trembling shame
but you never told anyone else about the way
guilt straddles your shoulders every morning
as it leans towards his mother’s ears screaming
ears now turned deaf with grief
You tell me about the nights so dark
you can’t tell it apart from the hollow in your chest
most days you find it too hard to breathe
because the guilt hugs you so tight
it forces itself in your lungs
where these organs can’t contain
your feeling of sin
so you keel over and ***** by the road
where you last held Aidan
There are footprints in the mud
where he was last standing
but the imprints have hardened and Aidan has grown since
there was a much colder instance
when his sister flung a picture frame at you
so it shattered and you picked up a shard
to scratch out unforgivings in the mud by the road
where you watched your best friend die
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 9:24 AM UTC
Grind & Pivet
Leveled out playgrounds buried in the valley
Foaming mutts pursue for as many yards as their yard allows
Old campers, corrugated fibre-glass plates and upside down canoes
Piles of plywood piled in meticulous patterns
St. Aidan's Church
A beat up old Buick
Nostalgialand
The Palo Alta Vista stretches and yawns in the morning
The crack of joints
Black arches over the horizon, cumulus towering
The sun, ready to ****
Anoyone not ready
For rebirth
Apr 4, 2014
Apr 4, 2014 at 10:26 PM UTC
"I want to be a poet. That's the only thing I really want.
I want to find my own way of writing, my own style.
I know I haven't yet, but I am striving to do so.
How should I put it? It's very hard to explain.
I want to write in a way that they writing is me- is myself. I want to write so that what I write and the way I write is me, because of the choice of words and the arrangement of the words, the way I combine them, group them together, orchestrate them. For me words are music as well as- as much as- they are meanings.
Writing is different from talk."
-Cordelia
This is All
Aidan Chambers
Jun 20, 2015
Jun 20, 2015 at 3:40 PM UTC
You have a spark that blazes past my ice cold eyes,
you're the six on a weathered pair of bad decision dice.
You're the smoke in my lungs; my hip's friction's delight,
and you're where I want to be at the end of the night.
So pull me by my the clasps of my black leather coat,
past the bar, to the back, to the room that Aidan keeps aside.
Whisper in my ears, past the roar of alcohol and smoke,
these words that I've longed to hear for some time.
Say:
"You are the cherry on a cigarette; the blade of a knife.
You burn me and turn me to melting when you enter my sight";
I'll say:
"Your lips are my addiction, your *** is my television,
and your eyes are where I want to be at the end of the night."
Then we'll explore love and bad decisions on the table and the floor.
You'll pull me closer, bite my ear, and whisper. "Shut the door."
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 11:12 PM UTC
maybe i never had the right words.
maybe that is the true problem.
maybe it was that i could never say everything that you needed to hear.
let me tell you a story.
when i was eight, my family always got together on christmas to exchange gifts.
my family is bursting at the seams, with aunts and uncles and grandparents and
second cousins and my aunt’s stepmother’s adopted niece and
everyone crams into one house, around one tree.
we do a name draw at thanksgiving, and everyone buys one present to give to one person.
i wasn’t supposed to open my present until everyone was together,
but i did.
and i was so embarrassed, at eight years old, to have broken the rules,
even though no one cared at all.
it was a tea set.
small, perfect for an eight year old, with cups and spoons and plates and a dish for the sugar.
i never could look at that tea set without feeling guilt,
and when it finally broke, i was relieved.
it had been picked out for me by a cousin of mine, and i thought that it was beautiful,
but i broke the rules.
now, on christmas, even though we no longer get together with all of my family to give gifts,
i still make sure that i am in line,
that i am not breaking any rules at all.
on christmas this year, i tried to sleep in and avoid thinking of you,
because you were going to be talking with your family,
and sierra was going to be talking to isaac,
and i was so unbelievably jealous.
and i wanted to drive over to your house and demand to see you,
but that would be breaking the rules, and besides that,
it wasn’t my place.
christmas is for family, after all. not for old friends who are young and foolish still.
that night, i went and saw the third hobbit movie,
and i cried and kept crying.
i picked one dwarf, the one played by aidan turner who is gorgeous and great,
and i asked that he live.
and then the elf girlfriend played by kate from lost was there and i just broke down.
because they were perfect and not supposed to work out,
and they wanted to break the rules but some rules you cannot break.
yes, i am foolish.
i know that.
yes, i cried over the pain of a fictional elf when she asked for the love to be taken away,
because it hurt too much to bear.
but if there is one thing that i have learned in all of life as a foolish person,
it is this:
you take what is unbearable,
and you bear it.
there are no other options.
even though this love i hold for you is painful and sometimes makes it hard to breathe,
i will bear it, and i will learn to accept heartbreak as a part of this life.
it is valentine’s day on saturday, and i want so badly to have someone to hold me,
because yes, it is a stupid holiday, but genuine affection is not,
and i miss that.
i’ve never had it but i miss it.
isn’t that strange?
but it is possible, apparently, and it does not stop hurting.
i wish to have this love taken from me, i wish to see you replaced in my heart,
but i will take what is unbearable,
and i will bear it.
Apr 5, 2015
Apr 5, 2015 at 5:42 PM UTC
How to have a real **** day -
By Aidan A.
Lets start with face palming your phone onto the floor
Its like what little social life I have
Has just shown me the door.
Lets amplify that
With the fact
That my internet
Is in a state of disconnect,
So the mobile hotspot
Keeps me from internalised rot.
Fast forward to the next morning
When you wake
At half past eight
Assuming that the girl youve been seeing
Will arrive soon instead of being
A few hours late.
You head the **** out because the lack
Of wifi
Slowly stupefies
And then you are told that the LCD is ******* up,
It needs replacing
At a price too high
To justify
So you proceed to purchase
A secondhand mobile,
Unknown to you
That will be the best it gets for awhile.
You contact your sweetheart
But now shes got other things to do
Instead of tentatively spending the day with you
And in your understanding
You can't help but feel a bit ****
So you grab some BK -
This is where it gets metaphorically gay.
(Dont get offended I used it that way.)
Jump into the driver's seat
Realising the ticket hasn't been paid for
And the useless paper bag
That encapsules the takeaway
Is now leaking Coca Cola
All over your car.
Yeehaw. What a ******* great day.
I don't know what else to say.
Don't pity me though
Thats not Aidan A.
I'm on edge cause I've been sober too long
But its better this way.
Besides
I've run out of ***** to give for today.
May 11, 2017
May 11, 2017 at 3:33 AM UTC
Aidan,
There are a few things I wish you had known
And in lesson from which you'd have grown
A lot sooner -
The twist of time left your path entwined
In more vice than virtue,
I really need you to see that.
Altruistic aims, aren't always mutual gains
Only act on impulse if your intentions are true -
And only for those who'd do the same for you.
Unbridled fury does not buy you respect,
Or victory - things can always be approached better.
Remain yourself, but keep logic intact.
You needn't be afraid of vulnerable thoughts.
Collect yourself outwardly. The battle you have fought
Is not one that others can see.
Caution - it may feel like
You're battling me.
As you traverse the plane of your mind,
You may find that what you once basked in
Is now a question of
What could have been
Choose your memories carefully in which
Your creativity is hugely dependent on
Don't create what you can't feel -
Delve,
But don't drown in the ethereal.
Try not to lose yourself to
What others think of you
Or your writing, your music, your views
I know this stuff's hard, but I hope that you try.
Anyways. Take care of yourself. Tell mom I said hi.
- Aidan
Jun 9, 2017
Jun 9, 2017 at 5:12 PM UTC
They've had to go.
I know, they couldn't stay here with me
I know, they had to go.
I remember being children, and my friend Aidan, he said,
"Of course we'll be friends til we're dead."
Must have been somewhat true, cause when we parted a part of me died.
And since I've had a hole form inside.
And now that I've tried to slowly fill in the gaps with all of you.
I've noticed I can't do it, it's not about what I do.
It's been about the connections I've gained and collected,
the type of connection that's strong on both ends and perspectives.
And from my point of view I'm still here and all alone.
Never thought I'd lose until it was gone.
Sometimes I just want to hurry to the end,
as if erasing myself will make my wrongs perfect again.
Dec 23, 2016
Dec 23, 2016 at 11:08 AM UTC
for Aidan, Noah, Mary Ann
The boy lived in a town by himself. Because he didn’t know his own name, he did not name the town. The town had one street that circled the town and there were no houses or buildings. The boy was never hungry, and if he was, he’d never been hungry enough to know it. He was thirsty often and because he’d had a dream about his body being full of water he’d spit in his hand and open his hand to the sun when the sun was out and then drink the warm spit. He was not afraid to leave the town but still he did not leave it. Perhaps he was its bravery.
Mar 18, 2014
Mar 18, 2014 at 1:53 PM UTC
I don't have a lot left to say.
My poetic battery is all but spent.
I leave this place with hopes that I make something of myself.
The path I will take is long and winding.
Over the last few months I have made invaluable bonds with people I did not know could impact my life with a magnitude in which they did. I met musicians who pushed my work to become so much more than I could have ever hoped to achieve on my own. I lost a few friends, I strained a few relationships.
I found love in the form of a soul that mirrored mine - the mirror in which I saw this reflection bore the image of someone I'd want to be with no matter where or how. Nothing will stop me from ensuring the continuity of the feelings we have for each other. The spark burns bright. I will not let it reduce itself to a wisp of smoke.
Batrisyia,
I know you'll read this at some point. I know I've already written you a letter. And I know there will be times when my words are not enough - but words will be all that we have to rely on for the coming months. I need you to know now that I will always have time for you. We will game every night and joke and laugh and make ******** noises over whatever platform we choose to communicate through.
I know this will be tough, but if it were easy then there would be no accomplishment in it. You and I meld together without effort. We fight sometimes but we can never stay mad at each other. In the end, when all is said and done, I will always see you for the vibrant soul you are. Nothing that happens could possibly make you lesser in my eyes.
What is 2 years compared to 3 lifetimes?
We will find out for ourselves.
I love you.
- Aidan
Jul 19, 2017
Jul 19, 2017 at 10:35 PM UTC
it's been 4 weeks
one month
30 days
since the sky decided it needed
a new artist.
Jan 10, 2019
Jan 10, 2019 at 6:27 PM UTC
though younger
than a father’s
nostalgia
you are
my boy
of 10 years
this day
which has
always been
a reflection
of how I miss you
on the others
Nov 8, 2013
Nov 8, 2013 at 1:48 PM UTC
Be the jet fuel to my memes.
Be the cheese to my pizza base
Be the one who melts my steel beams
Be the finish to my race
Be the laugh to my bad jokes.
Be the rhyme in my every line.
Be the flames that I could stoke
Be the minutes to my time.
Be the janji to my melayu
I hope you feel the same way too.
Let me be the love you feel
Let my lungs breathe you in song
Let me show that this is real
Let me learn to do no wrong
Let me sing my faith in this
Let me make your world go still
Let me wait for that first kiss
I won't back down, I never will.
I don't have long, I am an old man
So I'll ask, as best as I can
Trisyia please, hear Aidan A
I'm asking you, from today
To be by my side, till this life ends
Be my world - be my girlfriend.
May 25, 2017
May 25, 2017 at 12:05 PM UTC
for Aidan
my son at nine years takes his easel out to the deck to paint from his dream moon above lake. in spirit, I tell him it’s about to rain. I am afraid aloud my words will run together. in the dream he saw eighteen moons. it won’t remember he’s painted one.
Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 11:24 AM UTC
Why does my fear overrun?
I just want to be honest
And end all the forsaken lies,
But, again, my mind screams and cries,
Looking for a way to hold
Our currently standing ties.
Why be such a coward
When people say
That I’m a fearless Leo,
A Lionlike leader
That fears none which precede her,
And will stand for her rights
As well as uphold her dignity
Across these eternal nights.
I am not a lion...
I am just Aidan.
Feb 17, 2020
Feb 17, 2020 at 11:03 PM UTC