Fighting back tears, it pains me to hear
The word that always lingers throughout my thoughts
The word that makes me cringe in sadness
The reason I don't wear dresses that are strapless
The reason I could never be an actress
My confidence is lacking, the word is attacking and hijacking
My mental and suddenly I'm adapting
To the rage burning in my heart like everlasting matches
It burns me to say it, but I say it all the time
To remind myself of why I will always have to lie
Cause when people ask me questions, I always say I'm fine
Even though I want to lie in the puddle where I cried
And drown myself slowly, but not necessarily die
Just come back alive, more beautiful this time
Pressured by society and everybody by me
That being pretty is the goal cause in the real world no one will lie to me
Nowadays a girls dream is to be able to drop jaws
Be admired and complimented and leave people staring in awe
Be stunning, not even perfect, but have minimal flaws
Why do insults flow easily and no one thinks it's wrong?
Ugly
The word unflattering itself
And us as insecure, are disgusted with ourselves
And sometimes we break down in the mirror yelling for help
Cause who is truly happy when they wish to be someone else?
Ugly
Scars lacing our bodies
Speaking loud enough when our thoughts get a bit foggy
People stare at these memories and tell us we're crazy
It decorates the pain like a poisonous pastry
Ugly
Why is it that we constantly hear
This word that some might consider their biggest fear
It's embarrassing, degrading, it weakens us deeply
I wear all black and walk through the hallways discreetly
I want no one to notice who I am anymore
I have locked my true self behind bars and steel doors
Cause I have a secret wish that one day maybe I could be adored
But my reflection isn't the reason that I am so destroyed
It's ugly
That word has broken me down
That I cry anytime there isn't anyone around
And it's amazing to see how many people are self conscious
Over this word which in itself is monstrous and obnoxious
Nowadays I wonder if anyone has a conscience
Cause if they did, why would they continuously spread all this nonsense?
You can't brush it off like its stupid and it isn't constant
And like it doesn't turn people from confident to rotten
Ugly
One day hopefully, I'll break out of this mindset
Cause it's kept me from doing things which I now seem to regret
It's kept me from happiness and the feeling of tranquility
And dragged me to the hell where lies depression and hostility
And now I long for a day where it will all happen so suddenly
I will look at my reflection and will say
"I'm not ugly."
Wrote this a couple weeks ago and sadly I'm still struggling with my insecure and confidence issues, as I have been for years. It's difficult always being self conscious but I don't know how to change. It's a constant battle within in myself. But oh well.