This girl said she was falling in love with me
I think she was just falling for my words

Do you ever just look at something
With not a thought on your mind
But your lovely blank stare
Can see straight past the blue sky
And over the mellow meadows which give color to dreams
Over the infinite skyscrapers that grow but do not leave
Do you stare at the trees which may not have long before fall
And not even have one single thought at all

Runaway thoughts
Too far gone from the mind
All this madness and chaos
Is enough to turn the whole world blind

The coldness of your shallow eyes
Only light up when the tears have dried
And when the thoughts are burred so very deep
Your mind takes you where you want to be
Away from anger
Far away from fear
So far from reality
That you would have no need to care

4:21 am
Everything feels dead
The silence
The emptiness
The nothingness in my head
My hands no longer shake
I no longer feel fear
Emotions have gone
From sadness to none
I wonder what have I become
Tomorrow might be better
But it probably wont
Whats one good day
If the next ten are a slump

When they don't know
The way the wind blows
Nothing but their breathing flows
Their mind takes them where they want to go
But deep down
Beneath their shallow insecurities
Lies something truly horrible
Their deepest darkest sadness shows
And its hurts so much
Because their empty apologies are just words for show
They think they are okay
But they are not
I am not okay
But at least that I know

Everything is collapsing
And these words only keep me somewhat stable

As blank as the page in front of me
My mind took me where I wanted to be

When the butterflies come
And flutter wings so young
When their paradise falls
Will they hit the ground too

Im so sad that the tears dont come

There she lay
Shrouded in the darkness off his mind
Her eyes were as bright as the moon
She had nothing to hide
I think there was a spark
He felt a warmth from within
But the light eventually succumb
And his mind went back to numb

Seamlessly
The rain has poured for years
There would be stars up in the sky
If they all did not disappear
The coldness never goes away
No warm jumper would understand

Is it night time
If the sun never comes
To dry away your tears

I just want to go where my mind is gone
Tell a few stories
Write a few songs
Get lost in a daydream
And wait till the trauma is gone

I love this vibe
Rain hits the windows
As cars pass by
The music is booming
I feel so alive
We sit in silence
And watch the pretty night sky
The thoughts are gone
Just for a moment
But the moment feels right

There are spiders in the corners of my room
They hide in comfort from their impending doom
They have as much right as me
To stay here too
For I hide here when I cant see the moon
I don't think they will be here long
They seem to come and go
They leave their webs
They leave their homes
We are not that different
Maybe that they know
In time I will be gone too

I am not sure what is happening
But surely the rain will make me numb
When it stops then maybe sleep
I hope I dream of love
I am sensitive
Insecure
My emotions take me where they want
The simplest things I overthink
I am as vulnerable as they come

Loneliness keeps me in sometimes
I think I shake too much

Even around the plenty
It sometimes feels empty
These thoughts get me too ****** up

I wish there was an easy way
To get past the hurdles in my brain

But I know deep down
That this sadness is only temporary
Or at least that is what I say

It hurts
It may do for a while
I think i'm just waiting for the music to stop
Because the silence is unbearable
These thoughts do not go away
But I have learnt to let them in
To push them away is to leave this earth
And I don't want to go away again
I know I am young
Sometimes I only see the worst
But I want you to be happy
And I want to be happy too
The pain will stay for a while
But when it has gone
You will be better for it
And I will be too
The sun will shine eventually
We will not always feel blue

In this dream like meadow
Let your legs become roots
Open your heart to the flowers
In time it will bloom
Let the rain tap your skin
And let it nurture your soul
Become one with the forest
Before it is gone

The wrinkles will come soon
So best not to let your mind rot
For at the end of the day
That's all that you've got

This feeling is new to me
It stuns my mind
And lets me be
Empty hope
And lonely words
Is what I used to be
But now I can breathe
Make amends to the anxiety
And make sense of the hollow dreams
There is much more to me
Maybe in ways that you could only see
And when my words don't flow
Just know
Its because
My mind is stunned
By your beauty

I think I get it now
I can't even see the stars
Although there is no need to wonder
I am sure they are as bright they have always been
They are just hiding
Beyond my roof
And beyond the clouds
I doubt they will go anywhere anytime soon

Acceptance was my first lesson
I have never been one to meditate
Although somehow
My mind has brought me to an understanding
The light should not be rejected
For how else would a flower bloom
I think its sad how people trap them in their room
It is beautiful
How we live
And how we love
I hate hatred
And I often hate myself
But then I realise
That dwelling will get me nowhere

Another lesson I learned was about frustration
Not everything will come your way
From my experiences
I have gained friends
Lost friends
And sometimes lost myself
But even through all of that
I learned how important it is to never neglect yourself
If you only live for others
Then what will happen when they are gone?

I learned recently about taking initiative
Anxiety is the reason my nails are short
The reason why I shake my leg
And the reason why nobody else cares
Or at least that is what I used to think in my head
But over time it came to my mind
That I could not blame anxiety for all my problems
Life is cruel
But its probably not as cruel as I thought it was

My hardest lesson was not to dwell in my own dissatisfaction
Depression was the word I used to describe the void in my soul
I used to think that nothing could ever possibly get better
And that it was better to die young instead of dying of old age
The chemicals in my mind are still changing
So when I am feeling down
I always try to acknowledge that

Writing has been therapeutic for me
It has changed the way I view the world
For both good and bad
I have met people on here who have helped me on the darkest days
So I say to anyone in need
There are people on here who want to listen
I want to listen
Lets all try get through this mess o.o

I know its been while
The leaves are beginning to fall
Death is getting closer
I don't know who to call
I think it was sunny yesterday
But  my blinds were closed too tightly

Maybe its me who is falling
I haven't seen the trees in days
This room never changes
Will I go insane?
Depression is endless slumber
Pain makes you number
Life is part heaven
Part hell

Scrolling through my words
I thought I said too much
But maybe it was not enough

Scrolling through our pictures
I thought this could be forever
But deep down I knew it could not

Scrolling through my life
It only takes a few flicks
One day it was okay
The next it was not
Or maybe it was never okay

I think its beautiful how
the things that push us the furthest away
can bring us the closest together

She did not know the world
I think it took her by surprise
Lost in her imagination
Her bed would let out a sigh
I wonder what she is dreaming now
Maybe of sunny days
Or rainy nights

Watch the door
Maybe something will come in
I am not sure what yet
My heart is palpitating
My mind is falling apart
I want to scream
But my parents might wake up
I want to cry
But im scared that if the tears block my view
Something could get me
I'm losing it
Everyday feels the same
This loneliness is terrifying
I have never been so scared of the darkness
I used to embrace it
But now it scares me
The silence is too much to bare
What if I lose my mind when the music stops
I don't want to dream
They **** with me
What if I wake up and no ones there
And they only appear to hurt me
I am truly scared
It makes it hard to breathe
I feel tired
But erratic
I wish everything could go away when I wanted
These thoughts I have
They are ruining everything
It makes it so hard to do anything
I feel dead
And trapped
Yet lost all at once
I cant handle this **** much longer
Everything is a mess
Label me depressed
Label me anxious
It means nothing to me
I am just trying my best
But I cant do this much longer
And I know I have said that before
But this time it feels real
I think my opportunities are nearly gone

It rains sometimes
So everyone huddles inside
But that is when I love to be outside
Because it is only me and the touch of an old friend
I can SCREAM
I can cry...
And just like rain
The tears dry
But all good things must come to an end
Out comes the sun
Out comes the smiles
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  **** me

It's sad to think about
The times we had
Good and bad
The happiest hurt the worst
Because I know that they have to move on
Its sad because I know that they haven't
And I haven't either
It's sad
Its 3:47 am and my only light is a monitor
It illuminates the hair that meets my eyes
I stop to think sometimes
Maybe I should sleep
But I swear this light speaks to me
It's sad
These thoughts don't get any easier
I thought it was just a phase
But apparently that's not how the brain works
It's sad
Every time I feel positive
I always see the other side
Because I can never be too happy
Or I would have too far to fall
It's sad
Life
Death
Everything in between
Maybe its time to dream

Your heart was never made for two
I thought as I stared at the autumn blue

I love her
I really love him
And they are in love with me
I'm in love with nobody
And nobody is in love with me
They are a loner
I'm a loner
They are always alone with me
We watch sad movies
And do nothing
And do not talk for weeks
I once told her
I once told him
My mind is numb from the dreams
Lover, lover
Do you hear me
Are you still imaginary?

It's so much easier to blank it all out
That ******* tune never leaves does it
'Tic toc tic toc therapy wont fix my mind-block'
But as soon as your fears confront you
The music can't get loud enough
And your stuck
Thinking
****
I guess that's love..

The words do not always come
Sometimes they can not be wrote
They are just thoughts stuck in the mind
Burred in all that is lost